This is a discussion on very troubled within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; What job are you looking for, my ex company located in Bedok Ind Park E is looking for purchaser....
What job are you looking for, my ex company located in Bedok Ind Park E is looking for purchaser.
yes yes !!! wish you all e best for your job !!!!
Now economy is very very good thus plentiful of openinigs.. Though many stay put as bonus round the corner but many jobs unfilled!! So now is a really good time to find a job!!
my hubby & i are seperated. he is staying at his mom house at this exact moment since thursday night. i thought this seperation would make us think better.
of coz, he refuse to get seperated at the first place, seeing how he scarie he became again, i had to do it. i am afraid that something bad would happen to dear daughter since he is not thinking right.
on friday night, he went to my (mummy) friend house and 'seek for pity-ness' frm her & her dear husband. my friend did not know what to do. he was crying to her dear husband.. i dono wats his motive of doing that, but if he wans pity he should come to my house first .
he came at around 10.30pm and cry in front of our house and said he will change..
somehow, my heart has become cold and cruel.. i cant let this happen to me again & again...
this is making me confuse and i havent been eating or thinking right this few days. i dig back old memories hoping that i can smile and cherish those perfect moments.. i read my diary & blog entries back again... and i realise how much i written about how i wish he could change, how i wish he could get a job. this was till before our marriage even..
i bought dear daughter out yesterday just the two of us with my sister and i never have been happier. usuali out with dear husband we were always in a hurry & he usuali drag dear daughter out of the toys department saying, there's no need to see toys if we cant buy it or saying that there is already too much toys at home. my dear daughter enjoy playing at the toy department even wen i didnt buy anything.
there is one part of me that feel i should give him a chance. and scolding myself for being so cruel and cold hearted towards him these days...
and there is another part that feel that i can be happier without him. i am happier without him now. my dear daughter doesnt even ask where her father is. and that if i give him another chance i am going to lose out... & i deft feel that i dont love him anymore.
my family advises me to do what is feels right. they have seen enough of me giving many chances and he failed to give us what we need.
Rightfully, nobody should intervene in your family affair nor tell you what to do. We can only spare a listening ear, and advise a couple of options for you to think through and decide for yourself. For now, I'll give you something more precise.
It's about time you make yourself clear to everyone around you that nobody is to help him or defend him. As long as he has this wall of defence readily available, he will never fall short of fully using it. The direct result? He will never learn.
It's also good to be forgiving and always be able to give chances. All of us made mistakes, none of us are spared. Again, you have to re-compose yourself and ask a realistic question that you probably already know in your heart. Have the chances you gave been taken granted for? Have the many opportunities given to him fully grabbed with sincerity, determination and not empty talks?
You dont't have to answer me, nor anyone else here in this forum or your family. Take a very good look in the mirror, ask yourself and answer to yourself.
I have to reinstate that I am not advising you to head for divorce straightaway. There are many other options still not used yet. Consider "cornering" him into attending counselling session with you, even though this is not something very nice to do. If he can't even put down his pride for that one hour or so each week, you would have already know the answer... to what extend will he salvage this marriage.
Remember, it takes two hands to clap. A marriage without duo-efforts is just a possession, and not a family.
Last edited by Endoh; 28-10-2007 at 03:23 PM.
Real heroes are men who fall, fail and are flawed, but win out in the end because they stayed true to their ideals, beliefs and commitments. Actor Kevin Costner
endoh... you alwis give me this... very encouraging reply... i look forward to your replies each time.. & damn i cant write a blog like you do!
what you say is true.. i have a solution in my head for my future & my dear daughter's.. the only thing now is to overcome this period of time.
and deft, my new month resolution is to move forward & stop dwelling wit the past & keep going back to square one.. its almost end of the year already... i have to do this.. my patience is tested enough. 3 years of empty promises... it may seem a short time, but i reli had enough...
i thank all the mummies & daddies for taking your time to read my sorrowful thread and took your time in advising me. i really appreciate it.. i thank you all for your listening ears.
Julee, I admire your courage and determination, for a very young woman like you. If you know me and my past, you probably know that I wasted 6 years to realise I need the "change". Indeed last year I made a great leap, started work, moved out, and next month the D process will be finalized.
