Laughter is the best medicine - Jokes of the Day!

[mae]

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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded , "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to
me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot, when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She
again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a
normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice said,

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair."

[mae]

If you have a joke we can laugh out loud...pls. post it here.

Thanks,
Mae

[jeSsie_Dz]

Nice one Mae~~ lol..

[bluechin]

Thanks for cheerig us up Mae

[mae]

Originally Posted by bluechin

Thanks for cheerig us up Mae

welcome, i can be serious, cheeky & a joker...i can make you laugh, make you cry & make you love me till the end.

[`julee]

Originally Posted by mae

welcome, i can be serious, cheeky & a joker...i can make you laugh, make you cry & make you love me till the end.

come hold my hand and lets run naked in the field....

[mae]

Originally Posted by `julee

come hold my hand and lets run naked in the field....

whahahahahaha...im feeling sleepy already, then i read your reply julee...my drowsiness all gones...dh telling me, im getting crazy with mumsg already.

[mae]

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then
captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners
that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the
trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces
of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shove
the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll
be eaten. The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced
out in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries.
When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that
this should be easy. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked,
"Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I know, but I couldn't help it. I was doing
just great when all of a sudden that third guy showed up with all
those watermelons!"

[Ting]

wahahahhaa....LOLx.thats funny mae..!

[mae]

What are the three words you don't want to hear while making love?

"Honey, I'm home!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So
they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they
end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the
elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mummy, what
is that long thing?"
His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk."
"No, at the other end."
"That, son is the tail."
"No, mummy, the thing under the elephant."
A short embarrassed silence after which she replies,
"That's nothing."
The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being
satisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question.
"Daddy, what is that long thing?"
"That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
"No at the other end."
"Oh, that is the tail."
"No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.
"That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?"
"Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy.
Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..."

[mae]

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes
one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the
window.
Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins
to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical
abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks."Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast
cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual
intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm
doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes
one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the
window.
Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins
to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical
abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast
cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual
intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm
doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the storelaughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there'sno law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, andonce again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest ofthe pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow himto see where he goes."Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, startscracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow theguy.About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store."Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.

The clerk replies "Your house."

[mae]

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:

"I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment,
and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:

"I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket,
I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."

[mae]

Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple
wakes up.
Woman: "Quick! My husband is back!"
Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: "Shit! But I
am the husband!"

hehehe

[Ting]

omg! the last one is so funny can!!! wahahaha! great jokes mae!

[alyn]

Originally Posted by mae