This is a discussion on Unhappy marriage*** within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; I am 24 this year. Keep regretting havving such a early marriage. Cant go out with all my friends who ...
I am 24 this year. Keep regretting havving such a early marriage. Cant go out with all my friends who are all single. Though i have a maid at hm, i will go hm and help out my mum to take care of my baby. my husband n i are staying with my parents. We are unable to buy flat due to some reason. Since my baby was born, we did not have intimate moments anymore, maybe due to he scared or i am too tired. no one brought up the topic at all. nowadays we have nothing really much to talk. Always bout our baby or house matters. a really boring life. We dont go out together also. even weekends i also have to take care of my baby. so dont go out.then though he at hm, but he dont reli help out also. he only know to play com games, then play with my baby. other than that, he dont help out at all. keep saying he tired, but i am more tired . every morning, i have to wake up or when baby cry, he also dont wake up.what should i do?
oh . . . i will talk to my hubby every night before we sleep. he only off 1 day a week and wrk for 12 hours daily. So every night will try to have a small talk to create bonding.
on sundays, he will make a point to bring us out for breakfast to start the day and to make time to accompany us, no matter what time he go to sleep on sat night.
what is your hubby working as?
i alw envy gals who get married early n have kids early cos kind of regret marrying late n having kids late. but i guess marry early or late, also got their own prob.
i feel that if your hubby wont initiate to make your life colorful again, then you have to initiate. mayb suggest doing something every evening or weekends. tell him your feelings. mayb suggest bring baby go walk walk every weekends, intro your baby to the world.
im 24 this year, mtb in nov 08....I guess there r pros n cons. At this age i had no problems moving around with a big tummy where some of my colleagues giving birth at a later age hve swollen legs n can't move around often. I only misses having a holiday trip with my hubby and staying out late with friends for some drinking sessions. Hopefully, my hubby won't push all the responsibilites of taking care of our baby...if that's e case..MADNESS!!!
ya..had a flat of our own...i just gonna miss the freedom...but definitely more joy with our new baby...
Hi, dont worry ure not alone. im currently 23 married wen im 21. have a baby who is turin 1 in oct08 too. yea life's been diff after baby borned. my husband also nia help me in takin care of baby. not even feeding her or bathe her. totally nothing. even household chores also no help . my husband is 9 yrs older than me. he works in the ship yard cos he's in the marine engineering line. His workin schedule is unpredictable. even sunday gt to work kind. im worst cos i stay alone with husband n baby only. so most of the time is me n baby alone unless i go out or go to my parent's place.
My husband n i also like nothin much to talk like that. everyday same routine. really sian sometimes. so now my baby is my sunshine. Any of you here sian bring baby out, we all meet up for kopi session!!!
Cornelia & Cassandra
14 oct 07 & 30 April 09
having own plc might help. mayb 'cause still staying w parents, he doesnt feel the responsibilities yet. his life still feels the same though got baby already.
to some guys, having a baby is nothing that serious 'cause they dont need to go thru the whole pregnancy n giving birth. life is still the same.
mayb having own plc will make him realise things. but be prep for the worst. he might not b used to it. n start to get stressed n frustrated. it all depends on individual, how they will react.
i think your hubby may b still young. you know ... guys mature later than gals. have a good talk w your hubby. find a good time, when his mood is good.
dont accompany you shop around. then mayb suggest some plc more baby related ones.
presently, hubby n me also did not spend soo much tym together nowadays..we also almost ol the tym quarrel over trivial issue..but i just gotta accept it..i can't do much but to alwaes try to put in more effort to make him notice importance and effort..gotta have lots of patience wen you wanna make sumone to change for the better..
maybe he's just not used to it yet..but you ought to make sum effort in talking to him nicely bout how you feel bout your marriage n everything..maybe you can ask him..'what does he think of your marriage now..??' it worth the patience that you invest..
ermm..i think i've said quite alot..i hope i did gave sum help in any ways..
my 1st precious.. 070907
my 2nd precious.. 240810
It's good to have child early. If you ask the people who do not have kids, then only you know , how lucky you are. yah... it is difficult to accept the sudden pressure. Gradually you will be able to handle it effectively....
your hubby may not be taking part in baby care , becoz, your mum is there to help you. do not get frustrated like this. Ask your hubby to take part in baby care... always my hubby feed my baby the last milk every night before going to sleep, which promotes the bonding between them too.
usually mens do not do things, due to the way they have been brought up... If we tell them how to do it, they will sometimes do it bettler than us...
Think about a topic & talk with your hubby on it... First try to choose the subject, in which your hubby is interested... It may sports ...
