I cannot and dont't feel safe to leave my kids with my inlaws. Feel more secure if kids with me.
Apparently they r not? With you smacking them and getting all worked up isn't any good for your kids.
Try no lessen your responsiblity towards them and bring down your own expectation of yourself.
Let your inlaws take care of them while you just do something for yourself.
There might just be too much resentment in you that causes you to experience what is the aftereffect of expecting too much from yourself.