Met with your dear husband, and sixth sense told me, he's very immature (sorry to say so), and no one can change this fact except for he himself.
Applaud your wise decision. At least first improve your living, and later on (maybe) your relationship. Wish you all the best. Need help, I'm always here..
Julee, do not look back but just press on ahead on your decision to work and support yourself and your child. As for your husband, take this opportunity that if he comes and asks for another chance and for forgiveness, make him go with you for counselling if you have decided not to process with Divorce first for the sake of your child. However, do not harbour hope of changing him, like what Endoh has shared, it is for him to discover it himself.
What good is a man if he cannot provide for his family. If it is his own low self-esteem and ego, then he has to work on it himself. And for the time being, the separation may be good for both of you to think about what the future holds for you.
It is also important to let your mother in law know that by providing your husband money all the time is not going to help him grow up and become financially independent since it is so easy for him to get money from his mum. And I will say that you are right to be ignored his crying and pleading since he has repeated disappoint you. Let him know what is the basic requirement you expect him as a husband and father. Ask him what will his little girl think of him when she understand and seeing other children's father works and he is always lazing around and work one day and mc other days.
And if he wants respect from other, he has to have self-respect and he has to earn his respect. To have a submissive wife, the husband must be able to provide for the family and also give security to the family.
I agreed that for marriage, it needs two individuals involved to work at it, what good will it be if one is working hard to salvage it and the other could not be bother and not work at it and kept giving empty promises.
i went for interview this afternoon for a customer service job.
i got it. and i cried myself silly after i walk out... i am delirious with joy that i got myself a job & finally move forward. sigh... finally somethings happen positively..
Congratulation Julee ... I am very happy when i read that you have gotten a job! Work hard and there will be a bright future waiting for you and your dear daughter
Congrats Julee for your sucessful application for job........... Best of luck to you always.....
Congratulations! I believe you can do well in it! There is a bright future waiting for you.
You are great, Julee!
It takes great courage to make changes in life and I think you have done well! I admire your courage!
All the best for your future!
so happy to hear you've got the job!
actually wanted to intro a cust svc job to you in my co. but just before i cud pm you,i just read your entry..just wanna cheer you on for taking the "big" step..no matter what happens,pls stay strong for your dear daughter n remember we will always be here to lend a listening ear ..hopefully you'll find joy in everything that you do from now.
So sorry about what happen to you..
Actuali reading your story reminds me of myself.. Cos I have being goin thru the same thing as you are for the past 6 yrs of my marriage... and much worse than you...
If you reali wanted to go for divorce but unsure its a good step, best is that you find advice from a lawyer about custody of your child and how long it took to finalise your divorce.
Chinese have a saying, "advise couple to patch up but never advise seperate"
I tink tis sayin is stupid cos why must ask pple to patch up when you know they have being suffering alot from it... So its best to end everything when you know he wont be a good husband, a good father.. Draggin on and on will only cause you and your child more pain, more suffering..
just a piece of my thought...
Wish you all the best on your new life!!!
Last edited by EforEileen; 30-10-2007 at 01:43 PM.
my wishes to the starz~www.wishupon-starz.blogspot.com
~Belle... Garren... Jayden...~[:.The Ones In Moii Life.:]
I didn't read every single post, but just wanna say that whatever you do, dont't forget the future of your child. She may not look for daddy now, but how about when she grow up and start school? The issue of being without a daddy will affect her. You may be separated with your hubby but try to let your gal have time with him also UNLESS he dont want.
In a failed marriage, the kids are the ones who suffer. Have had 2 female friends who had to bring up their kids without hubby. Felt so sorry for the kids.
julee congrats on getting a job.
i totally agree with what endoh has mention.
leave when it is time to do so and when there is no feeling of remorse or whatsoever.
both nana and yourself will be much more happier to lead a life of your own.
take care and hugs
all the best Julee...
you are a strong woman and you will be able to make it.
Now look forward to more happy times with your dear daughter.
I am in north, thats why. All the water went to you in the east. I hope your workplace is not flooded.
just heard thunder in the north ... the cloud has been blown to this side of the island????