This is a discussion on Does your hubby let you take control on his finance & how far he letting you Control ? within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Originally Posted by Rosia cng angel , i " salute" you !! You are very brave , braver then me ...
im like such a loser in this case. althou he let me know his ATM pin, I know how much he has in the bank, but i also cant track his $.
he pay for his bills, i pay for my own. even baby stuffs, also I pay. go out for meals, buy household stuffs, mostly also I pay.
he say every month $, come in, go out, he didnt even get to save. but i think last time, he got a join acct with his mum. used to have quite a sum of $, but all spent on wedding and our house. he claim that he no $. i also dont really care. as long as, he dont ask me pay things for him, he manage his $ on his own, then not my problem.
but i just dont understand, why last time, when we both earn so little, we also can live well. now earn more, like still the same. dont really get to save. only bonus time then will save it up. monthly salary and expenses like same same. ha..
think our expenditure VERY high. his car, petrol, our bills.. i think we get to ENJOY too much on our life. we go on travel about twice a year? last year went hokkaido and bkk. this year went Bkk.. Jan nx yr going Korea and Bkk.
oh yes, and he buy LV for me . thats why his $ goes. OOps~ =X
Delivered my girl on 03 Feb 2011 & my boy on 03 Jan 2013 =)
haha my hubby tk control of all finance... I also dont know how much he has in his bank acc he also dont ask mine as he feel it privacy... but if i need more $$ he will give.. as for day to day stuff he will do the payment.. when gorcery we will do it together so he will be paying... good thing is he accompany me every wkend, bad is no allowance = no si fang $$$... ;p
As for my earning i will control myself... no choice.. he is accountant so better in all this... Im the one has to declare how much i spent.. he so worry i overspend.. haizz...
haha as long as one party is more accountant in $$ you know got save thats the more important !
Last edited by angelababi; 21-10-2011 at 12:24 PM.
I dont't control my husband's money. I dont't believe in controlling him in any ways. He pays for the apartment, bills, the helper and whatever that he feels like paying for. I pay for grocery and son's classes. We have never calculated who pay more or less. In a way even though we have separate accounts our money is still our money. I dont't care how much he has in his bank account. But I have to mention this. In our early years of marriage, my husband used to pay for everything in the apartment. And I mean everything. I never had to fork out anything. I was even given an allowance. I was also working but in those few years, I managed to chalked up tens of thousands of credit card debts from endless shopping. Had a good lecture from husband. He helped me to clean up my mess but I also had to be accountable for my mistakes. Took us a while to clear up my mess. So now, I'm a lot more conscious of my spending habits.
I also keep shopping.. Used to be money put in my acct, but when I got money I keep shopping endlessly.. See what baby stuffs also buy.. Somemore I quit my job not long after marriage, then pregnant.. Totally no work no income!! All hubby money!! But thankfully ever since money in his acct I take spare card I never shop that much .. But still always spend my allowance away!! save up si fang Qian end up use to pay credit card bills monthly cos exceed hubby give shopping money! Lol women as usual.. Shopping is our 克星!!
I cant touch anything regarding his pocket.. I wonder how is it life of stay at home mum... anyone care to share? I almost gone depressed since have a baby, mooing at work (pump milk), come back home in a mess & tired, OT, husband not supportive, he pay for most of the bill at home but never give any kind of allowance maybe because we both working. Now I am thinking to quit job but super worry no $$ and dont think husband will give enough.. people said couple may quarrel more because of financial issues.. so envy you all with a good hubby
you r his wife,why can't you touch anything regards his pocket?? Care to share why is your hubby not supportive? Hmm dont't think so much yet ... have you discuss with your hubby what if you quit your job? If you are really stay home mum, I am sure he will give your monthly allowance. Both parties must have mutal understanding .
As for me ... I dont't know what is the feeling of a stay home mum yet cos' I am waiting for my baby to come out. But I have resign my job half a year ago to relax & make baby. haha .. Can also consider a semi-stay home .. haha .. I feel it's a luxury, I still get my " MONTHLY PAYCHEQUE", shopping allowance (*this is a seperate allowance from my monthly cheque) .
My Hubby paid for everything, phone bills, grocery, my facial treatment etc.
Oh ya .. After I resign from my job. I was travelling every 2 weeks to Bangkok for hoilday to relax.. (* Special retreat from hubby .. 5 mths before I got preggie). Hubby sponsor me whatever courses I want to attend... "yoga lesson" , dance lesson, etc. So I am considered lucky.
Hey, even before I go before I got preggie( when I am still working), I still get a "MONTHLY PAYCHEQUE" for my hubby... haha .. I was surprised I was given that after we got married automatically. I laugh .. when he give me the 1st allowance....I ask him ... is that a need ?? What a reply from him is... I told a hubby should give their wife "Jia Yong". (*Household allowance) haha ... Oh .. Something I make myself very clear to him. give me this allowance ... is you think its a MUST haha dont't expect me to do any housework or anything if expect me to take care of the house like a maid .
