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Paranoid wife

This is a discussion on Paranoid wife within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; You are just like me, being paranoid, before ask anything will think this way, after questioning him, he answered me, ...

  1. #26
    Female Attendant NIisme's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
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    Re: Paranoid wife

    You are just like me, being paranoid, before ask anything will think this way, after questioning him, he answered me, still will think he not telling the truth.

    And what happened now? Everything turn out very badly.


  2. #27
    Moderator CanCanMum's Avatar
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    Re: Paranoid wife

    Quote Originally Posted by flyaway View Post
    Hi Mummies,

    I wonder if there is anyone like me? So panaroid about hubby "eating outside"? Though hubby did not display any obvious symptoms like not going home or making secret phone calls in toilet. I am still afraid that he will 'eat outside' and managed to 'wipe his mouth clean' since his job is pretty mobile.

    Whenever I see him replied sms or bring his phone into toilet occassionally, I get paranoid. I went through his emails, PC and at times his SMS but there is nothing supicious going on. I wonder if he managed to wipe his mouth clean or because there is nothing going on?

    Sometimes when I see his credit card bills, there would be less than $50 bill at a restaurant visits, its obvious that the cost of lunch was for 2 persons and not a group lunch. Its not a frequent thingy but I wonder who he ate lunch with cos I believe he will not eat alone in a restaurant. He would rather go to eat in fast food outlets. I know I should take things easy as its no big deal if he would to eat with a female colleague. I also know that he wouldn't want to share these details with me cos he know that I will get upset. Perhaps, hence he remove "evidences"

    Perhaps, its because of my inferior complex? Everyday look like an soh without make up at home waiting for him. Maybe, when I return back to work, I will feel better cos at least can dress nicer and make up?

    I dont know why I am so paranoid these days.
    flyaway darling,

    its normal for you to feel this way, in fact i guess every women has this fear of their husband "eating outside".

    the thing is not to let this fear creep over yourself and causing you to suspect at every single detail that your husb does. It does nothing but harm to your relationship as well as affecting your daily routines. Its not healthy for you in the long run. And you might lose mutual trust too.

    the credit card bill for 2/3 pax is not really an important detail. It might just be lunching with a colleague.

    Quote Originally Posted by flyaway View Post
    He will give me this pissed off look ...

    I wondered why if he choose to keep things from me? Like his porno collection? I thought husband and wife already, still need to keep from me meh? Aint we supposed to enjoy these together?

    Our sex life has reduced to once a week after when we have kids. Sometimes, when insecurity gets me, I will start to have wild tots if he has someone outside or DIY? He always tell me he is tired due to work and I am so sick of listening to it.
    well, sex life after marriage is different. Its a stage that we also went thru. Looking after baby, parental roles, financial burdens etc etc, all these gets built up and it contributes to changes in our family. And i guess sometimes (or many times) our hubby will just brush off as TIRED. I take it as pretty normal, coz there are times when i really needed my sleep and i really dunn feel like doing it also. Its perfectly fine.

    Perhaps next time you wait for him to initiate. Rather than you taking the first move?

    Quote Originally Posted by flyaway View Post
    We have talked previously on our sex life, hubby said will improve on it and I dont't see much improvement but I dont care much ...

    Now that with my added insecurity and if he know that I have been snooping on his stuff, he will be super pissed off. I even tried to create his attention by bringing my phone into the toilet and on the pretend that someone was still smsing me in the wee hours. Though it did feel good that he was 'jealous' that someone was texting me but I feel I am insane to do all these kind of stuff to get his attention.

    Perhap I would stop doing all these stuff when I go back to work...
    The key thing is not to check on him until he gets pissed off by every single thing you do. Coz once it happens too frequent, he might not want to confide in you or he withdraws himself coz he feels whatever he does or says, you r not gonna believe it anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by flyaway View Post
    He HATE when I checked on him. Last time checked his internet history; he found out and he was very upset. I told him I checked on him because its seemed that he doesnt want to have sex with me and I am 'curious' to know if he is visiting porn sites to DIY. He always said I dont trust him. I am just too paranoid.

    So I dont know if I should come clean??

    Shucks, I just happened to delete 2 of his sms in his old phone accidentally. I wonder if I should come clean or wait until he finds out?

    I am getting from bad to worse, its like must check everything for a peace of mind. Can't help it. Arrgh...
    actually what is the thing that he has done that makes you worry so much? Unless there are obvious signs of him cheating, then its right for you to act on it. From what i read in your posts, he seems pretty normal. Perhaps he is also adjusting himself to be a father, coz some pple do experience Daddy BLues...........

