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We are trying to concieve-ing!

This is a discussion on We are trying to concieve-ing! within the Trying To Conceive forum, part of the You and Your Family category; Littlej, I have the same issue as you. My mum initially said she said help me look after my baby ...

  1. #10326
    TVH
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    Littlej, I have the same issue as you. My mum initially said she said help me look after my baby but few weeks ago, she suddenly asked me if I want to employ maid cos she said she can take care but maybe not everyday. I get the feeling she doesn't want to so I told her I won't employ maid so maybe I will send to infant care. I've checked infantcare is about 1.2k at my area. after subsidy, per month still need to pay 600. That's quite hefty. The sad part is my own mum reject taking care of her grandchild. The hurtful part is she thinks we can afford the 600 monthly. Maybe taking care of a baby is really tough for her but I just felt very hurt that she refuses to help.

  2. #10327
    Consort-in-Ordinary quincy1986's Avatar
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    We are trying to concieve-ing!

    TVH: just curious, are you willing to spend a little more to go to infant care in town? i assume you work in town.

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    Imperial Concubine rav3naers's Avatar
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    TVH: hugz...I guess your mum knows that she will not hav the energy to look after the grandchild fulltime. Afraid that the younger generations might not accept their way of bringing up the kid too. Like my mother in law who is a fulltime OL, she wouldnt give up her annual holidays and earning power for the grandchild also. I sorta understand why you r hurt though. Think about it this way...alot of women are housewife in the past so they think that its easy. Now we have to work & take care of kids plus the humongous jump in the cost of living...things aint that simple as throwing your kid in a cardboard box to play in already. Many older generations cant see that coz they r not in this situation. Depends on your decisions, you hav to make adjustments to your lifestyle whether we like it or not for the sake of the little one. Jiayou! Things will work out eventually. Keep faith!

  4. #10329
    TVH
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    I guess town would be very ex....and infant care usually only until about 7? I might not make it in time too. I was thinking place him at the infant care near my parent's home so at least my mum can help pick up my baby after that, then I dont't have to be so rushed. Not sure if my mum is willing to do that even...

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    Consort-in-Ordinary quincy1986's Avatar
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    We are trying to concieve-ing!

    before i was married a lot of people told me grandparents these days are very modern and dislike taking care of children. =.="

  6. #10331
    Imperial Concubine happilymarried's Avatar
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    oh gosh.. tvh.. dont be sad. I always feel that as parents or parents-to-be we try our hardest to provide the best care and arrangements for our kids. hopefully our kids will turn out to be sensible kids and understand our limitations. infant care seems to be common these days? tvh is $1200 per month one of the most expensive or one of the cheapest in your area? I fear that may my only option when the time comes..

  7. #10332
    Imperial Concubine littlehamster's Avatar
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    I thought $1200 is already cheaper one Eh... after subsidy $600 I think is OK for us.

    I think I will put baby at infant care near mother in law, after work then go fetch Or she help us fetch then dinner her place. But since that day she ask hubby when We having kids, I got feeling she want look after. But I think I'll tell hubby dont't cos she quite old , it's very tiring for her esp need wash diapers n stuffs. At least she can have some time for herself too.

    Erm I'm planning tomorrow go see traditional chinese medicine and ask her for acupuncture.. any idea how is the initial treatment like? Like one week once Or consecutive few days??? after 2.5mths of oral traditional chinese medicine Med, issit still too early for acupuncture?

  8. #10333
    Imperial Concubine littlehamster's Avatar
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    And , I suddenly put on some weight!!! ((((((

  9. #10334
    Imperial Concubine littlej's Avatar
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    We are trying to concieve-ing!

    Hey tvh. *hugs* I was initially very sad when I heard from my mum too. it felt that she purposely wanted so much money. and how convenient when she said i will help you look around for babysitters. And she can still say oh but i still wanna play with my grandson - so bring over at least one day a week ok. It felt like oh so this grandson is your playmate?!? My heart was shattered but I kept a calm front until I got to the car and cried.

    But the biz cum leisure trip helped to alleviate my sadness. Also, I had a good chat with my old man who then said we cannot force mothers to look after. Nowadays mothers are different from our grandmothers era. They value freedom more since they are most likely women who had a career so post retirement would be deemed valuable to them. Unlike our grandmothers who were most likely housewives... Who knows when it is our turn to be grandmothers - what would we do? And my old man said always better to be independent. What if we dont't like the way our mums bring up the kiddo then there will be more conflict?!? Also he said since we decided to be parents, we have to be prepared to take on more - all part of life's experiences - what doesn't kill us will make us stronger.

    So now looking back I suppose I can't force my mum. And perhaps she has her reasons too but maybe didn't word it that tactfully. What to do. Still my mother right.

