Are you pregnant? or just given birth?
This is a discussion on Paranoid wife within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Hi Mummies, I wonder if there is anyone like me? So panaroid about hubby "eating outside"? Though hubby did not ...
I wonder if there is anyone like me? So panaroid about hubby "eating outside"? Though hubby did not display any obvious symptoms like not going home or making secret phone calls in toilet. I am still afraid that he will 'eat outside' and managed to 'wipe his mouth clean' since his job is pretty mobile.
Whenever I see him replied sms or bring his phone into toilet occassionally, I get paranoid. I went through his emails, PC and at times his SMS but there is nothing supicious going on. I wonder if he managed to wipe his mouth clean or because there is nothing going on?
Sometimes when I see his credit card bills, there would be less than $50 bill at a restaurant visits, its obvious that the cost of lunch was for 2 persons and not a group lunch. Its not a frequent thingy but I wonder who he ate lunch with cos I believe he will not eat alone in a restaurant. He would rather go to eat in fast food outlets. I know I should take things easy as its no big deal if he would to eat with a female colleague. I also know that he wouldn't want to share these details with me cos he know that I will get upset. Perhaps, hence he remove "evidences"
Perhaps, its because of my inferior complex? Everyday look like an soh without make up at home waiting for him. Maybe, when I return back to work, I will feel better cos at least can dress nicer and make up?
I dont know why I am so paranoid these days.
Are you pregnant? or just given birth?
gave birth for more than 3 mths...
You taking care of baby yourself at the moment? could be your hormones, that's why you keep thinking a lot plus taking care of baby. dont't think so much....if you really feel tht your hubby is hvg an affair, mayb can jokingly ask him....and see what is his reaction?
He will give me this pissed off look ...
I wondered why if he choose to keep things from me? Like his porno collection? I thought husband and wife already, still need to keep from me meh? Aint we supposed to enjoy these together?
Our sex life has reduced to once a week after when we have kids. Sometimes, when insecurity gets me, I will start to have wild tots if he has someone outside or DIY? He always tell me he is tired due to work and I am so sick of listening to it.
You should have a good talk with your hubby and tell him how you feel instead of keeping it to yourself and making yourself so paranoid. Take care.
We have talked previously on our sex life, hubby said will improve on it and I dont't see much improvement but I dont care much ...
Now that with my added insecurity and if he know that I have been snooping on his stuff, he will be super pissed off. I even tried to create his attention by bringing my phone into the toilet and on the pretend that someone was still smsing me in the wee hours. Though it did feel good that he was 'jealous' that someone was texting me but I feel I am insane to do all these kind of stuff to get his attention.
Perhap I would stop doing all these stuff when I go back to work...
Mayb you can just ask him straight if he receive sms or call at night....sometimes I do tht too to my hubby ask him "who is tht call so late at night?" and he will tell me who & who, but so far only once in a while his friend will call him at night
uhhhh, why dont you just speak to your hubby?
honestly, it is the only n also the most efficient way for you to find out the truth n also reassure yourself.
yah he might be upset you have been checking on him, but then again, if he didnt do anything wrong, he wont make a big fuss.
i feel that if he really cares about you, he will just try his best to reassure you. usually those who really did something wrong will blow up n make a big fuss.
i think its a phase bahs, i did went thru this phase too.
but thats becos my bf is in aussie, n we werent together for that long that time (after we got together for about 3 mths, he had to fly to aussie already).
i was pretty suspicious, kept checking on him like asking him who is this n that girl i saw/hear in the background (they living in hostel). but very hard for me to keep track too lahs, cos he is overseas.
but, he doesnt blow up or get pissed off when he sees me looking into his phone, or taking a peek at his emails when he is clearing them. he just reassures me everytime that i m the only one n there is no one else he bothers about. he makes the effort to inform me where he is going n also cut down hanging out with the other girls over there.
well after awhile, it doesnt bother me already. cos i feel the security already.
dont play the mind games with your hubby lahs, later more problems r created. just tell him nicely lorr, he will understand.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
He HATE when I checked on him. Last time checked his internet history; he found out and he was very upset. I told him I checked on him because its seemed that he doesnt want to have sex with me and I am 'curious' to know if he is visiting porn sites to DIY. He always said I dont trust him. I am just too paranoid.
So I dont know if I should come clean??
Shucks, I just happened to delete 2 of his sms in his old phone accidentally. I wonder if I should come clean or wait until he finds out?
I am getting from bad to worse, its like must check everything for a peace of mind. Can't help it. Arrgh...
babe, no one loves ppl to check on them. okay i admit, i do check on my hubby's HP last time but I never let him has the chance to know i was checking his hp. and i got no intention to 'catch' him or what, just casual 'checking'.
as for those restuarant receipts, did you ask him who he dined who? tell him your worries, let him know it;s not that you dont trust him but becos you love him too much that you tend o get wry he might leave you instead of going straight to him and ask "you outside got woman izzit?"
as for going to toilet or other placs to ans call, my hubby is ALWAYS lik that. haha. even my mother in law calls, he also will go other places to ans. i dont know y but i think is his habit or what. unless if those anonymous call then he will not go other places to ans. but i trust him for now lahh =)
hmmmmmmmmm.............. for me personally i still believe in trust......that is what a marriage is about right?
