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Single Unwed mom need advice in fighting for Child's custody

This is a discussion on Single Unwed mom need advice in fighting for Child's custody within the Single Parents Support Group forum, part of the MummySG Special Group category; Hi, i'm a SPR and i have met the married man since 2006. He conned me that he is going ...

  1. #1
    Female Attendant
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
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    Single Unwed mom need advice in fighting for Child's custody

    Hi, i'm a SPR and i have met the married man since 2006. He conned me that he is going to divorce his wife at the time and i also not going to accept him at first. The longer i know him then realised that he has the tendency of violence. He will torturing himself if i never listen to him. I'm so helpless then i accepted him. On 2008 we have our son. After the delivered of son, he has shown me his true color. He did not torturing himself anymore. He started to use violence on me. Even a small issue like feeding baby he also can pick up a quarrel. On 2012, i then have another girl. Although we have endless quarrel, but he still love his children. He provides us a house which is requested by my parents. He will always pick up my son after school.
    Recently, his temper has changed from bad to worst. On 26 dec 2013 he has kicked me from my back while i'm feeding my girl. Although the kick was painful and has frighten my girl, but i did not defence and i carry on to feed my girl. After finished her dinner, i walked to the room. He carry the girl and push me from behind then started slapping me. To defence i pull his shirt and kick him. I then call the police.
    After the incident, he come to apologize and i told him i have decided to leave him forever. He can't accept it and threatening me and my sister.
    On 1/1/2014, he come to my house to pick up his stuff then he carry away my girl. I made police report on the spot but the police told me they can't do anything as the father's name is in the birth cert.
    Currently my 18months old girl was being hid in his condo (THE WARREN) and i was unable to go into the condo. He asked the guard not to allow me to enter the CONDO.
    I employed a lawyer to get back the child, at the beginning the lawyer was very confident can get the child back immediately.
    With the COURT SUMMON, even police also can't get him. He knows that as long as he dont't appear and they can't do anything to him.
    I have waiting endlessly. Now my girl was staying in a strange place with strangers. I'm really useless mom to let her encounter such situation.
    I have the court mediation last two days which all the agreement seems siding him. I want to leave him. I dont't wish to carry on the relationship anymore.
    If i can't protect myself, how am i going to protect my children if i carry on to stay there.
    Now I really dont know whether to carry on to fight for the custody or to hold everything as my lawyer told me the most possibilities are we both got each child. This was what happening now. I'm holding on the boy and he is holding on the girl.
    If this is the only possibility then i will not fight for it anymore. it is impossible for me to go back to previous as I really can't place my children in dangerous places.
    I really need advice. If you have encounter such situation before, please give me some advice. Really appreciated. from Sad mummy.

  2. #2
    Female Attendant
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Re: Single Unwed mom need advice in fighting for Child's custody

    Hi smting, from your description, the father is a very violent and senseless man. I hope he will not hurt your girl. I found this on the internet and hope it helps in your fight. Quote from LAWHUB LLC - Litigation, Corporate, Real Estate Lawyers in Singapore - Splitting-up (part 2): Custody, Care and Control of the children of the marriage

    "If you ask any judge, he or she will probably tell you that the most difficult decision they are asked to make concerns child custody. Often, both parents are dedicated parents, each wanting the best for their child. Although joint custody may be granted to both parents in some circumstances, the court is less inclined in doing so. More often than not, the court would award primary residential custody, care and control to one parent and access /visitation rights to the other.In any suit for divorce, the court would therefore make such orders, as it thinks fit with respect to the welfare of any child. In deciding in whose custody a child should be placed, the paramount consideration shall be the welfare of the child. Subject to this, the court shall have regards to (a) the wishes of the parents of the child and (b) to the wishes of the child, where he or she is of an age to express an independent opinion.
    Essentially, the parent who has been granted custody of the child shall be entitled to decide all questions relating to the upbringing and education of the child.
    However, in some circumstances, the Custody Order may contain conditions as to the place where the child is to reside, the manner of his/her education, the religion in which the child is to be brought up. The Custody Order may also provide for the child to be temporarily in the care and control of some person other than the person given custody. It may also provide for the child to visit a parent deprived of custody or any member of the family of a parent who is dead or has been deprived of custody at such times and for such periods as the Court considers reasonable.
    Under the law, once the child reaches the age of 21 years, the Custody Order in force will automatically become ineffective. However, if the child is suffering from any physical or mental disability, the Custody Order may continue beyond the child’s 21st birthday until he/she recovers from that disability.
    Where an order for custody is in force, no person is allowed to take the child who is subject to the Custody Order out of Singapore unless with the written consent of both parents or permission of the Court. Anyone found contravening this shall be liable on conviction to a fine not exceeding S$5,000.00 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding one year or to both.
    When custody is granted to one parent, the other parent would be given “visitation rights” that is, rights to spend time with the child. However, the Court may deny such access to the other parent if it is shown that such access would not be in the interest of the child.
    It is therefore encouraged that parents work out an arrangement between themselves as to which days, what time and place the parent having visitation rights may meet the child and for how long the access should be.
    If a mutually convenient and reasonable arrangement can be made and both parents abide by it, this would not only reduce the pain that has already been brought upon the child as a result of the divorce proceedings, it can also be emotionally beneficial to both parents alike.
    Please understand that divorce is a traumatic experience not just for the parties to the marriage, it affects the child to a great extent as well. As far as possible, parties should try to compromise with regard to access. The innocent child has the right to spend quality time with each of the parents and he/she should not be deprived of the company of either."

    Btw, you must also find out about $$$...that is maintenance fees for yrself and your boy. $$$ is very important for Single Parents. Make sure your calculation is very detailed to small little things like food and transport. However, the court will decide the ultimate figure after looking at the father's ability to pay. Some more things that you should consider puttiing in your maintenance list is health supplements and medical fee for seeing doctors for small ailment liked flu(it's very expensive nowadays). Even healthy food like fish and meat are very expensive nowadays.Good Luck!
    Last edited by HappyMummy99; 10-04-2014 at 01:43 PM.

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