    Oh- the infant care near my place costs $1300. So after subsidy - it is about $700. Between me and old man, we just have to find a way to make it there by 7pm. we didn't even consider an infant care near my mum's place cuz we figured it is about 20 min drive and it will be a tight rush in the morning. Also, we figured best not to depend on mum since she explicitly made her stand very clear.

    Hope this makes you feel better.

  10. #10335
    Worthy Lady wantonmee's Avatar
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    Littlej - id vote for infant care instead of a helper or your mother in law.

    I was at your stage/dilemma at the two months into maternity leave. My mum was still working and didnt want to quit her job (she's more happening than me too! she drinks and parties and plays mj every weekend). Thought my mother in law could help but she stays at her daughter's house on weekday nights taking care of her granddaughter coming back to hubby's place only for fri and sat nights.

    Contemplated infant care because I also didnt really trust nanny and helperis out of the question cus no spare room to sleep, but hubby decided to let his mother in law try take care after my maternity leave. Back then I already told him I dont think is possible, because one is sixty plus quite old, two she cant possibly care for a 3yr old bubbly girl and my newborn son who needs 24/7 attention, three the girl attends classes and she need to lick her up at 4pm and cook dinner for her. Then my boy how?! But since he want to try it out and since shes my mother in law, I diam diam .

    Confinement done at my own house w my mum and CL, next three months back to hubby's place. mother in law only back home to help in the afternoons when the granddaughter is in school. Guess what. She only help to carry and hold milk bottle, all the while glued to the tv. She cant speak English and I very hard to communicate w her. She dont pacify my boy when he cries, just rock harder while still watching tv! Dont talk and play w him either. Totally hated it. Hubby only realised it on the very last week before I started work!

    Panic! Called my mum and she said our neighbour upstairs can be nanny as she took care of babies before and her own children are grown up. So we shifted back to my place with my mum. Monday and tuesday nanny took care. Tuesday evening picked my son, she dropped the bomb on me! Said she cannot take care because need to cook dinner for her family and carry my boy til handpain. Omg.

    Had to take urgent leave on wednesday go find nearby infant care. Luckily got a vacancy just 10min walk away! Staying w my mum now still cus she gets off work early at 4 to pick him up and at least I get to go out w mum taking care. Hubby works night so its difficult to move back his place.

    Anyway, what I wanna say is I didnt regret putting baby in infant care cus I feel he learns so much more and faster than others and not afraid of stramgers (comparing to friends' kids who stay home at this age).

  11. #10336
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    Re: We are trying to concieve-ing!

    Was back from traditional chinese medicine visit for my usual problem. When the doc was reading my pulse, I was so hoping that he will say: I read something different from your usual pulse.

    He just update me my progression and the type of medicine I need for the next couple of week.

    Kind of disappointed, guess June is not my month.

  12. #10337
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    Re: We are trying to concieve-ing!

    Back home! Was at Orchard with my dear sista. Needed to shop for a gift for our bff. Havent seen her for like a couple of months and we had a lot of gossips to share (especially to bitch about some crazy relatives and some random stuff). Hubby also has his kaki night out tonight. Dont know what time he'll be home.

    littlehammie, aiyo same here. Since my sis hasnt seen me for a while, she said "did you put on some weight?". Ouch it hurts like a knife. lol. Indeed I have been eating more and no poochy to keep me busy at home. Dont care... I feel healthy can already. As for the acupuncture, Dr Wu only did for me when my ovulation was approaching. She started like 5-6 days before O. Then maybe the 1-2 days before O another session.

    For you mummies planning for day care, I think there are really so much to consider about. Indeed, these days old folks aint the same like the generation before. And perhaps taking care of an infant is a real toll on our older parents. I dont think I can throw my future baby to my mother in law (although I feel she would love to take care full time) because she is a working woman and she still has this house mortgage to work for. If she quits her job, unlikely me or my hubby can help with the mortgage because we are also paying for our own house (to come). It is pretty set that her sis, ie my aunt-in-law, will take care of our baby. Seems like it's an easy way worked out for us but again, each one has our way of taking care of baby. Since it's a relative, probably harder to tell them how you prefer things to be done....just have to be extra tactful.

  13. #10338
    Worthy Consort Dragontail's Avatar
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    Re: We are trying to concieve-ing!

    Pretz, got progression then it's good! traditional chinese medicine is slow and steady one. Are you on your 2ww btw?

  14. #10339
    TVH
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    I guess I can't force my mum to help take care too. I just feel sad that she can go out with friends, play mj, go casino instead of helping me. And I figured she will ask for more allowance too if I asked her to take care. Sigh....actually I knew this would happen before I got pregnant. Still, I feel very sad that my own mum can reject me.

    $1200 is average price. I'm just worried about the level of care in the centre. And usually kids fall sick very easily..

