This is a discussion on Difficult Mother-in-law within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Originally Posted by deardar mb she feels that i will snatch away her son from her as my dear husband is ...
haha...he will still dote on you ~ you his mama .
I have a difficult sister In law. She is my husband's younger sister. She got herself pregnant and got married but insisted to stay with my ILs. So her hubby shifted to my ILs' place and she had her baby there... she just had her 2nd baby and she told her brother, my hubby that she wants our room. Since we are not staying there, she said we have no rights to keep 1 room to ourselves. She is also giving a signal that we are not welcomed to our ILs' place..
There was once when husband and I were paktoring, she demanded a confrontation with me... so we went to a relative's house and I was made to sit in a corner where she drilled me and wants me to give her explanations why I dont let her brother go home... its like... we paktoring what... we need to go out to shop, watch movies, eat and stuff mah... she had a short cut coz she got pregnant, our fault meh?? She dont know what is pak tor meh?? She dated alot of men and had relations with the men also mah...
before our wedding, my mother in law told us that the room at their place will be forever kept there so that we can go back to stay... So she made a plan and got herself pregnant again. She just gave birth, and i back counted 40 weeks and its on the weekend my mother in law said the room is ours!! now my sister In law said we do not deserve the room and she has 2 kids , she told my mother in law's maid to throw everything in the room away and she made the room her's.
I BTH her that much that my husband sacrificed and quit from his father's company. Previously, his dad bought him a car to share with another colleague... but since he quitted, he asked his dad to take back the car... So my sister In law said its her car ... but my father in law said we can use the car whenever we want to... so everytime we need the car, we have to call her to ask for permission. There was one case when my father in law told us to take the car to visit my granny in law... she did not know and told us to bring the car back to her... then she shouted at us for the reason why we stole her car. I was super pissed!
On my wedding day, when she poured tea for me to drink, she just shouted at me "CHA" she was supposed to call me big sweep, but till now, she dont talk to me at all.. when she wants me to do things for her, she calls my husband to instruct me to do things... *points 3rd finger*
On my wedding day, at the dinner, she treated it like her's (she did not have a wedding dinner coz she shot-gun case, throw face mah... so no dinner). She was drinking so much and making so much noise... she was drunk at the end of the day... whenever we cheers, she will push me out from the picture... my husband's "brothers" all saw what happened.. and one of them will keep a hand behind me so that I dont fall. And guess what... when the pictures came out, she is in each and every foto. I was either not in the foto or in the corner... she is almost always in the middle of the foto. *PISSED*
Last month, we tried to borrow the car, she refused to let us have it... The very next day, my father in law opened another new shop, so we asked my father in law to fetch us... when we were about to go home, we started walking to my father in law's car.... she stopped us and shouted "YOU TWO CANNOT TAKE MRT HOME ?? SO NEAR?? I WANT TO GO HOME ALSO. DAD's CAR NO SPACE" We were right outside the new shop! so many people were looking at us. Who does she think she is?? I walked off... and my father in law saw me.. and she SHOUTED, I DRIVE MY HUBBY'S CAR, YOU ALL HAPPY, GO HOME !" we already knew there might be a shortage of seats in my father in law's car that's why we wanted to borrow the car in the first place. But that morning she decided to let her hubby drive her and left my father in law's 2nd car at home. *points 3rd finger* Oh yah, the new shop is under her name and her hubby's name...
Anyway, we are only allowed to borrow the car on weekends coz the sales lady who works for my father in law needs to use the car on weekdays. Recently my husband got reservist and he needs to travel from the west where we stay to the east. He was supposed to report to camp at 5am... so he decided to borrow my father in law's 2nd car... coz with a little arrangement, the sales lady could drive my father in law's car instead. But the (*$_#(&%#(^&*# sister In law of mine asked my husband how much rent we want to give her dad for taking her car away? *points 3rd finger* its not her car in the first place... Guess what? her hubby just sold his car and is now driving my father in law's 2nd car... Got like this one meh?? My father in law's daughter has 2 cars and we take BUS?? And his family likes to have fucntions, occuring almost once a month and its almost always in the east. We need to take cab there while my sister In law drives 1 car and her hubby drives another car... and my father in law will fetch my mother in law and my youngest sister In law along... so its like 3 cars from the same location (they are staying at my IL's place, remember?) while we take a cab there and back? NO LOGIC!!!
Now my mother in law is busy looking after her 2 grand daughters. Next time when I give birth, i doubt she will help me... My sister In law will not allow her to help me... So when I have my child, I will have to look after him/her myself.
