This is a discussion on Offended being a stay at home mum within the Stay at Home or Work at Home Mum Club forum, part of the MummySG Lifestyle category; Originally Posted by meiteoh Yeah...$$$ are a bit tight for us so after calculating the costs and all, we decided ...
i got the same comments too ... so young stay at home doing nothing, it's a waste ............. i wish i could kick them or slap their face ...
Well, after having experienced life in Switzerland where the standard of living is way higher, I must be honest - Singaporeans have it much better than them. Over there, well, no one buys a house because it's just too costly. Almost all the properties are owned by banks and people rent. Hospital bills run in the thousands - each check up I went for when I was preggers, I would end up being billed for over CHF500. That's why over there, medical insurance is compulsory and very comprehensive.
For women, antenatal classes, check-ups, ultrasounds and delivery cost at a public hospital is covered plus vaccinations and postnatal check-ups as well as baby's first few check-ups are free. Of course, your baby will have to get insurance too. Childcare ranges in the thousands so mothers are given time off for a longgggg time and provided with subsidies for breastfeeding, childcare and so forth - this, of course, are for residents and citizens. NO ONE looks down on a woman for being a stay at home mum. It's perfectly acceptable there because in European societies, time and energy taken to be a stay at home mum is considered an investment towards a future citizen (read: the child).
One thing great though is that with the high standard of living there, the pay matches it. But not quite over here. Hence why I find that many Singaporeans (and Malaysians) have it easier if it's a dual income family.
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Really cant stand those ppl when I told them I'm on NO PAY leave, ppl response is WAH SO GOOD BE TAI TAI AT HOME! Yah right! These ppl just cant understand how it is to be at home looking after the little one. My boy just turned 4mths and looking after him myself alone for a first time mummy is no joke. The stress of looking after him every minute and not having time to even eat a proper meal is tough. Sometimes can only wait til he is asleep before we can hav time to do housework or any other chores like washing bottles, clothes, hanging clothes, cooking a meal, cleaning up not to mention shower. Gotta wait til someone is back to go for shower even if you feel sticky and hot. Only mothers who stay at home will know. Who are they to comment on doing nothing at home.
I've been a stay at home mum for almost 21 mths and I've got my fair share of such comments and other ignorant remarks... most of these silly comments are made by:
1) women who do not have a kid/ dont't look after their kid
2) men who dont't have kids and/or men who dont't bother to help out with the kids at home.
Just learn to ignore such ignorant people.
Btw, do you notice that even the description for this section of the forum makes sahms sound very free? A mis-representation of sahms I say... lol.
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With a fussy light-sleeper + super-active when awake son, I bet no one will be free taking care of him full-time. Sometimes, I need to wear him in a carrier to use the loo! Now, I have mastered the art of carrying him to the loo when needed.
He is such a fussy light sleeper that I need to be in bed with him by 10p.m. and 'sleep' with him till 9a.m. This means holding off going to the loo sometimes!!!
There is no room for MC, so I take good care of myself.
I get a 'salary' from my husband, because we believe I deserve it.
My husband and family fully support me taking care of the boy full-time. Thank God!
Recently, I started a business to keep my mind active, especially when the children grows up in future.
All devoted mothers are fantastic, keep going!
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you poor thing!! i was thinking of using a carrier as well..but was told not to..now he is getting better..lucky for me..hope yr dear son will get better as well!!
I swear by babywearing and so does my hubby! Even now when Eva is at the babysitter, I babywear her on the weekends to make up for the "lost" time. I find that it helps maintain that close bond I have with her before I started sending her to a babysitter.
I think most people DONT MEAN to sound condescending, nor are they 100% IGNORANT, but look from their point of view, they probably are so tired and stressed from work that they ENVY us who can stay at home and not face a demanding boss and irritating clients/colleagues. My mental model before I became stay at home mum was also that stay at home mum=being like on leave everyday!!! For those who have worked before being stay at home mum, and have looked forward to every weekend/public holiday/leave, Im sure you can understand that mental model.
I love my Babybjorn carrier, but she's getting heavier. I have not tried a MIM sling yet cos I still feel quite insecure using it, llike she will fall off anytime...
Yeah, i got the same kindda shit too when we meet relatives (esp hubby's side) on festive seasons. And the same qs will be thrown at me. After answering their qs, some would give me 'funny' look and remark something like, "alamak, so sayang, you study so many years, end up like this."....Damn! LIKE WHAT!!!!! Just coz i choose my kids+family over career, would that make me a dumb woman ????
I dont't care anymore. Not as if i depend on them to pay for my family's expenses or to provide for my family's happiness, right. All depends on my husband. If he says OK to work, i'll go. But right now, he is the one who says FOCUS on the kids first. And I am 90% happy with this arrangement, however, i can't deny that a little part of me yearn to go back to work.
You may be deceived if you trust too much,but you will live in tormentif you dont't trust enough.(So trust your instincts for it will never lie)
btw, one reason I decided (even long before we started family planning) that I would take care of my kids myself was because of what I saw in school. My students were problematic because they themselves faced dysfunctional families at home. Parents mostly double income, no time to talk to them or take care of their needs. Some clearly use $$$ to compensate their kids for their lack of time spent with them (this boy became a police case eventually).
So, if you also feel the same way, maybe you can retort that "no point having $3k-4k salary if my kids turn out bad cos I'm taking care of other people's kids MORE than my own", or "you like 'high' salary of teacher, why dont you go be one?", or "I save on salary by not having to pay a few hundred dollars for domestic help, or thousands of dollars for sending kid to infantcare/childcare". Or just "you envious I dont have to work huh? Then you go resign tomorrow also !"