  15. #10340
    Imperial Concubine happilymarried's Avatar
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    good morn ladies!

    childcare/infant care will be the common thing for our future generation. we cannot avoid it due to working lives & also parents' thinking & lifestyle these days. what makes childcare/ infant care worse than a grand parent who is unwilling to take care? so tvh, cheer up & dont worry so much now okie? we can build our kids immune system up. in fact I feel they will become stronger & healthier than babies who stay at home. not to mention develop faster also. (I'm no where near popping but that's logical right? interaction with other people/babies at early age)

    for me. both parents are retired. go holiday about 5-6 times a year. slim chance they'll take care. I dont really trust in laws also. so high chance for infant care.

    littlehanmie - never too early to start accupuncture. just check with sinseh if its needed. a bit weight gain is ok.. dragontail too! more cushioning for baby right?

    pretz - dont give up as traditional chinese medicine takes long time to build body up! trust traditional chinese medicine that your body is feeling better & continue all the warm things! jiayou!

  16. #10341
    Worthy Consort Dragontail's Avatar
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    Saturday! Going to make a trip all the way to the east today. Hubby was near Changi City Mall 2 weeks ago and he told me about this new mall which looks quite nice. I never knew this building exists so dont know how really new it is . My man hates shopping so I'm surprised he says lets go there for brunch and explore a bit. Like! Heard there's a brand outlet there.

    Just cleared army I just read an article last night that a man needs 2x of ejaculation to clear his pipe after a long abstinence. Then it will produce nice and fresh troop ready for ovulation phase. Monday will clear his pipe again then.

  17. #10342
    Worthy Consort Dragontail's Avatar
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    Tvh, littlej, hugs. Wipe those tears away, inside or outside. If I were you, I think I will have a lot questions on why is that so too....well, maybe there will be a true answer when we ourselves are 60s and faced with a little grandchild.

    There will be a way out. Many parents manage to cope with such new challenges in life. Sometimes we get good surprises when we are put in not so best situation as we thought we are.

  18. #10343
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    Morning ladies. .
    My elder girl is currently taken care of by my mother in law. For this second one, I have yet to discuss with my husband whether we are alternating ie 1 month at my mother place and 1 month at my in law as what we have done for my elder girl (my mum is not taking care of my nephew now)....both my mother and in law are housewives. .so it is easier in the sense..
    Actually I think babysitting a baby is tiring, both mentally and physically. .esp if you dont have a domestic helper...
    I remember when my niece is born, it seems to become matter of fact that my girl would have to go as my mother is taking care of my nephew also. .at that time, I can't help to feel sad that why must my daughter be cast aside when all the kids are her grandchildren. ..but then just have to accept it and bring her to my in law..
    Last edited by nataliengbh; 15-06-2013 at 08:29 AM.

  19. #10344
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    Re: We are trying to concieve-ing!

    Dragontail: I am on my 2 WW. Theoretically, is 3D to AF, 4D to test. But after the visit to traditional chinese medicine last night, I think June is out for me. Kind of disappointed.

    I was having a bad cramp on friday morning, and the hope to strike jackpot seems to diminish and sort of like further confirm by traditional chinese medicine at night.

  20. #10345
    Imperial Concubine Missy10's Avatar
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    Anyonr interested??? Its cheap...
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

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  21. #10346
    Worthy Consort Dragontail's Avatar
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    Pretz, actually traditional chinese medicine wont be able to tell you if you're going to have a bfp days before your missed af. My sinseh never could tell me so during my bfp cycle. As for symptoms, dont quite rely on them. To me, anything is possible so long I dont see red! Good luck.

  22. #10347
    Imperial Concubine littlehamster's Avatar
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    Dragontail: I think acupuncture for regain the chi, since I still "weak" to the physician I doubt she will do acupuncture to O now

    Missy10: I also saw that! Quite cheap. Now everything I see cheap stuffs I feel like buy first to keep for baby lol.

  23. #10348
    Imperial Concubine Missy10's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by littlehamster:798574
    Dragontail: I think acupuncture for regain the chi, since I still "weak" to the physician I doubt she will do acupuncture to O now

    Missy10: I also saw that! Quite cheap. Now everything I see cheap stuffs I feel like buy first to keep for baby lol.
    Yeah, its only $99, i told hubby, its a good deal, but what if my lil donut is boy, can we paint it, he say cannot say baby will bite the paint hahaha
    Sad to say, only come in pink, therefore so cheap

  24. #10349
    Imperial Concubine Missy10's Avatar
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    Pretz, dont worry about sinseh did not tell you anything, i tested bfp 3 days after i consult my sinseh, she also tell me negative things, like pulse not very good....

  25. #10350
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    Missy10

    So cute.... ... I wish I m sure my baby is boy or gal

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