Unhappy Confinement

[lovely0315]

I didnt expect I will experience this -- unhappy confinement... I'm just try to express my feeling here... else I have no other way to express out..

my mum with me for the 1st week of confinement is my mum with me, she is good and help me lot no matter on food or taking care of my baby, I have no pressure at all and can rest well when my mum is here... but nightmare come after mum in law came(planned is mum in law will do confinement with me, but due to born earlier, my mum come 1st as mum in law's ticket booked d)...

She can help on cooking of confinement food, but not really good on that also, she no cook a lot ginger for me after my mum left, she scared of troublesome.. she didnt help lot on taking care of baby as well, she is no heart at all.. never hug n talk to her, but only hug her to feed her milk and bath for her.. her heart is not here but at her family there... I was very unhappy and always cried for that while in room alone..

I told my husband that I want my mum come again to help, but he refuse and said his mum can do it, but his mum really cannot help.. he can see that also.. I know his mum will feel is it she cannot do well and so I ask my mum here, but I got not enough rest at all.. day and night have to take care baby on my own... I'm super tired, here pain there pain oredy..

I'm not dare to take wine as I seldom take wine and worried will sleep very deep after took and cannot hear when baby cry..

My hubby is worrying I got post-natal depression.. but he cannot do anything also.. he have to work everyday and cannot help lot on taking care of baby..

I just hope his mum can fast fast go back and I no need to see her face anymore..

[PTB7476]

why dont you ask your mom over during the day to help out or say your mom is here to see the grandchild if your hubby question

[Phoebii Cheng]

Yes I agree why dont't you ask your mum over mayb thrice a week on the pretext of wanting to see her grandchild? That way your mum can help you take care of the baby, while your mum in law cook for you........

[apollo]

Originally Posted by lovely0315 I didnt expect I will experience this -- unhappy confinement... I'm just try to express my feeling here... else I have no other way to express out.. my mum with me for the 1st week of confinement is my mum with me, she is good and help me lot no matter on food or taking care of my baby, I have no pressure at all and can rest well when my mum is here... but nightmare come after mum in law came(planned is mum in law will do confinement with me, but due to born earlier, my mum come 1st as mum in law's ticket booked d)... She can help on cooking of confinement food, but not really good on that also, she no cook a lot ginger for me after my mum left, she scared of troublesome.. she didnt help lot on taking care of baby as well, she is no heart at all.. never hug n talk to her, but only hug her to feed her milk and bath for her.. her heart is not here but at her family there... I was very unhappy and always cried for that while in room alone.. I told my husband that I want my mum come again to help, but he refuse and said his mum can do it, but his mum really cannot help.. he can see that also.. I know his mum will feel is it she cannot do well and so I ask my mum here, but I got not enough rest at all.. day and night have to take care baby on my own... I'm super tired, here pain there pain oredy.. I'm not dare to take wine as I seldom take wine and worried will sleep very deep after took and cannot hear when baby cry.. My hubby is worrying I got post-natal depression.. but he cannot do anything also.. he have to work everyday and cannot help lot on taking care of baby.. I just hope his mum can fast fast go back and I no need to see her face anymore..

honestly speaking, i feel that the taking care baby part, you should start to hands on alrdy. start to tc of your baby as much as you can. It's not that i'm siding your mother in law but i hope your baby can recognise your smell as well as the way you tc him so after your confinement ends, no one will be helping you, you will not face a big pro.

you know for those mummies who totally let CL/mum/mother in law tc baby thru out the confinement will face a big pro? after confinement when they gonna tc their baby, the baby rejects them! cos they cant recognise their own mother's smell and also diffe ways of handling them. even your mum is helping you, you also have to DO it yourself during confinement. yeah i know confinement is supposed to rest but i feel that from 2nd week onwards, should start to hands-on most of the baby things. =)

as for the cooking, is it possible to ask your mum to cook for you? at least 1 meal? lik that you only have to 'suffer' for 2 meals a day.. and your mother in law, though she only feed your baby, but the rest of the time, you can play and bond with your baby. trust me, it will only benefits you for long term. =)

[lovely0315]

Yes, I know I should be independent and learn to take care baby on my own, that's y stop crying at 2nd day after my mum back...

I told hubby I will not expect mum in law to take care baby at night for me but at least day time hope that she can help bit.. put more effort or heart on my baby.. she can go back if she keep worrying her husband/daughter/son, my mum can come again to take care of me..

but if ask my mum to come over few days few days like that, will be quite troublesome cox my dad/sis will have to sent her here.. she is at Msia currently..

[candy_ian]

Actually I think look at the brighter side of things ag least you hve your mum in law who's willing to come over whether she is of any help or anot n your mother as a back up plan.. I survived with no help from both side n took care dear son alone from day1 after discharged from c-section. My mum's working n mother in law is too overly engrossed with her pregnant daughter. so I guess this training will make handling your child a breeze in the future

[apollo]

Originally Posted by lovely0315 Yes, I know I should be independent and learn to take care baby on my own, that's y stop crying at 2nd day after my mum back... I told hubby I will not expect mum in law to take care baby at night for me but at least day time hope that she can help bit.. put more effort or heart on my baby.. she can go back if she keep worrying her husband/daughter/son, my mum can come again to take care of me.. but if ask my mum to come over few days few days like that, will be quite troublesome cox my dad/sis will have to sent her here.. she is at Msia currently..

glad that you think this way too =)

hmm just tolerant abit bahh.. since she still can cook for you and help you feed your baby. though you cant really rest much but is much more better than you're all alone during this confinement right?

y not ask your mum to stay at your place? so your family dont hav to sned her here and fetch her back daily..

