Sibling Jealousy over unborn child

[smurferoos]

Hi,

I am 16 weeks pregnant and now that my tummy is showing, i feel that my elder daughter is extra clingy, whiney and throwing more tantrums then usual.

I already try to give her more attention and everything but sometimes it doesn't work.

Any advice?

[jedamum]

be patient, with good guidance, you can ease her into receiving the new member of the family happily and slowly the tantrums will subside.
how old is your elder girl?
you can start borrowing books depicting interactions of siblings, new arrival of siblings etc, and even dvds if you can find one (cailou series has, but cailou is a boy and he is expecting a sister).
do not refer to the baby as 'a new baby', that will mean that she is 'old'.
do not always say that she is now older, more sensible, coz she might just want to still be your baby girl.
giving your girl extra attention now might backfired when eventually when the baby is born you will have to divide your time between the two ad then she might feel how come mummy spent lesser time with her. you can dictate a timeslot just for her, and a timeslot 'where mummy needs her rest/or to do her stuff' so that she is familiar that you might at times be away from her.
last but not least, prepare a gift and bring it to the hospital when you deliver. upon your girl's visit, it is preferably that you are not seen in the same room as the baby. put the baby back at the nursery before your girl arrives. get the dad to bring your girl to retrieve the baby from the nursery. when the baby arrives, briefly introduce (do not show too much excitement) and then give your girl the present (books/websites may advise saying that the gift is from the baby to the elder child, but as my elder child is too smart too see thru this trick, i said it is for me to him as a gift to commemorate this occasion) and fuss over her (the elder girl).
hope it helps.

[smurferoos]

hi Jedamum,

Thanx for your tips, i think what you say is very true, initially i told my daughter she is a big gal already, and the baby very small, so she can do alot of things and the baby can't, sometimes she can accept but most of the time she says she is still a baby. So now i say no matter what she will always be my baby! She is very happy with that.

She is 2 year 4 months! I think i should set aside some time when i am at home, cos i work part time so normally i work from 9-2. SO i have quite a bit of time with her. When i am home she will always ask me to play with her. So maybe i should let her know mummy needs time alone too.

I think the present is a good idea! i will do that, and i will try to ask my mum and all relatives to praise her too when she visit me at the hospital!! Thanx Thanx for the tips!!

[Pwiincess]

Jedamum is really experienced. Her advices are very helpful. =)

[jedamum]

Originally Posted by Pwiincess

Jedamum is really experienced. Her advices are very helpful. =)

i got 2 kids ma. so consider that a bit of experience lor.

[smurferoos]

hi Jedamum,

How old are your children and what's the age gap? Thanx for your advice.

[Mrs Xie]

I think it's natural for some kids to be jealous over the unborn siblings. My youngest bro is 11yrs my junior, I was jealous over his arrival even I was 11 year old then......

[jedamum]

Originally Posted by smurferoos

hi Jedamum,

How old are your children and what's the age gap? Thanx for your advice.

hi, my boys are borned in year 2002 and 2006 respectively. the age gap is pretty managable, considering one is already occupied with school activities and i can concentrate on the younger one...the older one helps out around the house too.
many people may said the gap is too big for them to play together, but it boils down to what you want....having kids playing together also equates to battles broiling 24/7..can i handle it? i guess not. in any case, the 'planning' of the age gap is not deliberate...i am just too caught up in work and studies before my ds1 pester me to get him a sibling....

[jedamum]

Originally Posted by Mrs Xie

I think it's natural for some kids to be jealous over the unborn siblings. My youngest bro is 11yrs my junior, I was jealous over his arrival even I was 11 year old then......

the jealousy is forever there one la...now adult, sometimes, i still do get jealous over how my mum treats my siblings every now and then...

[Mrs Xie]

Originally Posted by jedamum

the jealousy is forever there one la...now adult, sometimes, i still do get jealous over how my mum treats my siblings every now and then...

Haha... Yeah... agree....

[~mysterious-m~]

Originally Posted by jedamum

hi, my boys are borned in year 2002 and 2006 respectively. the age gap is pretty managable, considering one is already occupied with school activities and i can concentrate on the younger one...the older one helps out around the house too.
many people may said the gap is too big for them to play together, but it boils down to what you want....having kids playing together also equates to battles broiling 24/7..can i handle it? i guess not. in any case, the 'planning' of the age gap is not deliberate...i am just too caught up in work and studies before my ds1 pester me to get him a sibling....

the age gap btw ur 2 kids are the same as my 2 kids.
born in 2003 & 2007.


The moment I knew I was pregnant, I let my son knows that he's going to have another sibling.
I explained to them that he's going to have a companion, so he won't feel so lonely at home.
as he's always playing alone.
told him to sayang my tummy when my tummy starts growing, & he was quite scare at first.
slowly, he got used to it.
kept telling me he wants a didi.
so when I told him he's going to have a meimei, he's quite disapointed.
but u knw kids, they get over things fast.

he was already sticky towards me before I was pregnant.
aft he knew that I was preggy, he became super sticky towards.
he is quite an independent boy.
but at one point of time, he kept crying for me when I just leave him alone for awhile.
so I have to keep letting him know he's my baobei, will always love him.
slowly, he is bk to his normal self.
sometimes when he sees me sayanging my tummy, he will come over & tell me to sayang him too.
so I told him i love him, & his meimei.
he will also tell me he loves his meimei.

[jedamum]

Originally Posted by ~mysterious-m~

the age gap btw ur 2 kids are the same as
kept telling me he wants a didi.
so when I told him he's going to have a meimei, he's quite disapointed.
but u knw kids, they get over things fast.

ya i agree.
ds1 kept telling me he wants a meimei (cailou has a baby sister.....) and is pretty upset when we told him about expecting a didi. but after convincing him that didi will be into toy cars like he does, whereas meimei is into dolls, ds1 recover pretty fast.
now he tells me 1 sibling is enough, else mummy has even less time for him!

[smurferoos]

hahaha....my daughter is always asking for a meimei, and after ultrasound today, it's confirm i am having a boy, so now i have to think of a way to break the news to my now super temperamental daughter!

Just tell her she is forever my one and only darling princess! Hopefully it will do the trick!

[~mysterious-m~]

Originally Posted by jedamum

ya i agree.
ds1 kept telling me he wants a meimei (cailou has a baby sister.....) and is pretty upset when we told him about expecting a didi. but after convincing him that didi will be into toy cars like he does, whereas meimei is into dolls, ds1 recover pretty fast.
now he tells me 1 sibling is enough, else mummy has even less time for him!

haha..

my son, told me that he wants a didi...
he told me to have big tummy again!! gosh..
I say NOOOO.
then he said," Papa also say he want didi!"

(=.=)