single parent support group

[masayuki]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee Hello, I'm a single mum to be, currently 26 weeks. Was trying to look for single mum's support grp, only found 'flysolo' but seems dormant. Is this grp still active? .

Welcome!

Flyin Solo officially closed down a few years ago....
There might be a discussion yahoo group around though....

I'm currently working with Ginny and Frae on a new project!

[shi_san_yee]

Great! Pls do update on where I can find the grp. Anyway, a quick, well, not so.. introduction; I'm now 26 weeks, and single. When I found out I was pregnant last yr in sept, the first reactions from everyone around me was to get married, to a point that I also got suckered into that. I have known the biological father for only 4 mths by then and we quarrel, disagree or be sarcastic with each other over everything and anything, there really wasn't a time we could have peace. (not good at all ). He is a nice guy, not a bad one, trouble lies with our compatibility; and we just cannot agree on many grounds.

During the preparation for the wedding, his threw his temper at me constantly. I was the one with the mood swings and so decided to leave all wedding plans to him so we won't fight. We still fought, and fought even uglier, he couldn't live with co-decision making, but also couldn't make decisions himself. He accused me of not being bothered about the wedding; to which I half agreed. After a few talks with him, I told him it wasn't working out, coz we're merely marrying because people say we should, and I do not love him, I'm already making plans on divorce even before signing the marriage papers. He then pulled a threat on me, giving me 2 choices, marry him, or abort. I chose neither.

Wedding plans were called off last min, deposits forfeited, my parents were unhappy esp my mum who constantly gave me emotional BS, shunning me from relatives, insinuating I'm a disgrace, left me out of any family events in public. She feels it's better to have a legal marriage, a father for the child, rather than do it alone, for the sake of status. I was disgusted, but could understand from her protective point. Dad was more supportive, afterall, I've been annulled before and if I really wanted to take marriage seriously, then calling it off would be my wisest choice. I know it was my mistake to be so careless and fall pregnant, but making another mistake of marrying him.... 2 wrongs dont't make a right.

He called me several times after that and one day would tell me not to inform him anything about the baby, coz he's not interested. The next, he'll tell me he should play a part in bringing him up.... confirming that I truly should leave him and flee fast, he's too indecisive. Besides, now he accuses me of making use of him to have a baby (!??!)

To all single mums out there, I dont't know how you do it, I feel so stressed up and really wanna give up time and time again. I dont't know where to draw strength. I even have toxic and poisonous friends who dissect my financial situations, criticizing my every decision and judging that I'm gonna be a lousy mother, etc.... It is very hurtful and draining not to have much support at home, and then have such unhealthy 'friendships'. I do hope I'll draw some strength from fellow solo mums, and learn from your experiences.

(sorry, this has been pretty lengthy) BTW, from my understanding, can I register my baby (EDD April 2010) with just my name and surname, no need add father's name rite? just double check, no other legal procedures.

[Amulet]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee (sorry, this has been pretty lengthy) BTW, from my understanding, can I register my baby (EDD April 2010) with just my name and surname, no need add father's name rite? just double check, no other legal procedures.

just your name and baby follows your surname..

you just need to take oath to vow that you are single mother..

[shi_san_yee]

Originally Posted by Amulet just your name and baby follows your surname.. you just need to take oath to vow that you are single mother..

Hi amulet, thanks. But where do i do that? I will be giving birth at mt alvernia, they do birth registrations there only for married parents rite? Can I register there too? oath? how to do so?

[Amulet]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee Hi amulet, thanks. But where do i do that? I will be giving birth at mt alvernia, they do birth registrations there only for married parents rite? Can I register there too? oath? how to do so?

you would have to go down to ICA to register your baby's birth.. we can only do it there coz we are single moms.. level 3 i tink..

[shi_san_yee]

i see.... ok. thanks!!

