have you have a talk with him? dont he care about his children?
This is a discussion on helpless & trapped within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Not sure where could I vent out my unhappiness so decided to pen down whatever that has happened to me ...
Not sure where could I vent out my unhappiness so decided to pen down whatever that has happened to me here. I have been married for nearly 3 years now, been together with my hubby for 6 years, we are married with two kids. Everything has been on a rocky path since the first day of our marriage, accepting his family and learning how to be a daughter in law can never be easy. I have been walking this rocky path alone. He is a decent man earning just nice to feed the kids, but, our love fire has somehow died off. Atleast for me for what I have known off, been wanting to divorce since 1 year + back , reason being, I dont feel a point in this whole marriage anymore. Why? The reason is simple, he spend most of his time infront of games, facing almost any gadgets you could think off, ipad, phone, & even more, I feel that our relationship is going nowhere ay this point? He doesnt care for the child so most of the time im leading the life of a SINGLE MUMMY, wherras his family merely care for the big one..
Not whining because I have no one to share the burden of being a mum BUT I do not need a irresponsible man in my life..he isnt exactly to the extend of THE WORST MAN evrr but maybe not suitable for me..
The love fire between us has died off til this extend of I do not wish to have sex with him anymore..how can this love fire be revive when all he does is sleep and sleep? Gaming and gaming?
Wanting to divorce yet financially unable to.. Im really seeking help wonder what cn I do with the mess I am in right now
have you have a talk with him? dont he care about his children?
Oh MummyV, I can only imagine what you're going through. ): You are more than welcome to share your burden with us as we are all here to listen. Like what Alisa asked: have you got to talk it out with your husband? How did he respond to your call? Do you think you can salvage your marriage despite the 'fact' that the romance died off?
Last edited by SarahGurbuxani-Carpio; 25-09-2013 at 01:49 AM.
Thanks for all the replies.> and YES, we did talk about all the problems we are going through, he agree to change ( since years back 2-3 years ) but he never once did change,recently things between us gotten worst, I dont't know whether is it me or it was him, but things between us keep going on the rock, it has been nearly 2 YEARS since I last felt love. We have so much problems that sometimes I dont even know where to start, maybe we just ain't suitable for each other, I have been tryigng too hard to salvage this relationship til this came to a point whereby I feel that its time for me to let go, not that I am not matured enough to think for my kids, its just that I know its not going anywhere anymore, I lost every single feeling, its so bad that sometimes when he ask for sex I really feel like punching him in his face because he kept asking and typically when a wife doesn't satisfy needs of her hubby, definitely start showing faces etc. Sometimes I regret marrying him because things was fine til we married, from the day we start planning for the marriage everything falls apart. He cheated on me 2-3 x and all during special occasions * eg, 1 day before wedding this has put me through so much hurts, sometimes I can't even bring myself to trust anybody anymore. I do not want to go through the motion anymore, I really dont't know how to react to all his nonsense anymore, jerking beside me while me & baby is asleep, doing all sorts of things to hurt me mentally, I am really tired for now. I really want to rest but he is only contributing to my woes! But I really LOVE my kids, and thinking for them makes me even wanna leave him more..... because I dont want them to grow up and be a man like his dad....I hope to seek help from mummies here, I would like to know 1) Where can I apply divorce from?2) How long does it takes to divorce?* Heard that it takes 5 years, due to seperation etc3) How/What are the procedures like?4) What are the fees like?Thanks in advance!
Would you think differently about your problems if they were not yours, but instead were being experienced by someone else? Consider for a moment the most difficult problem you currently face. Now, imagine that you're not the person experiencing the problem, that you're only an observer. In such a situation, what advice would you give to the person experiencing the problem? Would you advise that person to become depressed? Of course not. Would you advise that person to run and hide from the problem? Certainly not! Would you advise that person to take positive, productive, sustained actions that will deal with the problem? Sure you would. So, is that what you're doing? Are you following your own advice? Or have you allowed the problem to take over your thinking? Getting frustrated or worried about it will only waste your time and make it worse.
Your problems do not define you. You can detach yourself from them just as surely as if they were being experienced by someone else. Step back and look objectively at the challenges you face. dont't allow your problems to cloud your thinking just because you're the person who happens to be experiencing them. Think clearly, act decisively and keep moving yourself positively forward.
I always believe if there is a problem there is a solution. Most of the times when we are in it, its blinded us from all possibility.
Well, leave divorce to the last option after you've tried all avenues. What you need now is to seek some counselling not just for the marriage or husband issues but most importantly, for your well-being. The problems you face may be difficult and uncomfortable. That's all the more reason to get them behind you as quickly as possible. PM me if you need a good counsellor if you want my recommendation.
