Do you want to share dear?inbox me perhaps?
This is a discussion on randomness within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; I just wish that God was here to take my life away. Everything should stop now. I am only a ...
I just wish that God was here to take my life away. Everything should stop now.
I am only a girl who wish to be free, does not want to be tied down by anyone.
Dad and Mum, let live and you will live too.
Do you want to share dear?inbox me perhaps?
Wish to end this all too. Can't take it any longer.
Hope that you are ok.
I have a thread in here too, feel free to post there or leave me a private message.
Hope to make similar minded friends who understand what my sis and & i are going through too.
i do have this thought sometimes. try to free your mind and not think of any negative. take care.
Alisa: agrees with you. Take care too ya. Hehe.
life is precious, everything can be solved.
I think life is never smooth sailing for most of us. I live like zombie with lots of tears recently too. Sometimes I feel optimistic n think that I'm a lot welloff in many senses when I read people's problem iin forum or ssee them on tv. Sometimes I feel pessimistic and think I am such a sad case. My life has been plagued by gossiping relatives who were careless with words and senses for my family, moreover I have such miserable and sickening parents in law who basically never treated me well cos I tthink the
main reason is that we have no kids. I cannot even share that i miscarriage as they were never kind to me be it I tried hard initially. Mu mumimlaw gives only good food and to her daughter's kids.
my fatherinlaw often give me nonsense talk and even dump
bags(daughter's kiids) to make me carry. I gave up on my expectations on them already. My Only sisinlaw is the worst... I dont't know why she is always up to nno good aand tried to create gossip and strains between the parents in law and both me and hubby. She is a really a bitch to every sense...I just wonder why her husband and her Parents can't see thru such a manipulator and a greedy and stingy bitch she is. Sigh... She is forever creating problems between my inlaws and us. It's so painful sometimes to deal with such people and can't serve ties with them. I really wishESP her to
rot in hell... Sorry for being so crude. My parents are not giving me ssupport too. The weirdest thing is dad never really loves mmum and us. Til now he just make use of me to run his errands and never bothers how am I. Mum is the best however iin her heart my bro is the best, no matter how much nonsense he gives her. I always believe in goodness and good karma but I dont't know why im not respected as a good daughter, good daughter in law or ggood relative. I am just so tired with life too sometimes esp with the recent miscarriage. I have not too many close ffriends and only person who totally understd and love me is my hubby... Without him life would definitely be mmeaningless.......Frankly I'm quite sad why there r so many fakes around. Sickeningly to max.
Last edited by Sad 33; 10-06-2012 at 01:07 AM.
Life is never b ez...
Life is not easy. Just be yourself and live happily. They will see and envy!
yes i will try to live life to max. yes i guess why my parentsinlaw and sisinlaw constantly want to 'disturb' our peace with gossips, manipulation of every little thing we do is cos of envy and jealousy.
thank god im not staying with myinlaws, else our marriage will not have lasted this long. they are simply horrible, stingy and miserable people to live with. they simply never love me til this day. feel so tired when i need to go their house wkly for dinner. you know what whenever my hub bring them out for dinner, they (esp mother in law) complain about cost of eating out. never bring them out also not happy. bring them out also must complain. like our last yr end holiday trip that requires lots of daily walking as we did it free n easy, mother in law want to tack along even though living std at this holiday destination is very expensive and she cant walk much. she already complain when we bring her to eat at resturants or zhi cha in singapore, how she can cope with Switzerland's std? things so expensive there. so in the end we never bring her, then she became so angry with me. like it's my fault forever. whenever things go wrong its my fault.
back in singapore she always cook simple food like bean spouts, vegs, simple pork, fried chicken, but seldom fish. she always place the best food furthest from my reach. :P i am not saying that she is wrong cos they have hard time previously but now when all children can afford, she still want to live and complain daily in such manner. she keep repeating when she notice i wear better shoes or carries better bag. i am not too sure if she expects me to live in the same manner as her or is she never truly satisfied with me or life?
the worst part is that sisinlaw sees these situations as opportunities to make my hub and me look real bad. dont talk about the old folks with old thinking, but this middleage woman, just simply without senses want to make my life miserable. i dont't know what's her motive anyway...but the whole family is such turn off to me now. i hear of nice in laws but mine sucks to the max hell. recently as inlaws age, they are into the idea of earning rent on their house and want to stay with us. i really hope this day will not come. sigh...
do you have such experience with bad inlaws?