[Ting]

hi shi san yee, i believe you made a right decision this time..
i was in a similar situation like you.
my ex n i was together for only a few mths n i got preggers.
but thank god was my parents didnt want me to marry him.
they knew he wasnt any good for me n my child so after my child was born, shit happened n OUT he went.


as of the BC thingy, when you register at ICA, just inform them you r a single mum, unwed then they will give you an oath to read out n sign, then you can just proceed with your name only.



i wont tell you not to bother about what other ppl say, cos its impossible, esp if they r close friends n family members.
instead, HEAR them, but dont take it to heart.
where to draw strength?from your unborn child (for now) n from these ppl who critisize n look down on you. take their words of critism n transfrom them into strength to show the world how GOOD of a mother you can be.
no one is born to be a perfect parent, no matter how careful he/she is, they still make mistakes. so no one can judge how good one can be as a parent. (unless you abandon your child, abuse them, etc)
a married mother doesnt prove to show that she might be a better mother than a single one. its just status.
if your friends do not understand you well n judge you like that, you might as well DROP these frenships. its not worth it. you can always make new n BETTER friends. im sure you'll be able to find quite a few here.

as of your mum, she will slowly come to her senses n all these "face" issues will be long forgotten. my mum was like that, when i was preggers, i didnt go to any of the family events on her side. she was afraid of ppl gossipping n such, she even told her friends i was married already..blah blah blah..
but after pin was born, boy she was soo proud of her she didnt even bother on what other ppl was saying.. pin's like her pride now, n she couldnt care less about my status now.


take care, n all the best to you n your child.

[shi_san_yee]

Originally Posted by Ting hi shi san yee, i believe you made a right decision this time.. i was in a similar situation like you. my ex n i was together for only a few mths n i got preggers. but thank god was my parents didnt want me to marry him. they knew he wasnt any good for me n my child so after my child was born, shit happened n OUT he went. as of the BC thingy, when you register at ICA, just inform them you are a single mum, unwed then they will give you an oath to read out n sign, then you can just proceed with your name only. i wont tell you not to bother about what other ppl say, cos its impossible, esp if they are close friends n family members. instead, HEAR them, but dont take it to heart. where to draw strength?from your unborn child (for now) n from these ppl who critisize n look down on you. take their words of critism n transfrom them into strength to show the world how GOOD of a mother you can be. no one is born to be a perfect parent, no matter how careful he/she is, they still make mistakes. so no one can judge how good one can be as a parent. (unless you abandon your child, abuse them, etc) a married mother doesnt prove to show that she might be a better mother than a single one. its just status. if your friends do not understand you well n judge you like that, you might as well DROP these frenships. its not worth it. you can always make new n BETTER friends. im sure you'll be able to find quite a few here. as of your mum, she will slowly come to her senses n all these "face" issues will be long forgotten. my mum was like that, when i was preggers, i didnt go to any of the family events on her side. she was afraid of ppl gossipping n such, she even told her friends i was married already..blah blah blah.. but after pin was born, boy she was soo proud of her she didnt even bother on what other ppl was saying.. pin's like her pride now, n she couldnt care less about my status now. take care, n all the best to you n your child.

Yup thanks so much for the encouraging words. It was really painful initially especially when my 'friends' seemed to spur me on, now they behave and talk like i'm doing everything wrong. I can only keep reminding myself, no matter what, my family won't sit and watch me die, and only true friends will stand by me. I have been following some of the threads and realised the mummies here are very encouraging and even with their own problems, they are still very positive. I learning from all of you.

I'm having a boy in april, and I feel a little encouraged sometimes when my parents do little things to show that she still treats me as her daughter, even tho she still sometimes show i'm a disgrace ...

i can imagine how you tahan pregnancy and ex bf (esp when you mention he isn't good). i tahan my that ex for afew months and he makes me want to puke more than morning sickness . Even tho being alone made me feel lousy and helpless, he made it so much worse .

It's great you and your little girl are doing good and that you have someone you intend to marry, happy for you ya!

[masayuki]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee Yup thanks so much for the encouraging words. It was really painful initially especially when my 'friends' seemed to spur me on, now they behave and talk like i'm doing everything wrong. I can only keep reminding myself, no matter what, my family won't sit and watch me die, and only true friends will stand by me. I have been following some of the threads and realised the mummies here are very encouraging and even with their own problems, they are still very positive. I learning from all of you. I'm having a boy in april, and I feel a little encouraged sometimes when my parents do little things to show that she still treats me as her daughter, even tho she still sometimes show i'm a disgrace ... i can imagine how you tahan pregnancy and ex bf (esp when you mention he isn't good). i tahan my that ex for afew months and he makes me want to puke more than morning sickness . Even tho being alone made me feel lousy and helpless, he made it so much worse . It's great you and your little girl are doing good and that you have someone you intend to marry, happy for you ya!

Hey,

Be strong and know that the mummies here can and will support you if you need any help at all....

