This is a discussion on single mums! within the Single Parents Support Group forum, part of the MummySG Special Group category; Originally Posted by aidaroyani83 hi there i'm new here and i'm a single mum with a 15mths baby gal hey~ ...
hmmm. as for me, i will tell my dear son the truth also. Maybe for my case is simpler. I will just tell him that :
it was because me and papa really cannot get along. but papa still loves you, he is a good papa, but not a good husband to mummy. We dont want you to see us quarrel and cry in front of you. Papa and mummy are still good friends but we can't stay together....
Sigh, it is the best i could thought of ....hope my dear son will understand this...
well, not her father dont want her.
more of we (or rather me) dont want her father.
i believe i can find her a better father than him
Last edited by Ting; 03-06-2009 at 04:00 PM.
ask him to GO TO HELL.
how can he treat your girl like she was just someone else.
dont even bother about him.
keep that sms/msg, go to the family court n apply for maintenance from him.dont have to inform him just go n fill in application form.
if i am not wrong,
BC dont have his name nvm.
the court wil still ask him for maintenance, if he denies baby is his, will need to take DNA test to prove.
proven is his, he pay for it, but proven not his then you need to pay.
if proven, he need to provide the maintenance fee.
but he can see baby either once a week, or once every 2 weeks. it depends.
keep that sms so that you have evidence that he doesnt want the baby just in case he wanna fight with you for custody.
this is i heard before frm another mummy .
her ex also dont wanna pay then she go court n ask for it.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
hmmmmmmmmm, if tts the case then dont bother.
his dad die also his prob.
Long time never come in here ...
Me and dear daughter's daddy is still not divorced yet. But in the midst..
I left him cos i cannot stand his lie anymore..
I admit it was my fault that i wanted a abortion in the 1st place..
He made me keep her..
But he onli know how to tok, dont know action..
He never ever gave me a single cent before..
On the contrary, I give him money even when I was preg..
Later on, he went to jail for bike theft (as some of you know)..
I can never ever forgive him for saying "I steal bikes so that i can sell and give you money to eat"
Since the day i know him, I knew that he is some1 who onli know how to get into trouble, and expect the whole world to help him clear his shit. If no1 does, he will push the blame to some1 else.. In tis case, me...
I m far beta without him..
well, life goes on.
glad that you r happy now!
I'm not a single mum but my good friends are single mums.
if your baby not born yet, dont PUT FATHER'S NAME IN BC! if they ask, just say dont know who is the father.
if your baby's BC already has his name and you dont want him to have anything to do with you or baby, ask him to declare that he give up his legal rights to the child (like disowning your child). best done when on bad terms cos it'll mean that there's more 'resentment' to motivate him to sign it.
it's best not to refuse rights to visitation cos he can use that to argue in court that you r unreasonable. it's better that you agree on a fixed schedule, then take note how often he turns up. most of the time they wont turn up on time everytime or they'll miss when they got something on. then it'll be 'evidence' that he is not committed to the child, never make use of the regular visitations arranged.
if he offer $$, dont take if possible. once you take, he'll claim 'i did contribute to my kid'.
all of you r very brave to stand on your own.
Empty vessels make the most noise
but such ironic, he hates his mom coz she almost dumped him whn he was a baby coz fortune teller tells her he will jinx her life.. its his dad who insist on keeping him, and arranged for him to live with his dad's friend who became his foster parents.. thus he love his dad so much.. and now, he is doing the same(if not, worst) thing back to his own daughter..
i recently met a sch friend on the street.
she gave birth at 17 and never married the daughter's dad
but instead she stayed at his side hoping that 1 day the dad will b matured and then she will marry the boy
but for 3yrs it didnt happen, instead bcoming worst
hence she decide to leave him tog with the girl.
the bf's name is in the BC .
