i dont think i'm in a position to say anything.. just hope everything gets better.. *hugz*
This is a discussion on HorrIble mother in law n sister In law within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Long Story if to talk about it. It all started when dear husband n I were talking about settling down 2 ...
Long Story if to talk about it. It all started when dear husband n I were talking about settling down 2 yrs ago as we thot we've been together for about 4 yrs at that time and ready to settle down, news travelled fast and his elder sis who happened to just got into a new relationship heard about it and she was super duper unhappi cos she dont want her younger bro to settlle before her so she announced that she's going to ROM too. we were happi for them of cos not knowing her intention at that time and we continued with our planning ROM and wedding dinner on the same day. dear husband not the participative type so did everything alone from choosing hotel to paying deposit and choosing gowns but no grumbles cos i find it better that way no need to ask him for opinion just go ahead with what i like, then the comments come....
sister In law say i'm using his brother's money like nobody's business when actualli whatever expenses came from our joint savings lohz!! then never mind we got a resale flat but onli able to get the keys and house ready few months after wedding so decided to stay with mother in law for the time being since they have an xtra room which they intended to rent out. BUT GUESS WHAT!! sister In law AND mother in law had a talk and the reason they dont want us to shift in is cos mother in law scared me and her cannot get along then have problems but everything was agreed on until sister In law talk to her 2 wks before my wedding!!! so in the end luckily dear husband eldest sis took us in for the few months giving up their empty room which was the children's playroom.
Now pregnant, thot things would b better but no lahz after we announce the pregnancy mother in law was happi one until sister In law found out and they planned for a baby too though before her customary and things change lohz!! mother in law showered all her concern for her daughter and take me like dirt lohz!! went to their relative's place during CNY and i was already like 8 months + preggy and sister In law about 2 months, mother in law wanted us to send sister In law AND HER HUBBY home when it's just a few bus stops away but dear husband told mother in law not enough space cos already got mother in law and another sister In law at the back can't take another 2 people then guess what mother in law say? ask me sit behind and squeeze abit with mother in law, sister In law and preggy sister In law's hubby and the 2 months preggy sister In law sit in front!! i feel like slapping my mother in law LOHZ!! my dear husband so angry say my tummy so big how to squeeze then mother in law keep quiet!!
i dont mind mother in law not contributing anything throughout my pregnancy but her behaviour really irks me!! sister In law AND mother in law really can hold hand in hand!
i dont think i'm in a position to say anything.. just hope everything gets better.. *hugz*
Mayb jealousy got into your sister In law. she felt threatened by your present in the eyes of your mother in law.
but not too worry, it's good that your hubby is protective over you.
when you give birth, i believe your mother in law attitude will be different to you.
Errmm.... I think dont expect changes even after birth since things r alrdy like that now. I felt mother n daugther mostly is closer than mother in law and daughter in law, but i do agreed your mother in law is too much. Lucky you gt support fr husband, take care n enjoy your motherhood.
it's true, my mum was the one boiling herbal soup for me during my pregnancy. not my mother in law though i was staying with her at that time.
my mother in law did change her attitude after we move out. haha
but i wonder how come so concern about mother in law attitude?
for me ar, i rather she distance herself from me.
after all mother in law is not our mother.. i rather they dont come and bother too much of my life...
but its good that your hubby is on your side...
dont let them affect you... enjoy time with your baby and hubby...
i was lucky, my mother in law was quite good to me but of coz cant compare to her daugther . My mum also treat me & my sis better compare to my sister In law so no complaint .
to me she can say & do whatever she wants to me so long not till the extend of serious verbal/phyiscal abuse. but when come to my kids, there's a limit to it!
i dont know how much unreasonable stuff she will do (with your sister In law) to you, you will have to gain your support from your dear husband. your dear husband understanding and support is very important esp now you gonna hav your kid coming into the picture soon.
it took me some years for my dear husband to finally 'know' his mum's colors, she always portaits herself as a weak very understanding and very reasonable person (that's on the surface only )
now my dear husband do understands & listens to my fustrations and concerns over the "disagreements" (though he does gets impatient as he find women petty esp one is his mum -- men are afterall men, less sensitive)
it is very important that you marry your dear husband not your mother in law or sister In law therefore it is very impt that you hav to build and bond the relationships strong
count yourself fortunate that you r not staying with her, you will still have your breathing space
I was labelled by his granny, uncles/aunties blah-blah as unfillial when we got our flat 2 yrs after marriage -- all i ask for is some personal space for the 2 of us before my in-laws sell theirs. i am still being blamed for her staying with my sister In law. in fact, she 'separated' with my father in law & they can't live under one roof; also my sister In law needed her help as standby whenever they can't fetch their kid in time. but i know her after a decade, my sister In law's kid is still afterall 'someone else grandkid' therefore she takes the trouble to travel from one end of spore to the other end to see my dear daughter & dear son -- making sure that the kids r still close to her & not to the maid or my father in law or even myself.
i do hope urs will not turn out to be as bad as mine, but always keep in mind that you have to keep your own family nucleus strong and dont let others affect it.
hhhhhmm.....i face ABIT same situation as you ........