Please dont feel shy to ask for any help at all okie?

[Ting]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee Yup thanks so much for the encouraging words. It was really painful initially especially when my 'friends' seemed to spur me on, now they behave and talk like i'm doing everything wrong. I can only keep reminding myself, no matter what, my family won't sit and watch me die, and only true friends will stand by me. I have been following some of the threads and realised the mummies here are very encouraging and even with their own problems, they are still very positive. I learning from all of you. I'm having a boy in april, and I feel a little encouraged sometimes when my parents do little things to show that she still treats me as her daughter, even tho she still sometimes show i'm a disgrace ... i can imagine how you tahan pregnancy and ex bf (esp when you mention he isn't good). i tahan my that ex for afew months and he makes me want to puke more than morning sickness . Even tho being alone made me feel lousy and helpless, he made it so much worse . It's great you and your little girl are doing good and that you have someone you intend to marry, happy for you ya!

thanks, took me more than 2 years n losta guys in btw to find the right one.
haha, my ex also make wanna puke more than MS.
the past one year have been very suay! cos i actually met him a few times when im clubbing with my friends..
before that, i didnt see him at all for 1 over year.
YUCKKKKKK~
well, the biggest regret n mistake i every made in my life is to put his name dwn on pin's BC.. freaking dumb of me!!
but still got chance to amend this mistake so thank god.

agree with uncle sam (aka masayuki), if you need any help feel free to ask, we'll try to help as much as we could, be it advices or hand me downs.

[shi_san_yee]

Xie xie!!! You guys have been very warm and welcoming. I will surely list down my queries.

As it is, no husband + new baby = half the resources, double the expenditure, i'm just worried about medical expenses. Right now trying to plan and see if I should stick with my current gynae, or go to KK and Q-up. I paid my gynae $700 ($450 medisave claimable) 2 mths ago for a package which includes consultation only. But i know there is the hospital suites (also medisave partial claimable), and on top of that the gynae's delivery charges. Just to get an idea, can someone give me a ballpark amt, a rough estimate? I wanna see how much i'm dealing with then can make some financial plans.

ANother thing, did you all get some sort of insurance plan for baby?

[Ting]

oh my, i cant rmb paying how much..
cos i never take any package..
for me, i was under the subsidy thingy for Kandang Kerbau Hospital.
then when i went to deliver... iirc, that time i used my dad's medisave.. think like 2K plus, then baby's expenses was paid by my medisave, think 200 plus.
i dont rmb i paid any cash but im not sure if my parents helped me pay anything in cash or what.. but i doubt so.
iirc, after that, they did refund me about 200 plus (for my medical bills)...
i think it will be better that you go to check with Kandang Kerbau Hospital first, n see what suits un your budget....

[JoyBliss]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee Xie xie!!! You guys have been very warm and welcoming. I will surely list down my queries. ANother thing, did you all get some sort of insurance plan for baby?

Hi Shi-san-yi, welcome to mummysg, there are many support here. Be stong ya I also learning on this insu. topic. Hope you find the link useful 2

Insurance for ur child

What I gathered, to cover immed. ST: medical insu., PA & LT: educational endow & life. A financial planner told me it is not so critical to buy life for baby now though it is cheaper to buy when he's younger. From view of life expectancy, more imptly is to get life insu. for the parent, add a rider, so that anything happen to the parent, the policy still effective.

Happy researching! Take care

[shi_san_yee]

Yah I was speaking to another mtb on insurance plans.. SHe suggested something by AIA. After looking up more, i realised there are ALOT.

Joybliss: yah i agree it's impt to have something that keeps the plan effective if something happens to me, since I'm the only parent. How much is the premium of the plan/month you intend to take up? THink it's impt to have medical/hospitalisation/life at first then later on then take up education? I saw a brochure by GE, apparently not applicable coz i got no baby bonus, think that one does tie up with gvt payouts.

Ting: Now I'm with Mt alvernia, if i wanna go KK, i must get referral rite. I read from CPF site that medisave can claim some, except for gynae's fee. That is my immediate worry, coz suddenly fork out lump sum .

