Have you talk this issue over with your husband? Coz from your post you did not mention his involvement in finding flats etc etc. Is renting a room an option for you?
This is a discussion on I feel like giving up life... within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; I never imaging I will need to let off my stress or agony in this forum. My purpose of joining ...
I never imaging I will need to let off my stress or agony in this forum. My purpose of joining this forum before was to learn and get myself ready for my baby no 2. But it seems like it going to be more than just learning.
I married at very young age dontít have much friend and dontít dare to complain too much to my husband. And I dontít really talk to family or friend about my problem. I usually try to setter it myself or cry alone at night to get over it. But this time round, something happen to me again and again and I really cannot bear with it anymore. Readers please bear with me.
I married young and due to my naive, I thought staying with my in law will be fine. So i never intend to looking for a flat or a house to call my own. My marriage was also under court consent due to my family disagreement. Mean Iím married but only can get my marriage certificate only when I turn 21.Actually my in law families, (as well as my husband sibling) hate me a lot and believe it a not i never even know about it until i accidentally came across my sister in law blog.
I was totally heartbroken after reading her blog about how they talk behind my back. I tell you anybody who is in my position will have confronted them and pack their bag and go back home. But i still pretend nothing has happen and still put on smiling face whenever i see them. I never told my husband about it because i know my husband will quarreller with them. What if they chase me out where am i supposed to go? I cannot go back my parent house as my dad dontít let me go back anymore due to i goes against him.
Soon i give birth to my first girl and they hate me even more. I understand why they hate me so much because they actually have to give up one of their room for me and my husband. This is unfair for them. I try my best to keep my cool due to staying at their house and i told myself once i get my marriage certificated, i will try my best to move out and give them back their room.
Finally yearís passes, i finally get my marriage certificate release from court. By then my dad had already pass away due to cancer. I manager to apologize to him for going against him and before he pass away he finally agree to my marriage. Life move on, i become closer to my mum and sister again but no to my 2 elder brothers.
I try my very best to look for a house for my small family but nothing seem to work. I cannot buy resale as COV is too much for me to fork out and i cannot even think of BTO because it takes too long. My in laws canít wait to see me move out. They have been bombing me with question like how is it. Have you try looking for a house? And a lot of other way they do to indirectly chasing me away.
I went to MP and social worker and they cannot even help. I write in to HDB hoping they will help but it always turns out to be sad result. After so many time of failing, i convert myself from a full timer to a part timer staff from my company so no CPF will be contributed and i can try to apply using my husband income for a one room flat from HDB to move out first. To make this choice mean i have to give up my 4 month maternity leaves. My company is more than happy to convert me to save the maternity leaves. And as day pass no reply from HDB until today i call them and they told me i cannot apply for a rental unit due to im one of the benefaction from my parent flat. Can you imagine how disappointed i was? i nearly give birth on the spot after hearing that. Now my selfish brother dontít allow me to sell away my share of that house which mean i cannot get a house of my own. Im tired of looking high and low for a house. Seriously, im giving up. I dontít know how to tell my in laws that i going to stay with them until my BTO ready. (4 Yrs down the road) i dont know how much longer can i pretend nothing is happing around me. For this pass few yrs nothing seems good to be happen around me. I really cannot take the humanity from my in laws anymore. That is a lot of worst thing happen that i do not want to mention here. Can someone teach me how to survive?
Have you talk this issue over with your husband? Coz from your post you did not mention his involvement in finding flats etc etc. Is renting a room an option for you?
I try to rent but nobody want to rent a single room to us. What I mean is they not will to stay with us because we have kids. To rent a whole whole it too expensive. Cannot afford. I feel like crying. I feel like running away.
i also feel that you should tok to your hub about this. all these issues are no longer your pro, but you and your hub's pro. you really need a good pair of listening ears. and unless you speak to your hub, if not, you cant solve everything on your own. i think there are ppl out there willing to rent out masterbedroom, but you gonna go around hunting.
