what are you waiting...? Leave him!
This is a discussion on What should i do .. i feeling of dieing within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; My husband n I had live separate for about 2 months plus now since we qurral . At first im ...
My husband n I had live separate for about 2 months plus now since we qurral . At first im thinking of moving into his parents house to live with him but since his parents dont't like me that much due to lots of misunderstanding . His father keep chasing me out n dont't want me to go into his house. And my husband is still very angry that no matter how I sms him or call he didn't even ans . Recently, while I wait for him secretly at his house area I found out that he bring a gal home n that gal is quite young for their age gap is around 13 to 15 age gap as my hubby is 33 yr old . I broke down at that point when I saw them even though they didin hold hands but I feel very surprise as I never thought that he my hubby will actually do this . Of course I confront my hubby n he tell me she is Just A FRIEND ? My husband even let her go into his house n dont't let me go into his house . Then at the first thing I ask him what you two doing inside he tell me just watch tv . I dont't believe at all ! Then after many days I spy at his area he everyday bring her back to his parents house wher he now staying . E gal even stay over night n my hubby also went to her house n stay over night . So of course I confront him again I ask him is she your gf ? Or you love her ? then is it you really want to divorce ? He keep mum . He say that all its I think that way n he say she only a friend . And I said why need to bring a friend back home everyday ? Isnt a friend is suppose to meet outside talk n eat n went separate to each other home ? He keep mum . When I ask him he want divorce is it , he seems dont't want . But his action is making my heart sank . His father even stop me fom going to their house seems his father want to separate us ! I really dont't know what to do I love him a lot . Recently I found out that im preg I told him my hubby , he dont't believe , he even want proof ! Then I show him proof , he tel me to give him time n he is jobless now not enough money n say he dont't even want that gal N he dont't want to divorce at all . He ask me to give him time . He say he stress. I thought he means it , but ... e next day I spy at his area I saw e gal insid his house again seems she staying over . My hearts sank .. he lie ? He say not enough money but he been spending money on both of their expenses , hp bills say he not enough to paid but he get another line which I dont't know .While bills he didn't paid I think he want to cancel it away. Then I msg him he really dont't want our baby ? He say if I a wife only can cook , n other stuff , he can dont't give any allowance n dont't responsible to the baby too , he say fucking right .He blame me he lose the job because of me I comments too much . But isn't he heartless dont't even want his own blood. He didn't accompany me to the gyne once , he didn't even bother to call or msg me how was I ? He didn't even say when he want divorce he just trying to went disappear. And he everyday still stick with e gal . I really feel like dieing . He still tell me that having a baby is not solely his responsible is a two person things ask me dont't keep blame on him . Ya right but now e baby is only me that is responsible expense visit gyne etc n I use to stay at home now just recently went work. I really dont't know how I dont't know keeping the baby is a right thing to do ? He just want to run away from me even ask divorce he keep mum ask about the gal he say ask me to give him freedom! I use to being beat by him as he got family violence . He still tell me guy strength is usually stronger then gal ask me dont't exaggarte things . He really put a knife n bleed my heart ! I really dont't know what to do .... For the baby sake i dont't even know i can really forgive he cheat on me i been having nightmares as he n e gal images keep flashing into my memerioes, i n my husband been married 7 yrs now , rom actually . I still hope that he could come out from his sense n back to family but he didn't even ans my any call. I already tell him i had miscarriage signs he didn even bother . I dont't know keep this baby is a right thing to do , this is our first baby ! Most of my relatives r very angry ask me to divorce him .. but i cant bear to do so . And i also cant make myself to forgive his cheat . Cause he dont't even find he is wrong ! I really feel like dieing with e baby .... I find that maybe marriage make us apart he seems like want to find love from others as dating he no stress .
Last edited by angelababi; 14-01-2013 at 06:34 AM.
what are you waiting...? Leave him!
if things are like what you said, he is not good to you already and his family also chase you out,
then you just leave him .
i know it is not easy.
but dont worry, you are not the 1st one to be left alone by hubby.
you can get a divorce and get alimony from him to support baby.
if he refuse to pay alimony, the government will do something to him >>> you can get your revenge .
we have many single mommy in this forum. that you can share your problem with.
*hugs for you.
Feel so sorry for you. What I can advice is, you should leave him and abort the baby. By looking at this, your hubby is not even responsible and I believe you do not want to hurt your baby without any fathers' love. You may wished to leave him and start afresh. It's not easy, but it take times. Try to hang out more with your friends and socialize instead of staying at home. This will make you feels better. JIAYOU
I would feel its better to leave this irresponsible husband asap! Besides his parents did not even stand by you so I really see no point that you should carry on yr marriage life with him. If I were you, I would not choose to keep his baby. Saying is easy but do think about yrself n yr future... it is definitely not easy to be a single mum but if you choose to keep his baby, then you will have to bear this responsibilities forever.. who knows in the near future, after divorce, you may find someone much better than yr hubby?
Oh my..i feel so sorry for you. I think both of you should sit down & talk things out, heart to heart talk. You've to be very strong dear.
