thanks for this message.....
This is a discussion on Remembering Why YOu are Married within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Living in LOVE : Remembering why you married by : Samantha Olea The kids are yelling, the dog is barking, ...
Living in LOVE : Remembering why you married
by : Samantha Olea
The kids are yelling, the dog is barking, and you just found out that your spouse forgot to do the one thing that you needed them to do today…again!
This scenario may sound typical for your family, or your scenario could be worse. Maybe you and your spouse are arguing more and more, and connecting less and less? You may have even asked yourself, “Is this marriage a mistake?". Though you knew your life wouldn’t be like the Brady Bunch, you may find yourself surprised at just how much work a marriage can be – and its twice as hard if only one person is working at it.
If this is your situation, ask yourself why you married your spouse? I know it sounds silly, but really…why did you marry them? “Because we were in love"- well, that’s the easy answer-go deeper. See, life happens…kids are born, cars breakdown, jobs are lost, and through all of the ups and downs that are inevitable, its important that you remember why you married this person.
- Think of the first time you saw your spouse. What is one thing that stood out to you about them?
- Remember one time when you were sad, angry or disappointed and your spouse really came through for you. What happened? How did it make you feel?
- What is one thing funny thing you know about your spouse that no one else knows?
- Think back to your single life, before you met your spouse. What was it like? Now, really think – what is one small thing your spouse does to make you happy that you are here and not back there?
- Remember a time when your spouse did something out of the ordinary and surprised you. What did that moment feel like?
- Remember the first time you saw your spouse holding your child. How did that make you feel?
- In a quiet time when both you and your spouse are sitting together, bring up your first date. Bring up your happiest memories of this day.
- Think of a funny story about when you first were married – good choices are dinners gone bad, ruined laundry, etc.
- Talk about when you first became parents. What were your fears and hopes. Mention something positive about their parenting, and their connecting to your children.
- If you eat dinner infront of the TV, stop. Gather together at the table with the TV’s off, so you can actually connect to your family rather than ‘veg out’.
- Be nice. Okay, sometimes that’s easier said than done, but a little sweetness can go a long way. When you get up or go to another room, ask, “Can I get you anything?"
- Be forgetful. dont’t remember every little thing your spouse has done that irritates you. Sometimes we hold on to the past because it feels familiar. Its not fair to hold the past against your spouse, and its not fair for them to do it to you. If they do, lead by example. Once they see you letting go of the past, they will also. As long as they know you are holding on to the past for future fight ammunition, they will do the same.
- Touch. Place your hand on your spouse’s hand; lay your arm across their shoulders. An innocent touch can be just the softness and connection that your spouse is looking for.
- Overlook. There is nothing gained by pointing out all of your spouse’s short comings, and when they have made a mistake dont’t use it as an opportunity to put them down. Surprise them by ‘not noticing’ their mistake. No one likes to have their mistakes pointed out to them. We are all adults, and its likely that they are already aware of what they’ve done.
The point is, take some time to remember why you are in this marriage, take some self control and control your end of the marriage, and take the gloves off. Your spouse is not your enemy, and remember though children are the products of marriage, they are not the glue that holds a marriage together…love is.
Living in love with your spouse can sometimes be challenging, and that’s okay- that’s why the vows read for better, or for worse. With a little bit of effort on your part, and a partner that really loves you it is absolutely possible to live in love, and that is not only a great gift to yourself and your spouse. Living in love is a wonderful gift to your children.
thanks for this message.....
oh no problems...
coz i am questioning myself : do i really know how to love my husband? Do i?
Tomorrows our 5th wedding anniversary.
so, yeah, just thought of reflecting on myself.
this is something i thought i know but actually not....
thanks for sharing the good article!! hahaa.. really a nice one!
Thnx for sharing! very meaningful....
Bt sm xs i stil wonder y i married him ...if iv got a betr choice, tink wudnt be him now !
Hmm.. Prob coz I would like to experience wearing wedding gown & holding our dinner @ Fullerton? LOL.
Rubbish me.. Seriously, hmm... Let me tink 1st... Haha.
Really poignant article..Me just celebrated my 7th wedding anniversary and again realises that the man I love most is my husband, so the 7th year itch is for him haha
CanCanMum thks fer the nice msg =]
Hi Cancan mum
you r wonderful!!!! i read some of yr thread... you really inspired me... i guess i might become yr fan one day.. haha... thanks alot...
haha... fan club?! it's good idea... so that my mummies could learn from you...
haaa.. cancanmum.. where is your fan club?.. dont forget me .. i want to join too.. hahaa...
Thanks for the message CanCanMum. My husband works overseas and sometimes I can't help feeling like we are drifting apart. Your message helps to remind me why we are married!
hi, cancan mum,
Thanks for the sharing... Though I remember why and when I fell in love, I dont't feel it in my heart anyomre. It's all frustration, anger, sadness, disappoinment, fear, HATE, insecurity but no more hurt.
I guess that means my heart is dead. Probably time to get the Divorce going.
Life really SUCKS! What started out so beautifully, will be ending so horribly. There was a time when I felt sick to the stomache at the thought of not being with him. Now I can't stand the presence of him within the same space.
Worse is he didn't do anything wrong. My mother in law says he's having a bad streak. I'm thinking maybe I'm his bad streak If you met him, you'd think that this guy should be successful. I'm gonna take myself out of his equation, hey maybe I'm right.
Really need a good paying job to get my independence back. I'm willing to do anything deskbound or sales related with fix income. Got lobang, pls PM me.
Great post. Very heart-warming. Thanks very much indeed.
Hi! wow! i am just 7 months married and everything is still great. i know problems will arise but i still want to resolve them with my husband with a loving nature. Thanks for this post! I'm loving him more and more!