Keep searching for room cos I know of a neighbour who rented out her MBR to a family with 2 young kids who are also waiting for their BTO. It's not impossible, just slighter harder to find. At most get an agent to help you.
Also, since they dont't like you, dont't bother about them. Tell them that you've already gotten a house but need to wait for HDB to build. If they ask why so long, etc. Tell them to ask GOVERNMENT, not you.
And about selling off your share of the flat, YOUR BROTHER HAS NO RIGHT TO STOP YOU. You can give him 2 options: First is to sell the flat and money shared equally, or as him to buy over your share of the flat.
YOU MUST SETTLE THE FLAT ISSUE BEFORE YOUR BTO KEY COLLECTION ANYWAY. Else you will not be able to collect the keys.
Empty vessels make the most noise
Thank for all the reply but my unless bro is good for nothing. He just enjoy seeing me and others sibling suffer. my mother already want to sell the house so I can sell back my share to my mum. He agree to send at first but when he knows about my plan he told my mum not to sell. My mum ask me to go back to do my confinement but he told my mum if I dare to stay there he will chase both me and my mum out. He won't want to buy my share coz he wants to see me suffer. I dont't know what have I done wrong towards him that he hate me so much. For renting a mbr I have not't meet a kind hearted soul to rent me. All those owner either increase the price or dont't allow me to cook but how? My kid still young and can't afford buying every meal outside. A mbr now at least 700 after paying we will left so little for meals and expense. I'm trying my best to ignore there door banging and talking behind my back but 1 thing I cannot tahan is they scold and beat my gal. It even more heart pain then they talk behind me. sometime when my gal sleep I hug her and cry. Telling her I'm a useless mother cannot Even protect her when she kena bully sometime kena like clown I also cannot say anything.
i think the best way is to apply for BTO. and like what stonston said, sell your current house 1st. i dont know why your bro is so selfish, but try means and ways to persuade him.
And nowadays you dont have to wait for 4-5 yrs to get a BTO flat. I applied at nov 2007, paied downpayment at march 2008, and now I'm waiting for my keys, estimate next yr 1st quarter can get the keys alrdy though the letter we signed stated that it will only complete at 2013. =)
Thank apollo, I dont't have a hs I only got a choice that is to stay at my in law hs and tk every attitude they throw at me. Even bto also tk at least 3 yrs to build my in law wont let me stay for another 3 yrs. Anywhere my in law house also have problem with hdb. Anytime they might have to down grade to a smaller flat. By then confirm is a good time they chase us away. how?
chase you out, means also chase your hub out. i'm sure your hub will find a way to settle this. did you tok to him about all these? like hw you feel and your inlaws dont lik you etc??
I believe my husband know the out come. It just that the things we can do is very limited. We try everyways to gt a house going MP and social worker all didn't help. I even go mcys and they reject me. The reason is I'm not totally homeless yet. Which mean they only help ppl who is sleeping at void deck. He also say that why we dont't know how to do family planning. If I know property market will become like that I won't have wait till now right? And so many years back as a teenager what I know. At thay point I feel like reporting my case to a report so the whole singapore know my case . But I dont't have the gust to do so. Now I dont't even dare to enroll my gal to PAP as I'm not sure how long more we be staying here. Can someone just teach me what to do? I'm tried . I regret been pregnant at this time not becoz I dont't love the child but I dont't think I'm good enough.
have you tried looking for your MP to help? as in to ask if they can help with the one room flat rental?
Last edited by Ting; 23-12-2010 at 09:31 AM.
ehhh i think you didnt ans my qns. i was asking you, did you tok to your hub anot? as in, both of you sit down to have a heart to heart tok. tell him that you're very wry of the future ahead.. we can give you plenty of advices, but end of the day, you still have to sit down and tok to your hub, discuss what is the best way out for both of you and your kids.
and since the situation is so bad now, why he is not doing anything? like what stonston said, your can find property agent to look for a MBR for your. i know the price is steep, but that might be the best way out, unless you still wanna continue staying with your inlaws..
when is your edd?? is it possible for you to find some PT or stay at hm job to earn some money?? as for your girl, i think you can just place her at PAP 1st if she has reached the right age for preschool. Dont wry about moving out later, cos you can always withdraw her out and send her to a new where is nearer to your new house. and now, there is no actual plan of where are your going to head to. what if your are going to stuck in your inlaws' place for 1-2 more yrs?
think positively, everything can be solved only if you stay positive and think on the right track. and of cos, SPEAK and DISCUSS all these with your hub. =)
Last edited by apollo; 23-12-2010 at 10:30 AM.