[Amulet]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee Yah I was speaking to another mtb on insurance plans.. SHe suggested something by AIA. After looking up more, i realised there are ALOT. Joybliss: yah i agree it's impt to have something that keeps the plan effective if something happens to me, since I'm the only parent. How much is the premium of the plan/month you intend to take up? THink it's impt to have medical/hospitalisation/life at first then later on then take up education? I saw a brochure by GE, apparently not applicable coz i got no baby bonus, think that one does tie up with gvt payouts. Ting: Now I'm with Mt alvernia, if i wanna go KK, i must get referral rite. I read from CPF site that medisave can claim some, except for gynae's fee. That is my immediate worry, coz suddenly fork out lump sum .

but you already paid your gynae $700+ for the package .. dropping it now is damn wasting ...

try to claim as much medisave as possible?

[kinberuri]

Hi all,

I am married but declared as a single mother when i am 2 mths pregnant.
Both of us are consider unoffically seperated cos of his affairs out there and his mother told me to take it as nothing has happen when i told her.
Then a choice the marriage or child.
Of cos, my child!
Therefore, i really appreciate if all of you can include me of any events (if there is) for all single parents as i believe, we need the morale support from each other.

[JoyBliss]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee Yah I was speaking to another mtb on insurance plans.. SHe suggested something by AIA. After looking up more, i realised there are ALOT. Joybliss: yah i agree it's impt to have something that keeps the plan effective if something happens to me, since I'm the only parent. How much is the premium of the plan/month you intend to take up? THink it's impt to have medical/hospitalisation/life at first then later on then take up education? I saw a brochure by GE, apparently not applicable coz i got no baby bonus, think that one does tie up with gvt payouts. .

Hi shi-san-yi,
I'm a single mom too I check out my rider, and it's outside my budget. So I'm shelfing the idea for now...

For my son. I'm thinking of max. $100/month for medical insu (PA, Accident/Hospitalisation) Most probaby those term insu... cheaper

Ya ... for us, usually have to fork out cash $$$... So have to plan wisely with our limited resource. GE has several like a School Protection Plan for educational, not link to CDA. Good to plan ahead, but I think no rush until you stablised the immediate living expenses and baby stuffs Yo,.. having a baby around is very expensive hahaha... but rewarding

Welcome to Motherhood!!

[JoyBliss]

Originally Posted by kinberuri Hi all, I am married but declared as a single mother when i am 2 mths pregnant. Both of us are consider unoffically seperated cos of his affairs out there and his mother told me to take it as nothing has happen when i told her. Then a choice the marriage or child. Of cos, my child! Therefore, i really appreciate if all of you can include me of any events (if there is) for all single parents as i believe, we need the morale support from each other.

Welcome, Kinberuri

[shi_san_yee]

ahhh!!! so expensive ...

amulet: yah actually my stupid gynae package, i shouldn't have gone for it. the moment i paid, his attitude so one kind. each time i go, he seems to be in a hurry, just anyhow scan, see heartbeat, then can . and the scan he always snaps a picture that quite honestly i can't even make out it is a baby. super no effort. the medisave part can only claim $450. his delivery charges, cannot claim at all. SIAN..

Joybliss: what you mean by term insurance? the 3 or 5 yr kind? those kind 100/month have ?


Kinberuri: Hi hi, i also just came into this forum. Mummies here really very friendly n helpful.

[JoyBliss]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee ahhh!!! so expensive ... Joybliss: what you mean by term insurance? the 3 or 5 your kind? those kind 100/month have ?

X to me hee... (i'm including the care-giver fee, transport)

Ya, short-term maybe 16/19-20yr plan.

[This is the part I'm still researching]
It seems various plan combine many diff. aspect.. PA, medical expenses up to cash cover etc, but hospitalisation coverage not much etc etc... so I budgetted all in (medical insu: pa + hospitalisation etc etc) @ max. $100/month, I'm not sure if this budget is stretched or overly

Or get a PA for baby, and cover baby under the parent medical/hospitalisation ins.?? All this in my consideration... As long as all within my budget! hee

I gathered. PA is cheaper at $20-50 per month. Beside AIA Star, I found GE "Junior Protector" that covers even T-C-M medical expenses, cover 1-16yr, renewal until 75yr. You have any review on this policy?

