This is a discussion on parents still treat me as a kid =( within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; wow Ting, your Pin is really smart... and i can understand how you feel at that pt of time.... Regina, ...
wow Ting, your Pin is really smart... and i can understand how you feel at that pt of time....
Regina, my boy was taken care by my mum. But in the very begining, I make it very clear to my mum that he is my son and I told her the old way they brought us up are no longer useful. Just like the food we used to have when we are baby and the food we gave to our baby now. I told her she can point out to my mistakes and I will learn from the mistakes as I have never being a mummy before... And beside, my parents know my strong character, if they want me to do their way and I find it a nonesense I will not follow. I also told them if they never let me try, I will never learn and grow.
After you have moved into your new house for about, say, 6 months, you may start to miss the convenience of staying together with your parents. What you once took for granted, you now have to do them on your own, EVERYTIME. At least this is what I experienced after I moved into my own home.
The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin - Page 412
Reply to Kyo’o
Believe in this mandala with all your heart.
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is like the roar of a lion.
What sickness can therefore be an obstacle?
yeah, i did think about the bills n all now, cos im living with my parents, so they r paying.
cant imgaine my life after i move out.
plus hsewrk r done by my mum.
i told bf if next time we marry, i dont know how to do hsewrk, either he do it, or he get someone to.
yes, i have to admit that pin is abit smart for her age.
but too smart for MY own good.
cos she very good at talkin back to me!!!!!!
sometimes i talk to her i really want to vomit blood!!
she got a mind of her own and doesnt want to follow my instructions, and likes to do everything by herself.
omg, always need to resort to using cane then she will listen.
but doesnt work all the time~ >.<"
my mum say she learn from me cos i always talk back to her then when pin sees, she learns, so nonsense..... -.-"
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
im like her big sis!
mum always say she got a 4th dear daughter now!
I didn't want to open a new thread so thought I'd rant here instead.
My parents are at it again; more specifically my mum. Since Eva started going to the babysitter, my mum keep demanding to see the babysitter. First say she wanna see what sort of woman is taking care of her granddaughter. Today, she tried again. I got so angry and I asked her outright, "Is this because you dont't trust my judgement?". She went "Yes, I dont't trust your judgement". =.=
On top of that, we're house-hunting at the moment and she keeps telling me what to do, eg ask to see the property first (DUH!), no evening sun (of course), etc, etc. I told her that I'm already doing all that and I know what I'm doing. I've done my fair share of house hunting before so there is no need to tell me all that. She just went "I'm not telling you BUT I'm older than you and I eat salt more than you eat rice". WTH.
I really really hate being treated like a child. I'm already 31 years old and my parents are still going around tell me how to eat, pack, etc. =.= And no, I DO NOT see this as being concerned.
my inlaws are very bo chap one.. last time i was thinking hw come they so bo chap? izzit they dont lik me? but after knowing them, i feel that they (esp mother in law) are those parents who dont interfere on what their kids are doing, as long as not doing illegal things. and they trust thier kids, will not keep qns them. and mother in law never interfere hw i bring up dear son. they give advices, if we think we should follow pediatrician's ones, they are okay with it too.
so sometimes i feel that though they dont seems to be very concern on many things, but those are small things, they will only step in when big issue comes. i told my hubby, i hope both of us can be lik his parents, the 'bo chap' characters on small matters..
Meiteoh, perhaps that is the only way that your parents know to show their care and concern. My mother in law will repeat the same suff many times and at different times, and I'll just say "Orhhh" to everything, then 1 ear in 1 ear out .
I try very very hard to do the whole "1-ear in, 1-ear out" thing but I just cannot tahan, especially when my mum calls like two to three times a day and starts on the emo blackmail.
She does this to my brother as well and when he tells her to stop, she gets angry and all huffy puffy. In the end, he totally ignores her, doesn't come home and spends more time with his in-laws or away from my parents - this is something I really dont't want to do but I find myself reaching my breaking point.
My dad is worse. Hai.
Some of my friends tell me to be grateful to have parents who are like this (because their parents dont't really care) but it's hard to be grateful when you're being stifled constantly. I couldn't and still can't do anything without them butting in and giving their so-called approval/advise...even if it means a small thing like buying clothes for my own daughter. =.=
yeah meiteoh, i think cos your friends never been in that situation, tts why they wont understand.
i get really annoyed for ppl who r like that..
