ya... its very sad.. unless we can move out immediately or else we only left with close both eyes, thats the best solution.
This is a discussion on Mother in law within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; *hugs Alisa* i would be super hurt too if baby prefer mother in law to me. actually sister In law's son is like that. ...
*hugs Alisa* i would be super hurt too if baby prefer mother in law to me. actually sister In law's son is like that. my mother in law used to take care of him and parent in law super pamper him and although now no longer babysitting him, he still prefer mother in law to sister In law and comes over to stay overnight every weekend, if not he will throw tantrum. once my hubby asked him who gave birth to him, and he said it's mother in law. we tried to correct him but he refused and cried and throw tantrum, saying his mum didn't give birth to him, is mother in law give birth to him... he super sticky to mother in law until sister In law bring him over he immediately come in and sometimes didn't even bother to turn back say bye bye to his mum. which i feel is quite sad and i am very scared that it will happen to baby n me too. btw i'm staying with my parent in law.
my baby also need to carry to sleep. is my parents carry her first... cos i did confinement at my parents' place. then now my parent in law carry her... sigh, as long as they are willing to carry her, i just close one eye...
ya... its very sad.. unless we can move out immediately or else we only left with close both eyes, thats the best solution.
Yes that why before hand I already told my husband I dont't want Yao LAN . I dont't he used to it . Cause once baby used to it you have to Yao Everytime . Once you stop he will cry . I dont't want give him such bad habit . So whenever they said want to dao Yao LAN I just tell my husband I dont't want . Afterall is tough cause I'm taking care of my son alone . Ya unless we can move out immediately or else nothing we can do. Pathetic much ):
Thanks firstmummy,you take care too.
Few days after posting about me worrying my mother in law would make me suffer even more. Something i predicted happen too soon. Saturday night when i was enjoying watching my running man with my hubby suddenly phone rings at 11night its my father in law wants to scold me over the phone. Of coyrse iam bewildred whats wrong?? Very soon i know its my second brother in law, he wants to ask more money from his daddy so he told their parents that i leaked out finance information to his wife(iam working for one of their small business). Therefore father in law was very angry and qants to curse at me. Infact i never tell anyone about what iam working on,hello i why should i gossip about that? Few hours of finding truth and finally the wife of that scoundrel second bro in law admit that i never talk anythig regards my work. My father in law never apologize. Mother in law said "okay if thats the case,forget about this matter then". I couldnt bring myself to forget it, i ran out from house that midnight and stay in hotel for 3nights. For me these people are so monsterous. They know iam pregnant,his wife is also pregnant 6weeks. Yet his wife is so precious but iam so worthless? I cried soo much over the 3days. And iam still having nightmare about this incident. Sorry i wrote so much
dont't cry too much ! And becareful no matter what . they always think they are precious we're like worthless to them . Because we dont't have any value . But hello . It's us to give birth and they got grandson or grandfather . dont't have us they dont't have any hope . Why they still always pick on us. Just because we are girls we married in .
Hi Sxien82, im sorry to hear that... then during the conversation, what yr hubby do? you stay in hotel alone?
sorry but got to rant n need advice if im too sensitive ..my daughter is 13 months now and I quit my job recently to take care of my dear daughter as my husband doesn't allow baby to b put into infant care n my mother in law took care of her when I was working n i got depression becos i feel my dear daughter doesnt bother about me. I really regret not quitting earlier as my dear daughter is closest to her n my unmarried sister In law now. whenever they r around, my dear daughter will only want them n have eyes for them, I'm transparent. it hurts me badly... I do not like to b around w ils as they will hogged onto my dear daughter as if I'm not there. when we have our meals outside, father in law, mother in law n sister In law will take turns to carry my dear daughter n bring her away where I do not know.when one returns, the next will take over n it goes on until the meal ends. if we continue to shop around, it will continue until we go home. now, my dear daughter doesnt sit long at our dining table n wants to b carried shortly. I really hope to c less of them to spend my time w my dear daughter but my husband will make it a pt for mother in law to c my dear daughter at least twice or thrice a week not including the compulsory sunday lunch w ils. I had many unhappiness with them ever since the birth of my dear daughter but husband felt I'm being difficult. I feel no one understands me. ..
Other than mother in law, i still need to face grand parents in law and this annoying aunty.
