So you r a xiao San?
This is a discussion on between my daughter & him within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; hi all as above topic, single working mother, 9 years old daughter & him. 5 years relationship with him, planning ...
as above topic, single working mother, 9 years old daughter & him.
5 years relationship with him, planning to divorce his wife & married me later.
both of us love each other but my daughter dont accept him as her future stepfather.
when ever he comes over to stay, my daughter dont like it, she will show her temper.
lock herself inside the room, dont want come out for lunch or dinner even dont want to
talk to me later.
what should I do, between my daughter & him ?
Last edited by friendlypinky; 28-04-2013 at 06:42 PM.
So you r a xiao San?
what is "xiao san" mean ?
"Xiao San" mean 3rd party.
Take one step at a time.
I would advise you, till the time you really see the divorce petition, then believe what he say. Many men 'eat' outside always say not on good term with wife n getting divorce, and many times it doesn't happened.
Since he have not settled his divorce ask him to stay away. you can't always still meet him outside. And take this time to talk to your daughter to find out why he dont't like him. Maybe your daughter knows his status, and dont't like him as she think he is chaeting you.
Ya it means third party in his marriage. Anyway you have been with him for five years, why he still not divorcing his wife? Did you ask him why? I mean five years is a long time. If he really love you, he will divorce his wife n be with you. It's like he is having the best of both worlds now. I think you should not let him drag on anymore. If he doesn't divorce his wife, then you should leave him to seek for your own happiness. Find a man who is willing to give you a status.
we seldom meet here, mostly JB or comes over my place.
why she never accept him because her father pass away when she is still small, never have the feeling of father & daughter before,
also 1 of her classmate say her stepfather always treat her badly, always beat her mother, comes home drunk, etc.
told her not all stepfather is like that, some is good like uncle, both of them never "click" well too.
even thou we been together for 5 years already, is only last 2 years back he say want to divorce his wife & married me later.
ask him before why is taking so long to divorce his wife, always say he need sometime to settled some personal issues 1st with his wife.
I know everytimes he comes over is to have sex with me only, why I give him even thou I knew it is because both of us love each other,
he willing to divorce his wife for me even I have a daughter 9 years old too.
if really he love you, he would have divorce his wife to be with you instead of making use of you this way.
you are a women, you know how sad when your husband betray you for another women. Is this what you want to teach your daughter?
Sorry i sound a bit harsh, but you should not let him make use of you, and make you become a 3rd who break up another women marriage.
Some men will run away when you ask for commitment. He say he have personal issues with the wife to settle, then it might be he can't leave his wife.
dont't force him to divorce or you will be the culprit who destroy another person marriage
if he can't settle the personal issues with the wife for the past 5 years, do you think he can settle with her in the near future?
Let say now, you talk to your daughter and She begin to accept him. Then, he turn around and say he can't leave the wife. you break off with him, and look for another man. How will this affect your daughter.
I think you better settle issues with him first before you think about getting your daughter to accept him./
nobody betray anybody, my husband never betray me, he met an accident 7 years ago, same as him too, both of them cannot get along, marriage turn "sour" etc,
I not 3rd party who break another women marriage, I'm a women too, is just coincidence I appear at this time when both of them is having some problems, I never
force him to divorce his wife for me, both of us love each other, he did tell me his problems with his wife.
she will never accept him as I know her well, she is my daughter.
if really his marriage have turned sour, it have being 5 years, shouldn't it already end?
He is still a married man, and he are having a sexual relationship with him as he have problem with his wife. Aren't you the 3rd party now?
Do your daughter know he is a married man?
you might not want to admit it. But by you being with him, when he is still legally married, then you are the 3rd party.
No one will see whether he and the wife have any problems or not, but if you have a affair with him, ppl will say you are breaking up another women marriage.
Stop now if you can. Let him settle with his wife then be with him.
If he love you, he will understand. And if you love him, you must also break off with him till he have settle everything
I really dont understand why you all say, I'm 3rd party, when I know him that time, both of them already got problems,
is just coincidence I appear at the wrong timing only.
I told her before, he is married.
Every family there are problems; for eg, financial difficult, mother-in-laws, kids or lack of communication. Some of those problem might take times to solve, but by you having a affair with him, you have become the 3rd in the marriage, it complicated more problem.
I would seriously ask you take a step back and see. Is this man trustworthy, he have a wife and just because he have problem, he run to you and say he love you. If he really divorce, will he do the same to you? During his courtship time, he would have say the same thing to the wife, like what he say to you. Take every step carefully with him. If i am you, make him commit with you. dont't delay his divorce anymore, as the one day he is married, you having sex with him, you will be the 3rd party. If the wife or his relative see you outside with him, you will be disgraced, when they scold you for snatching someone else husband.
