Laughter is the best medicine - Jokes of the Day!

[jasminewayne]

Divorce, custody, and Pepsi Cola

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: 'Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'

Guess what? He won!

[Angelmum]

Originally Posted by jasminewayne

Divorce, custody, and Pepsi Cola

....

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: 'Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'

Guess what? He won!

I be judge, that judge lousy and stupid!

[jasminewayne]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween
Party. She got a terrible headache and told her
husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted
husband protested, but she argued and said she was
going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there
was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.


So he took his costume and away he went. The wife,
after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened
without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to
go the party.


Since her husband did not know what her costume
was, she thought she would have some fun by
watching her husband to see how he acted when
she was not with him.


She joined the party and soon spotted her husband
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with
every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel
here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him
and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left
his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the
new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as
far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.


Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and
she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and
had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight,
she slipped away, went home, put the costume away
and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation
he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up
reading when he came in, and she asked what kind
of a time he had. He said:


- Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a
good time when you're not there.


- Did you dance much?


- I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I
got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys,
so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But you're not going to believe what happened to the
guy I loaned my costume to......."

[jasminewayne]

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find Singapore.
STUDENT: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered Singapore?
CLASS: George!!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago.
WILLY: Me!!

SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
STUDENT: No, I'm Billy Anderson.

TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
STUDENT: I get up early.

TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
STUDENT: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
STUDENT: The one that says, "School Ahead, Slow Children crossing."

TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
JOHN: I hope you didn't either.

GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

SYLVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, teacher....snakes don't have feet!

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is....
TEACHER: No, Ellen, Always say "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet".

TEACHER: Max, use "defeat", "defense", and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA: A new bike.

TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER: (sadly) You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT: (sadly) You don't know my father.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!!

BOY: Isn't the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
BOY: No.
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY: And do you know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY: Thank Goodness!!

[Angelmum]

[Pwiincess]

Originally Posted by jasminewayne

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween
Party. She got a terrible headache and told her
husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted
husband protested, but she argued and said she was
going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there
was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.


So he took his costume and away he went. The wife,
after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened
without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to
go the party.


Since her husband did not know what her costume
was, she thought she would have some fun by
watching her husband to see how he acted when
she was not with him.


She joined the party and soon spotted her husband
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with
every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel
here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him
and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left
his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the
new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as
far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.


Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and
she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and
had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight,
she slipped away, went home, put the costume away
and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation
he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up
reading when he came in, and she asked what kind
of a time he had. He said:


- Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a
good time when you're not there.


- Did you dance much?


- I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I
got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys,
so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But you're not going to believe what happened to the
guy I loaned my costume to......."

Nice one!!
Certainly sent me giggling non-stop! LOls.

[tenor]

Like this too.

[tenor]

Originally Posted by jasminewayne

Divorce, custody, and Pepsi Cola
Guess what? He won!

Ha.Ha. Don't think many moms would agree though.