I was supposed to do comfinement at in laws house which is home to 5 pax already.
Totally no privacy! And on weekends, they play mahjong n smoke. Last time when I was pregnant already smoking infront of me.
Things won't change now that my baby is out.
Though they are quite harmless and not as crazy as some of ya MILs, but its still taking a toll over me.
mother in law nearly dislocated my dog's leg twice, made me so pissed! Where got people grab a dog's leg so awkardly like wanna rip drumstick off a chicken?
When baby cries, I get stressed out not because of the crying but of who in e house would barge into the room.
Anyway, their whole family have their own ideas and opinions on how I should do my confinement & look after my baby.
And as daughter in law, I can't voice out as I'll appear rude but keeping quiet will drive me nuts.
Luckily I've moved back home.
Kinda pissed off with this particular aunty too, she talks so much like she darn experienced just cus she has 2 kids.
At e hospital she still exclaim loudly why my mom allow me to take epidural just cus some cow she knows got backache. Oh please, not everyone is the same & so many women take epidurals. Stop forcing ya opinions on me. Furthermore, my mom is working in the labour/maternity ward and she strongly advised me to take epidural.
When I insisted on moving back home, she told my baby 回家没人疼了 只有妈妈爸爸疼. WTF??
And must faster see baby cus no chance already once I return to my own home to do comfinement.
Geez, somemore say so loudly like wanna hint me.
Initially they just cooked sesame oil chicken n rice for me only, no veg! I think I would have gotten constipation if not for my mom who suggested I needed a veg dish too to them.
So now I'm back in my own house, I have to spend more cus catering confinement food but I'm happier.
My colleague's son used to be looked after fulltime by his grandparents until 3yrs old, then he returned back to his parents.
At first, he kept crying for his grandparents and always wanted to go find them, but as the months went by, he gradually adjusted to having mommy & daddy around instead. Now he's super sticky to my colleague!
So cheer up! I believe as long as the mommy is not a bad one, the child will in the end prefer her own mommy.
But I think you can try weaning your husband away from inviting his mom over. What time does she usually go over though? Try dropping subtle hints like mother in law visiting so often can be disrupting for the baby, and that it's not good that baby's always so distracted. Or adjust baby's sleep time such that whenever mother in law comes over, its bedtime!
I think your hubby is like mine, who will get defensive whenever we argue about mother in law stuff. So what I do is alot of hinting. Also, try to find a way such that when mother in law comes over, it will inconvenient him! I feel that if hubby is not inconvenienced himself, he would just think I am being fussy.
For example, whenever my mother in law comes over, I practically throw baby at both of them and go relax. If baby cries or wants milk, I tell hubby to ownself handle, since his mom is there. There's an unspoken rule whereby i will handle my parents, and he handle his own parents. So if his mom there, he has to go handle everything himself. So after a few weeks, he couldn't tahan anymore and limited mother in law's visits to once a wk. Yay!
You can also tell your hubby to feed daughter. Once he feels the pain of having to chase daughter who constantly wanders off, he will realize where went wrong and adjust his parents' bad habits immediately.
Hi Angeldust, so you ended up doing confinement at home? Wise decision! Especially with smokers around, imagine if baby inhaled the smoke. Eeks!
I took epidural too coz my labor was very long. 29hrs!!! I think I would died of pain without it. Every woman's labor is different, so that silly aunty shouldn't act like so knowledgeable and that all births are so easy.
My mother in law used to drop alot of hints too by talking to baby. Like 'must come visit granny often so will recognize granny!" I think once a week visit often enough hehe. Anyway, I think it's most impt to have papa mama 疼 first! So its ok if 回家没人疼了 只有妈妈爸爸疼 lol. But if tell that to mother in law, confirm get slapped lol.
Too many people poking their nose into the way I'm handling my confinement & how I look after baby.
Sometimes you just get sick of listening cuz everyone seems to have an opinion!
At least now in my own home, I'm more relaxed.
i would prefer 只有妈妈爸爸疼. its more than enough.
Angeldust, glad your hubby understanding enough to agree to let you return home to do confinement alone. But wow you are able to handle baby alone? I rem it was only after 3rd week when the stitches down there healed then I could look after baby properly (I did confinement at own parents' place, so my mom did most of the looking after at the beginning).
