This is a discussion on How to get along with in law!!!!!!! within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Originally Posted by SH74 serenekbh > is your husband on your side or on his mom's side? mayb you can ...
they say what you just "ORH ORH ORH" if you can.. cos they wont know if you're following their instruction at hm anot.. hehe..
okay i know very diffi. i dont hav pro with mother in law but i have pro with hubby's aunt!! last time my hubby asked me to ORH ORH if his ahh maaa or aunt comment or ask me to do anything. but i just CANT! cos i wanna let them know i DONT agree with their method and at the same time, explain to them. too bad, they dont seems to understand so we will explain to mother in law instead and leave the job to her..
last time during dear son's 1st month celebration, we on all the aircons in inalws house but becos living room got lotsa ppl so still very hot. so we were always inside the room. then hubby's 38 aunt's hubby kept commenting that should bring baby out , let him use to the noise if not next time he scare noise. but dear son was sleeping!!!!! nvm, when he woke up, we brought him to the living room and he cried. i'm his mother, i know he very scare of hotness. but this 38 aunt commented that dear son's tummy got lotsa wind!!!! and told my mother in law that my son tummy got wind i also dunnoo said must give him ridwind.
i told them he cried becos he is HOT! cos if is colic, he will keep crying mahh.. then she said cos last time her daughter also lik that so she know, take ridwind can leeee. but i dont want cos i dont know if his tummy really got wind mahh and we also dont know the right dosage to give.. and true enough, RIGHT AFTER i brought him to the room, he stopped crying alrdy! but my mother in law still went to buy ridwind for dear son the next day. i was very unhappy but i understand is becos of the 38 aunt keep brainwash her and also udner my mother in law's mother in law's nagging, she also bo bian..
and when dear son admitted hospital at 6 week old due to reflux, this 38 aunt called up and said "1st time mummy is lik that, everything also dont know so i told you alrdy, whatever i teachu, you should listen mahh... last time you preggy must be never eat any good food right? you see lahh, dont eat good foods now your son suffer looooo... last time i ate lotsa good foods and you see my girl, she is very healthy!! and you should feed your son water mahh, y my girl older than him 3yo, she can drink urs cannot? what pediatrician said? later pediatrician come you call me, i tok to him.. and your mother in law complained to me that you waste money, should sned your son to Kandang Kerbau Hospital but you sent him to Thomson Medical Center.. and she also thinking y your delivery bill so ex lehh.. anw dont wry i have explained to her, she will understand one"
you know hw angried i was?! my son was ill and yet she not only didnt console me, she said such things! my mum also very angry when she said i didnt eat good food during preggy cos my mum boguht n cooked lotsa good n healthy foods for me! by saying that, she sounded lik my mum tortured me which is not true!
as for my mother in law 'complained' to her OMG! pls lahh! my mother in law wont such such things to outsiders! and even she wanna complain, she will go to my hubby 1st, cos she is very straight forward! somemore that very day i spoke to my mother in law, i told her that hospital bill increase every yr thus 38 aunt deee bill and mine confirm diffe and also told her y i choose to go that hospital. she was blur blur y i suddenly brought up this, she said she knows and told me dont change pediatrician, next time if dear son 'touch wood' anything happens, just send to this hospital since they have his record and his pediatrician is there..
you might think that mayb my mother in law is 2 sided woman but i can tell you, i rather trust her than the 38 aunt! even my hubby was shocked looo cos his aunt dote him most one! and in front of my inlaws n hubby, she only say nice things, wont sarcastic but if i'm alone she will come to me, say all those sarcastic things!
okay, end of ranting.. haha!
anyway, last time police wear shorts 1 . last time expectant mothers where got so many supplements to eat. last time where got so many diff types of milk for us to choose fr. last time where got 3D or 4D scans. last time where got so many fast food restaurants. last time where got MRT. last time temperature where got hit so high as 35deg. last time kids where got so smart like now. last time where got 108" LCD flat screen tv, with dont know what H what D thingy. last time n now got SO MANY MILLION diff n changes, how can cont to use their experience without changing some of it?
i alw tell my husband 'last time your mom want do what to her kids, it's her prob cos she's d mother. but now i'm d mother, my son exists cos i grew him carefully n lovingly in my stomach, lost alot of blood to bring him into this world,... if not cos of me, your mom wont have a grandson to play w. so i'm responsible totally for my son's development n future. moreover, how long can your parents live? if my son is not guided well, in d end, we ALL (incl our son) suffer n live w regrets. do you want dat?' hahaha... sound serious but make sense rite?
my husband managed to understand my reasons for some time. after a while, dat wire loose again. n i have to repeat all dat so dat d wire can b reconnected. they wont understand d seriousness of things cos they dont grow their children fr worm to human. HAHAHA...
I make it straight and clear to everyone in my family that this is my son... I made the final decision... If I need help, I will shout and ask...
My mum also wanted to put some light soya sauce when my little boss (son) started to take solid food but I insist no and explain to my mum. Luckily my mum was pretty supportive with me in the way i brought my boy and she agrees that some of their ways of bringing children are pretty outdated.
As for my mum in law, she is not the caregiver so she dont't have much participation... anything i dont't agree, I will go to my husband straight... I told my husband... I agree... if you can... dont't stay with your in law... even your own parents...
Very scary reading all these in law stories. I can really understand because my parents are like that. They already expected and commanded that my brother and his wife have to stay with them. No choice. If they dont't then they will really take it that my brother is very very unfilial or the wife is so bad to influence my brother to forsake his parents. The second reason happened to my brother's ex. She's more independent type but she's nice in her way. My parents didn't like her because she wasn't the typical submissive daughter-in-law type, she doesn't talk much. When they broke up, my parents told everyone that it's because she wanted my brother to stay out but he refused so they broke up When I heard her telling her friends, I was Worse thing is she keeps saying until she really convinced herself that's the actual reason and when I said no, she scolded me.