My evil plan is: Since we got no car right, no need to bring my child to visit them, coz huan. And since mu IL's house got no room for me , my child cannot sleep in the living room what... so no need to go ... Anyway, if i dont work, my husband will have difficulty financially... so we were planning of shifting to my parent's place ... he said his parents will not be happy about it... but i said... LOOK, your brother in law ALSO STAYING WITH HIS IN LAWS MAH, WHERE GOT LOSE FACE? ... and if we are staying with my parents, they cannot come visit as and when they are happy... coz its my parent's place, they cannot intrude anyhow they like... so good ... they wanna pamper their daughter, let the daughter chase us out of the company, took over the car and took away our room at my IL's place, they let her shout at us right... good , they wun be able to see their grandchild borned by me .. anyway they are busy with their 2 grand daughters mah... where got time for me... then too bad ...
Wah!! feels so good to vent it all out... heheh... sorry, i very cheong hei one... suffered too much injustice...
Last edited by Jayme; 14-08-2007 at 03:16 PM.
hi jayme, ive read ya story n i really feel that ya sister In law sucks ...but, maybe ya parent in law dont really have a choice? n i think you shldnt deprive them of seeing ya future baby. i dont think it is right, how wud ya hubby feel? ya sister In law is so old , ya parent in law may not be able to stop her from doing what she does..maybe they got advice her but she dont listen??
if you move to ya parent's place, n they wanna visit let them, if they dont want to, then forget it ...about your sister In law, she is already a mother of 2 yet she is still so childish n immature then dont be bothered about her, less interaction less conflicts...when she finally grow up, she will understand..if she doesnt, then too bad for her .
*hugs* to you.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Hi...I really envy you... how I wish that my mother in law will spare me from her nagging and also her crazy act of sneaking behind my back and appear suddenly downstair when we are about to go out.
Lucky, I'm not staying with them.
You dont't have to stoop down on the level of your sister In law. Ignore her as much as possible if she throws temper on you. I know it's not easy to be with people such like her but the least that you can do to not put you hubby caught in the middle is to be more patient. She is still your dear husband sister, it will just cause so much conflicts in the family if you will mind her ungreatful behaviour. dont't deprive them of their to see your kiddo. Teach your kid to be very respectful to older people so that they will know that your child learns good moral values from you.
what goes around, comes around. revenge is not necessary sweet. IF she is in the wrong, she will get her desserts when the time comes...it need not necessary must come from you. She may have some reasons for being 'nasty' (maybe was treated unjustly last time? maybe was treated with 'tinted glasses' cos she shotgun? etc etc), cos why would anyone want to conscienciously create so much trouble?
Yah , I know... was very angry after typing my essay. hehehe...
I wun stop them from seeing my kids... its more like, they wanna see, they come .. i wun invite them nor will i push them away. My husband knows that the sister is a brad, but blood is thicker then water (me) mah... he dont wanna scold her..
As for why she is treating us this way, very simple.. My father in law is a businessman with 4 shops, 2 factories and 2 houses (one in SG, one in JB). Total net worth of his assets are around 5-7 mother in law. Money is always the root of all evils. See the link?? She chased my husband out of the company, she took over the company's main role, she process the car, and now took away our room in my in law's place.. She is slowly cutting our ties with my in laws. Can you imagine, 1 share = how many MILs? Now she is stopping her younger sister from seeing guys. She kept saying that the younger sister is too young. She does not approve her of dating. See the link again?? She said she is scared that the youngest sister is too young and since kor kor (my husband) dont care about the family anymore, she is now forced to take the responsibilities of looking after mei mei's life and assets. See the link??
As in why my father in law is scared of her? Simple. She brain washes them... She stays with them and everyday, she tells them that her brother and I dont care about the family anymore. She complains to them that we dont want to help her do some things... that we are not filial... She told her dad that kor kor (my husband) dont want the company anymore... and since she one of the main heads of the company, she deserves the company. She said my husband gave up on the company and has not contributed at all... So tells my father in law that she plees with my husband to help her out in work, but my husband dont want to... So my father in law thinks that if he chase this daughter away, he will lose another child since he already lost his unfilial son. See the link?
I am minimizing the chances of seeing her... but she uses this oppurtunity to say that we dont care... But why should we meet up when she likes to shout at me? I wasn't born to be shouted at.
Last edited by Jayme; 15-08-2007 at 12:04 PM.
jayme, maybe you n ya hubby can have a good talk with ya parent in law. seriously, with such ppl in the house, you cant do much also... cos she is living with your in laws. i think ya in laws may have misunderstood the situation, that's y they might be treatin you more coldly? make an effort to invite THEM (w/o ya sister In law) to ya place to have dinner, or go out to have dinner . then they wun be so easily brain washed by ya sister In law cos they see the care n concern n effort made byu...they maybe old, but they r not lil kids....
