This is a discussion on angry with my mother within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Originally Posted by Ting yeah! as mums of cos we dont like to hear this kinda thing.. esp when they ...
my mum sometimes will say mummy so lazy dont clean the house, then pin so good girl help mah mah clean her toys..
i will be like..... -.-" haha, i dont bother..
once, pin bring the mop (those like magic cleaner kind) into my room n clean my room floor for me, then i was still sleeping, she commented LOUDLY: "mah mah~~ you see my mother room so dirty~ aiyoooo~ mummy so lazy never clean!"
i was like... GGRRRRRRR~ i ask her repeat what she say, she say not i say, is mah mah say.....
i watched a documentary on western families a few weeks ago. I noticed they behave so differently from us asians. Their grandparents for instance, always say positive things like I love you, Mommy loves you, daddy loves you, everyone loves you. Or when the 3 year old misbehaved, they say pls behave yourself and be good. Very positive.
My dotter's grandmother (who is my mother), always says Mommy notty never feed you. dont't friend Mommy ok. Nyai sayang you. No one loves you more than nyai. Or she would say to my toddler, See see...notty girl, later the police come catch you. Very negative. I hate it when my mother does that to my toddler. You better eat or else the ahpek will kidnap you, or you better sit still or else the doctor (we were at the clinic) will come out and scold you. I scolded my mom for scaring my dotter again. I dont't want dotter to grow up feeling terrified of doctors when they are there to HELP HER get better if she is sick.
I dont't understand WHY she must SCARE my daughter into obedience! Its really infuriating because hubby and I never use the scare tactic to make my dotter listen to us. And 80 percent of the time she DOES listen to us. The other 20 percent is just her being curious 2 year old. Told my mother that so many times but she still scare my toddler with threats and ghosts. It'll make my child grow up scared of everything like that!!!!
Sigh. Like you pkshl, when im really angry with her, sometimes i wish i can cut her off from my life also.
my mother in law also uses scare tactics towards her elder granddaughter who is 2yrs+. like what Ting said, kids this age really can be a handful. funny but most of the times it works.
When I'm talking about Eva, I'm told to shush immediately if I say something good within her earshot. The reasoning behind this is that Asians believe that praising someone will make them big headed and less inclined to be humble.
That is absolutely crap to me. If my child has been good, she deserves to be praised not told that she's notty in hopes that she'll stay good. It's stupid and doesn't make absolutely any sense whatsoever.
Then there are the little things that really annoy me like how I let Eva suck her thumb (and other little things). My mother-in-law tells me not to do anything about it and just follow Eva's flow whereas my mum constantly tells me that it's bad, it's not good for her. Hey, my daugther likes to suck her thumb before going to sleep because it's soothing and calming. She NEEDS it. On the other hand, whatever my daugther really needs, my parents say dont't need - like a car seat, letting Eva nap/sleep, etc, etc. WTH.
Sometimes I wish it were that easy to tell them to just back off and mind their own business. =.=
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meiteoh, this is the chinese pantang-ism.
my parents also the same when pin was an infant.. now that she is grown up can praise already!
i simply hate my mum. i really want to cut her off my life! she makes my life miserable!
oh my, dont say that.. just a moment of anger.. sometimes i do feel like that towards my mum. damn pek chek!! but afterall, stil your mum...
in a positive way, she nag n complain is also cos she concern about your son. if not, she wont say anything...
hmmm, ok, that would be too much for me to take.. if my mum only nag me im ok, if she start saying things like that to other ppl, i will be damn angry..
maybe you just dont talk to her for a period of time??
chill chill, maybe after you cool down already then talk to her about this again.. let her know you dont like it n it really hurts n upset (n piss) you when she says things like that to your relatives n son..
i will also tell my mum off when she says such things.. n my dad will too. but my mum sometimes she is accidentally say or tryin to suan me only..
she will say things like mummy love daddy(my bf) always go out with daddy never bring you out/dont sayang you already.. then i will tell her off, how can say such things n the fact that she understands what she says.. my dad hear already will also scold her.. then my mum will say she only say say dont mean it.. but for pin's age, she already understands, she will be jealous n hurt also, then angry at me.... -.-"
or she will go, mah mah love you more than mummy love you kinda thing.. she even say when i get marry with my bf, pin stay with her.. haha, n she ask pin wanna stay with who...
but now she wont say things like that to pin, only once in a while...
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
cool down my dear! mayb for the time being, dont contact your mum unless necessary to prevent more conflicts.. =)
sigh i see all this post i feel that trouble is coming.. haha.. even now i have not delivery.. cause my nephew stay with us & my mum also... i hope everything will be ok when i give birth.. my mum & dad spoilt my nephew badly... everything he wans they will say okok, i will buy for you.... Zzzz still got 1 year then my house come... hope i hang on there...
Haha I think most asian families use the scare tactic. My mom too when she took care of me. And there is no doubt that all young children are a handful! Haha. (I probably was too when I was a toddler.) Some are maybe trickier to handle than others. In the case of those some, maybe parents need to be more creative in getting their attention and obedience? Other than the physical sense, i dont't think Asian kids are any different from western kids at birth. Its up to us parents to be creative in disciplining them the moment they can understand. Scaring young children into obedience seems to be an easy yet impatient style of parenting.
I think in the case of the child being big headed, that can only come from over pampering. But i do AGREE, over praising can be bad. The child would only do good things to earn praises. That's not good too. So i guess there should be a balance?
Take all the examples of our mothers saying bad things about us, in front of our child or other relatives. All the negative remarks about us being bad unfit mothers. Do we like it? I dont't know about you ladies but I crave for my mother's praises. And because of her negative asian mindset, I probably will never get the loving words I want to hear. Because HER mother probably told her not to praise me when I was younger too. I know its really up to me to break the cycle within my family. When I'm not angry, I do appreciate my mom, for bringing me up the best way she knows (even tho its negative). But secretly I hope I make a better mother than my mother.