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Toddler prefers my wife over me

This is a discussion on Toddler prefers my wife over me within the General Parenting Discussion forum, part of the Growing Up & Parenting category; Hello mummies and daddies, My first time here as I need your thoughts. I know it's a bit long, but ...

  1. #1
    Female Attendant
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
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    Toddler prefers my wife over me

    Hello mummies and daddies,

    My first time here as I need your thoughts. I know it's a bit long, but please bear with me.

    My wife and I have one child - a beautiful 2.5 year old girl. A little bit about our daily routine first to give a bit of background.

    Everyday, my wife wakes up early and goes to work before my girl and I wake up. I will prepare her in the morning and drop her off at daycare on the way to work. So my wife doesn't get to see our girl in the mornings. My wife will finish work and meet with our daughter at around 6.30pm at her parents house. I usually see get home between 7-8pm, sometimes working late that I dont't see them.

    Recently over the past few weeks, our daughter has been always wanting my wife to do things like bathe her, feed her, change her, read her books, etc... She would say "I want mama, dont't want papa." Before this happened, she was always neutral to both of us - she had no preference. I bathed her, fed her, changed her, read her books, etc.. just as much as my wife did.

    Before all this incident happened, our daughter at one very brief stage for about a 4-5 days or so often preferred me to do things for her over my wife. As I know this would hurt my wife's feelings, I would often say to our girl that "mama will help you do so and so", so that my wife wouldn't feel left out because I could see that she was feeling rather hurt. I even went to the extent of recording a short video of our girl saying "I love you mama" and sent it to my wife to cheer her up.

    Now that the roles are reversed and I'm the one being isolated (for a few weeks now), naturally I feel hurt and unhappy that our daughter is always wanting my wife to do the things that I used to do. But I noticed whenever our daughter voices for mama to do it, my wife doesn't reciprocate the same actions as I did when the roles were reversed. She says its because our girl doesn't get to see her during the morning/day time and she misses my wife a lot, which I totally understand, but I find that it still doesn't give her a reason not to put my feelings into consideration.

    About 2-3 weeks ago I came across an article about "Toddlers preferring one parent over another "which I sent to my wife. She said it was a great read and we must work together. Link here if you're interested: When One Parent Is Favored

    Tonight, again our girl asked my wife to bathe her, dry her off and change her. And I was already upset about it, so I said to my girl nicely that "Papa will do it". So my wife allowed me to do a bit, which was nice. Later on, our girl said that she wanted mama to put her to bed.

    I said to my wife nicely that "She's always wanting you. Remember last time, she was always wanting me and what did I do?".

    Then my wife said "But I dont't get to see her during the day and you get to see her in the mornings. What's wrong with you?" She got up pissed and walked away.

    I dont't know what to say or what to do. I naturally feel hurt that our daughter is wanting my wife to do things for her and at the same time my wife isn't recognising that I'm feeling hurt too and taking the necessary steps to make it better, but instead almost playing along with her being the preferred parent.

    dont't get me wrong, my wife has been an absolutely amazing mother and wife in many many many ways. I'm just not sure how to react, what to say or how I should approach this. I know articles have mentioned that my time will come and I will be the preferred parent. To me, I totally understand that kids will go through this phase and I dont't mind it. What I've a problem is my wife not working with me and my feelings.

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Worthy Lady
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Rep Power

    Toddler prefers my wife over me

    This seems 2 b a common issue

    My gal prefers her daddy.... Which of cos makes sense since he sees her more often then me

    However, it takes 2 to resolve d issue In my case hubby n I will always share d things we do 4 our gal Yes my gal will decide like I want daddy 2 pat pat me 2 bed So mommy will change her into her PJ n said goodnight I usually m d one feeding my gal dinner if I m home in time 2 do it Otherwise it wld b my hubby

    There r times when my gal will say... I want mommy tonight... Sometimes we give in 2 let her choose but other times we stand firm n tell her who will b putting her 2 bed

    It wld b good if you have a htht with your wife.... Open up about how you feel n what you think shld b done 2 improve d situation

  3. #3
    Female Attendant
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Rep Power

    Re: Toddler prefers my wife over me

    Thanks for your reply Patsie.

    Am I the only one feeling this? Can others share their experiences and/or thoughts?

    I came to this forum to be heard and hopefully to get some responses. So far it's looking bleak.

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