Stay a distance and not talk to her unnecessarily
Talk to her, try to understand her & her strange habits
Talk to your husband
Pray that she will kick the bucket soon
This is a discussion on My mother-in-law, Mdm L rom hell within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Originally Posted by babymoo I'm not staying with her... Later when I reach Hm I key in my 2nd part ...
Best is her own brother also know her pattern. dont't even wanna let her stay in his house even though he has an extra room. When she shift out he know how to call us and advise us to let her move in say what must be filial etc etc. Then we shoot him back ask him to let my mother in law stay with him he say inconvenient .Rubbish!!
i very convenient ??? lol!
I am glad that I found listeners to share my (and our) stories.
Sometimes, it frustrate me because people doesnt understand the difficult situation we have to go through. They in turn said that we are difficult DILs and who doesn't care for someone who bore and look after your husband all these years. I suppose these are the people who are lucky enough to have nice mother-in-laws or the mild ones. Lucky you!
It's not easy to have a one-on-one talk with the mother-in-law, especially those from hell. Like how and what to say?
My mother-in-law, Mdm L used to tell us that her nephew's wife, Jade is such a good daughter in law, that she buy all the furniture for her mother in law's house, etc. All these while, I kept quiet. Neither did I complain to my husband about what his mother said. And I think I did the right thing! One year after their marriage, their family had an ugly argument. So bad that Jade and husband moved out, leaving just the mother in law at her house. And I dont't see Jade and husband at family gatherings anymore. Even on CNY, I only see Jade's husband and he only stays for a short while, claiming that he has work to do. And of course, Mdm L stopped praising them. They have been married for 1 year and such ugly stuff surface so quickly and I thought she's wonderfu daughter in law?? No offense to you, Jade (if you happened to read this). I know for a fact that it's not you being difficult.
I took this opportunity to tell my husband about what his mother is trying to do by telling me how good Jade was. I also took this opportunity to talk to my man and he understands. He appreciate that I didn't raise my voice at his mother or make an ugly scene for the family, but he tried to talk me into getting to know his mother better - cos he thinks his mother is not as bad as she behaves (which I know now he's taking back his words because he experienced what a bitch she is) I told him she always makes me uneasy and I find it hard to talk to her - which I quoted him examples - evidences . I told him that I will keep my distance but will still give her the respect - he agrees.
Some tips for my dear daughter in law khakis.
- Try to play her game. She's acting nice to you for others to see, you do the same.
- Do not complain every single thing to your husband. He will find you too long-winded and in turn dislike you.
- Find the right opportunity and hit back 'nicely' and gracefully (to your husband only) with a big bang. Show him the big picture, also to brainwash him. I know it's hard to keep your sanity like me but there's where I turn to forums like this and friends for a listening ear.
- Never never rebuke his mother even though she's a hell because she can and is able to give you hell even more when you does that.
- have a one-one-one talk with her may not help because she can see your weak points. Even though she claim she understand and promise not to do it the next time, all love and kisses, she will still use your weak points to hurt you even more. And not forgetting, not all mother-in-laws are open for such talk.
Good luck DILs!
I hope it helps because I'm still working on these tips. Anyone with any more tips? Also feel free to share with us your stories. It willbe better to let off your steam.
Wow !!! My mother in law likes to ask those 3 GI 6 por go her place to play mj n she purposely hang up a family photo in the living rm to hao lian.... N she like to go genting a lot also.... Keep claiming no money but keep visiting genting also... Lol... Seems like our in law is damn alike hahahahhaha !!!
Same here !!! She think we r damn rich just cos I have a few branded bags n I have a lot of pretty stuffs... She keep thinking is my hubby who dont wanna give her money too..... So now she keep digging from her elder son till my hubby sister in law cannot take it also hahahah !!!
Acting nice to mother in law first does really helps cos I have been doing that to her all these yrs. every of occasions I will find places n treat her good food till she herself make nonsense. Slowly I open up one by one telling my hubby by letting my mother in law'd fox tail come out. So now my hubby was so angry that e dont even giving his mum allowance cos she will only spend away on junks. Hubby at first will side his mum but lucky thing it took me only 1/2 yrs to let hubby realize his mum actions. Though he still will not Tok back to her but at least he understands. So it took me another 4 yrs+ to let him really give up on his mum hahahahha!!! We r not bad by making all these things happen but it's all her own doings that these thins r happening. And best part rite now his elder bro also moved out already and not going Hm also...,
now cos of that stupid bitch sister in law creating trouble his elder brother come n quarrel with my hubby his mum even more angry. Cos she is there saying " die already later c 2 women fighting at her funeral" N just cos that woman give her a grand daughter she's giving me a hell time.
oh dear, i thought my mother in law is bad.. but a no. of you have even worse mother in law.
when i was only dating with my hubby, my mother in law made nasty comment about my weight even though I'm within the BMI and not fat.
she also said and did other things which made me upset and strain our relationship.
have posted on another forum - mummies jan 2012...
i keep a distance from her and though i do greet her and make some small talk, i dont't see her as often as my hubby.
we live nearer to his parents than my parents.
