Need Some Advice

[austrina]

hi mummies, i have a very BIG prob which i hope all of you can advise me on it...

currently i m expectin my 3rd child bt most of my mother in law side family members dont approved of this little living thing... most of dem 1 me 2 abort it esp my 2 sister In law... they even 1 me 2 abort w/o my dear husband consent... they were worried we cant keep up financially...
now i m stuck... 2 keep or 2 abort... my dear husband 1 me 2 keep bt most of my mother in law side will hate me if i keep...

i really dont know what i shld do... PLS HELP!!! s they r e onli family i have ( i m an orphan)

[BbpHir3]

my advice would be draw out a financial proposal/statement.. look into your finance.. if you can afford, why not keep it? if you can bring up another child financially, then prove it to your mother in law family.. you might b stress and everything will seems not to go your way thru out the preg.. but show it to them you can bring another one up, nonetheless...

+ since your dear husband is supportive, i'm sure he would be heartbroken if you abort it w/o, first, discuss with him.. talk to your dear husband.. i'm sure there's a way to solve any problem... =)

[stonston]

If it's money problems, then dont worry so much. there's always a solution to money probs. spend less here and there, maybe get a part time job, definitely can make it

since it's finances that they r worried about, tok to your husband about it. sit down n plan your finances together. if it works out then there's no worry

[Ting]

why shld you let other ppl decide whether to keep YOUR child anot?
the most impt thing is, do you??
since your dear husband is supportive, im sure he already mentally somehow figure out the finances.
money issues can be solved, dont spend so much, save a bit here n there.
does your dear husband knows about his family 'suggestions'?
if so, what did he say about it??
i think its pretty cruel for your mother in law/sister In law to ask you to abort your child cos they THINK you n ya dear husband do not have the means to support another baby.
tell them it is not their worry about your child's finances, not using their money anyway.
discuss with ya dear husband n plan properly. im sure things will work out if you really want them to.

[snowbear]

Originally Posted by austrina hi mummies, i have a very BIG prob which i hope all of you can advise me on it... currently i m expectin my 3rd child bt most of my mother in law side family members dont approved of this little living thing... most of dem 1 me 2 abort it esp my 2 sister In law... they even 1 me 2 abort w/o my dear husband consent... they were worried we cant keep up financially... now i m stuck... 2 keep or 2 abort... my dear husband 1 me 2 keep bt most of my mother in law side will hate me if i keep... i really dont know what i shld do... PLS HELP!!! s they are e onli family i have ( i m an orphan)

if it's about finances, i'm sure it can be resolved. Like what others say, just save here and there and find more part-time jobs maybe? I was nearly aborted by my mum for this same reason and to this day, she'd tell me sometimes that she nearly aborted me and how fortunate she is to not have done so!

[Lotus]

Family always has an opinion about everything. But the only person's opinion that matters is yours and your husbands. Do not base your decision on anyone else's thoughts. If you do have financials issues then work out a plan with your husband.

The risk is who are you willing to upset more - your husband or his family? If you do this without your husband's consent you would change your relationship to one of deception, where you live with the fear of him discovering the truth.

Make this decision with your husband.

[MomoMummy]

just to think of in the future after you abort listening to your mother in law family, will you feel guilty??

this child inside you is yrs. i really object you listening to other pple other then yrself to keep this baby.

Future can be plan, it can be change. Abort once done, forever she wont come back. you will lose yr baby for the rest of yr life.

[LoveBebe]

for finance problems, they can be solve easily.
just spend lesser and save more.
a life is really important, do not let others decide your own baby's life.
you really must think well.

[yellowpudding]

Hi dear, it's really up to you. No one should be telling you what ought to be done. The decision lies in you and your hubby solely. People may choose to comment and have many opinions at times but the most important thing is that you must stand firm regarding your decision. Finances can always be plan and with good planning, I believe things will be better than they seem to be. Hugs.

[jasobias]

Originally Posted by austrina hi mummies, i have a very BIG prob which i hope all of you can advise me on it... currently i m expectin my 3rd child bt most of my mother in law side family members dont approved of this little living thing... most of dem 1 me 2 abort it esp my 2 sister In law... they even 1 me 2 abort w/o my dear husband consent... they were worried we cant keep up financially... now i m stuck... 2 keep or 2 abort... my dear husband 1 me 2 keep bt most of my mother in law side will hate me if i keep... i really dont know what i shld do... PLS HELP!!! s they are e onli family i have ( i m an orphan)

no one shld be forced to go for an abortion.Tell your sister in laws there is a place in hell reserved for them.They cld just be jealous.Just protect your baby.Its your body your baby n your life.Besides you cld learn how to budget.Buy 2nd hand stuff n all.I know of families living on incomes below even $2k n they r doing just fine.pls dont let them force you .Just ignore them n avoid them when possible or just turn a deaf ear n get your husband to talk to his family.Whtever it takes!

