Some jokes to share

[jinjin39]

Divorce letters ( THIS IS GOOD)


Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've
been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you
had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new
hair
cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk
boxers later that night.

You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight
to
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating
on
me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone.

Signed,

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West
Virginia together. Have a great life!
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's
true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man'
is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
drown
out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't
work.

Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the
first
thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my
mother
raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And
when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
my
SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because
the
price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence
that my
sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
silk
boxers were $49.99...

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
out. So
when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I
quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii . But when I got home you
were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
fulfilling life you've always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from

me.
So take care.

Signed:
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla',,,was
born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.
__________________________________________________ ____
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "TORNADO!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "FIRE!!"
__________________________________________________ __________

Heard this one from a movie...

Once, a 7-11 store manager require to hire some new staff, so he placed a "Help Wanted" sign outside his shop. In the smaller print, it reads, "Equal Opportunity. Basic Pay"

A dog walks by the sign, bit it off the wall, and walked straight to the manager's office. The dog looked at the manager with its puppy eyes, as if asking the manager to consider him for the job.

The manager looked in disbelief, but told the dog "Sorry, I do not hire dogs in the store."

The dog spit the sign onto the floor, stamped his paw on the "Equal Opportunity" small print, and barked twice angrily.

The store manager reluctantly asked "I need someone who can type out a basic letter." The dog immediately jumped onto the manager's computer on the desk, typed with his two front paws, and printed out a letter for job interview.

The store manager next asks, "I also need someone who can use the cash register." The dog then jumped down, struts confidently to the casher outside, and helped key in the next purchase, collect payment and gave out the correct change.

The manager finally gave the dog one last challange. " I need someone who can speak at least two languages."

The dog looks sad, as if trying to think of something to do...

...

...

"Woof Woof Meow Meeow Woof Woof Meow"
__________________________________________________ __________
Millionaire's Thought


A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer.
He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.
The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan.
An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, 'We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled.
While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?'
The business man replied: '

Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?'

[Coelyn]

Divorce letters ( THIS IS GOOD)