Actually not all mother in law born in Tiger are bad, is depend on character.
Although I have no problems with my mother in law, I have a collegue her character is just like your mils n she is not born in Tiger.
She like to take advantage of ppl including collegues, like if you r good in baking she will want you to bake but she dont wanna come out money.
She also very stingy to her children, if her children want to food which cost less than $5 she also scold them n said money is very hard to earn. FYI, she is not poor her 1 month salary is more than $3k. Now her son is small, I will pity her future daughter in law as we (collegues) cannot stand her dont say her daughter in law.
My baby is my strength of life.
Oh ya n not forgetting my mother in law likes to take fake LV and Other fake branded goods. Best part is her watch is a fake Chanel and when ppl ask her she still got the cheek to ans " oh it's Chanel" is like wtf sia... Im so ashamed to bring her out cos I'm taking original n she's taking all those fake LV and she still can tell me you got LV I also have ....
And also peppermint my mother in law n urs r same age !!! Hahaha...So is same age tiger....
Ali50n: mayb age + tiger = same species.I'm not surprised if both of our mother in law born around same timing
'my son is very handsome last time etc etc etc'
saying until like , i should be very blessed that her son married me
so i told her
'before i married your son , i'm very young and pretty and slim also '
she keep quiet and change another topic LOL
sometimes , they always tink only their son is the best but never see how hard being wife is ..
lucky i only see her few times a year and wen i see her , i always hide very far to avoid talking to her .. =x
Dovan (2002) , Dosen (2004) , Doral (2012)
Triple Precious Angels
And you know what? I suspect the chrysanthemum tea is not boiled by Mdm L because it taste exactly as those I buy from Hock Hua ready-made tea. A couple of times, I caught some loopholes. Grandma will be surprised to know that Mdm L boiled chrysanthemum and grandma will casually question her when did she boiled it. Then there will be limited serving, grandparents didn't even get a cup.
Mdm L is a very lousy cook and lazy too. She can tell all of us that what for waste time and money to cook, just go out and pack is way much easier. Up till now, she cannot even made a proper agar agar. No kidding, even her son, my husband also 'suan' her into her face that for 30 over years (since my hubby was a kid) she still cannot make a good agar agar - those with coconut layer on the top. She is only making two layers and yet she still can't do it. Always her coconut layer and the green agar agar bottom will merge or slanted. So stupid right?? She said he rather go out and buy ready to eat ones - save her time.
I'm sure she wants to be a host and have her mj sessions at her own house but she can't because grandparents, her in-laws are there. She's been wanting to get rid of the older folks. Once, grandma even ran away from home because of her and the bitch said with crocodile tears that she didn't kick grandma out, that grandma likes to throw tantrum.
My mother-in-law always hints loudly (with me standing near her) to her son, my husband that daughters-in-laws will never get along with mothers-in-law. I kept quiet - act blur live longer. But wtf!! If neither party provokes the other, there's no such thing as not getting along. In her case, she is so stupid that asked for it!!
And you know how I managed to make her spill all her gambling habits at those illegal dens and how she spend her time gambling away after she retired?? I mentioned before that I dont't talk to her right?? This time, I acted like an airhead and start throwing bimbotic questions about casinos (at the right opportunity, say at dining table when everyone is seated together - my purpose is for them to listen, esp for her son). Mdm L got so excited that she talks none stop about it! Feeding us all her gambling incidents. My husband heard and he is disgusted with it. He didn't say but I can sense it. My husband works in the finance industry and most of his colleagues' family are rather well behaved, decent and such, different lifestyle from what his parents does. So it can be quite disgraceful for him. Not that they dont't gamble but my in-laws are really the hard core gamblers. I can also sense that my husband talk more to my mum than to his mum. With my mum, they discussed almost everything like his work, the US economy, etc. With his mum, it's nothing but just listening to his mother's gossips.
Good luck to both of us on IVF. Keep each other posted ya?
You are staying near her? You bought a place near her or like my situation - she bought a place near you?? Has she been giving you problems? She has the keys to your house?