Last edited by Sad 33; 11-06-2012 at 12:17 PM.
im staying with my parent in law and of course there will sure be argument too. now i simply bo chap about anything she do or say but once the matter concern about my son, i will say. until my husband kept saying i am very rude and dont show respect to his parents. Well, i explained after he cool off and he accepted it. now, i really dont give a damn about what his parents do so long my son is ok, i will continue to keep quiet. btw, i am staying with them for almost 5yrs ... my husband also wish that our house can complete earlier... It will only be ready in 2014... ya, my husband will say his parents want but he cannot accept me to say cuz i am after all still an outsider.
i cannot advise you much as i also having problem with my in-laws but just dont care about them . like the food case, if the better food are further away from you, i will stand up and pick it up. Unless i dont like to eat then i will not touch them. When yr sister In law give you problem, do you let yr hubby know? about all these problem with his family, he knows? what is his reaction? will he side you?
Tell you, my husband will not side me... no matter what, he will still side his parents want so no point for me in complaining to him. i have learn to write diary so whatever unhappy things i face, i will write down. beside complaining in forum, i cannot tell anybody too.
Just want to share my own personal experience.
dont't even have a father-in-law to handle but i have a horrible, drive me crazy mother-in-law. She used to stay with us, for a whole 7 years, intially also tahan and tahan, every now and then will end up crying. First year in our marriage i already considered divorcing my hubby because of her mother but i'm glad we didn't as that would have made my mother in law happy!
When we were lokking around for our matrimonial home, she made so much noise such as we moving away from Yishun where they had been staying at for 3 years, never consider her cos she got no friends in pasir ris etc. Hello?? singapore how big? Not like she was paying for the house .
She stay with us not say help with house work or what! She dirties my house until i cannot tahan ! Can tell what she ate for her meals cos its everywhere on the dining table, on the stove or in the sink. Boil water will end up my stove flooded until cannot light up! can you imagine! She like never do housework in her entire life one. Even when i was 9 months pregnant and mopping the floor, she can walk here walk there like she didn't see me!
I stopped greeting or talking to her 5 years ago! It got so bad until i told my hubby greeting is a form of respect and i do not respct his mom so no point in greeting! The whole 7 years we stayed together, she didn't spend one single cent buying anything for the house or for us. She just made 2 rounds of birds nest for me while i was preggy i think she scared i dont't let her carry my gal.
All along my hubby keep siding her but everytime she make me upset, i will tell hubby just listen because i need to grumble and to let off steam! Then slowly he began to see his mom's nonsense. I think he also very fed up with his mom but then how? he can't choose his mom and his only sister has lived oevrseas like forever.
I have now enjoyed proper family life without her for the last 5 months cos she moved out on her own after a fight with hubby after threatening 'Not happy i move out '. lol! like we very want to live with her like that, everytime lose an argument only threaten so when mu hubby said 'ok ' to her moving out to live on her own, her face when white! then she straightaway shouted that my hubby must pay the rent so my hubby said ok. Thse words were the ones i have been waiting and waiting for the last 7 years!!
Sorry for the ranting but i just wanna say that there are happy ending to the 'parents-in-law' horror stories and one day, those stories will happen to you so even though it's really tough right now, just hang on! Jia you!
i'm finally found someone who understd more or less how i feel!!!
poor you, i shld say that you must have suffer more than I am now. i think to be staying with inlaws, esp those difficult ones are really putting a test on our patience, and even marriage. i so sorry to hear that your hubby dont't side you at all and you have to keep this to yourself and your diary. i tried complaining to my friends, but sometimes its hard for them to understd the problems esp if friends are not married, or married but with nice or avg in laws. it sometimes only make me looks like ugly daughterinlaw or a complainer.
you have really been strong these for 5 yrs...hub and me were together for more than 10yrs and things got worst as years past by....as in my relationship with inlaws and that woman.. i think being bo chap is the best way to deal with these unhappy situations as it simply put us not to put so much expectation on these situations. i am using 'bo chap' attitude to them too...
