Problems with In-Laws

[leeno]

Hi i am a mum of a 6mths old boy. After i deliver my boy loads and loads of problems starts coming. From baby's name, bf or formula, how to take care..... I am super stress... Now i become super detest of my mum-in-law. i really dont know y.... Every wkend i try to find excuses to avoid going and because of her my relatioship with my hubby is getting worse. I give up my studies coz i dont want her to look after my son and having lots of doubts for planning a second kid. Help... i need some advise....

[CanCanMum]

erm....can describe in more details what problems are you facing now?

mother in law...what has she done to you? Nagging and disapproval? She actually volunteered to help you look after?

looking after babies are never easy ....but it doesnt help to detest your mother in law also isn't it? I think you may be too tied down with the chores and demands of a newborn....are you too stressed? Any way that you can relax one two hours of the day while you put baby with someone~~~

tats all i can suggest for now....till you have some more descriptions to let off steam...

*Hugs**

[Jan]

Originally Posted by CanCanMum erm....can describe in more details what problems are you facing now? mother in law...what has she done to you? Nagging and disapproval? She actually volunteered to help you look after? looking after babies are never easy ....but it doesnt help to detest your mother in law also isn't it? I think you may be too tied down with the chores and demands of a newborn....are you too stressed? Any way that you can relax one two hours of the day while you put baby with someone~~~ tats all i can suggest for now....till you have some more descriptions to let off steam... *Hugs**

Hi leeno,

Can share with us more details?

I totally agreed with CanCanMum. Looking after a baby has never been a easy task plus you are adjusting to this new role and knowing your little one.

I was once like you however, I have learn to let go and enjoy. It will only cause you harm with the hatred you have implant in your heart.

You can email me and I will share with you my experience.

Email: janettelss@hotmail.com

[leeno]

Hi cancan thanks alot... My mum-in-law likes to bad mouth my hubby to my son. She keeps wanting me to stop bf my son and keeps saying '' you go work/ study , your son can stay here with me. dont't need to be so wei da and if you dont work my son very poorthing" Not i dont want her to look after when i tell (educate) her things like dont give salt and sugar to him (3mths) she say nvm. She keep wanting to give my son what "fu" water which i find dirty. She like to keep over night food, left over from hs and worse some time the food dont know keep there how long . How can i not worry? She dont let my son watch tv, pressure him to study at this young age. When my son cry for mummy she tell me to get lost and tell my son dont need mummy . sigh... i really dont know how.

[tinkerball]

Originally Posted by leeno Hi i am a mum of a 6mths old boy. After i deliver my boy loads and loads of problems starts coming. From baby's name, bf or formula, how to take care..... I am super stress... Now i become super detest of my mum-in-law. i really dont know y.... Every wkend i try to find excuses to avoid going and because of her my relatioship with my hubby is getting worse. I give up my studies coz i dont want her to look after my son and having lots of doubts for planning a second kid. Help... i need some advise....

im in the same situation as you myself. hate my parents in law, hate his family.. every little thing call my hubby to run errands cos he's the only person in the family who drives but every1 is staying at different areas. now they were telling me to go back to hometown i Malacca during Hari Raya. its 6 or 7 families cramped in a not-so-spacious house. makes me detest them even more. now im suspecting my hubby hiding secrets frm me.. i wonder if this is post natal blues..

[leeno]

well i tell myself she wants to help she is showing concern. But when things are better she starts again. She love to say my son scare of ppl , which is not, tell my hubby your wife now very fat. My grandson must stay with me when he knows how to eat porridge.....blah blah...

[apollo]

Originally Posted by leeno Hi cancan thanks alot... My mum-in-law likes to bad mouth my hubby to my son. She keeps wanting me to stop bf my son and keeps saying '' you go work/ study , your son can stay here with me. dont't need to be so wei da and if you dont work my son very poorthing" Not i dont want her to look after when i tell (educate) her things like dont give salt and sugar to him (3mths) she say nvm. She keep wanting to give my son what "fu" water which i find dirty. She like to keep over night food, left over from hs and worse some time the food dont know keep there how long . How can i not worry? She dont let my son watch tv, pressure him to study at this young age. When my son cry for mummy she tell me to get lost and tell my son dont need mummy . sigh... i really dont know how.