[lovely0315]

Wa, Candy, you r more charm than me... C-section is quite pain o.. i also having c-section.. but luckily my wound recover fast..

Apollo: I also wish my mum to stay at my place, the problem is my hubby not allowed ... cox his mum here oredy...

[candy_ian]

dont't worry when things come your hand you have o take it head on n that's what I did.. I had a bad wound infection n had to give myself antibiotic jab daily for a week but that didn't stop me from taking care of my son.. But I must say my body mayb due to insufficient rest I do get backaches though not often.. you can do it!

[angelwendy]

Originally Posted by lovely0315 Wa, Candy, you r more charm than me... C-section is quite pain o.. i also having c-section.. but luckily my wound recover fast.. Apollo: I also wish my mum to stay at my place, the problem is my hubby not allowed ... cox his mum here oredy...

Since your hubby worry that you having post natal depression.. the more he should let your mum come... M i right??? Just say it firmly if you really think you wanted your mum to be here...If he dont't allow.. does not mean you cannot decide..... Is ok to have your mother in law & your Mum in the same house right? As for helping.. i also dont't expect too much from others... because i know... i given birth to my son.. it means sleepless night... tired day... Hugz... slowly adjust yourself.. hands on more... slowly you will get use to it ya...

[Ashbaby]

Why dont you just ask your mom to come over, she can come over on a pretext of seeing baby. If my husband dont listen I will just go ahead and get my things done.

[candy_ian]

i think occasionally if your mum wans to visit your hubby won't object after all its her grandchild too.. dont worry.. if you expect alot of help from others then you will never feel happy cause you know after all what they do may not b what you want.. doing them yourselves mayb tiring but it makes you gain satisfaction from seeing your child grow..

[Jovy]

Wow! Sorry to hear that. Me myself experience that 8 years ago difference is you happy with your mum around coz she helped you a lot, mine did not either. I have to cook my own soup and boil my own herbal shower. have to wash cloths for my baby and look after him 24/7. None help me to be honest. But I have to be strong and keep myself cool for my baby. I am due next month to my 2nd child, and the same thing will happen. I am not going to have any help from my mum. Only me and partner this time and hopefully all will work out well.

[apollo]

i agree with the res.. if your hubby dont want you to have PND, then better agree to let your mum come over and stay over. afterall, YOU r the one who is doing confinement, not your hubby. so only you have the right to decide who to do it for you, who to help you.=)

[Phoebii Cheng]

Originally Posted by lovely0315 Wa, Candy, you r more charm than me... C-section is quite pain o.. i also having c-section.. but luckily my wound recover fast.. Apollo: I also wish my mum to stay at my place, the problem is my hubby not allowed ... cox his mum here oredy...

Stay positive....dont't think too much

[lovely0315]

finally got chance to online cox mum in law keep use comp..

see open d, and feel better d, js sometime when emotion come bit hard to control and will cry...

ya, i must be independent !!

thanks all mummies....

[seraph]

give a big hug!!

I experienced same. I really went depressed after in laws coming in my first pregnancy.

I was breast feeding my kids, when my mum was here in my confinement month, she daily made very nice soup for me, my milk was just very too much -- the baby could not finish, I have to pump and store after he drank.

but after in-laws coming, they just sit in the living area watching TV, all the time!! the maid was hired to help me, but being appoited so much work by my inlaws for their cooking (nothing food for me, they cook for themself and their son only), I have no food to eat-- they cook everything spicy, no soup to drink -- they do not drink, so never cook.

I went totally depressed when one day my son finished all stored milk in fridge and I had nothing to feed him. I just hide in my room, even could not open the door -- their TV programs were too noisy, baby will wake up.

I even could not tell my hubby, he directly enter in-law's room after office hours, lying in the bed with his parents, talk till very late in the night, no time to talk to me at all!!

finally one day, I told my mother about this thing, she calmed gave direction about cooking those magic soups (my mum is a very independant lady, she never complain when complain does not help). and I step out of my room, give instruction to the maid, and clearly told everybody that, before she finshed works from me, she will not work on any other items.

suprisingly, my in laws very cooperative. and very soon, my milk resumed and I went out of the depression!

it is just a matter of communication: if you do not say your wish out, nobody could guess what do you want, especially in laws, they hardly know anything about you, except you are the wife for their son!

later everyhing just worked well. I guess you should also clearly say it out what do you want, otherwise you might remian unhappy by yourself, and nobody else knows that!

by the way, my in laws also do not hug or carry baby, guess due to their own big tummy that is pretty common -- it is better than some in laws who does not allow the new mommy touch their grandsons, because she is not good at baby -- my sis has such an in-law!