i am a bit luckier as hub do listen to what i say, however never 100%. of course he sides his parents and sis, but i speak reasons and reasonale with him so I want him to hear my point of view. sometimes he accept, sometimes he doesn't. i can't keep these to myself as i can't control. maybe very poor eq.
pertaining to the good food...its not about standing up to take only. once i was quite seriously injuried and hub makes me stay with his parents for 1 month so that i can have regular meals. he asked the mum to make some frog legs and tonic for me. i never have that. but shortly after the sis's kid learn to walk, my mother in law starts making that for the kid. further during my 1 month sickness, she never offer to do my laundry even though i can't touch water due to wounds, and after that i have to bring home and wash after I'm well...
there's also occasions i found that i am not included in her herbal tea or tonic soup. she simply will past them to my hub or sister In law's hub. i have no share!
the problem with me and sister In law, my hub knows. i tell him all the things i am not happy with. i can't keep the anger, unlike you can.
but for now, i want to channel my energy to better use than to get angry with them constantly and control all those unpleasant memories and thots that keep resurfacing.
i just take things one at a step right now. trying to be a better person in controlling my anger and resentment to his family esp.
of course i aint no saint, that is why i need an outlet to complain too....
Alisa, pls complain to me if you need an outlet...heee...
hopefully cheerycherry will feel not as worst after hearing there is also people being bullied too out there.
Last edited by Sad 33; 11-06-2012 at 05:15 PM.
thanks for sharing your horror inlaw story! it certainty make me feel less isolated! you are another poor gal who is plague with such crazy mother in law.
i have 3 crazy inlaws. No 1 on the list is sister In law, follow by mother in law, then father in law. i think if i need to write my stories, i will never end too. lol....those horror ill-treatments for years.
sometimes its not that we daughter in law want to be mean....of course in this 21th century, we study, we know what is right or wrong. some of us have better sense of right or wrong. but i think these inlaws just dont't know how to appreciate our niceness, or initial torlence, and think that we are sick cats. maybe they try to pull our tails so much til now i just want to bite back when pulled. ouch!
i didnt tell my friends about my problem cuz i feel jia cho bu ke wai yang. like wise, i do not tell my sis much unless me & hubby had some argument while at my dad's place then i will say out. Thanks for being my listening ear, Sad 33.
my husband always asked, why problem is always on mother in law & daughter in law? he never heard problem between father in law & son-in-law? he said we woman always kan bu kai. i feel that it is bcuz there are seldom son-in-law will stay in the gals's family mah.
now really hope our house will complete earlier ... but i cannot deny that my parent in law did help me in looking after my son. they volunteered to look after my son during night feed, another reason is bcuz they can always play with my son too. With them looking after my son during the night, really give us a break to get back our er ren shi jie. Which is also why when i talk back to mother in law, my husband so angry with me. but must see suitation too. I do not always talk back unless i really cannot tahan then i will talk back.
Kaykay, its good that yr mother in law is not staying with you !
My husband still say, if we afford 5rm flat in the future, he will want his parents to stay with us then rent out their flat... lets pray this day will never come!
May yr house complete sooner
btw I find writing diary quite useful as it straighten my thots ESP with those unpleasant events as I can understd better what are these people trying to do and how I can manage the situation or anger better too.
Sad 33- vent out all your anger here, it's very helpful even to just type it all out !
Alisa- if i were you, ill consider buying a 3 rm flat so no space for them to even consider moving in.My mother in law initially supposed to stay with us until she argued with hubby, if she move in with us, things sure to get worse! she a hoarder, like to keep those microwaveable containers, keep nevermind but i always see mould on the cos she never wash them properly! theni throw away she will make noise! Worse then Garung guni i tell you,at least the garung guni got pride, make money!
As to why it's always a daughter-in- law and mother-in-law problem, i see it as cos the son's always keep quiet! Never stand up for their wives! Plus housework we do, baby we take care, more interaction with the inlaw of cousr. more inetraction confirm more friction what!
Lol!!!! I will.
