I intro-ed bingxue here cus she faces pro. Hope the fellow daddies & mummies can help her.
This is a discussion on i feel lost...... within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; i an new here so this the story, i am a young mum with 2 kids, this yr would have ...
i an new here so this the story, i am a young mum with 2 kids, this yr would have been my 7yr of marriage but my SO left the family last sept.
Now hes staying at his mums place with his mistress, i am thinking of divorce cause my inlaws does not care at all about me or the kids, best things is his other woman use to be his younger bro girlfriend.
In 2006 i ever allowed my brother in law and his then gf my so current gal to stay at my flat cause they said that they needed to use my com for some project purpose, then they did not even leave when thier project was done i kept quiet and hinted many times to my so that time to ask them to leave.
The breaking point came when my eldest went and lock the gal dog in the toilet, and she wanted to hit my son, i of cuase pulled him away while my stupid so just push the son and told the gal you want hit you hit , then i realise something not right , had a argument which lead to a fight, my so did not even help me he just atand and watch but my bro in law tried to stop and after that i told my so to ask them to move bac, which they did.
Then a few mths later even my so move bac to his mum, i do not deny that i do still wish to save the family cause i do not wish my kids to grow up in a broken family, but things have gone to a point where the mistress had even called my phone to threathen me.
Just this yr the day before chu xi ye my eldest got very sick and i called my so for help and he told i am not free you settle yourself and i heard that gal in the background saying ask her to stop calling you the kids are not your problem anymore, i got angry of cause and just hang up.
i need to know how to go about divorcing him, and i am afriad i may even lose the roof over my head
I intro-ed bingxue here cus she faces pro. Hope the fellow daddies & mummies can help her.
just wondering does counselling helps?? you wanna try? Go to Family Service Centre (FSC) near your house.. Hope after counselling, you n your husband can solve the probs...
I tink that since you wanna divorce him then you should seek lawyer to see what advice can the lawyer give you n sumore divorce will need alot of paper wrk which you need a lawyer too. Check with the lawyer about the roof your staying, your kids' custody, maintenance $$ for both your kids n you & lastly your divorce with your dear husband. I believe the lawyer can give you the best ans n solutions for you as they r the professionals + in term of the probs you wanna knw which got to do with LAWS so they can help you better instead of seeking help here coz after all we r not very good with LAWS so even if we give you opinions but it might not help you.
So seek for a lawyer asap n no pt dragging tis issue anymore since your dear husband is so heartless.
Hope what i said will help a tiny bit.
If you are firm in divorcing, get a lawyer and settle it once and for all. Else, take SRI advise to go for a counselling session, this may helps..
Since he have left the house, if you can produce the proof of him having a mistress, he will lose the case for sure, you can still continue to stay in your flat (unless you'r foreigner w/o PR status) and he will have to pay for maintenance fee, if both kids are under 7yo, custody will be with mum... keep all receipts / bills or any payment made by yourself for reference..
But most importantly, be strong... will always be here for you..
Anyway it just guessing n eventually still have to see TS's situation coz we dont know if her dear husband will agree or disagree not to sell.
he has told me he does not want the flats or the kids, so i will be making him sign and agreement to hold him to that and on top of that the house is being paid for by my cpf. i will not be going for counseling as i am serious about ending everything.
Although your dear husband say he dont want the flat but do you "really tink" that the mistress will let the flat off so easily when she knw that your dear husband have share of the flat? Sumhow i feel she is those very petty type that is very calculative 1 by even asking your dear husband dont care about you or the kids which i tink the MORE she is unwilling to let you have such "good deal" continue staying the flat. Anyway monitor your situation n check with HDB or lawyer about your current issues.
Move on and divorce that useless man!
Please gather all the evidence so that you could get monthly allowance from him.
You do not need him but you should take what rightfully belongs to you and your kids.
How could he said that when his own son was seriously sick during festive season.
I guess this could be one of the reason why more people are ended up in old folks home.
But seriously, we are in no position to advise you 'correctly' as it may not be right for YOU afterall. But what I can say is to tell you what I am thinking...
First, ask yourself - do you seriously want a divorce?
2. If no, any thought of salvaging this marriage like seek a counsellor's help (provided you are able to get your dear husband to go for the session too).
3. Is there REALLY NO MORE HOPE to save this marriage anymore (esp your dear husband side...really no way)?
3. If in the end you are really divorced, even with his monthly 'contribution' of the vitamin 'M' ($), do you think it will be enough for you and the kids + house etc (if you add up all costs it is not a small amt).
4. Is there any other means that you can seek help from, be it financially or emotionally (support) to ensure that both you and your kids will still live happily and have enough to support the family even without this man?
OK, actually those I mentioned abv are just some very basic qtn that you need to ask yourself before you really decide to make a final decision.