Anyway, just sharing and researching on ins. like you too, welcoming any feedback or addresss any wrong understanding

[shi_san_yee]

Originally Posted by JoyBliss X to me hee... (i'm including the care-giver fee, transport) Ya, short-term maybe 16/19-20yr plan. [This is the part I'm still researching] It seems various plan combine many diff. aspect.. PA, medical expenses up to cash cover etc, but hospitalisation coverage not much etc etc... so I budgetted all in (medical insu: pa + hospitalisation etc etc) @ max. $100/month, I'm not sure if this budget is stretched or overly Or get a PA for baby, and cover baby under the parent medical/hospitalisation ins.?? All this in my consideration... As long as all within my budget! hee I gathered. PA is cheaper at $20-50 per month. Beside AIA Star, I found GE "Junior Protector" that covers even T-C-M medical expenses, cover 1-16yr, renewal until 75yr. You have any review on this policy? Anyway, just sharing and researching on ins. like you too, welcoming any feedback or addresss any wrong understanding

yup i looked at the GE one. It's pretty standardized, similar to many of the other providers. Quite comprehensive I thought. But the AIA one (gen3) has some returns yrly. I might go for the comprehensive ones, no frills , but more costly . But before all that... delivery charges, CL, gynae and hospitalisation is the headache before all.

[Amulet]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee amulet: yah actually my stupid gynae package, i shouldn't have gone for it. the moment i paid, his attitude so one kind. each time i go, he seems to be in a hurry, just anyhow scan, see heartbeat, then can . and the scan he always snaps a picture that quite honestly i can't even make out it is a baby. super no effort. the medisave part can only claim $450. his delivery charges, cannot claim at all. SIAN..

wah.. too bad you pay .. your OB package so bo hua.. I took up package with Lawrence Ang.. $550 only, includes everything .. still can claim from medisave .. totally thumbs up for him..

[JoyBliss]

Yep, better to tighten our belts now than to worry when *touch wood*..

So you managed to work out the total cost if delivered at Mt.A?
I'm not sure if this is applicable to us.. but you may call to check up
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif']http://www.moh.gov.sg/mohcorp/hcfinancing.aspx?id=19744[/font]

[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif']I delivered at KK.. offhand i vaguely recalled.. Ultimately, I cash out $600-700 (include epidural) under their hospitalisation package I took up. But... routine gynae vistation still by cash (KK does not include this part... unlike Thomson Medical Center it's all in)[/font]
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif'][/font]
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif']I assume the higher costs at Mt. A due to their "better services" & "gynae". So roughly what is the total cash out if deliver in Mt.A? And consider if it's worthwhile, else... dont't have a choice but to switch right if scrimping every cents now..[/font]
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif'][/font]
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif']Your gynae if not comfortable, better to change while you are not too advance. [/font]
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif']But my gynae at KK also very fast ... I go in and out less than 10mins... BUT.. at Mt.A, I think I will expect better services , my 2 cent opionion [/font]
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif'][/font]
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif']KK I find not bad... just the waiting time,.. and nurses can be busy to attend to you... but generally, I do encounter the nice friendly ones too [/font]
[FONT='Corbel','sans-serif'][/font]

[shi_san_yee]

Originally Posted by Amulet wah.. too bad you pay .. your OB package so bo hua.. I took up package with Lawrence Ang.. $550 only, includes everything .. still can claim from medisave .. totally thumbs up for him..

Including delivery?Mine only consultation and scans. vitamins bld tests all are extra.

Joybliss: it's very cheap if it's below 1K.... I got spinal surgery before so can't do epidural, then can only go for natural and if (touch wood) that fails, then it's c-sect, which will cost around $3k for gynae charges alone. hospital should be around 2-3K. Thinking about the costs make me shiver... I did think of transferring to Kandang Kerbau Hospital but need to be referred.

[JoyBliss]

Originally Posted by shi_san_yee Joybliss: it's very cheap if it's below 1K.... I got spinal surgery before so can't do epidural, then can only go for natural and if (touch wood) that fails, then it's c-sect, which will cost around $3k for gynae charges alone. hospital should be around 2-3K. Thinking about the costs make me shiver... I did think of transferring to Kandang Kerbau Hospital but need to be referred.

yep, excluding the routine gynae check-up. A friend of mine cash out $500-600 at Thomson Medical Center (all-in i think?) Wow!! yours so premium... Future expenses also costly if you are looking for premium services, products for you baby. Better to think thrice now

Referred? Sorry, you mean from polyclinic?

I made known my condition to my gynae. Actually, I'm went KK because of this gynae who happens to be somehow related to my sister's colleague. So he knows that I'm a single mum and help me alot... e.g. issue me hospital leave instead of MC etc... I'm grateful to him.

Sorry I'm going to ask a very very silly qn; can your gynae referred you because for your finance?