To ting: I have go mp . Some more I go until 3 Mp but they help me write letter to hdb then hdb will always reply me the same thing. Must follow the rules rules rules. . Every body is like that... I even borrow my frenz ic to see thier mp at her area there. In the also cannot.
I think you just have to sit down and sort out your thoughts firstm before you start running to MP etc. They have rules to follow too, so you need to have your plan A, B , C etc.
You can try applying for a BTO first, and while waiting for your flat to be ready, rent a room first.
I married at the age of 18, a young mum too. I applied for my BTO flat as soon as I spotted a suitable one, and it was ready much earlier than expected. My hubby was hesistant when I wanted to apply for BTO, but I insisted, and now we are happily staying in our own 4 room flat. If I had waited for him, I think we would still be staying with in-laws and looking out for the 'best located' BTO.
Just sort out your thoughts, and put it into action. You have to be strong for your children. Even if it takes a couple of years to get the BTO, just apply for it first. You can rent a room in the meanwhile. It may be hard to rent a room, but I'm sure its possible. Just start on something.
To apollo, sorry I keep missing on that question. Ya we talk about this several time before but it me that dont't want to talk anymore now. before we use to talk and it makes me felt better but when the results always turn out bad I become bored to talk about it coz it always rise my blood pressure instead of making me feel better. And I started to see the side effect of talking about my husband family members bad things to him.. maybe he is also starting to felt frustrated very time come back so tired and I keep complain. how I want to ? I dont't want the relationship between the two of us to turn sour becoz of this. So I choose to keep mute. Frankly another reason of not renting a mbr is we cannot afford. Husband pay too little. Without ot maybe bring back near to a thousand.
May I know are you working?
Which trade is your husband in? Bring home with OT only 1K SGD is rather too low. Perhaps could look for other jobs.
Are you able to write article or good with social networking?
i agree with Edy, your hub's salary is abit too low for him to feed 2 children. i will not suggest you to put your girl and coming #2 to childcare and infant care, unless you are able to bring hm 2k or more if you go out to wk, if not, still back to the square. maybe can speak o your hub, ask him to find another job? if your hub dont mind retail job, some retail job have high basic pay + commission.
as mentioned by others, you can't buy BTO also or any flat if you dont solve your bro prob...
are you very good with mum ? if yes explain to her, and maybe kick your bro out, buy his share of flat, live with your mum and your mum can help you look after kid also...
your hubby salary 1K , even if you wanna rent common bedroom also not emough for your expenses.... you have to think of something also...
talk to your hubby, he is suppose to solve this prob, he can't let his wife and kids suffer,, what if his family abuse your kid? since you already say they will beat her... then what will happen to your kid in future in this kind of family? he/ she may go crazy and become prob kid in future...
think for your kids
this is just my point of view... if for me, i would do so....
Hi , sorry to hear about your case .
For the house issue , can you get a court order to force your brother to sell it ? Maybe you can check with HDB on this .
If not , why you dont you buyout your brother share instead and ask him to move out ? That will definitely beat then waiting for new BTO or resale flat.
Be strong for your 2 kids . Also since you cannot get a rental flat , can you speak to your company to covert back to perm instead and tell them your problem why you have to convert to temp last time and it did not work out . At least you can build on your CPF portion .
If all failed above , get a housing agent to find a MBR for you first. Although you have to pay for this service but at least you are not so stressful because of the house-searching .
yes i agree too, but main thing, your hubby must agree... and understand what had happen and he is responsible for his kids well being too.. and solve the prob together with you.... couples must solve all probs together.... dont stress all on yourself...
