me also will cane her as she really very naughty e home......
This is a discussion on Do you spare the rod? within the General Parenting Discussion forum, part of the Growing Up & Parenting category; I dont't.. Both kids I started using cane for discipline at 18mo.. As they are defiant at some issues thus ...
I dont't.. Both kids I started using cane for discipline at 18mo.. As they are defiant at some issues thus the cane is useful.. Bottom is the place i spank.. No no else where as once my son siam and end up on his hand.. His teacher questioned me and advised that should be solely on the bottom as it's the most painful yet safest place..
me also will cane her as she really very naughty e home......
no i dont. i dont have "rod" to spare
My boys r the kings at home
Now all we have to mention "cane", dear daughter will do as told.
Last edited by tommyBoi; 24-08-2007 at 12:27 PM.
heee.... Almighty Father gave Moses a rod = sign of authority
and it is written in Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
my son's first taste of the rod was when he turned 4yrs old... and ever since then a few times already
but he learns to improve that way... but the rod will only be used for certain disciplinary issues and he will always be told that his punishment is for his bad behaviour.
most of the time, if he's at fault (something that he can control e.g being responsible of his action but choose not to)... his privileges will be taken away.
this year in P1, so many discouraging behaviour he has picked up in an all-boy school, especially when taking the sch bus... as such he has been grounded a few times, and each time it's for a week.
again here, it has helped him in being a better person after that...
when he's grounded - no tv, no pc/xbox games, no outings.
he will have to answer a set of questions that i have ready:
why did you choose to misbehave ?
is it a wrong or right or fun thing to do there and then ?
is that action acceptable in the Christian Faith ?
what moral and values did you learn to encounter such act ?
what is the right moral and value ?
as we have devotion time daily, i will then have to enforce again on the Christian teachings. as you know ... he is a mature and bright boy, but many a times, he has his weakness too.
i am using the Core Bible series but they are not all out yet, you can read of these here:
i'm sure you know, we are blessed to be homemakers - for making our head of the house - husbands proud of us and to nurture Godly seeds for His Goodworks.
no matter how tough it is, Father has given this task to us... and we must try to lift them all up. and i tell you, the fulfillment is so enriching !!
i have some good kid's books, maybe you would like to borrow them one day
do dear... dont't mean to sound 'preachish' here, but this is just how it works for me
Spare the rod??? Not me....
Many a times my mother in law or SILs will try to interfere with my disciplinary acts with the cane. But they since learnt that their actions soon caused more troubles than saving them.
I forgot when I started using the cane on dds. But I definitely remember the very 1st time I used it on older dear daughter. Cos after caning her, my heart ache sooooooo much. N I gently applied 'zambuk' for her after she cried herself to sleep. N there I was weeping while applying...
However, that doesn't stop me from using it on dds. Cos like most of you agree, it does help in discipline.
I never cane my kids, a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. Teachers commented that both of them are very well behaved in schools.
Sometimes they can get on my nerves at home. I try to reason with them, and most importantly, I show them the correct behaviour. Caning is a quick and easy way to make a child stop what he is doing, but he will not learn the correct behaviour. My girl will listen to reasoning, my younger boy still dont't quite understand reasoning, so I will put him in the naughty corner, I learn from Super Nanny. If they fight with each other, I will make them apologize, then hug and kiss. If I cane either one of them, then it would most likely make them hate each other even more.
Caning will only instill fear and hatred in your kids. Do not think that a young child dont't know how to hate you, and even as adults they will still remember it.
Remember that kids will always learn from our examples. If we use violence on them, they will use violence on other kids too.
I saw a thread in the cozycot forum. A child was beaten by his Daddy, the teacher saw the marks, reported to MCYS, and the child was taken away from his parents and put in the children's home. So do note that beating is not approved by MCYS.
I dont use this method.
Cos I do not wish to see my dear daughter obey me only out of fear.
To me, I want herself to learn how to differentiate what's wrong and right.
Last edited by cendrine; 22-08-2007 at 04:02 PM.
of course, it's pretty much common sense one shouldn't use the cane in anger as that could led to abusing...
the cane is just a tool, it works on some, and not on some...
usage of the cane is also very individual... in fact it's rather very asian. in the west, often their methods are the "reasoning", "counselling" way... but sadly also the use of hands - hitting & punching & belt-ings !!
no i dont't .. even i use dey not scared of mi .. if i spare dem haha dey will be shittin all over my head loh haha
I dont't use the cane...my K1 boy values my opinion and feelings alot. he has never heard of a cane until he was 4 yrs old...when my mum used it to ask both him and my nephew to behave...he was like "huh? what is that ?"
but no cane... my mom never uses cane and it still hurts...
My hubby and i use cane to control my two 'monkeys'. However, i use the cane many times to hit the furnitures instead of them. They really freak out and will behave when they listen to the 'whacking sound' on the furniture.
Hi dearie mummy, nearly forgotten your nick and laugh so much whenever seeing your pix.. I couldn't recognise it's you .... Waaaaaaaaaaa you so kau3 siao4 want.. Anyway thanks for your sharing!!! Love..