i also got married with my dear husband with all these nonsense from mother in law n sister In law....
he has an elder sis n younger sis....dear husband is 2nd yaaa (so call only son laa).....
before we decide to settle down....we did ask our parents for permission 1st.....they agreed n we began to find house.....
we took about 6mths to find the house which we like n need to ROM liaooo....
the moment we start to discuss about our ROM stuffs, the elder sis was AGAINST our marriage....say we never discuss with them (already ask OUR OWN parents permission , still need your approval?????) .....say we'r too YOUNG....zzzzz....i was 26yrs old n hubby was 28 at that time!!!!!!! say we got no $$$$$$$$$$$$$......say we'r NOT prepared etc......evyting we do, she is AGAINST it......
we NEVER TAKE ANY $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ from our parents when we ROM or move house.......we dont have any intention of taking any $$$ too (except ang bao laaa).....cos the elder sis is a senior mgt (her salary is both me n dear husband add together loh), she use the $$$ to "press" us lohhh.....his parents dont even dare to step forward n voice out that we did ask for permission before we decide to ROM cos all along, it was his elder sister who gave them $$$$ (parent in law not working laaaa).....so his parents just quietly "watch" the show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm super pissed off with his family......my dear husband was feeling super duper vexed too as he was the one who has to face them evyday at home.......
even after wedding + move house......his elder sis still give us face to see.....HELO!!! FOR MY WEDDING + HOUSE, WE did not EVEN USE ANY OF HER $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$!!!!!!!!! so what if she earns ALOT....tats her business.....does not mean i've to see her face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway, tings did not change yaaaa....i only go n visit my mother in law (only when necessary).....tats all........
during tis CNY, 2nd day suppose to go back to my own family for visiting rite....that idiot elder sis insisted that we MUST visit her cos she's the eldest.......ok fine, then we try to arrange her house 1st (noon)...then evening time to my house...but she refuse to give way!!!!!!!!! she say we must stay at her house the WHOLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! zzzzzzz...what kind of crab is tis !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
of cos, i told my dear husband straight, you wanna go, you go....i'm definitely going back to my parents house........if you insist i go to your sister house....i make sure you go to my elder bro's house too cos he's the eldest in my family !!!!!!!!!!!!!
what kind of silly rules is that......dear husband was also fedup of his own elder sis lohhh....giving us nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well..my story even longer yaaa...LOL....
candy...hang on...you'r NOT the only one facing the same problem......but of cos, there r good mother in law n sister In law......just our luck to meet the unpleasant ones........
I guess i am not the onli one facing these problems after reading the replies... dunnoe why some people just like to show their POWER just bcos they are older. at least one thing i'm satisfied with myself is that i did not attend the morning tea ceremony on their wedding day earli this month as i dont find the reason why i must serve tea to her when she dont deserve my respect and i forbid dear husband to go as well... hehe...
I'm blessed to have a pair of wonderful mother in law n sister In law.. cuz my mother in law understand d way her duaghter thinks.. she use the same understanding on mi.. cuz my sister In law only 16 this year.. hahaha... + this my hubby's 2nd marriage liaoz.. so they'll more understanding.. =)
i'm actually d other way round.. my mum was actually quite angry bout mi when i told them i was pregnant.. but when she saw my lil gal.. she melt liaoz.. literally.. haha.. so i hope ya lil one will change ya mother in law attitude.. at least ya lil one will appear earlier than ya sister In law ..
respect is the word.
i dont't call my mother in law mother or what . as i thought she dont deserve it.
i can just smile to her when i see her that's it.
mother in law will always think we wifes steal away their son then try make things difficult.
anything my hubby say oni, she will thought he side me. say my hubby got wife already dont want the mother.
irritating i thought.
but har pity my hubby, i also make him turn down most invites from mother in law to dinner and i refuse to go to mother in law house for no reason. end up one year we see each other the most 3 times.
your situation reminds me of my friend. Her sister In law also same as urs. what ever my gf do or have, she also follow suits, so close till my gf m/c she also m/c *faintz*
nvm , close 1 eye, at least your hubby supports you n not them
now that im pregnant & my sister In law(mother in law's daughter) also pregnant. hers will due 1mth after me. mother in law always compare me & her daughter's tummy, say her daughter tummy bigger than mine despite she giving birth later then me. is crazy , her daughter is bigger size & fatter than me. y compare? nuts. & my mother in law is very good in all talk & no action. say want to buy tonics & birdnest for me to eat, also dont ve. Endup my mum bought tonics & birdnest for me. & best part is my sister In law told her mum to take care of her baby. so mother in law said ok. imagine an old lady ve to take care of 2newborns & 2toddlers.mad!
i agreed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my parent in law dont respect me...only "act" infront of my hubby, ask me to eat tis n that....pretend pretend only...the moment my hubby walks away, they NEVER DO SUCH TING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when my hubby returns, the shows goes on again.........ZzzZZzzzZZZz
super plastic lohhhhh......