Ok let me answer to the entire question one by one.
Initially my plan was to get second hand as in resale house but due to the COV i drop the idea as there is no agent will entertain me with no cash to pay.
So i thought of resale from HDB but they just dont launch any exercise on resale so i cannot do anything also when i write in to them they will reply everyone is waiting for the launch of resale also. And currently we do not have any flat in out hand to let out. The only ways is to BTO.
But as you see BTO take so long i dont’t have the time to wait. I cannot afford to rent from people. My husband tries his best to do as much OT as he can but times are bad everyone also want to take OT so he cannot always take OT must share with his college. And he says that this boss is very kind so he might not want to go hunting for other jobs.
As for me i started to wk in a company as an admin this year march and 3 month later when i know i was pregnant i told the company and they change their attitude towards me and even ask MOM officer on ways they can terminate me so they can avoid paying my maternity leaves. But of cause they dont’t tell the officer they going to terminate a pregnant woman they just simply email and say i have attitude problem as in MC during probation period. I only Mc 3 time during probation period and every time is really sick and with poly clinic mc chip. But i was still been terminate anyway. I plea my boss telling her how much i really need the job and she say like that i work part time for her only. So she dont need to pay my maternity leaves and every month go check up is under no pay leaves. I got no choice but to agree as i really need the money. Now they already found someone new so they stop my work asking me to stay at home. In fact, i not saying I’m very good, but i indeed help alot in the company and my senior really like me. They even try to ask me back after confinement but after all the calculation it not worth it. As they only will pay me 1.2k.
Now that im going to give birth i cannot do anything except for sitting at home and think for ways out. My EDD is 9 jan but since Nov my boss already stop my work.
TS, icic, if even MP cant help, then really a headache.
anyway, what kinda job is your hubs working now?? bringing back less than 1K is really very little! n to raise 2 kids, it is not impossible but very difficult.
you and your hubs shld really lay it out n talk things out. maybe you can suggest to him to switch jobs? there r many sales jobs which though do not have a very high basic (just average) pay but the commission is quite decent. if not, maybe ask him to work 2 jobs.
yes, he may lose out of alot of time with you n the kids, but, it is another option.
i know of some ppl who do that, they work 2 jobs to earn more income to make ends meet. as for your child's CC/ sch fees, you can try applying for the CDC funding, which is definately a great help to lower income families.
do take a look, PAP i think the CC fees isnt too high, i think one month $200+ to $300 for a average one?as stated from the website, if your hubs bringing back close to 1K, the subsidy they offer is about $300+, maybe you wont even have to fork out a single cent for the CC. but best to check with them first.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Thank for all the suggestion, I dont’t have the money to buy over his share anyway he won’t sell too. He purposely wants to see me suffer.
As like EDY say i also trying to look for a reliable work from home job but dont’t have any. I’ve been asking around but mostly is MLM which i think it very hard for me to make it as first i dont’t have the money to buy the product and go for their talk and secondly, i dont’t have so big network. As for writing article, it even worst my English so lousy how to write.
I believe my husband try to help too who want to stay at this kind of place my in laws dont’t even treat my husband like part of them too. My mother in law is very unfair. I have another brother in law who also require working night shift, and every time when my brother in law needs to drop night shift my mother in law will rash back from work and cook something for him to eat before he goes off to work. But when it my husband turn to drop night shift she will not do that even come back early also will go wash clothes first before cook.
It just those bad things keep coming one after another so tired to fight against fate.
online selling of items? a bit also $$.... i also agree with ting, try get some help from CDC first... and after confinement then think about it, dont stress yourself too much... expecially we have mood swings during preggy
my gal is in cc when i working. they only will subsidy to wking mother. As for now i cannot apply any more fund from them as i no longer wking. And i dont think infant care got this kind of susidise. Like apollo say if i can find a job 2k and above then it worth sendind them to sch. But also cannot coz CFAC income ceiling is set at 1.8k max. See again im jam.