Rainypink...so paiseh...this supposed to be your questionaire link but it has became our complaint link..
This is a discussion on What does your mother in law do for you when you are pregnant? within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Originally Posted by akachan09 Funz...I used to treat her just like my own mum during our dating period. My hubby ...
Rainypink...so paiseh...this supposed to be your questionaire link but it has became our complaint link..
Well, there's a saying in Chinese ... 相见容易相处难!!Originally Posted by pkshl
When you were GF, you're still just a "possible" & eventually "probable" ... but once married, you just became "makanable".
It really depends...some mother in law survives on the money their children gives..and if you aren't giving alot then maybe she dont't have $$$ to get you birdnest etc...It will be a different matter if she is rich and just being stingy...
hi rainypink, dont be upset and please dont border about it! i have exactly the same case with you; my mother in law same as yours, just asked no further action or concern. during my pregnancy i just think about myself and my baby. i live happily, work happily and take care of myself for the sake of my baby; and really dont border about my in-laws. i do whatever is necessary as her daughter in law suppose to do and nothing more than that! well, it works and i have a happy baby and a peaceful and harmony family environment. during my confinement, my mother in law cooked for me 1 day 3 meals and whatever necessary for the confinement. my mum help me to baby sit my son till now. everything go smoothly! Just be patient, say/do whatever needed to and think for yourself and your baby. worth it tough!
I agreed with winnie.lyy. dont't be bother with your mother in law does for you when you are pregnant. My mother in law did nothing, birdnest was bought by my hubby and brewed by my mum. Throughout my whole pregnancy, I just made myself to be happy... the most impt things is your hubby must be there to sayang you.
Actually i think most mother in law r same.
Mayb bcoz we r not their real daughter so they also dont dare to ask too much coz they not really familiar with us n not sure if we like them to ask.
My mother in law also never do anything, mine was also the 1st grandson of the family, I mean the same surname but she also same .
Mayb she also scare if she ask too much i feel she want to control me so end up nothing .
Sometime think on the bright side .
Even if she really concern only about the child, we shld feel hapi coz baby is our life also mah so luv baby is = to luv us .
my sister In law said her mother in law 'jumped' when her hubby brew birdnest for her. her mother in law made comments like' wa, you so lucky, i bring up my son so big he not once buy such good things for me'..
But she's still very much telling the truth, right?Originally Posted by pkshl
Tell you another joke ... my own real-life experience.
Even before my boys were born, I made it a point to go back with my wifey to her parents' every Sunday for dinner at least ... on top of shopping trips with her mum, whenever there are sales.
As for my own parents, they stay with my sis ... as my mum has been looking after her kids since they were born 7 years ago. So, either we go visit them or they get invited to my place for lunch/dinner ... only after Seamus was born, did the frequency of this increase, yet it's still only once a month nowadays.
So, one fine Sunday, when we were at my in-laws ... my wifey's grandma was also there (a feisty old lady who lives on her own). She then started to complain about it being meaningless to have sons, as none of her 3 sons were even spending any quality time with her ... preferring to spend time with their respective wife & their extended families.
I just looked at her thinking quietly ... then, my wonderful mother in law said out loud: "Mother, how can you say that? VVB's mother how?"
Then, we all had a good laugh over it.
am thinking if wanna spend another hundred+ .. haha.. She go, i need to pay for her too right?
Getting hubby to go because he never reads about anything, this dont know, that dont know. Get mother in law go because i want her to up to date for my baby and sanity sake when its time for her to do confinement for me .
Last edited by rainypink; 30-04-2009 at 12:53 PM.
now i know why some people say look at how men treat their families..they will somehow treat you the same or better.
My hubby never buy such good tonic or fd for his mother. he never buys for me also unless i open my mouth and ask for it or nag for it. haha.
If I'm not wrong, such classes allow 2 persons to attend together ... not necessarily just husband & wife.Originally Posted by rainypink
During my time, on the week when they were teaching baby massage, my mother in law attended together with my wife.
Then, on the week when they were teaching breastfeeding, there were other mummies who came with their own mummies when their husband were the usual companions.
I still cannot understand why ... shy? patang? disgust?
My 2 cents' worth ... whether at the ante-natal class or during your confinement, it will still be an eye-opener to your husband.
So, if your mother in law is willing to go along with you ... grab the opportunity to do so. For all you know, she might think like most other MILs after only a few lessons: MILs suppose to be high-&-mighty, so why should come here to confirm I dont know a thing?
Even if that day come, you can still activate your husband to take over her place in class.
