This is a discussion on do you ask your hubby to change diapers? within the Newborn Baby and Infant Care (up to 12 months old) forum, part of the Growing Up & Parenting category; Rare mother in law... such mother in law of yours is extinct soon. Originally Posted by meiteoh Re hubby changing diapers: I get my ...
my hubby is very hands-on too. he drives dear son to my mum's every weekday morning, and fetches him back to our home after work every weekday evening.
usually when he comes home with dear son, i will play with dear son while he cooks dinner. he is a good cook, likes cooking while my work is busy and i often have to work late. then we let dear son play with my father in law while we take dinner. then i play with dear son some more while he takes a break before he bathes him. after that, i will nurse dear son, read bedtime stories or sing lullaby to dear son while putting him to sleep, while my hubby does the dishes and do laundry (if needed). sometimes i do dishes so that he can play with dear son or take a break. during the nite, he will sometimes wake up to rock dear son in the sarong if he's not too deep asleep. when dear son wakes up in the middle of the nite for his single feed, he will also wake up to carry dear son to me (if he's not too deep asleep and can't hear his crying) as i have hurt my wrist carrying a hyperactive dear son too much. diaper duty is shared.
on weekends when we go out, my hubby enjoys carrying dear son in the sling. it makes him a very rare dad cos usually it's the mommies who sling their babies around. but we take turns for this.
when i was still pregnant, i told my hubby before that other than breastfeeding, daddies can do everything else. i think he's a super daddy and super-hubby. => (pardon me for being 'buay pai seh' to sing praises of my hubby...)
Tandem nursing 31mo Korkor and 10mo Didi!
dont despair! sometimes i also have to nag at my hubby to bathe dear son before it gets too late. although my mum would have bathed dear son once in day time already, we implemented an evening bath since after my confinement as I feel it's bonding time for my hubby and dear son. not very plesant to bond over cleaning of poo only, right? =/ anyway, my hubby was sporting enough. we both learnt how to bathe baby from my mum during my confinement.
we still have arguments and moments of dissatisfaction with each other though. sometimes i complain my hubby is too absorbed with tv and PC games such that dear son is waiting for his bathtime till he gets so hungry he is crying when being bathed. other times, my hubby says (and i know it myself) that i am obsessed with motherhood forums and ebay. so, recently we struck a pact and my hubby reminded me that despite all the differences we may have, we should be thankful that we are brought together in union by God's grace and therefore persevere in working out our differences and capitalising on each other's strengths and make up each other's weaknesses.
so what i want to say (sorry for going around in circles) is that while we can set up duty roster and assign roles, stay flexible and sensitive to each other's needs and moods which change from day to day. be ready to serve each other in marriage and work as a team. for instance, during bathtime, mummy can prepare the clothes and towels, papa can focus on changing diapers and bathing, while mummy helps to throw away the soiled diapers, wet towels etc after bathtime. =)
Tandem nursing 31mo Korkor and 10mo Didi!
My hubby has also been very hands on type. He has done everything, including bathing my boy, only except breastfeeding. Initially, he is abit scared coz my boy was very small , only 2 kg when we brought him home. He can almost carry my boy with just his two hands only!
But slowly he picked up and enjoy all the work coz can play with him at the same time. I told him he has to make the extra effort if he wishes our boy to bond with him better...and he now appreciates it coz my boy will say " I love papa and mama" to us everyday!! Very touching...
in the 1st yr of my daughter's life.. i think my husband behaves more like the mother than i behave like i'm a mother. he does all the night feeds, diaper changing, bathing, playing.. all except feeding/cooking semi solids for her.
my daughter is very attached to my husband.. he is the one she will sleep on top of.. when sick, manja to.. middle of the night.. go find him stand next to his side of the bed.
i am very grateful and feel blessed that my husband and daughter has such a great bond.. this enables me to get myself some personal time w/o worrying about my dear daughter.
Anyway, chiro, some times my hubby will also be lazy to change alicia coz she's very naughty n very hard to change her. But most of the time, he'd take the initiative to change her and do stuff with her when I'm tired. In general, I try to do most of the stuff coz I'm a stay at home mum...
