This is a discussion on Why can't you accept that she and i are JUST FRIENDS? within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Originally Posted by January84 eh, me is 80s baby ley.... but i not self-centred, rebellious, open-minded to go take ppl ...
70s baby scared 80s gals will come n stick on husband.
80s baby scared 90s gals will come n stick on husband.
dont think 90s gals want to stick on 70s guy. less possibilities. a bit too old already. hahaha...
i think it's a common worry for all gals.
your gf's husband say all these only now? or all the while he has been complaining about it already
apparently he did not complain, coz all these while he is the quiet one. He will give in to anything she wants him to do, even like switching jobs so that he can spend more time with family/safer etc (prevs one needs to be on shift, something like those 特种部队, needs to be armed etc). She said that even if she asked him if something is alright he will say ok ok...But then now he said she has failed to be a good wife and that she did not notice the unhappiness on his face. He said "some things no need to be too direct and she is supposed to sense it".
of cos, he could b pushing blame on your gf.
i think so too becoz actualli they are planning for migrating in the next few years, everything was going on quite well between them and all of a sudden he just blames her for everything...after she found out about the sms thing...
your gf's case is really similar to mine (w my ex bf). that time my ex bf also didnt directly say want break up. only indirectly suggesting a breakup. i suggested to change,... but he say no use,... it's only when i ask 'so you want to break up is it?' he just kept quiet. say sorry then left.
why are they like that?? dont want then say dont want , waste pple's time. Especially if you had put all your life and heart and soul to love some1 then at the end this is what you get!
if you ask me, i'll say let the husband go. if husband is meant to b your gf's, he'll realise, regret, n come back to her. if he really does that, he'll b a better husband. your gf's family knows about it? if they r supportive, then just let the husband go. really no pt keep husband physically but heart not there already. everyday sleep together, kids see also not healthy.
she said becoz she dont have an answer now, and the husband doesnt want to admit whether he has really had a transfer of his affections or wanna salvage the marriage, she cannot really do anything now. Her family members are supportive so its still alright for her just that she is forever stuck wo an answer.
since your gf still wants a complete family, n since her husband ask her think about it herself, ask her tell her husband to leave that gal, n she'll change so as to give the kids a complete happy family. c what he says. if he like not willing, that means his heart n soul w that gal already. then really no pt keeping him already.
but the husband did say a broken mirror is broken, cannot save it anymore, and she also apologize and say we start all over again but then he just smiled. (you know, like a cold smile in chinese) Does it mean putting it to an end? I dont know how to advise her becoz really scared to see anything bad happen...
what i can gather from all that she said was he is all the while unhappy in the marriage, but just tolerating...and that he is very unhappy in the job becoz its something he hates and dislikes to do, but he has to give up for the sake of the family becoz its too dangerous...but does that warrant a breakup??? Will we give up something we like to do to make a loved one happy??
eh, guys sometimes cannot control themselves ...Unless you r super tomboy then they will brother brother...
you could be wrong ~ 90s will come stick on 70s guy coz of his $$$ & maturity !! Like me, lack of fatherly love~ Wahaha.
like that jialat already . me 70s baby have to worry about 70s, 80s and 90s gals.
you 80s baby meanwhile only need to worry about 80s and 90s gals.
Hey Pretty~ Gal sleeping in a room w all guys is ok mah! Just sleeping not having sex mah! Brother brother! Wahaha
see!!! that's the diff betw 70s n 80s thinking.
Plain rubbish reasons he's giving. what mirror broken can't be mended, feeling very unhappy gotta do things that he dislike, she doesn't understand him. RUBBISH. He's not a baby, dont't tell me he can't speak up if he REALLY REALLY DISLIKE it SO much after SO many years? Conclusion, I feel it's just coz he has fallen for someone else but no balls to admit.
I got~~ I always say I lobe you after he applies moisteriser for me daily. and I'll praise him like "Dear, wahsei! you look so slim with this outfit!" Wahaha
Actually, depends on your dear husband's "appetite" whether he likes xiao meimei or jie jie. Haha.
anywayz i just sidetrack abit , most of us are 70s baby, why do 80s baby wanna settle down so early and have kids? Dont you want to enjoy more of couple life 1st? Example if you r born in 1983 you will be a 25 year old mum, very young ...?