Ya this what im thinking .. I dont't know want to keep or abort , im now about to 4 months preg .. he dont't even believe im preg he think I lie to him he want proof ! I give him proof but he also dont't bother n still say I lie ! Then what should I do to make him believe whatever I said ?He just trying to make things differcult to me ..as I feel so sad to abort away because we been trying hard to have one baby everytime I come out of the gyne my tears keep flowing out.. but I now only 29 yr I still had a long way to go .. so I thinking of abort the baby away .. my poor baby suffer because of him n I will hate him n his parents forever ! And my husband find the gal is also staying at our house area so im actually feeling very terriable as I cant stop to have their images in my memories and had difficulty in sleeping. And when they ( my husband and the gal) saw me they will faster hide themselves ! I really cant believe he turn into someone that I dont't know at all. I had tell him I know e fault lie in me and I will change as our marriage still had a long way to go .. but he just push me away . He say I give him alots of stress ask me dont't disturb him and he now planning to run away for me to dont't know his wherabout . Changing his hp which I dont't know and stay at the gal house or his parents hus ... I even ask him to leave the gal he seems dont't bear to he even take her as " "me " those things they do all r I and him our memories . He bring a gal home everyday still told me off say I dont't even Trust him ??! I wonder the gal and him age gap so big how come her parents dont't even mind ? I know he cheat on me but I dont't know maybe I love him a lot a lot as we been together 14yrs and he use to be very dote on me I can dont't even mind he beat me . Even I know I wrong but I didn't even cheat or unfaithful to him only I comments too much on his job . He find a gal behind my back still lie ask me give him time meaning ask me to wait and he drag on us then make me suffer myself and when the time right divorce he may settle down with the gal this what I think he planning to do . His father still said to me my husband now consider separate with me ?? Why not straight divorce still need separate ? Separate his own thinking n bring woman back
Last edited by angelababi; 15-01-2013 at 01:51 AM.
then proceed to request for seperation on your own. dont wait for him
i feel sorry for yr baby but in yr suitation, i think you better abort him/her, divorce and start a new life. dont get me wrong, i am against abortion but in your suitation, i think this is a better way. but whether you want to keep the baby or abort, its really up to you. you are the mother and you know what is best.
for yr own good, pls divorce yr husband. been together for 14 yrs & married for 7 yrs and you said he will beat you, why are you still loving him and continue to stay with him? it is obvious that yr husband do not love you at all, if he love you, he will not beat you, he will not have a fling. what yr parents and relatives said are for yr good cuz they see what kind of man is he. you are too blind in love that you do not see it. pls read thru what you have written above and think. you have suffer enough, pls give yrself a break.
Hi...I am against abortion but well, in your situation, I am more against brining the child to this world to suffer even more.
It's not easy being a single parent. Yes, Many has done it and survived, but it really takes lots of support form your own family, your friends etc.
Divorce is not end of the world, life will still go on after that.
This guy is not worth your while to continue suffering
A guy who beats his wife is DEFINITELY not going to make a good husband n daddy! I cannot tolerate such act! you should leave him n move on.
Yes! Divorce is not the end of the world. you are still young so you should not waste yr youth n time on this type of guy. The longer you drag the more miserable you will be. What is 14yrs of relationship comparable to a life time commitment??
Last edited by crystalpink; 15-01-2013 at 02:29 PM.
This man has no guts. He dare to bring the girl home but dont dare to admit the things he had done. When asked whether he wants to divorce he chose to keep mum. If i were you, i would have left him long ago. Be strong and dont succumb to this scrumbag plots. He doesnt dare to make a clean cut with you. Dont be blinded by his actions. He is obviously cheating already.
you are only 29, still young. Move on, man like this dont deserve you dying for.
I agree with all. Abort the baby and start a new life. I also have friends that is divorce but they are much more happier.
Time will heal all wounds. Stay strong you still have your family!
yes he dont't dare to admit anything n keep mum ! And whats make me feel disgusting is his parents cover all his action n dont't mind let my husband bring the gal back everyday ! So what am I ? What is my baby to them? His parents know I preg also say I lie ?? I find its inhuman . Whats make me mad is I even pretty then the gal except she is young . My husband saw I go find him he even ask e gal to call police to chase me away .. now I only worried dont't know what my husband n his parents up to , they must be ploting something , cause my husband never even go file divorce or separation , just planning to went disappear . I m even thinking of finding the gal stay area cause I knw wher as all staying at the same estate , confront to her parents to ease my hurt .. I dont't know im doing the right things anot.
Last edited by angelababi; 16-01-2013 at 08:21 AM.
pls stop yr misery... why do you want to find the gal? will she grant you yr wish to leave yr husband?if they want to rot, let them rot! its obvious that the whole family is trying to get rid of you! sorry for being straight forward. what do you see yrself if you continue to drag on? yr child will be born and you will still be seeing the gal at yr husband's house and his parents dont want you in that house! think you need to talk to a professional. its seems like what ppl suggested, you never put them in yr brain.
Yes, I agree with Alisa.
Let them rot and you get on with your life.
No point to confront the girl and cause more grievances to yourself.
Just accept the facts and move on.
