Ever since i got pregnant, instead of giving me more attention and showering me with more care, he simply leaves me all alone most days.
Sometimes, i only recieve 3 sms from him the whole day. And when i call him, he will quickly hang up my phone and say he has to go for a meeting.
I feel so neglected.
From everyday lunch meetings, and ffrequent bonding times, till once a week lunch, to now, not even meeting at all.
I am so sad. I gave him so much space and he complains im being unreasonable.
I bought all the baby stuffs on my own, find out everything on my own, read up and find out this, find out that...
Sometimes i feel he is trying too. but very soon he will turn nasty to me again.
I feel so insecured that i tend to keep calling him up at work just to hear his voice.
recently i got so fed up, i just text him and ask him what he wants.
He told me he wants to have a normal life.
And when i asked him what he means, he says he wants it out.
I want him to be happy too. In my heart, i love him alot. no matter what happens, i will be there for him. but the same cannot be said for him to me.
And i thought if i love him, i should let him go. I tried so hard.
Which explains why we havent met for ages. I miss him so much and i cry so hard everyday and i will lose my apetitie and get gastric all the time.
I will cry to bed and cry when i wake up and cry when i cant get tohar his voice and cry i the afternoon again.
I wake up with puffy swollen eyes and i dont feel like doing anything at all.
I cry until i cant see clearly now. I cry until my nose's skin cracked.
I wish he can treat me better and offer me a sincere hug and sincere loving assurances.
I wish he can tell me " we will work it out together" and really mean what he says. But so far, he refuse to do anything t his own initiative.
many times, i almost died.
I stood by my window and keep staring into the sleeping pills i got.
Sometimes, when i really couldnt take it anymore, I will take one or 2 just to go to sleep.
but i always wake up crying and feeling upset.
He did said " we will work it out together" a few times and everytime i hear him say that to me, i feel more secured and better. But i will soon realised he only said that for the sake of saying it.
in less than 2 months time, i will have a baby and he has not offer anything.
And when i ask him for it, he tells me he has no money at all for us.
i feel so sad.
how can he bear to leave me and baby in the lurch?
how can he bear to?
i feel so depressed.
he doesnt even care if i really die.
I almst succeed if not baby kicking me.
why? He knows how much i love him, so how could he?
my heart hurts knowing that he doesnt care if he hurts me or baby.
my heart hurts.
but i remember how he once loved me with his heart. How we cried together and promised never to leave each other no matter what the future may come.
I kept to my promise and believed him.
i am so upset.