Jialatz.. going to rain again... I go feed my dear son 1st, then go fetch dear daughter.. chat later~
see you! take umbrella.
nowadays many pple dont think like you. I have other 70s gf still single and dont wanna get married becoz work comes 1st, no time to look for boyfriend...or just reject reject then left with no choice...
cancanmum > sigh.... like that very unfair to your gf. he so quiet, definitely your gf will leave him alone also . think they should have a good talk. i think the problem w them is communication breakdown. husband quiet, keep everything to himself, happy or sad, just give in, expect wife to read his mind. your gf thought everything ok 'cause husband quiet, so just live life as normal, let husband do watever he wants, dont ask much,... now husband stray, blame wife. sigh.......
guys r like that, expect us to know what they r thinking w/o having them to say out. i thot only gals r like that. now guys also like that. i quarrel w my husband a few times 'cause he last time also alw like that. very frustrating 1 . that's y now he very open towards me. happy or sad things, impt or bo things, he also tell me. of cos, i must do my part also. 'cause 1 reason y he didnt want to share w me is 'cause my tone of voice. n sometimes tend to b too concerned (will nag). so i change the way i ask things. have to ask nicely, cannot sound invasive n controlling, most impt is cannot nag after knowing. can only say nice supportive things. so now everything well.
really think your gf shld have a good talk w her husband. really reminds me of my ex bf. such sudden 'bombs' r vvv painful n heartbreaking.
some guys feel bad to initiate breakup / divorce. sometimes they r sad, cannot tahan anymore, but if ask them to still stay on n try, they also dont want. ask them initiate breakup/divorce, they also feel bad, guilty,... so in the end, they wait for the gals to initiate .
i dont think your gf can have any ans so fast. think it'll remain unsettled for quite a while unless both parties willing to sit down n talk. if the husband cont to keep quiet, your gf sure headache 1 . dont know what to do. if still want save, have to talk to husband. 'cause it takes 2 hands to clap. marriage can only work out if both willing to work things out.
your gf's husband might b finding ez way out. w that gal, he dont have so much headache. no strings attached. easier to talk to. being lover n being wife is totally diff. lovers just for companion n enjoyment (fantasies). wife is about problems, family, kids, $$$,... (reality). n some lovers will b affected if their guy is upset or stressed. but they wont sacrifice A LOT to solve their prob. but wife will. wife r willing to even take 2 or 3 jobs if they know their husband have $$ prob. lovers will leave guy if he's diagnosed w cancer or some serious illness. but wife wont.
every gal will want a happy complete family. but to have a complete family, also have to depend on husband.
it's true that broken mirror once broken, even save, no matter how to mend it back, also wont b perfect already, the crack will still b seen. but if both can accept the crack, the mirror will still look perfect in their eyes. but for us, after reconcile w my ex bf, the feelings diff already. after another 4 yrs, we still broke up.
that cold smile... sigh.... it has been 10 yrs already. now talk about this, i can still rem the scene n look on my ex bf's face when i say want start all over again. that means husband dont believe that she will change or they can start all over again. that smile also means it's too late, no use already.
my ex bf also like that. kept trying to give in, tolerate,... until finally exploded. cannot tahan anymore. it's like pressure cooker. if no outlet, sure explode what. that's y in order not to explode, he find that gal. actually if your gf didnt talk about the sms thingy, her husband will cont like that all the way.
the main prob is your gf's husband has been keeping all his probs to himself for too long. 14 yrs of secrets. i feel that it's a bit diffi to start all over. sigh!!!!!!!!
for me, want to marry in mid 20s but dont dare to take the plunge though already got steady relationship 'cause seen too many real failed n unhappy marriages. scared. so in the end, reach 30 then married. actually i feel that such things sometimes really depends on fate. though marry late, i'm glad the guy i marry is my husband n not any of my ex bf.
yeah, but as an outsider i dont know what actually happened betw them becoz it looks ok to me all these while, and they actually just went for a long retreat 3 months ago, then ok 1 , still lovingly together....very very sudden. Now thinking of her husband's face i also cannot imagine he will do things like that coz he dont look that kind also...quite honest, average looking guy...
i do belief guys hate nagging...so bottomline is no matter how we feel we shouldnt nag...aiyo wonder if sometimes i got become naggy anot...
> mrs puppy, so how many bfs do you have be4 settling down???