Last, if I were you, I will not keep the child - call me heartless if you wish, but I rather be heartless now than to bring the child to a loveless and messy family.
Leave him . I can surely tell you your husband dont love you anymore. I also think the baby is pitiful. I am against abortion but in your case, by aborting baby is a way to " love" him. Why bring him to a world without love of parents? A child can only grow well and happily in a complete family that filled with love.
If I were you, I will abort baby, divorce, then lead a new life, doll yourself pretty and confidently appear in front of him once in a while, snatch him back from that women and dump him again! But dont be soft hearted since you love him so much. ( sorry as I sounded I filled with hatred but my heart fill with anger when I hear man beat women)
Pls love yourself and baby in you. End all the misery !!!
Yes! It seems that all of us here also feel that you should leave yr irresponsible husband, then what are you waiting for ?? Better do so asap.. divorce him n claim alimony, dont't keep his baby. Start everythg afresh.. n ends all yr misery. There isn't a need to confront that gal or her parents at all since yr husband no longer loves you. I should say he was too "EVIL" to treat you that way!! If I were you, I would not forgive him! dont't be too softhearted even if he begs you to forgive him, he will keep repeating this mistake due to his bad upbringing.
yes im too softhearted that's y , all my relative ask me to divorce , all his side is evil . I never confront the gal , and I decide to abort the baby as I cant imagine when he was born how am I going to tell why he dont't have father n I think I will keep crying whenever I saw my baby , and he just carry on dont't bother our lives ,all im worried now is even I want to file a simple divorce to him , I worried he want to drag me as he now like purposely want to drag me for 3 yrs of sepration which I see no point . I worried he dont't want to sign
Last edited by angelababi; 17-01-2013 at 08:32 AM.
See a a lawyer to seek advice.
Also sort out the baby stuff first and do not drag any longer.
There are many issues on hand now to resolve, do the one that is most urgent and followed with the rest.
If you feel that's no need to talk to him anymore, just proceed once you have made up your mind.
I seriously do not see any future of you going back to him and I am fearful he and his parents may have 'something on their mind' by not doing anything now.
I happened to read this.
My advice to you is that guys that cheat behind wife are worthless. To the fact that they actually refuse to admit and cooked up some stories just make it worse.. not to even mention yours whom has go into hiding.
He can be wrong and you can say you are soft hearted and willing to forgive him.. but from my point of view is that he doesn't deserve any single chance at all even if he want to turn back... Using parents to chase you away.. refuse to even do his part even when you are pregnant... even try to nego not to give you allowance and any form of responsibility... come on.. even positute needs to be pay and need not to say for wife. My parents has never side me when me and my wife quarrelled, instead they will lecture me if that happens as they expect better behaviour from their own children.
14yrs is a long period. But since things have already come to this state. Let it go, it's definitely not your loss. You can be sure he and the girl will not work out, a penniless guy with no sense of repsonsiblity and moral.. I can see why he is facing problem with work.. leave him asap.. it your key to freedom and a better future. No point thinking about him and the girl anymore... they are definitely not your source to better quality of life... As for the baby... it really up to you to keep or abort or even give up for adoption as he/she is a life.
You still young and there is definitely a lot of things for you to discover out there like travelling or exploring since you have been blindly tied down for so long.. open your eye brightly now and move on... dont't ever let the thinking of ending life or what so ever because of this.. you live once only whether good or bad. Death won't solve anything beside pains and hurts to your family and joy and sense of relief to his family.. guilt will just be temporary for them.
Last edited by Daddybiker; 17-01-2013 at 02:13 PM.
Sorry to hear about your story, i use to have a unhappy family too. Husband dont care about me, when i pregnant dont even show a concern, and i ever think of suicide before.... But now im better after i go for counseling. My husband stil does not care me much, but what i learn a lot is 'self care'. When no one is loving you, you should love yourself. No point of let your husband keep hurting you, may you wil fell hurt now, but jz tel yourself what he treat you today, he wil definately get the return one day, i believe karma. about your baby, i will suggest you to abort... Its really hard to make tis decision n it was very heart pain when undergo the surgery, but is better than a day your child ask you y you bring him/her to tis world wzout love n wzout father??? Share wz you something, you may go to youtube search 'i forgive you mommy' it may cure you if you choose to abort your baby. Take care
sue his ass, divorce him, claim alimony and keep the child ! the baby has nothing to do with this and regardless of who his father is, he will be loved by you. he is not your husbands clone but a different individual !!! I'd even build a case with photos, recording phone conversations etc. dont't let him get away with this...
i dont't know but i had the feeling that if i born his baby , he will come and perster me next time as it was easy as my parents and his parents we all living at the same estate , and they are up to something i dont't wish my baby to endure all these .. beside i dont't really know i did what wrong before rom my father in law sick i even go see him , he can scold me for nothing lieing at the bed , rom see me i have not talk he already keep said n said n now scold , i feel that i already very give in i always keep quiet , until i find that his parents seems never accept me as a daughter in law before .. i believe in karma too..
Last edited by angelababi; 18-01-2013 at 03:40 AM.