Alisa, I believe there is this unshakable bond between mommy & child and that no matter how close he is to his grandparents, sooner or later the child will still go to mommy! Jia you! I think your son is reaching that stage soon haha.
Thanks Klynn, i hope so. this morning my husband is carrying him and he want me. hee...
klynn, thanks for yr advice but a pity my mother in law is good in caring for my dear daughter. my husband never feels inconvenienced in any way n he together w me have been taking care of my dear daughter Every needs other than the time my mother in law looks after dear daughter. even if he is not free to feed her, my mother in law gladly does it...even making her sleep...n my dear daughter seems to b very cooperative wIth her all the time...this makes me feel even worse. I can b feeding my girl n she can b very busy crawling here n there but as soon as sister In law or mother in law comes w the food, she will come...n I do not like the smirk faces on them that shows see? I feed she eat. you feed she go away...ahhh...this is killing me inside...
alias, im luckier that i dont stay w them...otherwise i go mad...how I wish my dear daughter would ignore them one day n come to me instead...it's tough when mother in law, sister In law n father in law wants attn from my dear daughter. my husband even asked me yest if we should go on a holiday together w ils this month..I told him just the 3 of us I'm fine but w ils, no thanks. I can never enjoy coz my dear daughter will not b mine those days...
Klynn, so far my mom will help me when hubby not around cus he needs to fly due to job nature. I'm handling most of baby stuff myself as I wanted to show hubby my independence. To show that without the in laws, I can survive. In fact, day 6 after delivery, we were out for 10 hours shopping for baby's cot. In laws not very happy but didn't dare say much.
Alisa, yeah... They like to ask stupid qs even though maybe they are just trying to be helpful. Like "issit baby's diaper wet? baby poo?" "baby hungry?"
During my 1 week there, I was exclusively breastsfeeding & EVERYDAY I had to endure the same old qs. you sure you got enough milk? baby got drink enough or not? dont't need feed baby water meh? My baby put on 400g within 3 days, I told hubby to pls tell them that to shut them up.
@Firstmummy & @alisa,thx for the concern im back home now. I told my mom thw whole story and my mom phone to scold my brother in law,after then i feel satisfied and go back home. My hubby dont help much,he didnt squeeze that 'sorry' words out of his bastard-bro mouth. I try to heck care more and more about them,i hope later when i have to do confinement my mils can shut their mouth up. Hopefully! Mommies here we must be strong!!
Hi, I would like to join all of you here. Like all of you I am full of grievances when it come to the topic of mother in law. I am living in unhappiness daily. And worst, she stay with me in my house. No way I can get away from her. She interfere into every single things. Will share more as we go along.
hi maca, my mother in law sounds like yrs too but luckily I'm not staying w ils..I stayed w ils for 4 yrs after marrying my husband. thank goodness my baby came after we moved... she is still telling relatives baby is doing this n that n that baby is at her house despite now that I have quit n taking care of dear daughter myself. she told me not to tell relatives I have quit my job...I c nothing wrong to let them know though. think she still wants that "face"...
Any mommies have hygiene issues with in laws?
Their place had ticks infestation previously due to their dog & yet they dont't wanna engage pest control.
My dog just got a tick which I strongly believe is from their place since I didn't have time to walk him ever since we moved back.
Now, they have one room that has bed bug invasion & still never engage pest control and actually expected me stay there for confinement. To think of it, I'm so glad that I've insisted on moving back.
Now I tell hubby that if they dont't get pest ctrl I won't bring my baby and dog over.
My mother in law is also a great pretender who deserves the best actress awards. She like to act like a super loving grandma in front of others but in fact she screams and shout at my kids over the slightest thing. Did I also mention that she like to scold my kids stupid! She even tried caning my kids which I have sInce put to a stop.
Erinmummy: if mother in law asks why you told relatives the truth, say that you dont want baby to learn how to lie!
Angeldust: one word - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee!
Maca: uh oh. how old are your kids?
Kylynn, my kids are 3 & 4 yrs old.
klynn, I agree w you...shall tell her that. angledust, it's really unhygenic for you n later baby to live in such an environment...yr ils should spare a thought for their grandchild...bed bugs bite and can b very serious...sigh...so old how come dont't know how to think properly