But as a woman, a wife and a mother too, I, MYSELF do not think I will still want this man back anymore. Why? Base on his heartlessness (see the purple coloured, bolded sentence), this already tells me a lot. Imagine a father who can care less about his OWN BIOLOGICAL child, even when he's so sick, he can still tell you that he's not free (when he is, obviously) and to settle it yourself! He is worse than an animal! (Sorry, doesn't mean to scold him so meanly but I despise such man!) So what if the gf stopped him? If he really loves his children, she is not able to stop him at all!
Base on this, I will let him go...which is actually to FREE MYSELF and the children. There are many marriages which are 'forced' to keep just because of the children (mostly) but do you think this is really healthy? Imagine the child in this environment - seeing the parents quarrel and fight almost every day...you think he will be happy and it's good for him just because both his parents are around him? Definitely NO! Sometimes in certain situation, I feel that it is best to let the child grow up in a single parent family than a 'whole' but then again, yes, it may not be so good to some children as well so THAT single parent who is WITH the child will need to learn how to explain, teach and guide the child well. All these can be helped with the help of counsellors from family centres too.
I am NOT encouraging nor discouraging you from getting a divource but do give it an all-round serious thought first and of course, consider all factors, problems, hurdles and burden that you may face, then go ahead with what you think is the BEST for you and your children.
Sorry I can't help but those mentioned above are what I will think if it happens on me.
All the best to you and I believe you will grow stronger and tougher because of your children. This, is the greatness of a mother.
Also do not forget to come into the forum to seek solaces, support or advises if you need any of us anytime. Hugs.
P.S: Forgotten to tell you that actually now you can seek advises from the counsellors or who ever from family centres on all these matters too. They can assist you from now till everything's over...even after you on your own with your kids, they will assist you financially too if you have problem with that or need a job etc. HTH.
Last edited by ~m3m~; 22-03-2008 at 12:35 AM.
He came back to clear all his stuff already on Thurs and i made him sit down and write a agreement in his own handwriting promising to leave me and the kids alone, leaving the house to me.
in this soon to be 10yrs of marriage i have given him many chances he will never change i have learn to accept this fact.
He said to me on Thurs when he cleared his stuff, he said is this what you really want, i said yes, then he said you have changed last time you will not be so cruel towards me, and he can ask whether he can have both, of cause the answer is no.
I also told him when your mistress wanted to hit your son for accidentally kicking her dog last yr what did you do you never shield him instead you push him to her, and if i was not around i think she already whack him like hell and you also will not care, when he was so sick during the festive season where were you.
He just kept quiet and packed his stuff, and he said sure all this is people teach you to do, you will never be so cruel, then i had enough and just said to him you are the one who taught me to be so cruel, not anyone else.
sigh i have taken the 1st step in getting him out of the house, now is just going to the legal bureau on mon.
2ndly, IS HIS BRAIN SCREWED UP OR what?! Who is the one been cruel?! Who is the one who didnt even care about own son who is sick? WHO is the one who had affair? Still got the bloody cheek to say you r not cruel last time? Ask him go to HELL!!
Instead of knwing his own fault yet still dare to say you r cruel to him n say ppl teach you? SO what if ppl teach you? PPL care about you so want you to knw HOW TO PROTECT yourself & your CHILDREN. If not react like him ? I really feel like showing him _|_
As for your husband the case is the other way rd as TS is the wife, he choose his wife which you cant blame him too coz after all that is his wife n the r/s you have with him is an affair although you have no idea he was married inititally BUT dont mind me saying tis as you have part of the share in wrong too coz after you knew he is married but you didnt stand firm of your decision to let him settle his divorce before you 2 continue which lead to the situation your now.
BUT you have the rite to get your child custody since they didnt want n even ask you abort. Which is why you have to protect yourself n your child as the child has no wrong to anyone. As for you now, you need to protect yourself coz you dont owe him or his family anything n as for his wife i have no comment.
oh ya, after the divorce issue...his mum said dont divorce her..just marry me..then he met my parents..tts y i continue wit the r/s....gt some more which i too long for me to elaborate...nvm...4get about it..its over...
Always think positive...
my youngest even asked him you calll marmie for what and shes only turning 5, she told himk you dont make marmie cry i dont like lucky my youngest so sensible unlike my eldest.
Ya...like what the rest had said - HE IS THE ONE who is cruel, NOT you! Yes, he is heartless and cold-blooded. He is one of the most in this wide whole world!!
Fight every single cent from him, for your children's sake, even if you can afford. This is your right and your children's as well. He was the one who is in the wrong in the first place and you have tried giving him so many chances already. He cannot blame you or anyone. He's had his chances but he had chose to throw it away, so dont't have to feel heart pain for him. Just fight for every cent that you can from him. Just think in this way - if you do not take the money from him which is mainly for the children, his mistress will also take it! So, why 'waste' it, right? Might as well spend his money on your children than the mistress!!