Thanks @nicepeople for your repliesYes, if I am an outsider standing at an outsider view I definitely will ask the person to not divorce and try making things back to how it used to be, but it has already been a year + since I felt this way, sometimes I wonder is it cause we both have changed during this parenting journey or is it because we both grow. But then again it is never easy to make things back to track, however, I ever thought of my two innocent kids that gonna suffer if they were to grow up in broken family, but its really pushing to an end, I dont't know how to stay with a stranger now, he make me feel that he is only interested in the sex and nothing else, sometimes I grew out of excuse to reject him for sex I wish I come menses for 365 days! Its tiring...Thanks for all your advice, I might seek a marriage counsellor if he is willing to...
Hi mummyv, mind if I ask how old are you this yr?
Do not do anything you are not comfortable doing. Not having sex every time a man wants. If men would do things like help the woman around the house and with the kids then maybe she would want to do it more. Making each other happy should not be based on having sex. Communication is the main thing in a happy marriage.
If you are uncomfortable talking about this then both of you dontít understand the meaning and purpose of marriage. If you dont't want to then dont't, that's up to you. But, I dont't see it as a duty it's something we both want. It's...making love with your love. It's not a duty, dont't look at it that way. It should not feel like this and if something you do not have to do, nor should a man make you feel like you have to, but should be a mutual thing. This should be something that you and your husband should discuss between the two of you.
Face it babe it just dont't happen that way, maybe you should invest in a dog instead of a man!
We cannot make someone deal with his problem but we can deal with our problems. The challenge of reality living is to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions and seek to do the most constructive thing in each of lifeís difficult situations. This is the best approach for your own mental health and emotional well-being. For your own sake, seek counselling for your own good first then you can think about your marriage or how to cope with a dysfunctional husband.
i am in similar situation as you! My husband love money and his friends more than the family. He can work till morning in the weekdays and never at home till weekends. Now weekends, he go work on sat and stay at home on sun only. Anyway, i dont see the need of him staying at home, he doesnt care the children and me. We talk
about this years ago and he said let his action showz it became worse when he do own business. We tried to talk but i cannot do any sensible talk to him anymore. I dont want a husband who i dont know what he is doing outside and what time he is coming. Sometimes he can be drunk and not come home. If this man didnt he need to be responsible and lifestyle need to change with children
and wife now, he is not worth my attention too.
Hi mummyv, I agree that you should seek a marriage counselling before going for divorce. If possible ask him to go with you so that he also gets to know the problem. At least let him know if he does not wish to change and put in effort in this marriage, he would need to bear the consequences in future. To be able to work well in a marriage needs lots of time and effort as well, it can never be easy with kids coming along as well. It takes me years to understand my hubby too... now I got no regrets to marry him..well, he may not be the best hubby but at least I know he is putting efforts to "nourish" it.
I can understand what you are going through as I am going through in a similar fashion.
Sometimes i wonder why some get married when all they care for is money and personal satisfaction rather than the beauty of family
Really need a listening ear
You are really a beautiful mummy.
The first thing i wanna say it that your kids are so lucky to have a beautiful mummy like yourself who is so loving.
Yes I salute and bow to your patience and the love for your kids.
Divorce is something i would not want you to go through as the ones whom would suffer are your kids.
But then again, reading from what you have written, I am sure you are a capable mother who would definitely fight the battle.
I work with kids and am a father of two grown up kids.
I am not here to advice you but a little suggestion.
Make sure you evaluate and speak to your hubby on your decision.
Once you have made up your mind, be prepared to face the consequences.
Always talk your problems out and remember you are not alone here.
As I do always, let me pray for you and your family.
May God Bless You and Your Family
i hope this can help you, sometimes habit is a thing that can be very difficult to change. I was shared about aura a year ago and learnt along the way what causes a person to have some bad habits. maybe you like to spend some time on sacredsagesg.blogspot.sg/p/understand-aura.html.
later there are some items that you can see if you want to try. i tried out of hesitation and a few weeks later found that i can better communicate with my spouse and things improve alot.
so do not fret. although i am not sure how serious yr case is. yes love is important but when i try to look from his point of view. understand him more. i thought i was very good already but i am not. when i started accepting him then i realize i myself wasnt good enough. dont try too hard, you will only get hurt. be natural let nature takes it course. sometimes you can request him to set aside some time for you solely instead of just playing games. slowly let him understand where you r coming from. give and take. sometimes if he get unreasonable scold show some temper then he knows you are serious.
finance is and should be the number 1 consideration. if he can care financially i think you should stay with him. and number 2 for the kids, divorce should not be an alternative.
thats my advice. hope it helps..