smtimes, they also tell my hubby over the tel that "THEY MISS ME"......faintz.....MISS your HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just stop all these nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
once, they try taking $$$$$$$$$$$$ from me cos they say i'm married to their son, i MUST contribute from allowances to them..........zzzzz....i dont go their house to eat....neither do i ask them to buy/do tings for me.......SO, Y MUST I give $$$$$ TO THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
its not that i'm stingy or what....i also have my own parents too yaaaaa......i call my in-laws "mother" n "father" does NOT mean i've give you all $$$$ too.......i dont earn 10k per month too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i got quite fedup cos my parent in law is ($_$)........they sort of "blame" me for being poor .......zzzzzzzzz.....i come from an average-financial family....i'm HAPPY with my own family.....i dont care whose dad is rich or what....tats my life....if i wanna b rich, then earn it myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just cant stand the way they "blame" me lohhh...helo, in the 1st place, r you rich too ??? your son (my hubby ) is also NOT rich !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so, what makes you tink that you can blame me like that...............tats the "invisible" war between me n parent in law!!!!
hubby of cos, tink his parents r very concerned about me..........zzzzz....put on show only.....but me just hack care.....as long as i dont touch them, they dont interfer my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
in front of her, i just act a nice daughter in law since we dont stay together. but nxt time shes gg to take care of my baby, i reali hope tension dont arise till so bad...but who knows, since im such a fussy mum.
lucky my husband knows that i dont like his parents to poke into our lives.last time he say every sun must go his mum house until i find it such a chore, so now we just go every fortnight. but to me i still find it a chore to go even though is every fortnight.
lucky im not staying with them & lucky they never buy tonics for me to eat or else i tink my fate will be worst since mother in law say my tummy so small.
When preggy with dear daughter, my stomach did not show until about 6mths. throughout my mum keep saying aiyah why your stomach so small you not eating enuf, last time your sis , blah blah blah. Then at about 6+mths, my belly started expanding, this time my mum say wah why suddenly so big , last time your sis at 6mths blah blah blah. Say in say out all she say one .
mother in law? Well we dont stay together but thruout my 2 pregnancies she also never prepare any stuff for me. Not that I expect it, in fact I happier that she doesn't. But she keep asking us to go home for dinner, say she prepare tonic for me. But when we arrive, it was cooling herbal drink for dear husband. I told him correct also . Since we have dinner at my mum's most of the time a lot of 'bu' food so he also getting heaty so better drink up.
Mothers and MILs, different generation, different thinking, just let them say what they want loh. Why get so affected. 1 ear in the other ear out. Especially if you dont live with them. They ask you to do this do that, just agree and then proceed to lead your own life. If you need their help to look after your child, no choice compromise and tahan and always remember that they too love their granchild, the way they go about stuff may be different but at the end of the day your objectives are the same, the well-being of the child.
Just wanna complain... nobody else to complain to ..
dear son taken care by my mother in law during weekdays while I work and I'll take over during the night and on weekends..
And things just ALWAYS happens when dear son is under my care.
IT's ALWAYS me who didn't wrap dear son up enough and causing him to catch a cold. I was the one waking up a few times in the middle of the night, checking to see if he's sweating from too many layers of blankets..
IT'S ALWAYS me who bring dear son somewhere and let him got the SCARE till he wakes up suddenly in his sleep and cry. Would I purposely bring him to VIVO CITY to have a SCARE out of his life??????? Were there invisible monsters around us that scared him that I didn't know of????
IT'S ALWAYS me who puts dear son' clothes together with his parents (dear husband and mine's) clothes together to wash, causing his baby clothes to have those balls of fur on it.. I think I told her a dozen times it's because of those handkerchief she bought for him that's dropping fur.. I left baby's clothes in the basket, let her wash herself so that she can be sure that they are not mixed, but I waited and waited, one week , nothing happened, so LAN LAN got to wash myself.
IT's ALWAYS me who's NOT TRYING to feed my dear son. ALWAYS me who's not following his feeding time and letting him go hungry..
MY DEAREST SON is MY SON if anyone in the family remembers. When my sister In law comes back from work, she would tell my son, "see who's back? gu gu'... gu gu's back..."
After I finish my Maternity and returned to work, my dear husband only managed to bring my dear son out to the bus-stop to "welcome" me ONCE in the 2 weeks! It's never "see! mummy's back!" Why? Cause my dear son NOT SUPPOSED TO GO OUT AT NIGHT
I trying so hard to tolerate all these for what? Pathetic... just for life..
currently mother in law's daughter also pregnant, shes due 1mth later then me. but the irritating part is, since jan until now, mother in law kept comparing me & her daughter's tummy. she always say her daughter's tummy bigger then mine, then i just smile smile . today we went her place, again she mention that her daugher's tummy bigger then mine & mine not obvious at all, then my father-inlaw tel her my tummy is so obvious while his daugher is bigger size then me, but mother in law still carry on & say but mine still not obvious although i give birth earlier then her daughter.
seriously , enough is enough,but i still smile at her, never say a word. so when we left her house, i angrily told my husband that his mum is SUPER IRRITATING, kept comparing me & his sister since jan until now. what is her problem? he just say aiya shes like that 1 .
sign..just like what my mum & aunty had said, once she take care of my baby, sure lots of problems..anywae now i just ignore her.