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Yet another in laws problem

This is a discussion on Yet another in laws problem within the Home Life, Relationships & Finance forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Hi all, This is going to be a long post so I apologize about it first. Just want to write ...

  1. #1
    Female Attendant
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Rep Power

    Yet another in laws problem

    Hi all,

    This is going to be a long post so I apologize about it first. Just want to write the shore story to let everyone have a clearer picture. I am here for advice, what should I do to salvage my marriage.
    Firstly, I am a male, just got married 8 months ago and my wife is 7 months pregnent. Not sure if there are any guys out there Who have problems with their in laws.. But mine started 8 years ago when I first met my wife.

    I met my wife while I was still studying in university. I studied overseas and it was a long distance relationship for us. Her parents were super against it, and every single possible chance they had, they tried to break us up. It was difficult for my wife then.. They will nag and emotional threaten Her. She finally gave in, broke up with me. We got back together when I returned to Singapore, even then, her parents never really welcomed me. They insulted my job, and look down on me.

    They even limit the time I spend with my wife, can't meet on weekend, can't stay out later than 10pm, and I must always pick my wife up from her house and send her home. she can't meet me half way. I stay in the far east, wife stays in chua chu kang. They even limit the amount of time we spend on the phone.

    Even when I told them about us getting married, they were against it. Our marriage didn't came easy. Her parents gave a lot of terms and conditions. One of them was closing our new house at chua chu kang. My parents are in their sixties, but in laws just reached their fifties. Was Lucky my parents were open minded and gave in.

    Next was the financial part. My wife will give $1700 a month to her parents. No, she dont earn alot. She is just left with a bit of Her monthly salary. Even now when we got our own house and our baby is on the way, the amount never change. She did tried to give $200 lesser. Explaining that we need to save up for our children. The emotional threaten part came in. My wife was scolded for being unfilial. No, they dont't need the money, they have a Hdb flat and a condo. They used the money to buy a car for their son. And no, I dont't earn alot. My income is just average. My parents were understanding, and took only $200 from me. Imagine how much we have to save on ourselves. I work like crazy to pay the bills, put food on the table and to pay for all the lower expenses. There are times when I wondered, what am I working for.

    Even though we Just got married 8 months ago, Her parents started insisting that we go back everyday for dinner. Her parents want to stay in our new house with us even though their house is 5mins away from us. They want to treat my house as a resort and spend a couple of days a week at my place. When rejected, They even start sending hate messages to my wife during working hours. We will start arguing because of them. Weird thing was.. Wife mother was telling wife that staying with in laws is bad and inconvinent, but they want me to stay with them..

    I want privacy and some time off from them. I dont't want to keep getting hurt because of them. I do go back every Saturday evening to have dinner with them.

    So please.. What should I do? My wife doesn't know how to say no to them.. When they stress Her with the hate messages, she gets upset and take it out on me. They are affecting our marriage. Just 8 months into the marriage and we have discussed about divorce thrice.
    Or should I just give in again to save my marriage? My wife says that the reason we argue is because I am unreasonable and pushing them away. I am the cause of the arguments. Is she correct?

    I really need advice. if any One can introduce a marriage counsellor to me.. It will really be helpful.

  2. #2
    Imperial Concubine
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Geylang Bahru
    Rep Power

    Re: Yet another in laws problem

    Is there any relative from the wife side that your on better relationship with? Can try to ask the person as a middle man to help speak words for you. Otherwise, can have a "open talk" with your parent in law including your wife. You can tell them about the stress that you are facing, and what are the things could happen, if you really divorce, you can ask them, are they willing to take care of the grandchild for you and do they want their daughter to be a single mum. Sometimes they are trying to protect their daughter, without knowing that they harm that they have caused.

    you must love your wife very much, cos this kind of problem is already forseeable even at the beginning of your relationship. There must be something about her that you love so much that you hang on till now. Wouldn't it be such a waste to give up? Esp your wife is giving birth soon, if dont handle well, she may have depression. And your wife's brother, maybe can ask him to help put in some good words for you.

    My parent in law also dont really like me, but lucky for me that they are in Msia at the moment. Tho I heard they may have plans to come stay with us "permanently" maybe in a few yrs time. No matter how hard I tried, I cannot win their love, so I tried to give them more pocket money then the rest of their daughter in laws. They still dont like me and my daughter, but at least they try to stay out of my way now.

    PS : I suspect they dislike me becos I am a Singaporean , they always hope their son will marry a Malaysian and return there one day for good. My parent in law got 4 sons 2 daughters.
    Last edited by MsKoh1973; 19-07-2015 at 07:23 AM.

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