Maybe you know the whole situation, so you felt you aren't the third party. But for others, as long as they know the man is married, and you are with the man, you are seen as the third party.
Hi friendly pinky,
why not you ask him when he is going to divorce his wife? I'm really worried he is not serious about you cus it's so long already. I know you have feelings for him thus not easy for you to leave him but I'm worried he is just taking his own sweet time. You need to think for yourself too.
yesterday he came over, we discuss this divorce issue with his wife, he say, havent find the right time to talk to her, once I open my mouth,
quarrel later, no point of talking later.
I really love him, same as he, I know he wont do that after we get married.
actually, I dont really like to do often too.
you know him so long and also commit yourself with him, and he still have not't bring up the issue with the wife.If really he have problem with the wife, then, there shouldn't be any issue y he can't bring it up. I think the problem become you, as you bring the issue of divorce, he will quarrel with you.
He can say he love you, but his action doesn't say so. He might be just taking as as a sex tool. What will happen if you get pregnant?
How much you know about him, like what he work, where he stay, how many kids he have, and is the wife working?
So sorry if you will feel offended by my words.
it is advisable that you try to give a distance from him. talk to him that you need to clear your mind and think carefully.
and at the same time, you use this reason to let him find a time to settle with his wife.
If he really want to divorce, he will find a time to talk to his wife.
many mommies said you are 3rd party, because somehow society will indirectly see you as a woman who seduced other's woman husband, because they are still married regardless their marriage has already have a problem in beginning before he met you
but, what ppl may think is his marriage may not be this worse if you didnt appear and involve, they will think that you are another reason for him to get divorce.
we may not know if his marriage can be mend or not with or without your involvement.
So try to avoid him, or give two of you some cool off time.
i didnt say that he didnt love you or love you, but by you keep doing this, im afraid you will get hurt more if you realize that he didnt decide to divorce his wife.
and it will become more difficult for you to realize that he has been take adv all this long, by having sex with you since he cant get any sex from his wife.
i know its difficult to take break a while from him since you love him so much and you need some companion as well but i think thats the only solution for you to prevent you to get hurt more.
those stuff he comes over to stay at your place or sex, are just temporary, but for us as woman, we may take it really seriously.
as for your daughter, try to settle your issue with him and see what is the outcome before you talk to your daughter.
Since he say he have not't find the right time to talk to his wife, so when is the right time?
Any idea why he still not divorcing his wife?
he my ex boss, stay in Serangoon, 3 boys, wife working as HR, abortion before, now using IUD.
timing, as his youngest son always sick, dont feel like telling her at this times, I understand how the feeling too,
I ownself as a parent when my daughter is sick.
I bring up the issue also as I dont want our relantionships to be like that, so secretly, cannot go out together openly,
mostly JB only, I want to look up legally as his WIFE, not some 3rd party, family breaker.
sometimes I dont like when he say somethings about his familys things, especially with her, I feel jealous.
I already try my best talk to my daughter to accept him but the answer still no, she had the reasons too as mention
before 1 of her classmate say her stepfather always treat her badly, always beat her mother, comes home drunk, etc
she scared he will be like that 1 day later, she saw us quarrel & beat me & do somethings before too, she is 9 years
old & can remember all those things in her mind.
I feel very sad as I dont want to loose my daughter & him, what should I do ?
He beat you????
Pardon my HARSH words
But being a woman too, nobody can stand her man having an affair with another woman outside, why dont you put yourself in his wife's shoe, having to be a working mum and taking care of the family.....
And the husband was outside having good time with you be it in SG or JB, you are still considered having the wife's husband
The world is round..... if you continues, he is the one enjoying the best of two world and you and your daughter, his wife and their sons were the one suffering (mind the "their", you are always an outsider)
Either you end the relationship and move on.... You dont expect him to divorce but you cant stand the title as a third party, go think properly what do you really want? I think you cant discuss this with your friends too...
And if you really want him to divorce, you have to threaten... you claimed that everytime you bring up the topic, will have quarrel because he knows your weakness - you cant live without him, therefore he will start the quarrel
You have to move on... is he the only man you have in this world??
to talk to her about divorce at this time. Sorry to say this but if he really loves you more than his wife, he won't keep delaying for 5 years
I also agree with some of the mummies here saying that if he can cheat on his wife while still legally married to him, he can still do the
same to you in future too. I know you dont't want to hear all these but usually "dang ju zhe mi", you love him too much until you can't
see clearly what is really going on now. We women are usually ruled by the heart & when the man keeps telling you he loves you with
words & by having sex with you, he is just satisfying his own pleasure as he knows very well you love him very much & is trying to take
advantage of all these from you. Until there is concrete action from him ie. file for divorce, then we will agree that he really loves you.
On a personal note, I dont't encourage anyone to get the man to divorce his wife just to be with another as to me, this type of men are
usually not faithful in marriage at all.