But no matter how big or small the house, they want to come live you have little ways to prevent. When my inlaws sound to us that want to come stay with us so they collect rental, I told my hub pls dont't let them indispose us because they can earn money. I prefer my peace than to have them come stay with us. Why r they so selfish to think of their own benefits? We r already so used to Liang ren shi jie. It's not that I'm selfish, but til now I can't even understd their behaviours to lack of love to me as a daughter in law, their selfishness to not give me same food as what other family members have, how can I torelate them everyday under same roof. why must I torelate their inconvenience to us when I ge t all the shIt's and no even a little benefit. To prevent this, I told my hub, we can rent out Our house so he go back to his Parents Place to stay while i my mum's Place. Like that he can pay rental to his parents and let them eearn money. Then We still be love birds and meet on weekend!!!!Anyway I also hope my one day never come too...
Cannot like this let hubby go stay with his parents and you live with yours what! Like that get married for what?
Plus i think they may be happy with it so why let them be?
I really feel that they feel that we stole their son from them and thats why the bad treatment!
i'm just giving choice to hub to see who he chooses. lol. Both you Kay and alias are really so more torelating than me!
actually many a times, i hate his family so much i want to go separate ways. i know hub and i love both each other a lot and with friends' counseling i put the thots behind. i wanted to go as we have no children to tie us down.
you know what, my extended family dont't give me anything yet want to constantly bully me. like being an employee, you are still being paid to work or slave for yr boss. i get nothing from them yet, have to take in their nonsense, manipulation and gossip.
hubby and i recently talk about death matters. he says he dont't mind buy his final resting place with his parents. though i didn't comment on anything, in my heart, even the day i die i dont't want to be close to the family so i will not be bully even i'm 'resting'. shit man, why must a woman 'belong' to the hub's family once married?! !!!!!!
kay, i never disrespect his family esp in front of them, so why on earth they think i steal away their precious son? it's actually them who wanted us to marry in the first place. I was too young to think probably, but of course til now hubby is the right man, but with wrong family members.....
they have no right to feel jealous if they want to keep their son forever, they shld not have asked us to marry.I'm just a confused daughter in law. Lol
Last edited by Sad 33; 13-06-2012 at 02:43 PM.
during the down time, i kept praying to god to take my life away, i kept telling myself, even if i am not around, somebody will be there to look after my son. And during that time, i kept getting sick... really a down time.
after that, i tell myself, anything not concern about my son, i will not care. Even if i quarrel with my husband, i will say everything out, whether it get to his ear or not i dont care, even if he want to divorce i also dont care.
Our BTO is 4rm he already feel very small so i think he will go for 5rm in the future if we can afford. He is the only son so taking care of his parents is a must. i do not stop that as i feel, if i were the only son, i will have to take care of my parents too but hopefully by then, he will not say about wanting them to stay with us!
no matter what, we are not their own kid, they will not treat us good want. well, i dont care even if she dont treat me well, dont cook for me. just tell me if she is not going to cook my share, i can simply buy my own meal.
i am very stubborn and my temper is very hot but i am a easy going person, i can close 1 eye but i have my limit.
My friends & colleague dont believe that i am that fierce cuz non of them saw me getting angry in office. hee...
alisa, i have exactly the same thots with you (the take me away part) recently after many happening to my family and my miscarriage this yr. finally i come to a pt now that, i have discard(minimize feelings) to almost all people in my life except darling hub.
frankly you shld not focus all yr energy or love to yr son only. son will grow up one day and have his own family mah...by then you will be the angry mother in law. hee... try to spread your attention and love back to yr husband. he deserve it too...
yes i know that at pt of time divorcing seems to be a 'better idea' than constantly hang at this situation. but sometimes i also keep asking myself if i will be better shld i be without hub? unhappy situations are only driven due to his family so i learn to 'dont't care' on them too. in fact i hardly talk or when seen, talk so miminally to them now.
like you, i never stop my hub from performing his duty as a son. in fact i'm all fine...it's just that the current situation of them wanting to earn rental, and their unpleasant dispositions on me makes feel very unjust if i accept them staying with us. shld there be any need for elderly care one day then story is different. i just want to hold onto our relationship as long as i can without harm caused if everyday i have to face them. i know is sure scream divorce everyday!!! crazy then! i also hope like you the day never ever come...
alisa, instead of spending on bigger flat, tell yr hub you 2 need to save for son's future education. also say 4 rm easier to clean, and now commend better price than 5rm. so less chances of stay in inlaws.. lol....
