This is a discussion on How much did you give to your IN LAW or PARENT who is looking after your baby ?? within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Look at First Skool by NTUC, they seem pretty good. I've got a friend that's head of the one of ...
Look at First Skool by NTUC, they seem pretty good. I've got a friend that's head of the one of the centres.
My hubb plan to put some on CC when he 18 month or more.. So after CNY next yr just nice .. 18-19mth alrd .. I had call up one of the CC after subsidy need $480 ><" though of lookin for 1 about $400 or less want..
Btw did your girl make noise or what in CC? what the program can share with mi?? Cos i worry son of go CC alrd no one to carry or what
mum used to look after my son since birth but always showed black face n banging sound n complained $ not enough. Salary was $1200, gave $500 to her, bal paying for all self n baby expenses. She will be here only mon-fri, till 8pm. cannot take the stress i put him in CC he was 2yrs old, but feel he very ke lian there so end up I resign and looked after him. So far have been 6yrs since i resigned.
Hope you dont't mind me asking:
1) I didn't seem to have heard about your hubby's pay. I think you only mentioned your pay is $1200 and the breakdown for that. How much is he earning?
2) Are you staying with your in-laws? Does your mother-in-law cook for you and hubby too?
Yes im stayin with in law.. Yes she did cook for us DINNER** ( Aso simple veg & meat ) Does really cost her so much right??
WHen i pregg that time hubb already use up his saving . So now we have to resave . So i plan to give my mother in law $600 As if my pay increase of cos i will give her abit more.. now i really cant effort that much.. As i did count for her.. Is really ENOUGH !!!
Please dont't be offended with my comments, just my personal view.
I dont't think you should be 'counting for her' whether $500/$600 is enough. And to be honest, that amount really isn't sufficient for not only looking after your baby but also cooking dinner for both you and husband. You must understand that taking care of baby is a tiring job plus she needs to do housechores and cook. But of course since that's what you and husband can only afford then there's no choice. But dont't feel as if you're sacrificing a lot and that she should be thankful.
There are only a few solutions to this now. Either you send to infant care then if you're really tired of all this or have a good talk with your mother in law. Explain to her that this is really what you can only afford because of your other expenditure. And please dont't compare with your sister In law. Your sister In law's $600 is only for herself whereas your $500/$600 is for baby, you and your husband.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I agree with momi, since the amount of money include both you n your hub's dinner, i think is not consider alot. cannot blame your mother in law for complaining, cos nowadays everything is expensive, from gas to cooking oil to veg to meat/fishes. 1 small slice or meat/fish can easily cost $10 and that only can feed a family of 4-5 1 meal. you have your difficulties, your mother in law too. you can put your baby at infant care, but if finance part is a pro, you still have to work it out cos even you put him at IFC, you still have to give your mother in law 2-300 monthly cos she is cooking for your. =)
Last edited by apollo; 18-04-2011 at 10:59 AM.
ling.er, your mother in law asking money from you or from your hubby? as the son of her, he seems disappear from the whole situation, base on your description, i dont see even his shadow appear anywhere in the picture, it seems like you staying alone with your in law and he is no where to be found.
i mean in in law situation, the husband should always stand up and try to settle the problem, did he share part of the money you give to your in law? why you have to pay everything for baby yourself? did he trying to save money for your future house? i dont understand why in your posts he is like a invisible man who just have the title of husband.
my mom now staying with me and take care of me and she will be taking care of my baby after give birth and im not giving her any single cent, further more, she is paying for all my house food expanses and in future, she will be paying for my baby expanses also, she always say if she died one day keep money also no use, might as well now spend on her grandchild.
i think some people just born stingy and calculative, husbands mother will never be able to compare with our own mom, is your condition allow you to move back stay with your mom instead of in law? can she take care of your baby? i mean if as a husband can not act and take the resposibility of a husband, sorry but you have to plan for yourself already.
actually, i agree with momi, you cant really compare that $600 your sister In law give her. what your sister In law give her is her issue, and what you give your mother in law is your issue. together, both of you take home about $3000, giving your mother in law $500, you both still have $2500 to spend or so.. so i think, by giving your mother in law another extra $100-200 is not too much to ask for. also, plan your expenses wisely, you shld be able to cope. there are ppl who take home less than you n your hubs but still managing well.
