This is a discussion on How to control my temper within the Primary School Registration and Academic forum, part of the Singapore Kiasu Parents Forum category; Hi mothers out there with schooling kids , I am a working mum with 2 schooling kids age 9 and ...
Hi mothers out there with schooling kids ,
I am a working mum with 2 schooling kids age 9 and 7 yrs. More than 50% of the time my hubby is overseas for work and I find I am losing control of myself towards the kids nowadays.
I tend to lose my temper easily and often , esp. with my 9 yrs old girl when going thru her school work or getting her to tidy up her stuff. She is always taking her own sweet time to finish her school work and packing her stuff last minute.
She asked me to leave her alone coz she knows what to do but I just can't tahan whenever I see the way she does her things.
What should I do ?
dont't tell me to read those parenting bookds coz I have read a fair bit but when come to practising it's a real challenge...
Last edited by seashell; 29-07-2008 at 11:49 AM.
or maybe you just need to give her a hand on her chores a bit to encourage her doing the rest.
coz the more you put stress on them the more they reluctant to do things also..
i mean, it's good to give a 9 yr old responsibility ofcoz but since she's the type like what you said then maybe you need to set the responsibility bit by bit slowly.. hope you two works out just fine..!
It's tough to be a mommy..
Hi, my elder boy 10 yrs old also same, always do his work slowly. One reason is that he easily distract by surrounding. I agree with you, it's easier to said than do. I've also borrow many parenting books from the library. After reading it, i told myself must control next time but I always end up losing my tempers towards him. Now i really have no idea so i always punish him by cutting his computer time. It's really tough to be mommy
Thanks mummies for your reply . I feel better being able to share the problem here .
My girl has the same behaviour as Pokemon's boy. She gets distracted easily and she can walk in and out of the room to get her stationery before she can finally settle down to start her work.
I have to keep telling myself to slow down and dont't rush her else my temper will flare and there will be volcanoe eruption again. . I must admit I still need to work very hard on this to control myself .
It's indeed very tough being a mummy and hope tomorrow will be better , cheers !!!
hey, you might like to try setting a time target for her, and reward her if she can hit it. like 30 minutes for homework and packing bag. and put the clock in front of her so she can keep track of time.
I can empathise with you coz I too face the very same problem.
Main thing we lose our temper is becoz we r tired n too many things to accomplish.
first of all, relax ourselves first like rest, yoga once in awhile or take St John Worts in case cannot tahan lagi. close your room door and breath in.
plan what we suppose to achieve and then try all our best.
same thing she told me hands off. So I let my dear daughter be and one day she forgot to bring lots of stuff and homework too. Then I asked her if anything happened in school. I was just smiling inside. no doubt we dont't want our kids to have scolding but no choice, sometimes they have to taste some medicine.
Aiyo I had scolding from everyone in the family, (shout too much, stress them too much) but have to manage.
we let them go a bit and but make sure they are upto date with their studies. I had lost my temper many times previously and found out that I was too tired. thats why I made sure, I dont't tire myself before they come home from school. delegate or empower them to do certain duties.
before you start lecturing, means you r fuming, take 10 deep deep breath. If still very hot, tell yr gal, you will come back to her when you cool down.
I understand not easy, mine also driving me crazy. For 9yr old, I suppose you can try the 'easy way'. Let her bear the consequences of not having a well-packed school bag or lousy homework. My son's teacher will ring to update me (tell me wah homework he failed to hand up) so when that happens, I'll feedback to son and give him the impression he is under supervision and answerable for his own behaviour/work.
Sometimes, being too nice and protective will make kid hate us .... losoh
Angelman Syndrome Rare Genetic - deletion of Chromosome 15
Like today I told her that her mind is not listening to her. She needs to control her mind to concentrate on what she needs to do and she managed to stay focus and get her work done real fast. I complimented her and just hope it will get better each day .
Last edited by seashell; 04-08-2008 at 10:41 PM.