hw can your mother in law tell your son "dont need mummy " when she herself is also a mother??!!

to me, i think taking care of my own kid(s) is always better than leaving them to "others" UNLESS your mother in law/mum is really very capable of taking care kids.. another reason i encourage taking care of my kids on my own is becos, in future my kids will be closer with me and at least i'll know what he/she likes and dislikes, able to communicate with them more...

your mother in law should be grateful that her daughter in law (you) is willing to be a stay at home mum.. =D

[leeno]

Hi tinkerball thanks for sharing...
i dont think so bah hehehe i suspect myself post-natal blue, depression... and when to see a doc... She say is problems with in laws that i need to solve (which i dont know how too)

[leeno]

Hi regina tats what i am thinking.. taking care of my kid understand him better and try to give all best things to him. My mother in law dont think so. She even say my son must stay with him when the second baby comes along, which i disagree. (Siblings should grow up together) I am afraid of all the problems ( My son leaving me) when i have the 2nd one. So i told my hubby i want to love my son more before 2nd one. (Avoiding the day coming) I find her traditional mother in law.

[pkshl]

Originally Posted by leeno Hi regina tats what i am thinking.. taking care of my kid understand him better and try to give all best things to him. My mother in law dont think so. She even say my son must stay with him when the second baby comes along, which i disagree. (Siblings should grow up together) I am afraid of all the problems ( My son leaving me) when i have the 2nd one. So i told my hubby i want to love my son more before 2nd one. (Avoiding the day coming) I find her traditional mother in law.

my mother in law sounds like yrs. initally my mother in law also told me to leave my baby with her on wkdays & only when i free then i can go n c my son which i find it ridiculous! which mum dont wish to spend 24/7 with their own babies. thats when i simply tel her straight my son will only stay at her place during daytime when we are working, after work we will bring him home. she was pissed but im even more piss becos y does she ve to plan things for me, not even my mum do that to me. ask also never ask us just straightway tel me her plan.

[snowbear]

Originally Posted by leeno Hi i am a mum of a 6mths old boy. After i deliver my boy loads and loads of problems starts coming. From baby's name, bf or formula, how to take care..... I am super stress... Now i become super detest of my mum-in-law. i really dont know y.... Every wkend i try to find excuses to avoid going and because of her my relatioship with my hubby is getting worse. I give up my studies coz i dont want her to look after my son and having lots of doubts for planning a second kid. Help... i need some advise....

Hi leeno, you poor thing! *hugz*

I think most women have problems with their mother in law, just a matter of degree. I think you need to make your stand clear that you disapprove of unhygienic treatment of your child (drinking 'fu' water) and giving salt/sugar to your child when he doesn't need it and his body may not be able to take it since he's so young! Things that have an impact on your son, i feel that no matter how bad the situation is, you still need to say coz your son is on the receiving end of such treatment. Does your hubby condone such treatment of his son?

I think it's best to be a stay at home mum. You can be there for your child all the time and know exactly what they like/dislike and their temperament. My mother in law used to pressure my hubby and i to let her look after my precious dear daughter and said that we can only take her back on weekends. She did that all the way when i got pregnant till my maternity leave ended. We refused and stood our ground: i stopped working and have been taking care of dear daughter on my own since delivery. We believe that's for the best for our daughter and we should have a chance to be the parents that we wanna be to our children. Our parents have had their chance to bring us up, shouldn't we have that privilege? Hence, it is of my opinion that the older generation should not interfere. Nowadays when my mother in law says anything that goes against my way of doing things i just listen and keep quiet. No pt fighting about it coz anyway baby is mine and i do things my way... I used to fret about everything my mother in law said but my hubby told me to ignore her coz baby is ours and we have our own beliefs. You must communicate with your hubby about such things so that he can understand where you're coming from. After all, i'm sure your hubby would also want the best for his son.

[leeno]

Hi pkshl i hope i am like you ( tell your mother in law straight) i think i dare not or because i dont want my hubby to be in between... i also dont know but alot of time i wish to tell her straight but when things happened i just sit there like a statue. Hate it

[leeno]

Hi snowbear i did what you did. Sometimes my hubby understand and stand by me but when with his mum sigh... he will sometimes " oh ya ya, yes yes" which makes me feel that i am alone in the war again.