[austrina]

thx all mummies 4 your advice...bt my main concern is my dear husband income is not stable... sometimes he earn less then 1k... i dont know whether is it enuff 4 e family or not? i really 1 2 keep e child bt i so @ a loss now...

[ger-mummy]

dont't worry about money matter. Just follow your heart to keep or abort. No one got the right to hate you for keeping the baby. All decision is lied in your hubby & you. Think before act before regret....

All the Best!!!

[Tricia]

Originally Posted by austrina thx all mummies 4 your advice...bt my main concern is my dear husband income is not stable... sometimes he earn less then 1k... i dont know whether is it enuff 4 e family or not? i really 1 2 keep e child bt i so @ a loss now...

I dont encourage you to go for abortion as you give the baby no choice to live which this choice is suppose to be given to them.

As for income wise, you and your husband have to make some decision in the way you all live your life. Both of you definitely have to make lots of sacrifices, compare to other parents, may not have enough rest and time for yourself but you know is meant good for your children.
(Just think about how our parents or grandparents managed)

Have a good talk with your husband, about looking for a stable job.
Go take up courses that is paid by the govt, to pick up some skills that will help in his life..

Thou now is recession but our govt is taking good care of the people by putting in alot of $ to train people for free.

Can check up this website:
WDA : Singapore Workforce Development Agency

or contact them at the following:
Singapore Workforce Development Agency
1 Marina Boulevard
#16-01 One Marina Boulevard
Singapore 018989
Tel: 6883 5885
Fax: 6512 1111
Email: wda_enquiry@wda.gov.sg

[stonston]

I agree that the money situation can be improved if both of you are willing to work hard.

Are you working currently? With your given situation, I'm sure you are eligible for some extra help from CDCs/MPs and maybe your children will get subsidized CC/pre-school so that while they are at school, at least you can go out to find a job (maybe a PT job if you have to look after them in the afternoon).

It's good to sit down with your husband and work out other job/income possibilities.

[uddermummy]

really do try to work out a solution.

my own mum aborted more than 20 years ago and now i can tell that she still regrets the decision cos she'll be teary whenever she talks about it.

at that time, she aborted because of financial prob also, but i think if given another chance, she will prob have kept the baby.

[austrina]

Originally Posted by stonston I agree that the money situation can be improved if both of you are willing to work hard. Are you working currently? With your given situation, I'm sure you are eligible for some extra help from CDCs/MPs and maybe your children will get subsidized CC/pre-school so that while they are at school, at least you can go out to find a job (maybe a PT job if you have to look after them in the afternoon). It's good to sit down with your husband and work out other job/income possibilities.

no... i m stay at home mum... bt now i m facin another worryin prob now...
just went 4 e doc 2day & she suspect i m havin ectopic pregnancy... need 2 go hospital 4 scannin 2 confirm... one prob after another... sigh...
if this thing is 4 real i think e most happy is my mother in law family... e saddest? of coz me & my dear husband plus my dear son & dear daughter...

[austrina]

Originally Posted by Tricia I dont encourage you to go for abortion as you give the baby no choice to live which this choice is suppose to be given to them. As for income wise, you and your husband have to make some decision in the way you all live your life. Both of you definitely have to make lots of sacrifices, compare to other parents, may not have enough rest and time for yourself but you know is meant good for your children. (Just think about how our parents or grandparents managed) Have a good talk with your husband, about looking for a stable job. Go take up courses that is paid by the govt, to pick up some skills that will help in his life.. Thou now is recession but our govt is taking good care of the people by putting in alot of $ to train people for free. Can check up this website: WDA : Singapore Workforce Development Agency or contact them at the following: Singapore Workforce Development Agency 1 Marina Boulevard #16-01 One Marina Boulevard Singapore 018989 Tel: 6883 5885 Fax: 6512 1111 Email: wda_enquiry@wda.gov.sg

thx tricia 4 e info on dat... will let my dear husband know about it...

[autumn82]

Originally Posted by austrina no... i m stay at home mum... bt now i m facin another worryin prob now... just went 4 e doc 2day & she suspect i m havin ectopic pregnancy... need 2 go hospital 4 scannin 2 confirm... one prob after another... sigh... if this thing is 4 real i think e most happy is my mother in law family... e saddest? of coz me & my dear husband plus my dear son & dear daughter...