I can understand what you all are going through. I'm not lucky enough to be a mummy yet but already my parents are overly-protective over me. I am overseas most of the time because of my work but whenever I'm back home, they won't allow me to go out with friends or alone I'm approaching 30 by the way The reason they give is it's too unsafe for a girl to go out, if I want to do anything or go anywhere they must go together. I really know they care a lot but sometimes it's overboard. Even visiting dentist, I told them I'll drive there because they're working but instead, they came home earlier from work to drive me there (reason: it's unsafe). If I want to meet up with friends, they demand to know the person inside-out and why, etc. Sometimes it really drives me crazy! Any guys that I have contact with, they demand to know everything about them (from background right up to future plans). I have to admit I do not like to see my parents unhappy. And they will know how to make me feel guilty if I dont't cooperate. So anyway because of all this, you can imagine they dont't agree to my choice of boyfriend too. Me and him have been undercover for 6 years, parents still refuse to even hear his name. And recently, just because they always hear their friends saying how lucky if children live with their parents until parents pass on, she has been hinting and forcing her opinion on me to come home to work, and the fact that if I continue not to do so, I'm the most unfilial and selfish child. But to leave everything here (boyfriend, good career, salary, house) and go back home to freedomless (can't meet up with friends, can't go out alone, can't go anywhere myself, can't do anything without their approval). Really headache, dont't know what to do. My work already stressful, now this.
hello babe, you r not alone. before i got married, my mum controlled my life. when i was 21, my husband asked my dad for my hand in marriage only to be rejected by my dad, saying im too young, if want to get married, we must ve a stable career. so my husband proved to my parents by working hard & 2yrs later we went to get a flat & we ROM. but after ROM our house still not ready cos under renovation so we moved in a year later after our customary wedding. after i moved out, my mum still call me daily & ask me go home for dinner, i still went home until 1fine day i tired of going back i just tel her i want to go home & rest.
when i was pregnant, she instructed my hubby to keep his niece & nephew away from our baby. hubby was not happy, say why my mum so demanding when she is not looking after our baby. OK, so the day my waterbad burst, i panicked & called my mum, she scolded me for not preparing myself for such situation. OK, then i called my hubby, he called his mum, so my mum brought me home 1st to take my admission letter etc, then my mother in law is at my house , hubby also at home. when im ready to leave, my mum demanded my hubby & mother in law not to follow us to the hospital, told my mother in law to stay at my house & sweep/mop & pack & fold baby clothes. she ordered her like a maid & Hubby was very very unhappy. he told his mum to ignore my mum & all of us went to the hospital together. along the way my mum proudly tel my mother in law she will take care of my baby. mother in law said ok, good that you take care. but endup my mum cant cope with my son & endup tel me to let my mother in law take care.
my mum did 1week of confinement for me & it was horrible. she ordered me around my house & tel me dont do this dont do that. the confinement food she cook was so horrible i endup having fever/flu/sore throat & dirrhoea & i had to go back to my gyne to get medicine or else i tink i will die. when my CL came, she told me is a miracle that im still alive because after seeing what my mum cooked for me she say the food is not suitable for confinement .
now she will always tel me how to take care of my son, she still treats me like a kid, asuming everything we dont know. many times i argue with her then she say whats the use of having children like this(refering to me), so now i simply heck care what she say. & i always remind her ive my own way of taking care of my son. her way is OUTDATED. only then she will back off.
Stay at Home Mummy
i think most parents are meant well for their children, but sometimes they do it in the wrong way. like my mum, now i have a baby and move to spore, our relationship is much better .. before, we can't even pass one day without having a fight ... but now after i became a mum, i think i know how she feels.
and i owe lots of things to my mum, she know my hubby didn't earn much so most of my baby things, my mum bought it ... and once in a while, since now i'm not working, she will send me some money, for me and baby .. and so many things
but her nagging will still the same, just not too often hahahaha ... now she nag most about baby. she always afraid i dont't have enough milk, and every time calling me, her first qs would be, do you still enough milk ?? you have to eat seafood, vegetables .. dont't stop BF baby ... and they first time i went back after giving birth, my mum complain a lots ... start from my baby belly and the way i take care of my son ...
the truth is, now i'm far away from my parents .. kind of miss their nag
i dont't believe any of our parents mean bad for us, unless those crazy parents
I think one reason why parents behave like that, ie controlling, unreasonable, are coz they feel insecure. They're afraid their children will surpass them and they become redundant/not needed and thus no longer loved, treasured and cherished.
As much as they attribute such behaviours to menopause, they need to admit that there is a real fear in their lives that their children might leave them. Of course we know that it is not true and they have to learn to let go.
I think if it is possible, reassure them that you won't leave them? Let them know that their advise is still treasured or listened to. Just because it is not agreed upon doesn't mean that they are not heard.
I dont't know what I'm saying makes sense to you but that's what I do with my mum.