Try to speak to you'r hubby during his Lunch interval time, atleast few words will be a tonic for you...
good luck py85
i also feel that my hubby and i not even hug anymore since i got out fm hospital haha..
and everytime the baby cry he always blame me can not coax the baby well enough.. ofcoz i felt so upset about these things... i tried my best already and baby still cry so why am i to blame.. or whenever the baby scream my inlaws would rush into the room and like interogating me what happen (baby just need to change diapers pleeezzz)... and the bath tub untill turned black color also hubby never have the initiative to clean it... this morning i go and clean it coz cant tahan see dirty tub (althou i have to do it in a hurry coz i still need to express my milk, bathe the baby, and tidy up the room..yup he didn't even tidy up the bed himself....
but atleast the good thing is i still can ask him to hold the baby when i need to do some chores...
i guess husbands thinks that they already work at daytime to earn money and just enough to get headache so baby problems and house chores leave it to wife..
i guess as a new mom, we have to think that our lives before baby born is something that we have done that and the live after baby born will be something that we will make it as interesting as before.. that way you dont't feel like you have no life and feel so down with it.
anyway motherhood is really a tough job.. so bear with it...
Suggest you communicate with your hubby on your thots. Tell him you wish both of you could spend more couple time together and that you would appreciate him helping out at home. Suggest it in a nice and positive manner because if he senses it as a complaint, it probably wouldnt go down very well on him.
If he's home on sunday, perhaps both of you could bring your baby out for a walk in the park for a start. Or if possible, meet after work for a nice dinner, just the both of you (at least once a week). I feel such "dates" between the couple is good to keep the communication and bonding going. Leave the baby to your mum and your maid, just go and rekindle the passion both of you once felt.
full time working mum with 3 kids (8yo, 6yo and a toddler born in Oct 2009)
I give birth to 1st child when 22 yr old and everything has to be handle by me(that time was staying with In Laws) but after confnement, I went to work and let my own mother take care of my baby, as it was a hassle to bring baby out, either we spend our weekend at home, walking around those nearby centres or laze the day away.
R you working as you keep saying you r tired? Is it becos you have the tiking that yr hubby is not helping out n everything you got to handle, *hugz* to you if you r feeling tired and sick with all these, but phrase of growing will soon be gone.
I am glad that I give birth at young age as alot of problems are avoided and energy are still better as compare to now, as age catching up, feel my stamina not as good as before.
i wonder how mummies find personal time for themselves, leaving them with your parents is one choice but would your parents be willingly to help out? Sometimes i doubt.
I think it will be good if we can have regular meet up sessions, to give ourselves privacy and time and with more friends in common, we will be happier and more common things to chat and have encouragement and support.
Pyo85: you must be strong and you have us with you. This you must not forget.
There are many ways to kip a marriage going, try to iniate a small talk, avoid those stressing topics or those will make you nag at him. Or, you can catch him by surprise by buying a CD-game (or anything that he can play with the PC), note that this is not to encourage him to have more time with the PC, just to show him that you are caring wife who give him his own space and time.
Shortly, you can arrange for dinner be it hawker, shopping mal or resturant, with or without baby, this is for bonding of family.
Guys generally dont like wives who nag and keep repeating those "stressing" issues, $$ and never give time to family is what they dont like , so try to avoid these when you can communication with him.
Attitude & temper during daily moods and talks affect in great ways too. .
Hope it helps in a way. . .
*you have us, dont think of silly things!
(my dad was very 幸福 and happy when my mum was around cos she really take care of him well)
now, is my mother in law helping but only during the week days, from Mon - thurs, cos we working, and of course, my off day is her off day, so events on weekends is no need to ask her to halp o look after my son one, cos she got her own programme. . . unless its a must go event and my hubby will talk to her.. . .
so very hard to have personal single time. .
personal baby time alot . . . hahaha. . . so during weekends if I am not tired i will bring my baby out. . . boring to stay at home too. . .
so mani/pedi is a cannot go thing, unless you take leave from work but parents dont know and you can enjoy the whole day to yourself. . .
wah CharlesnKian, you and me reaali many things alike ...!!! hahah, even hubby occupation also the same?!
he is at sembawang shipyard now, but all are project basics, his current progect ending in Oct 08...
maybe they will have a chance to know each other , i heard there is a lobang at Keppal Tuas for 1 year contract, not sure he on anot .....
hahahaha, I am full time working mum, so I can meet up mostly on Sat noon. for weekdays me free after my gynae appt! heee.....
I think we can start to plan now .. . .
26 Sept (Fri) free after appt at 12pm.
Sat - free after Sept.
Or shall we come out on 1 Oct 08? Hari Raya and children's day.
in 2 mths times, im gg to be a mummy, my mum is willingly to help me out during my confinement month but after which i will be on my own to take care of my baby. How about after my ML? My mother in law in this case, is not working. She is not as nice as your mother in law, as we gt rejected when we approach her. I felt very saddend with her reply. Seems like they are not excited about their grand daughter or what. My father in law tries to talk to my mother in law but in no help. sigh..
So i guess personal time is when my hubby will take care, or have to take leave from work to do spa/medi/pedi...
its okie..... been 14 years .... hahaha.....
your edd on Nov? congrats!
oh.... hmmmm, wil you consider a maid or nanny when you return to work? I wont recommend childcare cos full time childcare easily got sickness for baby ...
nowadays, many parents and in-laws are not willingly to helo out ...
initially, my mother in law volunteered to help, i think now she also sian.. hahahaha, so whenever friday is i at home she will go hm in the morning .. but every time i will tell her i got things to do, but me will still try to go back before 530pm (let her finish her show) then she can go out ......
but still appreciate in anyway ....