I want to vent out my frustrationssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really hate everything from now onwards. I am so tired and stress over it. I want it to be done asap and resume my normal life.
I am thinking of quitting my studies and just be a stay at home mum.
Though I know this is not a prefect solution, what can I do? I really hate school now. It is so different when I first join it. Rules kept changing, good lecturers kept leaving us, naughty lecturers kept fussing over minor problems, workload kept getting heavier and more A&P getting involved in our studies.
There are about 20 Singaporeans, 1 PR, 2 Malaysian and about 70 foreign students from China, Mymmar and Vietnamese in my school. When these foreign students first came to our school, their EL was so… Can you imagine they dont’t even know what is hair, hand, legs, powder and etc. So fine. We (the locals, PR and Msian) helped them from Year 1 Semester 1 till the end of 1st year (Year 1 Semester 2).
Today, we just started our Year 2 Semester 1, thus as usual, grouping has to be done. This time round, the locals, PR and Malaysian decided to group together. The reason for so is because based on our past 1 year experience, these foreign students drag our marks down due to their poor performance- our school emphasis a lot of teamwork. However, this lecturer who is detested by all locals, make it COMPULSORY to have mixed nationality in each group. Obviously she is stirring up troubles. Worse is, these foreign students PROTESTED all the way. They claimed that this was unfair to them. Yes, I agreed it is unfair to them. But did they think from our point of view? Hello? Our results were affected due to them. In another words, our future might be ruined in their hand. Is it fair to us? No matter how we (the locals) tried to talk to the lecturer, she said so. She even replied: “If I were to let you all change group, how am I to answer to the another group”? Is she trying to say her face is more important than our results? I guess she forgotten one thing. We are the pioneer batch in school. A lot of schools and etc are waiting to see our very first result after 3 years labor. Can she bear the responsibility of it? Moreover, I am a self paying student. I paid more than $30k for the course. Is this lecturer trying to tell me I paid such a big sum of money to get ‘bullied’/ ‘tortured’ by her?
Secondly, this semester is so hectic. It really involves a lot of A&P. Many of us are not prepare for it. Because of A&P, about 10 students got to leave the course last semester (cos they flunked the module 3 times). And now, A&P kicks in again. So, how many people are going to leave the course this time round?
Thirdly, the workload from school is getting on my nerves and now, family problem set in too. So what my elder cousin is getting married? So what she is throwing traditional wedding and ROM? So what my future cousin in law is a civil servant? So what her marriage wins approval from everyone except mine? So what their age gap difference is 9 years younger than my husband and I? FYI: My husband and my age gap is 19 years difference while my cousin and her fiancé is 10 years difference.
I really hate it when people compare me and her. Yes, it is true my future cousin in law is rich. But in terms of education wise, both my husband and I are better than both of them. Moreover, my husband used to be a civil servant too. My husband’s rank is also higher than him. I really HATE it. I really HATE it. Worse is, now I got to attend her wedding. Give her red packet? Hello. When I married last year, she didn’t attend my ROM. Only my 3 siblings, my daughter and 2 of my husband’s friend attended. Worse is, my siblings attended the ROM behind my parents’ back- cos my mum dont’t want my siblings to attend.
Which women dont’t want to throw wedding dinner? Obviously it is every woman’s dream. My family and relatives never understand my feelings in this area. I really feel so hurt. They offer their help to her but not me.
Another problem is spending time with my daughter. Due to my school workload, I hardly got any time for my daughter. Imagine I leave the house at 6.45am and reach home at about 7pm. Then settle down and etc, already 8plus. Do up my assignment and projects, at times can be as late as 4.30am. I really feel guilty about it.
Initially before I took up this course, I really think a lot- as in the pros and cons. In the end, I took up the course as I want a better life for my daughter. I knew that I will feel guilty for neglecting my daughter. But I never expect the guilt I am feeling now is too great for me to handle. I missed a lot of her growing up. Though both my daughter and I stayed separately from my husband and we only go home once every week. In the end, my daughter called my husband first. This really makes me sad.
I really hate it. I really hate it.
Sorry for wasting your time. I know I am very long winded. But I want to vent out my angers!!!