I dont know if i should believe him when he told me that he needs to go back office to 'show face' to boss (he came out of office for our dear son vaccination). What the point to go back office without his lappie and less than 2 hours before knock off time?
How can one go back to office without laptop?? Though he said his boss talked to him when he went back office.
I am going crazy soon cos its seemed to so unbelievable that one can do without his lappie in office! Yet the other side of me wants to believe him but cannot until I check his mobile for any supicious sms etc.
hon estly speaking, i feel that you should talk things clear with him, tell him hw you feel and after that STOP checking on him. if you really dont trust him, hire a PI and follow him. cos no point checking on his HP etc. and if the PI can find any evidences on him having woman outside, at least you got something to confront him, if they cant find, means you really think too much =)
flyaway, a wife instinct are sometime accurate.
I believed, there is to it more than whether having sex with you or not. I mean the feeling seems to be lost right?
I feel that if he is really involve, even you ask him or talk to him he will not admit it.
you should get a PI to do it instead of doing all those checks yourself, as you might alert him or if he is not having affair you might frustrate him.
after reading all the above posts, (i dont mean to sound negative) but i really think your hubby might be hidding something from you. it may not be an affair yet, maybe something something......
you may want to engage PI to check on him, if not, like what you said you are getting from bad to worse... this may make matter worse cause what if he is NOT doing anything outside then all your suspicions and checking of his mails and phone will strain your marriage...
flyaway, first get hold of yourself checking his sms/computer will not help to improve your situation instead it will make you paranoid and it may spiral out of control. Your hubby may also be angry if he finds out you have been doing all this. Nobody likes people breathing down their neck, including you right? If you are feeling very insecure about the situation, you should find a good time to have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him how you have been feeling lately, and speak out your worries, perhaps you will find some peace after talking to him.
Well, just to share my hubby sometimes also walks away to a corner if he's taking calls even when it's his mother! dont't know if its a guys habit Anyway, I do observe that some ppl do start walking conciously or subconciously when taking a phone call. Did you anyone also notice this habit? check on yourself the next time when you answer a call maybe you're doing it also
I finally muster the courage to thrash things out with him including the restaurant visit of less than $50. He said it was for 3 persons. I told him I find it strange that how can 3 persons eat only less than $40 in a jap resturant and he told me that they ordered cheap stuff without salmon cos salmon wasnt available.
All I can say is he can choose to say anything (truth or lies) and he swore (on the extend of lives of the kids and me; I chose it so that he better dont lie in case lighting strike).
He said that he choose not to tell me cos he knew my character well and how I would react. Bloody hell. How I wish he can get upset about me having to dine with male colleagues. Perhaps, I am no longer attractive hence he cant be bothered.
Last edited by flyaway; 19-06-2010 at 02:17 AM.
Hey girl i feel that your morale is reaally very low.I was /am like you but my case super different my hubby is a surveyor and working hours not fixed.I have not't seen him since thurs night.Sometimes when a few days go by with no calls/sms from him i call him up and ask him "hOW IS YOUR MISTRESS DOING WILL SHE ALLOW you TO COME HOME???"(no joke i really do that)My husband has been warned by me about fooling around outside.But lets come back to this i 2 have seen receipts and i do question him and after listening to him i decide do i believe or not.(So far i believe cause i got very weird way of casually asking the friends of his.Trust me my husband always goes to corners to ans phone 2 and so do i.I have even seen bank transfers tht he claims are to his friends who wanna borrow money i remember and in a few mths i ask him again about them.
But deep down i feel that a marriage is based on trust.you need to trust each other.And most importantly you need to build up your morale.Have you tried "water theraphy?"Well its swimming with ease.Maybe you can try also doll yourself up spray on a bit of perfume .you will feel loads better.
And lastly there was a period of 6 mths my husband and i did not sleep 2 gather cause i was angry with him but staying in the same house .I realised then that it does not mean that just because he does not wanna sleep with me that he has someone outside some times he can just be very pissed off with you and that is a barrier itself.
Did something happened in the past before that made you so suspicious and worried?
But I think it might also be due to the insecurity you are feeling cos you just gave birth a few months ago and maybe physically you have not't gotten back into shape, whereas hubby is outside working and meeting new people and you dont't know who are the people he is with. I felt the same way too but after I went back to work, it was better. So try to take things easier, focus more on baby and dont't let your imagination run wild. But if your instincts are usually accurate, then have to find other ways to "catch" him.
like what i've said, dont check on him. if you wanna check, get someone (e.g. PI) to check for you so you can get a fair ans.
now, 1st thing you should do is to build up your self esteem. =)
dont't feel that you are not attractive enough............you're slowly pointing the finger at yourself