Last edited by snowbear; 20-10-2009 at 04:53 PM.
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domique, yeah, my mother-in-law is angmoh mah. Compare her with my mum? Aiyo...total opposite. My mum actually encourage me to spoil my hubby - "dont't wake him up to change diaper" and etc. It's not surprising coz when she gave birth to my bro (the eldest), my dad didn't do anything. Only with me did he help out but even then, it wasn't much.
chiro, sometimes men...ai...some of them dont't have that nurturing instinct and they can therefore see babycare as another "chore". We see it as bonding time but they? "Mah fan " and etc. Sometimes my hubby gets that way too so kena cucuk him to help out. I always tell him "you're the father, that's your daugther, you need to bond with her otherwise she won't know how to interact with you".
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hahaha, jasobias, great idea from your friend ahh~
I so sad that I missed this great thread for such a long time, only to start reading it now.
It's good to know that we are not alone in certain unhappiness, and even greater to know of those lucky ones who are in seventh heaven throughout their motherhood journey with the support and help from their partner.
At times I feel so down when dear husband doesnt lay a finger to help with the baby... and each time I have to talk myself out of it. Because if this feeling of resentment goes on, it will affect the marriage, and thats not what having a child is all about.
For those of us who can't get the help and support we are looking for, the solace is in your baby. Thats why there is this song call 世上只有妈妈好, and not 爸爸也不错. lol.
Whatever it is... for those of you whose hubby plays golf, please join me as a golf widow. For those of you whose hubby dont't play, make sure you dont't allow them to even start. LOL
I guess at the end of the day, it is all about being true to ourselves and knowing that we have done all we can and even beyond for our lovely child(ren) and we have no regrets.
mm..he was hands on initially n also claimed that he can do everything except bf... He even taught me how to change diapers n can even change diaper for baby wifout baby realising hes being changed.....
But these few mths got addicted to playing bejewelled...n became lazy...
Maybe i shld threaten him to change bbs surname to mine.. Haha
Haha... not so serious ... when I said golf widow, it is just the expression only... I dont talk to him much about needing his support, I only hint hint... and I am not feeling that much resentment to the extend that I need to sit him down to talk to him... because I am to blame as I started him on golf... haha... just that now I dont't get to play that much that's why jealous mah...
I totally enjoyed motherhood and I dont't think I will get tired of it. I am a working mum, but how I wish I can be stay at home mum...
Initially it took some getting used to from him but once he got the hang of it he was all hands on deck. In fact, because I was c-section birth, when we were in hospital he was helping to change diaper so that I could rest. So please tell your husband his thinking is so dated. and if he expects a second child he should learn to change. If not in the first place why did he want children if he was not ready to take up the most simple of responsibility of their hygiene. So so MCP.
idk why but every time i ask my hubby to change the diapers for my first child he gave me a scared look as if he was made to clean a bionuclear facility. But now he has got used to it. i think its important that both parents tend to a child. The next time he refuses to change, just leave the soiled nappy and tell your dear husband firmly to change. He is a father and this is a basic resposibility for him. If he cant perform a small act of kindness on you, then he should be made to realise that cooking n cleaning is not a woman's job only. Next time make sure he watches supernanny or shalom in the house, if he tries to leave the house then raise the volume and hide the key. so that he would understand that a family is run by both parents.
My hubby has never changed a diaper before n our oldest kid is already 6 yo. He is good at sniffing out if baby pooed though If he happens to be holding baby, he will pass baby to me and ask me to change.
Hubby helps out in other ways, getting food for the kids, entertaining them when I clean up or do my own thing.
Hmmm..I dont ask hubby to change..getting him involve sometimes makes me wanna puke..the way I see him do I would rather do it myself..lol..everything is me n mother in law..but my hubby also too tired after work..now that I m still at home..the things he "served" Graham is countable with fingers..lol..I dont blame him though...
Cream mummy..you are "golf widow" and that makes me a gym widow..my hubby goes gym almost everyday! Haha