Sad 33, i agreed that i cannot focus all my love on my son alone too. Ya, i may be an angry mother in law in the future. hee... i hope not to stay with my son when they get married cuz they will need their space. the relationship with my husband is still good eventho we quarrel almost once a week but you can say we are still loving . will hold hands when walking.
for the houseing thing, i will let him decide when the time is near cuz now we are still waiting for our BTO in 2014 so we still need to stay there for 5 yrs then we can sell. maybe by that time, punggol is already matured estate that my husband do not want to sell? hee... my location is walking distance to MRT & LRT and near to Water Sport area so can consider a good location.
Sad 33, i am sorry that you had miscarriage... rem to pu your body back cuz even after miscarriage, it will be the same harmful as giving birth. somemore you will actually need more tonic than normal labour. We have been trying for baby for around close to 2 yrs then have my son. My body is very weak, blood not enough... always feeling faint and menses is a mess! Then i started to take traditional chinese medicine for about 3mths and i got my son!
If you need reconmandation, i can reconmand you my traditional chinese medicine. They not only seeing normal patient, they have gynae & seeing babies too! I bought my son there cuz he always having flu cuz he was in Infant care and always got the virus from his classmate. Now my son is stronger. Do take note that traditional chinese medicine may not see result that fast cuz the herbs & tonic are to pu the body & energy 1st. but to my surprise, i am taking the med for about 2 weeks, i can feel the different. after birth, my menses is heavier than before and the duration is longer, frequency is longer too. Means eg: my last 2 menses before i seen traditional chinese medicine, the flow is very heavy that i have to kept changing my pad every 2-3 hours and it lasted about 12-14 days then menses cleared up. the waiting time from the 1st menses to my 2nd menses is 37 & 35 days (including days when i am having menses). I only took the traditional chinese medicine 2-3 days, my menses came already and the waiting time for this month is 32 days, the flow is light throughtout. Tho still last around 10-11 days. And i am not getting sick! usually i will felt sick after menses every month... as well when my son spread the flu virus to me. Imagine a kid can spread virus to an adult! that is how weak i am . I am now only took 2 weeks of traditional chinese medicine but i will continue to follow so that my body is stronger. My body is those 虚不进補 kind. The previous traditional chinese medicine i went, i did not see result till about 1mth after taking the traditional chinese medicine but bcuz that 1st traditional chinese medicine kept asking (force actually) me to buy multivit... those network marketing kind... i dont like... if i want multivit, i will buy myself , i go to her is to take traditional chinese medicine want.
sorry to hear about your miscarriage, like what alisa said, do take care of yoruself.
I think the in -laws problem, it's not so much whether we disrespect them or what, i think it's like mean't to be one .
I have never disrespected my mother-in-law until things got so bad that i decided t entirely switch myself off and by that, i stopped greeting her totally, i dont talk to her except when we quarrel and that's usually shouting.I'm not very good tempered but i've never show my temper i front of her but still things are bad and i think it's just her , whatever i do is is intentionally to hurt her or something.The good things i do she take for granted, and the bad things she will keep bringing up.
When we quarrel, i always state facts and then she will throw temper cos she know the things i say are true then she will say things like i no manners, so rude to her etc etc and threaten to move out.
In front of her friends she will put on an act as if we very close, get along very well...i super cannot tahan that so once i just stared at her and kept quiet and she never did that again cos she lose face ! at hm fight like what like that then outside the house act like that i super cannot tahan .
Then she will go around the house slam safety gate, slam microwave oven door and slam her room door...play victim ! and she only did these when my hubby is not around, in front of him she like act until so poor thing like that, and will offer me food, pretend say my floor so dirty then take the broom and sweep! I'm suprsed she knows where i keep my broom cos the whole 7 years i only see her tak it 3 times. the other 2 times was when my sis-in-law was at my house! the third time i blow and i went to tell her no need you to take broom and pretend walk here walk there when normally you dont't even do it!
My sis-in-law also keep quiet cos she know sher mom's pattern. Everytime play victim and if kena caught throw temper accuse people of not respecting her!
Respect has to be earned!!!!!!