6months - about 1yr later the family came knocking on the door claiming that dey want custody of the child.
they fought for about 1yr and she lost the case
lost as in, she wanted to draw a clear line between them
but accordin to her, her lawyer told her that now the law have changed
they would want both parents to have 50-50 custody of the child
so nobody will get sole custody
the daughter now sometimes stay at his house, sometimes at her house
but hardly follow her home as her daughter is closer to the grandma and so always staying at the dad's house
just FYI, that if the name alreadi in BC
the chances of hafing sole custody is veri hard
and i tink if DNA comes in and prove that this guy (whose name is not in the BC as the dad) is the father of the child
may also get 50% of custody
i just feel sad for my friend bcos the bf's side have never ever offer to help her
never spent a cent and make her slog her life for the child and her life
yet did this to her.
but howcome your friend's case, her dear daughter will end up being closer to her bf's mother than her ?
maybe in finance n accomodation wise, the guy side can provide better?
why did she lose?
i feel that, if she can have evident that they didnt support her child, she may get a chance.
My friend recently divorced and got sole custody of her son without visitation rights and they r applying for the father to not have any legal rights to the child. main reason is that she has evidence that her ex is irresponsible:
1. he disappeared without informing anyone for 6mths (evidence from passport cos he went to china, letter of termination due to failure to report to work from his employers, army's warning letter for not reporting for reservist)
2. did not contribute to family finances (evidence from reciept of payment made from my friend's accts)
3. he ever sent her an sms saying that he dont want the kid anymore (evidence from the actual SMS saved in the phone)
4. witness statements of family and friends on the way he treats the child (many incidents where he is not able to meet the everyday needs of the child like feeding him, cleaning him up, etc)
Empty vessels make the most noise
but i guess it's a bit hard to find evidence
i mean, sometimes you thought can tolerate, he will repent
but end up it doesn
anwiae for my friend case
her bf did not work to provde the daughter for as long as the daughter lives
even till now
and my friend have to work morning till night so hardly spend time with the daughter
so the daughter is closer to the grandma as grandma is taking of her
while the dad, do nothin, treat her as maid, plae computer, sleep enjoy goin gout and throwing the daughter at her.
but she lost the case just bcos she dont have hard evidence to show the bf doesn care enuff
instead the bf side uses her blog as evidence in court on certain stuff
that is what she told me.
yeah, why not! stupid man.
last time dey stay tog, when dey are still a couple
but about 1yr ago she had enuff and move out
dey never wanted her to marry the guy and keep dragging
keep sae wait for him mature wait for him mature
but onli bcome worst, he dont want complete his study, dont want work, dont want go NS >.<
this kind of guy also have
now the daughter is with the guy side and heard that he guy just started working
but still doesn care much about the daughter
he even got himself a new gf and doesn spend time with the daughter
alwaes throwing the daughter to the grandma to look after
dey dont want to put the child in childcare bcos if can save money
the grandma confirm want and dont want to put the daughter in childcare
heard that after the daughter go back to the father side
her studies bcome worst
imagine 4yrs old girl doesn even know hw to count from 1-10 doesn know a-z
jmho, she should grip the situation and gain control of her and her daughter's life .. dont leave the decision to the grandma.. if she have to be put in childcare, she HAVE to be put into childcare.. try to get evidence of her ex's negligence of her daughter, present if to family, at the same time do things to prove that she is at the position to care for her daughter..
if things carry on this way, i believe the future of this little girl, everyone also can guess ..
I was thinkin will life be as difficult to b a single mum?
Now havin full of tots of getting a divorce. Even if I hold on to my marriage its just for e sake of my boy. Feel so breathless with my hubby.
anwiae now dey are alreadi seperate and the court have let the child stay with the father side
so she have nothin more that she can do
she does not have ani evidence of the ex neglecting the child
in fact, she mentioned that the court knew that her ex have a some violent past or somethin
but still put the child with the ex family
and even want my friend to bring the child to MCYS every month or so and pay them 100bucks for nuts
not sure why. and not sure why this decision is made by the court.
she didnt put the daughter in childcare previously bcos she's the onli 1 earning money
and she doesn have enuff to put in the childcare.
the ex just doesn care nor does their family willing to pae ani money for the daughter.