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Tips for a Complete Marriage

This is a discussion on Tips for a Complete Marriage within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; T ips for a 'Complete Marriage' By Dr Linda Koh Have you found your marriage growing ever more vibrant and ...

  1. #1
    Moderator CanCanMum's Avatar
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    Tips for a Complete Marriage

    Tips for a 'Complete Marriage'

    By Dr Linda Koh

    Have you found your marriage growing ever more vibrant and fulfilling over the years? Or are you caught in the frustration of a joyless or mediocre marriage? The truth is, your marriage need not just be an average marriage, you can enjoy a ‘complete’ marriage in terms of happiness, growth and fulfillment. You can bring back that glow in your relationship, if you work at strengthening your marriage. Why not try the following tips?

    Love your mate
    Accept your mate
    Appreciate your mate
    Communicate with your mate
    Laugh with your mate

    Love Your Mate

    Love is necessary for all human survival including love after marriage. Often, before marriage, a young man will woo a young lady with loving words and tender deeds. But after marriage, he often fails to recognise that she has an intense need to feel loved on a day-to-day basis for the rest of her life. She yearns to be special for her husband. So put the romance back into your marriage. Remember birthdays, anniversaries and important occasions and spend some starry nights out together. Flowers, cards, letters and long distance telephone calls help to keep a wife feeling happy and loved.

    As romance is important for a wife, love is equally important to a husband. A man demonstrates love in calm and rational ways. He works hard to bring home regular paychecks or helps his wife fix the sink. No matter how rough the exterior of a man, love and tenderness are still there beneath that surface! A wife needs to be tender and loving to her husband to show affection and consideration even when he has acted thoughtlessly. Avoid nagging at all costs! Instead, discover your mate’s needs and begin to fulfill them now.


    Accept Your Mate

    Have you discovered that the intimacy of marriage reveals many faults and habits in your so-called ‘perfect’ mate? Have you become frustrated and discouraged at not being able to change your spouse? dont’t try that. Try instead to really accept your spouse as he or she is – faults and all. One of the things that I find most difficult to accept in my husband is his total unawareness of the passing of time. He can sit down to read or do a task and be so absorbed that he forgets to come for meals or is late for his appointments. When he visits a museum or an art gallery, he is so mesmerized within those walls that he will be late for supper even thought he has called to say that he will be right home. I have learned to appreciate my husband’s great interest in art which has also rubbed off on me quite a bit these days.

    Avoid openly criticizing your mate. Nagging and criticism kill love! Rather, learn to raise your tolerance level and accept those basic individual differences. Learn to appreciate the different personality of your spouse, because different does not mean wrong. In fact, the expression, “I like you just the way you are,” is heartwarming. Work together to change what can be altered and improve on that which can be corrected. A strong and happy marriage is not one where perfection reigns, but where you and your spouse maintain healthy perspectives when viewing unresolvable differences.


    Appreciate Your Mate

    In our marriages, we often take our mates for granted. We tend to notice and magnify their faults and weaknesses. We rarely mention admirable qualities. Women need to be loved. Men need admiration. A man appreciates honor and acclaim from others, but especially from his wife. Courage and devotion to his lifework deserve admiration, so it is gratifying when a wife expresses her appreciation verbally. (If your husband places importance on physique, then admire his strength and muscle, even if he is only mowing the lawn!)

    Few men realise that women also have a natural need for admiration. A woman who has gone through a hard day’s work of household chores needs to know that her husband has noticed her effort. Well-scrubbed children and delicious cooked meals do not materialise out of thin air! Just a few kind words will go a long way to soothe the irritations of the day.

    In expressing your appreciation, it is worthwhile to identify a specific quality. Avoid generalizations that may create confusion. My husband often tells me, “Honey, I really think you are wonderful for staying up late to fix my shirt buttons” or “Hey, I think you look great in that dress!” Express appreciation, but beware of flattery. One is sincere, the other insincere. Someone once said, “dont’t be afraid of the enemies who attack you. Be afraid of those who flatter you.” Say what you mean.


    Communicate With Your Mate

    Successful marital relationships depend to a great extent on communication. Communication between a husband and a wife involves talking and listening, as well as an intimate sharing of feelings. To achieve effective speaking,

    •Choose the right time to talk to your spouse
    •Be clear and specific
    •Be positive
    •Be courteous and respectful of your mate’s opinion
    •Speak pleasantly
    •Be sensitive to the feelings of your mate

    Good listening helps to enhance your communication with your spouse. Here are some ways you can practice listening with feeling on a daily basis.

    •Maintain good eye contact
    •Sit attentively
    •Act interested in what you are about to hear
    •Sprinkle your attentive listening with appropriate phrases to show understanding and interest

    When in conflict or disagreement with your spouse, communicate openly with each other. Do not use silence as a treatment for such a problem. Follow a few simple rules to help solve the problem constructively:

    •Choose the best time and place to talk
    •State your feelings openly and respectfully
    •Stay on the subject
    •Respect his opinion
    •Identify the solutions
    •Evaluate the solutions
    •Choose the most acceptable solution to both


    Laugh With Your Mate

    Amidst the hectic schedules of childrearing, careers and of work, couples need to include an activity each week that will enrich their marriage life. Take time out for trips, picnics, and special meals, or just an interesting walk. Have fun as a couple. Have your brought something into the marriage recently that was exciting, interesting, challenging or creative? When was the last time you did something along with your mate just for fun? Have you enjoyed a good laugh together recently?

    Doing fun things together strengthen marital togetherness. It also helps to relieve tensions and stress. Yes, happy and successful marriages seem to be on the endangered species list in this decade. Those of us who want to enjoy a high degree of happiness in marriage must put in effort, time and commitment to continue to strengthen the earlier foundation built on love. We need to find new ways and open new doors for lack-lustre marriages so that couples can consistently work to achieve the enriched life in a more ‘complete’ marriage

    “To see a young couple loving each other is no wonder,
    To see an old couple loving each other is the best sight of all.”

    -William Makepeace Thackeray

    Extracted from Families Today
    Issue No 3/96

  2. #2
    Imperial Concubine babymoon's Avatar
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    Re: Tips for a Complete Marriage

    this must have the co-operation of two parties.. husband and wife..
    my gal friend.. only she tries to improve their marriage life but her hubby doesn't want to co-operated and she is so tired..

  3. #3
    Moderator CanCanMum's Avatar
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    Re: Tips for a Complete Marriage

    yes it takes two to make marriage life perfect...

    guess yr friend will have to either persevere or play the guessing game.

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