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
My ILs are almost always at work. Their family day is Sundays and my sister In law wun be at work as well. When we are them out for meals, they will ask the whole family including my 2 SILs, my sister In law's hubby, the 2 kids and the maid along also. They believe must do things as a family. In other words, see my PILs = see my sister In law and her children. (Sometimes if her hubby see that its celebrating my husband's birthday or to celebrate something for us, he wun turn up, coz its wasting his time mah)
why sometimes we can't have in-laws that were so nice like others MILs...
My mother in law is not working, being a tai tai at home, she does nth..only cleans, wipe the house, watch drama and dont't even bother to cook at all. Furthermore, she is physically n mentally well. Recently, my hubby ask his mum if she's willingly to take care of our baby after my ML...got rejected...Y can't his parents help out? Seems like all pushing to my parents side...
i dont understand why the MILS have such a thinking.
to think that they were once a daughter in law too.
Hw can my mother in law look after my baby wen she does not even knw wen to let my baby wear thicker clothing. One evening we were about to leave their hm, she keep pester me to give my baby wear a thick long sleeves, when the weather is damn HOT. Luckily i bought along another long sleeves, mother in law keep screaming at me asking me let her wear the other 1.
Or wen my baby perspire after we reach their place(as we normally go shop around before head dwn to IL place, mother in law who is carrying baby cant notice baby is HOT...just keep sit infornt of the fan... ...i gt to carry baby away to remove her extra clothings.
secondly mother in law insist we shld let my baby eat at 5pm everyday. cannot lata, then the SON ask her y? she say dinner time mah (WTF???) we told her, must see what baby last feeding time then can decide her dinner time...bt we make sure she have dinner before 7pm. bt she will ignore us and keep nag that baby have dinner at 5pm.haizz...FAINTzzz
Thirdly, maybe i am too fuzzy, i dont wish my baby to learn hokkien too much frm them. as father in law always say vuglar language
Fourth, they like to bring baby to see hw they punish dogs & even teach my poor baby hw to BEAT dogs with cane...now wen i show her books with dogs, she will beat them... see how baby learn?
lastly and most impt, whenever my father in law smoke infront of baby, mother in law or sister In law wont automatically move away...I REALLY HATE IT. I gt to sound out... ...Make me a bad daughter in law
When I was pregnant, my mom gave me a hard time such that once she chased me out of the house (I was 6 months preggiez). My husband brought me back home. Then, after giving birth to baby boy, in-laws gave problems like insisting on naming the child and how I should breatfeed and how long it should last and why baby keeps having fever. I used to be soooo super uber stressed on all this. But now, I force my self to calm down until can naturally calm down during these moments. In fact, they see me calm, they think I controlling husband and back away. (No, i cant control my hubby even if i wanted and i dont't want to.)
Try to show calmness and resilience during these moments. Most of the time, the calm look on your face will irritate her and keep you smiling more Your real focus should be Hubby and Child, not these barbarians!!! HA!Take that mother in law!(She got no life want ! So Pick on us loh!)
Last edited by MrsIshMuhun; 18-07-2011 at 12:37 PM.
Kill Her With KINDNESS!!!!! Mwahahahaha!
Hmmm, look like you and hubby is falling into the trap that she set . She is so obviously eyeing the $$$$.
Why your husband never speak to your father in law in private on all these issues ? He is the ONLY SON right ?
I would have fight all the way man .... hahahha.. not only because of the $$$ but also not to let her get her way -- typical chinese show whereby got evil sibling eyeing the $$$
Typical Indian Serial Drama also...
Yup my mother also say she dont want to take care of my baby cus she say she has been taking care of us (siblings) for the early parts of her life and now she felt that she wanna take a break cus she is getting old. I totally understand and dont blame her. She already spent decades taking care of us.. Im sure she wants to take a break right.
I guess my issue is not "them not wanting to look after" or " not looking after properly". Mine would be too much interference until I had to stand up for myself. dont't expect husband to stand up. He just wants you to get along with his mum well. When I tried telling my hubby, he told me to handle it amicably with mother in law myself; "Be polite but be FIRM!I am sure you wouldn't want our son to tell you off infront of his wife either" were his words. I learnt to stand up (still learning more)for want I want for my son (even naming him) and although I know my mother in law can be controlling , i help her alot but keep my lines clear so that we both dont cross the lines. We will learn to cross the lines sometime in our relationship so dont worry about it. In the meanwhile try and be independant. Try childcare or a maid. I had to fall back on childcare. Super Mummies Do Our Best! Yay!