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Just want to be a father

This is a discussion on Just want to be a father within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; We both have a son, we both aren't married. Despite the numerous nagging or advice from my parents, we went ...

  1. #1
    Female Attendant
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Rep Power

    Just want to be a father

    We both have a son, we both aren't married.
    Despite the numerous nagging or advice from my parents, we went ahead to have a kid. To have kid meaning this isn't any shortgun incident , to have a kid meaning we plan to have a kid together.

    I was there when she got a divorce, i was there providing for her child from the previous marriage, i was there when her mother gave up on her .

    was there beside during her pregnancy, giving her the best of the best. leaving the stress that's acumulating at work out of home.
    And the best day i could ever remember, witnessing the birth of this little one, that i swore would protect for the rest of my life.

    Moving foward, i was never in good terms with her mother, or her family. Slowly problems arise..
    She got 'brainwash' by her mother. She started to hang out with whatever groups or social gathering and became a totally different person.

    There's always two sides to a story, there's always a different cover to a story. Let's skip the details

    She took my son, took all the expensive item i brought for her, everything and went back home. I know she's in contact with some guys but i choose to deceive myself and not probe further into it.

    Despite my mother numerous pleading to bring my son home , she refused. Despite my mom waited under her apartment for many hours, she just deny any request.

    This is it i told myself. This is the last straw.

    Her family isn't well-to do. They rent out rooms to malaysians, and they dont't even have a proper enviroment for my son. Previously when we manage to bring my son home , his so phsyically and mentally exhausted. it saddens my down to my soul to witness such truma my son have to go through.

    I can provide for my son, i have a better enviroment for my son. She leave the maid to attend to hmy son while she's at work. her mother is working as well and her father is mentally unsound, at least to me when he wave a chopper while i raise my voice to demand for my son.

    This is the last straw. I just want to be a father, and to fulfil my responsiblitloies and shower my son with the very best.

    At this commnunity i ask of anyone to come foward and share with me of any similar experiences. Or to even share any contacts that would help because i will be prepare , for the happiness and safety of my son lies in the decision i make .

    I hope to hear from anyone, anyone.

    Thank you,


  2. #2
    Worthy Lady
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    At Home
    Rep Power

    Re: Just want to be a father

    I think you need to step back and reflect about this whole issue.
    Firstly, I believe that all kids should always be with the mom. This is a the natural order of things.
    She may not provide the BEST environment, she may not even be a good mom, but that does not mean the kid should be separated from the mom.
    you have argued that you can provide a BETTER environment, but that is not a valid reason to separate a mom from the kid.

    You probably love her a lot, consider her as spouse. Probably she has lost her feelings for you. She wants her space.
    By constantly demanding her attention, demanding for the kid, you are just freaking her and her family out. Your actions will never score any points with her at this moment.

    you say you want to be a father. It takes 2 hands to clap.
    It's not a unilateral decision.
    Reflect on this question, are you being selfish by demanding your right to be a dad?
    Just because you treated her well, does it mean she owes you a commitment?

    If both of you are available for marriage, I am wondering why both of you are not married before having the kid.
    Could it be she (or her parents) wants marriage but you were not keen? This is a common desire of women.

    My advice is.. give her the freedom to choose, give her the space she wants, give her the time.
    Give her the assurance that you will be there for her as a spouse, unconditionally.

    If she or her kid needs any help, she will approach you. That is when you can trash things out with her.
    If she's doing ok alone, wish her all the best, and maintain the frenship.
    We are all in relationships so that we can enjoy each other's company, we add value to each other.
    Relationships should not be about negativity or pessimism.

    If she can't appreciate your point of view (whether yr POV is indeed rational or not), both of you are just not meant for each other.
    But just keep in mind, over time.. ppl do mature.. and ppl will change eventually.
    Give it time, and let it be a natural process.

  3. #3
    Female Attendant
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Rep Power

    Re: Just want to be a father

    thanks all for your pms.
    Last edited by Justafather; 07-05-2014 at 02:48 PM.

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