For me, from the 1st day of my pregancy she did nto ask anytign about my confinment after I delivery (I am in USA). My mum asked asked me to go back and she can take care of me for my confinement. So I went back to sg. During my pregnanyc, she never visit me. She did call once in a blue moon. After she knows that I help up my mum with some work in her office.. my mother in law comments say yes.. must exercise more.
No tonic, no visits, nothing.
Till about 3 months i wanna to delivery, she say she is not able to help during confinemtn as she need to take care of my sister In law, who delievcr 3 months before me. My mother in law has been staying with her. And this is her 4th pregnancy, she has a maid, and she has her husbnad to help up. And my mother in law tells me she need to help her....
Wowo.... she so big shoottt....... got so many helper. In the end, after my sister In law confinement, my sister In law chase her out of her house. And that was the time around my delivery time. After I deliver and I am in hospital, she then offer to ask me to go to her house for confinement, she can take care of me. All my things etc in my mum house..... abit toolate to offer right?
I stay in sg for 5 months after I delivery before I return back to sg. For that 5 months, she visits me in hospital 2 times, at my mum house 2 times, chinese new year go to her house 1 time. My father in law even better... only see my son once and that was during chinese new year when we go to their house.
You are not alone facing this kind of problem. I believe most DILs face MILs problem in all their life. Just look at all the comments above. Luckily you do not live with them.
You are not alone facing this kind of problem. I believe most DILs face MILs problem in all their life. Just look at all the comments above. Luckily you do not live with them.[/quote]
yeha, luckily I am not living with them. you know, not that I want her to help. She is very old . She is 80+ . But just feel better if she could offer.
Women will always be women ... always ruled by the heart.Originally Posted by barang_square
The rationale side of you also know that she is too old for this, but you rather she offerred so you can exercise your right of rejection ... which you also did, eventually (read: "all my things etc in my mum house ... a bit too late to offer, right?")
Yet, you are still unhappy ... what if you really have her help out in your confinement? Wouldn't you then be cursing about the "mother in law from Hell" ... or swearing about the "mother in law who's always in your way"?
at least yr mother in law called. mine will only appear if she need our help and dont even bother that dear husband is her only child. She only care for herself and not working since young cos have many diff BF to feed her. Great liar in everything even to her own son, Come my house during CNY, step in 1st thing ask "got extra TV set? I need one in my house" !!!!! Act pityful infront of my son, keep telling him her house so small can she stay here. Saw my mum busy in kitchen, every year saying same thing to her " aiya, i only know how to eat, awkward lei" many many selfish things she did just to get what she want. I just pray that everything will be ok for her so we can have peaceful life.
Is it just our raging hormones that cause us to be overly sensitive during pregnancy..???
Me and hubby have been married for 11 months..We wanted to have children immediately after we got married..2 months after our wedding,i found out i was pregnant..Some of the first people i told was my in-laws..Of course,they were estatic..But sadly,my pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 5weeks.So did my second pregnancy..
And at the same time,my brother in law & sister In law got their first daughter..So can say that the baby is my mother in law's first grandchild..Im not competing with them..But eversince im pregnant with my current baby (im at my 13th week),i feel that i didnt get the reaction that i expected from my in-laws esp my mother in law.
Could my previous 2 miscarriages be the cause of the way they behave?? Maybe they didnt wanna put any hope on my current pregnancy?
I expected her to be concerned and would want to call me up and ask about me and the baby..But im the one whos excited and would give her a call immediately after my gynae's appt to update her on the baby.And she always talks about my brother in law & sister In law's baby daughter.What about me and the baby that is growing inside of me?Am i being winey and petty about it?? After going thru 2 miscarriages,all i want is advice and assurance from a mother figure.
I try not to bring this up to my dear husband coz i know it might upset him..But sometimes,i will talk about it,and i know deep down,hes hurt by my remarks.
To make matters worse,my own mum has passed away 6 yrs ago..i miss her more now that im pregnant as i know she will definitely be there to take care of me..I find myself crying coz i just miss her so much.This would be her first grandchild.
For now,my dear husband is all ive got,and im thankful for his love and support.
hey... dont feel so sad... understand that sometimes you will want to talk to a mother figure... just come online and talk to any of the mummies or MTBs here.! we are all here to give each other support.
dont be sad...it seems like we are on the same boat. I had two miscarriages after my #1. My mother in law knew about it but she also did not bother to call or show concern about my health and baby after I got pregnant again. She only bothers to call once few days ago to check whether I have given birth as I am now at 39 weeks. Feel as if I am their child bearing machine rather than her daughter in law....
Just come online and talk, you will feel better...just like me