Everytime I will reflect on what I should and shouldn't do to the kids. But whenever they did something not right my scream will come before I can even start counting 1 in my mind/ heart . What to do ? Now trying to just zip up my mouth
Hi, I'm a new member and I am also facing the same problem with my 10 yrs old son. He likes to take his own sweet time to do his work and learn his spelling and if I dont't nag, he doesn't gets things done. He too gets distracted easily.
I tried to use soft approach and he climb over my head, so I used the hard approach but it still doesn't work. I tried taking away his TV and computer time but all these fails too. I wonder what should I do too? Any one got more ideas?
Create a timeline for your kid. Draw it up and put it before your kid. Indicate starting time and ending time. You put on the timer alarm.
For every task done within the time frame - give reward. For over the time task - penalise the kid. You dont't nag too much or get overly cross. Just penalise them without much talking like taking away their fav thing/activity.
It is a hassle to do it but you can do this timeline only when you require important jobs done eg: completion of homework, cleaning up their room, etc
When you see improvement in their attitude and be better in time management, you can do without this timeline.
I got this info from internet. Read it once from some site. I apply it to my 6yo and 4yo kids when they want to clean up their playroom. Makes them scrambling mad to finish on time.
HI there seashell, your nick is familiar huh. Perhaps we may have read each others post in another forum.
Last edited by EnFlor; 05-08-2008 at 09:39 PM.
Hello EnFlor , yeah it's the same seashell from the other friendly forum !!.
You know, things were very much in control when the kids were younger prior to schooling.
Guess I might have set slightly higher expectation on them now thinking they are older , which backfire. Am trying to slow down and let them be in control and responsible of their own stuffs.
Thanks for the useful tips anyway
Whenever i feel so angry towards my girls,I will try to control temper by looking at their baby photos in my living room But I will still 'scold' them whenever they misbehave.
It's inevitable that we flare UP when we are upset with our kids. Especially when they dont't meet our 'expectations'... not listening. We are ALL human.
Having said that, dealing with human, communications is the key. When we flare up, it can be hurtful. We may say something that we dont't wish to say... or not meant that way.
Try to communicate to them where we are coming from.. we are trying to put them on track... we are doing our best for them and not for ourselves.
This is best done when both parties are in good mood i.e. not when you are flaring up and the kid is crying and you try to communicate where you are coming from.. this won't work.
Just like health... we will try to exercise regularly and eat healthily and NOT when we have health problem.. then try to fix it eagerly.
Happy to share more....
I've heard this complaint from so many parents. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
My suggestions to parents (similar to Enflor):
- make them plan a timetable which they think is reasonable (means they tink they can accomplish it) and covers everything you want them to do
- Set timers/alarm clocks to remind them of the timing
- check on them PERIODICALLY (meaning every hour check 1 time, dont every 5min go n check)
Children now mature quite early. at 9yr old, they want more independance and dont like ppl to tell them what to do. for my tutees, i usually set a timetable with them (quite detailed as to which homework they must complete) and i'll check on them via SMS (just send reminders).
If parents are home, it's easier to monitor. Ask them to set up their 'study area' and 'play area'. it has to be a different place. if possible, give your child a proper study table (i know due to space constraints, some kids do homework at the dining table). make them have a sense of ownership to their 'space'. and when they sit down at the 'study area', back in their head, they'll know it's time to focus and wont be distracted easily.
there's no need to scream or scold them. just cool down first, then tell your child how disappointed you are. kids dont like it when they disappoint their parents (esp if you seem very upset about it). they'll work harder to meet your expectations (but we gotta make sure it's reasonable also!).