[snowbear]

Originally Posted by leeno Hi snowbear i did what you did. Sometimes my hubby understand and stand by me but when with his mum sigh... he will sometimes " oh ya ya, yes yes" which makes me feel that i am alone in the war again.

sometimes as the son he has to do it for show . Check with him after that if he truly feels that way. I think that's more impt. And if it really bothers you that much, then tell him not to do that again (though i think it can be quite diff).

[mich_liu82]

Leeno,

This kinda of thing true enough that we wanna show respect to our in laws, however that doesn't give them the fact that they can climb over our heads and shit on it.

Most importantly just let your mother in law know . Tell her say you are appreciative of her concern towards you, your son n hubby. But just let her know since you are the mother, you know what is best for your son.

For my mother in law, if she try to say sumthing I dont like, I will just ignore her and change topic but if she ever pisses me off, then I wun bring her grandkids to see her for at least a month to show her sum colour.

[snowbear]

Originally Posted by mich_liu82 Leeno, This kinda of thing true enough that we wanna show respect to our in laws, however that doesn't give them the fact that they can climb over our heads and shit on it.

funny!!!

Originally Posted by mich_liu82 Most importantly just let your mother in law know . Tell her say you are appreciative of her concern towards you, your son n hubby. But just let her know since you are the mother, you know what is best for your son.

yup, agreed.

Originally Posted by mich_liu82 For my mother in law, if she try to say sumthing I dont like, I will just ignore her and change topic but if she ever pisses me off, then I wun bring her grandkids to see her for at least a month to show her sum colour.

Won't she come over to your house then? My mother in law is always coming to my house...

[leeno]

My hubby will fight with me over not bring him over (happened last wk my mum not feeling well) and she will come to my hs then tell my son " ya you never come see nai nai your ye ye miss you . Next time you grow up come yourself dont need mummy to bring " then look at me

[apollo]

Originally Posted by leeno My hubby will fight with me over not bring him over (happened last wk my mum not feeling well) and she will come to my hs then tell my son " ya you never come see nai nai your ye ye miss you . Next time you grow up come yourself dont need mummy to bring " then look at me

your mother in law very funny !!!! always lik to use "dont need mummy".. if my mother in law say that to my baby, i will turn around to my hubby and tell him "yalo, you grow up alrdy also dont NEED mummy alrdy!"

[leeno]

haha i did that but my mother in law still dont get it

[snowbear]

Originally Posted by reginakoh your mother in law very funny !!!! always lik to use "dont need mummy".. if my mother in law say that to my baby, i will turn around to my hubby and tell him "yalo, you grow up alrdy also dont NEED mummy alrdy!"

i'd do that too!!! ^5!

[apollo]

Originally Posted by leeno haha i did that but my mother in law still dont get it

think is not she dont get it, mayb she's acting blur.. LOL! but like what snowbear mentioned earlier, i think the hygience and sugar level thingy is very impt ... didnt your hubby tok to her about not giving your baby sugary and overnight food?

[apollo]

Originally Posted by snowbear i'd do that too!!! ^5!

*PIAK*

[leeno]

Yup my hubby will always do the talking to her. But she will always say nvm nvm in hokkien. When i reach hm i told my husband then he will just brush me off and say ignore her . But now my son is 6 mths old i am really very worry about the porridge and stuff is to be put into his mouth during our visits. sigh...

[pkshl]

Originally Posted by leeno Hi pkshl i hope i am like you ( tell your mother in law straight) i think i dare not or because i dont want my hubby to be in between... i also dont know but alot of time i wish to tell her straight but when things happened i just sit there like a statue. Hate it

dear leeno, i can tel my mother in law straight is bcos before hand, me & hubby had already agreed on bringing baby home every night. & when i told mother in law this, my hubby was sitting next to me, so whatever i say, i make sure he heard me, dont later go home then quarrel.

[serenelm]

if you're worried about what she puts into your baby's porridge, why dont you cook n bring it along to feed your baby when you're there? then at least you can reject her n tell her dont need to cook for baby cos you've done so...