    Quote Originally Posted by flyaway View Post
    I dont know if i should believe him when he told me that he needs to go back office to 'show face' to boss (he came out of office for our dear son vaccination). What the point to go back office without his lappie and less than 2 hours before knock off time?

    How can one go back to office without laptop?? Though he said his boss talked to him when he went back office.

    I am going crazy soon cos its seemed to so unbelievable that one can do without his lappie in office! Yet the other side of me wants to believe him but cannot until I check his mobile for any supicious sms etc.
    actually if he wanted to cheat on you, he would have deleted all messages oredi, before you can retrieve it. And you should really suspect something if he sets password etc to his handphone to prevent you from checking.

    Quote Originally Posted by flyaway View Post
    I finally muster the courage to thrash things out with him including the restaurant visit of less than $50. He said it was for 3 persons. I told him I find it strange that how can 3 persons eat only less than $40 in a jap resturant and he told me that they ordered cheap stuff without salmon cos salmon wasnt available.

    All I can say is he can choose to say anything (truth or lies) and he swore (on the extend of lives of the kids and me; I chose it so that he better dont lie in case lighting strike).

    He said that he choose not to tell me cos he knew my character well and how I would react. Bloody hell. How I wish he can get upset about me having to dine with male colleagues. Perhaps, I am no longer attractive hence he cant be bothered.
    *hUgs* i guess this insecurity comes from your post natal blues and partly due to increase burden of looking after a baby. Try and look on the brighter side of life, stay cheerful. Take a deep breathe, go take a walk or do something different. Stay away from negative thoughts for a while.
    Last edited by CanCanMum; 20-06-2010 at 12:54 AM.

  3. #28
    Imperial Concubine
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    Re: Paranoid wife

    Dear gal,

    I had my doubts too when I was pregnant and we were apart, even though I knew that with his schedule and surroundings, its impossible for him to eat out, and it so easy for me to check as he is working in his family business. He would on his msn everyday to chat with me online, so I know when he is away.

    He gets pissed with me when I got paranoid. But after a long talk, he continous reassured me.

    Your husband know how paranoid you might get, thus he did not want to tell you. My husband do that at times...doesn't tell me things as he knew that I'll get overly worried. Its because he cares and worried about you, thus he didn't tell you, not because he dont't bother to.

    Try to trust him as long as he doesn't give you any grounds for doubts, if you are uncertain example for the receipt, just ask him directly, its better than quietly hiding and worrying, for something which might not mean anything at all. IF you are worried that he is lying, just ask him casually sometime later again, see if he gives the same reply, if its the truth, it'll be easy for him to repeat it again (unless of course if he forgets already), if he had lied, well, it'll be harder for him to recall. It takes 2 lies to cover up 1 lie.

    You wouldn't like it when your loved one distrust you without any cause, and you have to keep explaining yourself repeatedly as well.

    I agree with cancanmum, instead of waiting for him to take the intiative, why not take it yourself? He could be stressed up or tired with work, especially when another mouth to feed, he gets worried about finances, the guys tend to bottle it up. Thus no mood for sex. And if he wants to cheat on you, he would have deleted all his messages, and you would have no chance to even touch his hp and/or laptop, he'll be hogging it 24/7.

    So dear gal, dont't think and worry too much. Try to go out more often, distract yourself from such negative thoughts, do something you like. If you are worried about not being attractive enough, then try to pamper yourself more. When the baby is sleeping, I'll do some facial massage, hair mask (though shorter than the reccomended time),a good scrub while showering.., just to cheer myself up and make myself feel better.

    I look like soh also everyday when he comes home. Hair untidy tied up, still in loose Tees and sweats...

  4. #29
    Imperial Concubine SH74's Avatar
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    Re: Paranoid wife

    flyaway > i feel dat d prob lies w you n your hormones. you know if you cont to behave like dat, it wont b healthy as a couple n for your child? do have a good talk to your husband about this. n also reassure yourself dat your husband is still faithful to you n loves you dearly. if you think you r losing your attraction, do something. no point blaming yourself n not doing anything, except suspecting your husband. do it for d sake of your lovely family. it's not easy but no choice. try to stay rational. talk to your husband, not str away accuse him. you wont like it if he does dat to you rite? jiayou! for d sake of your child!

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