i recall a parent crying cos she was so upset with her gal. when i spoke to the gal, she know why her mum is upset n said she tried her best but her mum expect so much. sometimes we gotta put ourselves in their shoes also. their ability at that age, their mental/emotional capacity
Empty vessels make the most noise
children are rebelliousfrom P3 onwards as they are beginning to develop their own personality, for eg, they might like to start to msg, listen to ipod, & watch Youtube. They follow heck care attitude from their peers or busmates. I told my girl she can watch all the TV she wants if she would like to marry a hawker selling hokkien mee. So her life will be open shop, close shop watch TV. Similary if she wants to be a lawyer like what she told me, then how can she be one, if she is careless in her Maths , .forgotten the name of the plantiff, or not packing her own study table. What I as a mummy can do is to help her build up good habits & slowly elminating bad habits which can be hard to change when she turns into adult. eg even simple bad usuage of "WAH LOU" words in her speech. I find that my reasoning and quoting examples method works, we all want our kids to grow up to be a person who is able of find a decent job, a good husband, so all these means grooming them in studies, personality, character,etc. You are the mother, show her your love, always tell her whatever you are doing or asking her to do will be good for her, it doesn't benefit us. If they do bad things at school, they get punished by the teacher like standing at the corridor, mummy can't be the one to take over her punishment, these are results of bad habits for eg. forgotten to bring textbook, so highlight to bad habits like being rude, it will result to gang fights due to verbal abuse and ending up in girls' home ( a place she wouldn't want to be) treat them like small adults, children will grow up so fast and start breaking rules or laws before we as parents realise it is too late.
I find that my reasoning and quoting examples method works, we all want our kids to grow up to be a person who is able of find a decent job, a good husband, so all these means grooming them in studies, personality, character,etc. You are the mother, show her your love, always tell her whatever you are doing or asking her to do will be good for her, it doesn't benefit us. .......
Fully agree with you, Jenny. This approach works for me too!!
oops... one more thing that I added.. i.e. they can choose not to listen if they wish to learn the hard way.
When there is an occasion that they have learnt the hard way... not to spite them.. but try to communicate to them that indeed, they did learn the hard way..wouldn't it be better to listen to Mummy and not to go thro' the bumpy way.
Well, at times they appreciate whole-heartedly.. at times.. can see that they reluctantly agree coz they dont't feel good that Mummy is right again.
Not to make them feel bad... not to make Mummy like the 'most brilliant' person around or has this super-power to predict.. always tell them it's becoz I have gone thro' what they are going thro'. Just merely sharing my experiences.
Trust me...this will help them to feel better.
Last edited by choiceessentials; 03-06-2009 at 03:25 AM.
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Its important to separate our anger from our role as disciplinarian. If anger and discipline are merged, temper will rise on both sides.
I would suggest laying down rules on homework, tidyness and playtime as house rules. Beyond that its simply lots of love and loving encouragement. Kids will learn that you love them regardless (that's important) but there are expectations as laid down by house rules. But of course, be reasonable with rules.
If a kid cannot complete his/her homework, find out more info first before judging that its due to laziness. It could be that there is simply too much homework.. from school, tuition and sometimes even from parents on top of the first two!!!
There must be play time or the child would "play" during his study time i.e. doodle, daydream, or would rush thru homework just to get play time.
Try to find the reasonable balance... it's not always easy.
Hi ladies. Won't it be something the child gets used to if the parent is angry all the time? I'm trying to save the anger for really naughty occasions so that it still scares dear son into correcting his behavior, but I agree often it's very hard to make him do his assignments quickly.
So far time deadlines are the ones with best result - example if he finishes his work by 7 he can watch TV, but if he's not done it uses up his TV time.
recently i bought e-book "the happy child guide" I not sure it work or not. but i need to try toward my 2 sons age 3&4. Eventually, both of them spoil by me and my maid. Now have to try them independence as what the childcare teacher ask us to do. I love children and i feel there really amazing and make me happy when i am relax. I love hug and kiss them and touch behind (pad) them. my sons just like it and understanding but sometime, they will scream whenever they feel angry.
This works well for me in controlling my temper and you can try this too. Try to place things that will remind you to control your temper. It may be an angel stuff or anything. Put it in your child's room. Whenever your mad and you see it, you will be reminded to control your temper.