Laughter for the Day!!!

[jasminewayne]

1."Mum, can I ask you something?"
"Sure! What about?"
"You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper
that I should own one."
"And what is this 'one' you're referring to?"
"Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?"
"No."
"But my nipples are already prominent and it catches attention."
"Nope."
"It will be just proper at my age..."
"I said no way...!"
"But all of my friends wear......!"
"David! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!?"


2.An 80 year old man is having his annual check-up at his doctor's
office.He says to the doctor, "I've never felt better in my whole
life. In fact, I have a 20 year old bride who's pregnant and
having my child.What do you think of that?"
The doctor thinks for a second and then says, "Let me tell you a
story. I know this guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a
hunting season. But one day he's in a hurry to go hunting and he
accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his rifle. So he's in
the woods and suddenly a giant grizzly bear appears out of
nowhere. He raises his umbrella, points at the bear, squeezes the handle and the bear drops dead in front of him. What do you think of that?"
The old man says, "That's impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear!"
"EXACTLY" says the doctor.


3.A Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
"Say, Mom," he asked, "why is my big brother named Mighty Storm'?"
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." she replied.
"Why is my sister named 'Corn Flower'?"
"Well," his mother answered, "Your father and I were in a
cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called 'Moon Child'?"
"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived," the
mother replied.
The mother then asked the boy, "Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are
you so curious?"


4.At a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:
"Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than
guys?"
A student replied: "That's because guys have balls and that weighs
them down."
Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller
than gals?"
Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier
than the guy's balls."

[Angelmum]

Originally Posted by jasminewayne

...."David! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!?"



.....The mother then asked the boy, "Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are
you so curious?"


...
Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier
than the guy's balls."

[Jas Lim]

[jasminewayne]

Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training.

Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well
received.

About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar
decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit
one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit
foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life
were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

His congregation sat shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second
half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "... and I can't remember
who she was!"

*********

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste

[jasminewayne]

a man with no ears
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.

"Yes. You're wearing contacts."

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said,

"That's correct. How did you know?"
"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."

[jasminewayne]

The T.V. Repairman And The Housewife

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep
his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk
his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a... well...
unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of
embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man --
sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now,
I'm a woman and you're a man..."

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes, yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door..."

"Yes, yes!"

"Would you help me move the refridgerator?"

[jasminewayne]

Unfaithful

Never before had Linda looked in the box that her husband Micheal kept under
their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage
but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided
to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding
since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she
found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went
to Micheal and asked, "Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?"

He replied, "Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the
box."

Linda was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled
herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he
had only been unfaithful 3 times.

"But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?" she asked. "Every time I
got a dozen, I sold them."