actually i think taking care of an infant is very tiring. as a stay at home mum i truly understand how tiring it is and somemore your mother in law should b at least 50? it's going to tire her even more. even if you put in an infant care every month also 600-800 after subsidy? but of cos if you cannot afford to give her more at the moment mayb you can get hubby to talk to her and let her know thats how much you all can afford currently and will increase once things get more settled.
frankly now i cook for my family 2 adults plus a kid just for dinner each meal cost about $12-15 with is just simple 3 dishes thing. so for the whole month if your mother in law cooking for 20 days just for you and hubby already $300 like that and maybe your son's meals about $100 for that month? already $400 gone. so she isn't taking alot either just like $200 for take care of your son?
it's best not to compare bcos after all diff family got diff capability to give like your sister In law she may have greater financial capaibilty. morever the $ she's giving for her mum is for her mum to save up in case of rainy days?
i'm sure your mother in law will understand if your hubby tries to explain the whole situation to him.
I found out from husband last night that his brother gives his parents 1k every month for taking care of their daughter and she cooks their dinner too. Every morning mon to fri, they drop the kid off at 7 in the morning and the kid leaves at about 7ish every night after dinner. On Sat, the kid gets dropped off for half a day too. But this is because they can afford that amount of money. But if you can't then, talk to your husband to tell him to tell his parents the truth.
mother in law is 54 this yr .. stil quite young .. my own mother is 58 alrd she stil can look after my son without any nagging .. somemore she cook clean hus also .. Whenever she off i sure brin my son back want...
** My hubb dont talk @ home want.. so whenever prblem she will come to mi .. tell mi pass words.. So i become very sianz you knw.. I did told my hubb about it lei... he also keep quiet only.
I knw i cant complain about the sis inlaw $600 or what. But i need pay for my housing soon.. if i dont save now she will help mi pay meh?? HAHA NO WAY !! Is tired to look after infant correct but @ what i say early father in law after work @ 3pm.. There 2 person somemore ...
Nvm .. I bear for another 3 yr i can have my own flat lei...
In your case, I can see your circumstance and it is not easy I know. But you really cannot compare your mum and mother in law. Both are different and have different circumstances so very unfair to compare.
Important thing to realise is your son is yours, you cannot expect your mother in law and father in law to 'sympathise' with your situation. Sorry to be frank but this world is like this, if you need to depend on people then be prepared to see faces (e.g. your mother in law's black face). You can't expect them to have to understand that just because you're saving for your housing, you are entitled to give them lesser. If they do, well and good. But most won't. You said your father in law comes home 3pm and again you're expecting him to have to look after your son too? If want to count like that, then shouldn't you be paying your father in law too?
I think for your situation now, best to put your son in infant care. Because if both parties also have so much of unhappiness because of this, not worthed it. You might have to pay more for infant care. But like I said, if you are not willing to pay more, you really need to tolerate.
just throw temper here .. Cos i cant throw on her .. Even she complain to other ABOUT ME I ALSO BEAR LEI ... some more before i marry over she alrd dont like mi lei.. just that time i was pregg so no choice...
Sometimes you need to see things from your mother in law perspective. If your son got his gf pregnant and brought her home and tell you that he's going to marry her and then brings her home and expects you to care for the grandson and want you to cook for his wife as well. How would you feel? Yes, she may not be right. But you're living under her roof so you have to play by her rules. If you're not happy, it's simple, she can throw you guys out. So the important thing is now for you to tell her, this is what i can give you and start saving so that you guys can move out. The more you're unhappy with her, the more she piss and then, more trouble will brew.
Is it possible for you to sit down with your mother in law and tell her you and hubby can only afford $700 and see whether she's ok with that? If she's not then better for you to search for infant care. Seems like you already didn't start off very well with her so better not to make the relationship worse. By asking her, at least you show that you're respecting her and also giving her the choice to take up or not to take up the offer.
Alrd told her that we can effort $600. She dont look happy, yet say Say nvmnvm when i ask her want hw much. I even ask her enough anot. if not i can talk to her son & we can top abit more... She nvm nvm mean what. I see her not happy with the amount then i told my hubb.. He aso say y not enough..
Is sort of worst alrd.. When whever i after work reach home she will show mi black face.. I also dont know where i do wrong .. See her black face i also piss off .. Whole day workin outside go back see her face like that WTH ...
infant care i cfm will find .. Even she say this n that..
ling.er, i seriously feel that you should just place your son in IFC NOW and not wait until he reach 18mths. place him in an IFC, then give your mother in law about 2-300 per month (cos you cant give hr nth since your are staying with her) for the household expenses to prevent more conflicts coming in..