So far ... very comfortable & happy as a Stay Home!
dont't envy .. every hubby is different... If he never give you then ask from him !
shopee : maybe shld discuss bout it? sometimes it we assume, if you talk to him maybe different from what you think..
Last edited by angelababi; 23-10-2011 at 12:14 AM.
last night, i was telling my hubby about a friend's hubby having mistress outside etc.. then i slowly divert the story into this $ thing. i told him, my mum once said, once you can control the man's finance, you can control this man for the rest of your life. so far, still true. she taught this to my cousin, so far, it works still. well, different people have their way of doing things. so, if it works on you, then good. if not, otherwise.
then, i told him, from the start, i didnt take control of his money, coz he didnt want me to handle.. ( i linked this with my friend's story ).
think he will have a GOOD time thinking about this matter.
he suggset that, all our $, every month, when company credit into the bank, we put it into a join account ( which we do not have any now ) and pay our bills, etc with it.
the thing is that, althou i spend alot, every month end, i will still have left overs. but his, difficult to have left overs coz his car loan take up quite a fair bit of this salary.
so, i really dont know what to do...
Delivered my girl on 03 Feb 2011 & my boy on 03 Jan 2013 =)
Halo, I am new here and I very interested about this topic. I am married and had 2 sons. So far my husband did not give me a single cents. All the household paid by me except children education. Even hire a maid, I also need fork out own money. Whenever I ask her buy something for children education material or attend extra class. My husband always give reason , they still young n no need learn so many. My sons age 3 n 4. I explain to him how good the learning, because myself did not know chinese and my husband know Chinese. Always the end conversation is " if I want let them learn, I need fork out my money to pay" . I am part time work n he is manager level. His salary higher then me much more. Now I start ask for monthly maintenance 500 per month, but he will agree to pay when he in good mood. If he in bad mood, he will scold me li " why take so much money? Always know how to eat n luckily he did not give" . Till now, I have not received a cents from him. I wanted to vent my heart word into this forum.
kelly80, did you and your husband discussed about finances before getting married?
I'm honestly surprised that most couples do not take about finances before getting married and I wonder how many have gone through pre-marital counselling. To me, discussing about finances and going for pre-marital counselling are 2 very important things before getting married. These allow you to have a better understanding of your spouse before being married.
Yes he does.
Actually, Im the one withdrawing his salary.
He just want me to take care of the budget.
We never go for finances couselling. I though should not have any problem if we want stay together and i did not mind about the money. I also advice my friends and my sister to check their finance and talk about it before married. However, most of them said did not mind. Maybe this is the power of love
Your hubby never give you then ask for it .... well I dont't believe in finance or marriage counselling .. Those who went tru those counselling haha surprisingly end up also having problems.
you should talk to your hubby.. Tell him how you feel and ask him what's actually on his mind. Communication is very important. We , ladies need to protect yourself. Some men are just not sensitive to the women"s needs. maybe you never fight for it .. Then your hubby thinks that you dont't mind so he dont't bother.
Try talking to your hubby !
Well I do not control my hubby's finance as I kw he is not spendthrift. I will get to see all his cr card bills. He is paying all the household expenses n groceries. Basically I do not have to fork out a single cents n he is also giving me a fix monthly allowance for me to save up even though Im working.
I have friends whose hubby doesn't give allowance to them even though they are working, I think I am blessed! Normally, I dont't get to spend much as Im too busy at work, so the $ will go to insurance as part of retirement savings. My hubby also trust me to handle my own finance as Im in financial industry too!
We have long term planning for the future, so we started our financial planning early once we married so that we can enjoy life when we retire.
Thank for your advice. Maybe your right. I never ask one time and feel dissapointed and i let go. Ehmm....should find some suitable time to talk about it.
my hubby lets me manage all the household income, because he said i'm really good at managing our finances.. he just needs $5 allowance a day for his lunch meal.. doesn't smoke or drink or any expensive hobbies
basically i'm the CFO of the family & he's the CEO.. if we're going to spend anything, we always tell each other & he will decide whether we really need it.. he's really good at differentiating between needs & wants.. we also set the same goal & vision on what we're going to do with our money.. i think mutual understanding between husband & wife is very important.. this way either one will not feel less superior in managing the household finances
in short, he never restrict me from doing what i love.. be it working or staying home (even without kids).. after 6 years of marriage, now i'm a stay at home mum of 1 daughter, he engaged a domestic helper as he's afraid that i might be too tired of doing all the household chores on my own.. our home was bought my in-laws (for staying -- in-laws is not staying with us) & eventually my parents bought us a home too (being rented out)
everyone in my family told me that i'm so lucky to find a man like him.. but i must say we both are lucky to found each other & both our parents already path our ways so that we will have less issue(s) in our marriage life (at least the biggest expense such as housing is already taken care of & we just need to focus on raising & savings for our children's future)
Last edited by bagaholic; 06-12-2011 at 10:53 AM.