Hi dear, how's the check? Everything fine?

[bellerichez]

Why your mother in law side so weird one??? Are they jealous?

[austrina]

went 4 check up ... everything is fine... just minor spottin a few days ago & now bed restin... lol now my morning sickness is gttin worse @ nite... luckily not daytime or else i cant look after my 2 naughty rascals...

thx 4 all ya concern... *smile*

[austrina]

Originally Posted by bellerichez Why your mother in law side so weird one??? Are they jealous?

hmm... i also dont know... mayb they just fed up coz i dont 1 2 gt preggie again & yet i kenna another 1... my sister In law & her aunt tried 2 conceive for yrs & yet no news out... hai... hw ironic..

[bellerichez]

Originally Posted by austrina hmm... i also dont know... mayb they just fed up coz i dont 1 2 gt preggie again & yet i kenna another 1... my sister In law & her aunt tried 2 conceive for yrs & yet no news out... hai... hw ironic..

Oh... Well i think this is the reason bah they are jealous. Haha. Whatever it is. dont't kill innocent life. dont't listen to your mother in law side opinions. I think they are crazy people. Can't conceive then ask people to abort. Better dont't listen to the 2 crazy jealous women. Go ahead keep the baby and have a wonderful pregnant journey. Haha. Take care

[meiteoh]

For a moment, I thought the whole boohoohah was your husband wanting the abortion but then I read that it's your SILs and people basically OUT of your family unit (dont't shoot me yet for saying this...explanation is coming up).

When two people like you and your husband get married, you are in actuality setting up a family unit of your own. As much as we believe that Asian families are interconnected and that they have our best interests, lets be honest - what happens to your IMMEDIATE family (meaning you, your husband and the children you'll be having/already have) should be your first priority. And as such, they have no right to dictate how you run things in your family.

Yes, they may be concerned but do they lead your lives for you? Are they so familiar with your family situation that they know 100% as to what needs to be done?

Personally, people - family or otherwise - will always have plenty of advice to give, solicited or not. It is up to you and your husband to tackle the situation together. This is YOUR child, and YOUR family.

If money is an issue and you're afraid that your husband's job is not secure, then how about exploring the option of going back to work, or working part-time or even working from home? What about your husband? Is it possible for him to substantiate his income with part-time work or a better paying job?

Yes, cutting back will definitely help cut some costs down. My husband was retrenched earlier this year and before that, we've been living on a one person income. Still we manage to save money because we learn to cut back on a lot of luxuries and make do. I earn my own allowance by doing a little bit of this and that - finding a part-time job teaching (even though it didn't paid much, it was still better than nothing) and so forth.

Take heart and courage in the fact that you'll pull through this storm. Others have and I believe you will too.

[Stan]

Hey...Dont let others decide the life of your unborn child...
Things are not going to be easy but if your hubby is supportive, am sure both of you can work something out....

[austrina]

Originally Posted by meiteoh For a moment, I thought the whole boohoohah was your husband wanting the abortion but then I read that it's your SILs and people basically OUT of your family unit (dont't shoot me yet for saying this...explanation is coming up). When two people like you and your husband get married, you are in actuality setting up a family unit of your own. As much as we believe that Asian families are interconnected and that they have our best interests, lets be honest - what happens to your IMMEDIATE family (meaning you, your husband and the children you'll be having/already have) should be your first priority. And as such, they have no right to dictate how you run things in your family. Yes, they may be concerned but do they lead your lives for you? Are they so familiar with your family situation that they know 100% as to what needs to be done? Personally, people - family or otherwise - will always have plenty of advice to give, solicited or not. It is up to you and your husband to tackle the situation together. This is YOUR child, and YOUR family. If money is an issue and you're afraid that your husband's job is not secure, then how about exploring the option of going back to work, or working part-time or even working from home? What about your husband? Is it possible for him to substantiate his income with part-time work or a better paying job? Yes, cutting back will definitely help cut some costs down. My husband was retrenched earlier this year and before that, we've been living on a one person income. Still we manage to save money because we learn to cut back on a lot of luxuries and make do. I earn my own allowance by doing a little bit of this and that - finding a part-time job teaching (even though it didn't paid much, it was still better than nothing) and so forth. Take heart and courage in the fact that you'll pull through this storm. Others have and I believe you will too.

i blive all mummies r rite... y shld i bother what they think about me havin another baby? well.. partly bcoz they r my only family ...
bt 2 think back... shldnt family support your decision even if e path 2 it will b a hard & tedious 1?

thx all mummies 4 gvin me e courage 2 move on... i appreciate... *hugs*