My boyfriend's parents are total opposites. They are very very understanding and never give any 'faces' to me before. Everytime I go over, both the mum and dad will cook dishes that I like to eat and ask me to eat. Because they use my bf's car, everytime I'm there they'll ask if we want to use the car. If we want, they will either stay at home or use my bf's brother's car. If they really need to go somewhere and no cars, they'll go quickly and come back. They always chit chat with me and ask me to sit with them for dinner if my bf comes back late from work. The mum will even ask me for my used-clothes when she does the laundry. They are really good people, not nosey and I feel respected by them. But unfortunately, my parents dont't acknowledge my bf and his family because they consider them 'not on par'.
Last edited by momi; 20-04-2010 at 11:06 AM.
momi > you r lucky to have such good future in laws. actually it doesnt really matter whether your parents acknowledge your bf n his family, as long as your future husband n his family love you n your kids.
however, do b prepared in case your future in laws for the worse. sometimes some parents will treat gf good but once become daughter in law , it's a diff story. i've seen cases like this before. hope urs wont b like that.
Serene, maybe instead of telling mother in law that this or that is not good for dear son, can try what I did. Everytime I want parents or in laws to listen, I will tell them, that I brought dear son to visit the pedi, and pedi say he cannot take this cannot take that...
See if they listen, coz now different, not you say one mah...is from a professional pedi's point of view. Sometimes, oldies are like that, even if they think you are right, they wun listen coz scare no face in front of you. Stubborn as a mule.
i dont talk to my in laws, i dont go to their house.. and if they do come, once in a blue moon (cos everytime hubs say his mum wanna come this weekend, i'll come up with lots of craps to prevent her from coming) I dont talk to her too. Only greet, period. I also watched with eagle eyes when they are in my baby's presence. Anything I see not agreeable I will sound. Eg when they keep propping my baby in front of the tv when she is few months old, i said "you guys wanna watch tv i will bring baby in room, not good for her" and I will proceed to carry my baby in.
She knows that I dislike her so she boh pian keep quiet. But i know she bad mouths me behind my back to her sisters and my hubs, but I cant be bothered since I'm totally not closed to them at all.
At one point, when they come to my place I did not even greet her (cos she also acts as if I was invisible) only bcos my hubs pleaded with me not to put her at a spot, I agreed to greet only if my hubs agreed to talk to her mom to give me the same respect by greeting my back!
I hav no intentions to be on close terms with my in laws.. maintain like this all the way thats the best. Also I will never allow hubs to take baby to meet in laws in my absence.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" 1 Cor 13:13"
And if what they say cannot listen, then they spend thousands and thousands of $$ to study for what? All fake one ?
So long you do your part, no need bother so much or feel bad. If you dont't greet her, then all the more she has reason to talk behind your back and say you are disrespectful to her and pull your parents in saying you have no upbringings and stuffs....That's even worse right?
cos afterall they mean well for our kids. though they say dont listen to pediatrician but deep in their hearts they might not dare to 'test water'.. sometimes just that they cant accept the 'new' ways we handle our kids =)
sigh, ya, dear son also have hard time pooing loh, and sometimes its real contispation till he cried badly!! Can imagine, now I alt days give him rice cereal and brown rice, if I give him brown rice everyday, I tink he sure gonna suffer from constipation for days or even weeks loh!
I also wonder y cant they let us take care of our own kids ourselves! I also told my husband mah, donno its my son or your mum's son! Then he kp quiet. I was really very mad at my mother in law. Cos she kp saying want our son to stay with her. But in the 1st place is y must my son sleep with her instead of mummy and daddy!!
I even told my husband dont force me to limit my son to see my mother in law only once a week or twice a week loh! Its really getting on my nerves sometimes! Recently, my mother in law taught my son how to beat her dog with cane !! husband has told her not to ask our son to beat the dog and shld ask him to sayang but all fall on deaf ear! I really speechless!
since your son is having constipation often, then you better stop the brown rice 1st. can feed prune juice. i often feed dear son diluted prune juice, quite good. last time gave prune puree but now he thinks he is 'adult' alrdy, dont want puree. haha!
ehhhhh, mayb you're preggy, your mother in law scare you too tired? but still, if you dont want, no one can force you too..
your mother in law still ok , my mum ask dear son to beat US lehh!! LOL!!!
you go to your mother in law's place very often?? i only go back once-twice a month. LOL!
I did wanna give her chance to cook for dear son but everytime husband or I told her how I cook, she here "orh orh orh, aiya, I know , I brought up 4 kids !" Then when husband asked her, she didnt follow my way!
So I rather I cook myself. Anyway, tink she used to it . : )
Sian sian sian dont't know why most of the in law are like that!!!! We're also mother should know what to do.. haha next time we also being other in law .. Will like this? We also dont know.. maybe wait till old then we know why in law are like that.. lol
Actions speak louder than words. my mother in law had insisted my son to stay overnight at her house when raining but worst thing was when not rainy days she also want him to stay despite i told her so many times no need. now everyday i go & fetch my son despite rain or shine. there was once drizzling but i still insisted on bringing him home despite her keep repeating nonstop. i know she's concerned about her grandson but i had told her many times i can manage then she finally shut up.
nowadays i can c she's not happy but sorry , i cannot please everyone. he's my son & ive the right as a mother to bring him home as i need my personal time to bond with my son. he's already the whole day there, there is no need to spend the night there.
Agree...Last time when we young we also dont know why our mother like that, now we become mother, we understand our mothers more. Takes another cycle to become mother in law ...