How to differentiate discipline and abuse ? Do we have the right to beat/cane someone else, whether adult or child ? Why is it that we have the right to beat/cane our children ? Just because we gave birth to them, doesn't mean we own them. I view my kids as individuals and they have human rights too.
I dont't mean to sound harsh. The above is not directed at anyone in particular. I am just ranting. I feel sorry for those kids constantly beaten by their parents.
Last edited by tamarind; 23-08-2007 at 10:25 AM.
I heard from somewhere, that a mommy should not use her hand to beat, she should always use the cane.
This is because the child associates the mommy's hand with love and tenderness, they should not associate it with beating.
Actually I thought any child should be smarter than that. Beating is painful whether it's the hand or the cane.
if really need to beat, use cane, not too hard on fleshy areas like buttocks...but pls be careful about e tailbone n spine...
actualli, children under 3 should not be caned....long theory about it, if you interested can search on it....
If you spare the rod, it doesn't mean that you spoil the child. It just means that you need more effort to explore other methods to discipline your child.
Instead of beating, do consider these 10 alternative ways. It takes a lot more effort, patience, self control, and a longer time to see the effect, but it's the best for your child.
Top 10 Ways to Handle Discipline Dilemmas
1. Be firm and be kind.
A child is more likely to hear what you're saying if you use a neutral tone.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm too angry to deal with this now. We'll talk about it later."
3. Teach your kids.
Instead of punishing a child for misbehaving, think in terms of teaching him to behave. "I dont't like it when you leave your skateboard in the front hall. Next time, please put it in the mudroom. How can I help you remember?"
4. Be positive.
Instead of saying, "How many times do I need to ask you to brush your teeth?" Say, "Go brush your teeth and let me know when you've finished so I can tuck you in."
5. Give explanations, not threats.
By giving your child a brief explanation of why she needs to do as she's told, you give her a reason to behave.
6. Refuse to get angry.
Instead of focusing on your child's misbehavior and working yourself into a lather, think of each conflict as an opportunity to guide and direct your child.
7. Give incentives.
Inspire your child to cooperate with phrases like, "It's time to go. Why dont't you go down the slide one more time and then let's hustle. I want to get home in time to make cookies."
8. Be flexible.
If your little one asks, "Can I just finish watching this show before we go?" be reasonable. If you have the time to spare, make room for your child's requests. This is a great way for kids to learn about the art of negotiation.
9. Drop out of power struggles.
Nothing is as frustrating or less productive as having a showdown with your little one. Invite your child to cooperate by saying something like, "I've got a problem. I want you to wear a clean shirt and you insist on wearing the same old one every day. How can we solve this problem?" Your child is more likely to cooperate if he comes up with the solution.
10. Be smart.
Parents will often deal with problems in a set manner, even if their approach isn't helping. If what you're doing isn't working, find a more effective way to handle the problem. Tip: It's much easier to change your approach than it is to change your child. Ask yourself, "What can I do differently that will inspire a better reaction from my child?"
As I've shared in an earlier reply I dont spare the rod. I also do not think that by sparing the rod means the child will b spoilt. It's all a different mindset I think.
For eg. dear husband's niece (7yrs old). She's not even given a smack by hand throughout her 7 yrs. While her parents may feel that she's ok, well behaved to their expectation, I c some of her actions n hear words that aren't seen or heard by her parents. Some small sacastic ways of doing things n yet acted innocent when asked. I could oni shake head.
Same here, I'm not against anybody, I simply feels that different approach must be taken to different kids. I do not deny the fact that sometimes cos we kn our child too well we tend to overlook the possibilities of doing it better. However, given a chance, I would want to think that no parents esp mothers would wanna physically discipline their child. We all paid a high price to have them around remember??
I agree with Vion.
In fact, our hearts ache badly after we cane them. Irony right? But what to do, they do not listen if we try to discipline w/o using cane. Sometimes, i find them very 'jian4ming4' . Use cane, they behave, no cane, hell will break. Sign...
I really envy those parents who dont require to use cane to discipline their children. We tried many methods, follow SUper Nanny's methods but also cannot . So sian...
spare the rod,spoil the child... no wondered im so spoilt...hehe~! maybe i'll just smack her with my hands, but scare her with the rod...heh heh heh~
Fortunately in my case, my girl's nursery teacher wrote in black and white in her report book, that she is a well behaved girl.
Anyway, I dont't think I will continue to argue here. Cannot find like minded parents, quite sad.
you may like sweet while others prefer salty or sour, etc...
we are just merely opening up and sharing views
i help in a childcare, supervise in bible school and also attend to special needs children in school... handling different and all sorts of disciplinary issues... and i tell you it's totally not easy...
sometimes, i ended up dont't know want to cry or laugh when handling them as young as 18mths ~ 10yrs.
i do understand where you stand so dont't be "discouraged"...
there is really no right and no wrong way in children's upbring... b'cos each have their own methods & ways & thoughts...
alot of us here (kids as well) will learn thru' trial and errors, and that's life.
have a blessed weekend.
Hi Abkoh.. Rmb me?
I'm the one who gave you those abbott milk powder.