My Child Has A Problem

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First, look at the situation from a broad view. Ask yourself, What are the stressors on our family life? What developmental stage is my child navigating? What are his strengths and what does he still need to learn?

Then, narrow your focus to the the specific behaviors that concern you. Keep a simple log. You may print this behavior chart or create your own using your word processing software. Start by rating her overall range of behaviors each day for a week. Note any incidence of the specific behavior problem. What time of day did it occur? At home or at school? (If the problem occurs at school, enlist her teacher's help in keeping a behavior log to be mailed to you each week.) What emotions is she expressing when this behavior occurs? What happened in her environment just prior to, during, and after the incident? What people are present when the behavior occurs and particularly, how are the adults responding? What are the reasons behind her misbehavior?




Using a Behavior Scale
The Behavior Scale is a technique that I find helpful in my counseling work, and it's simple to do. Print the Behavior Scale now or use a sheet of paper and draw the simple diagram.

1. Begin in the upper left corner. Describe how your child is behaving when he is at his best. What is he doing, what are his emotions, what is he saying? These are the 10 times.

2. Now move to the right of the center line. Describe what is going on in his environment during those 10 times. Where is he, who is with him, are certain stressors relieved, how are the adults interacting with him? You are looking for clues in the 10 times. Recognize your child's positive behaviors and begin to think of how you can structure his environment to encourage more positive behavior.

3. Next look at the situation at it's worst. In the lower left corner, write the specific actions, words, and emotions your child expresses during the bad times. Crying spells, temper tantrums, lying, aggression, defiance, withdrawal, whatever behaviors concern you most.

4. Again, move to the right of the center line. Describe what is going on in your child's environment when these episodes occur.



You can see that your child is exhibiting a continuum of behavior that fluctuates from good to bad and is related to environmental factors. The most important part of the Behavior Scale comes next.

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Begin to think of the amount of time that your child spends at 10 and at 1 and you will realize that most of the time he falls somewhere in between. The key to preventing problem behavior is found when your child reaches 6. This is the teachable moment, the time to plan for good behavior and to structure the environment to prevent him from spiraling down to a 1.

What steps can you take when your child reaches 6 to prevent him from moving down into poor behavior? Is he rested or tired? Is he hungry or full? What stressors can be removed? What behavior does he need to learn and practice? What coping skills does he need to deal with inevitable stress?

This is the perfect time to communicate with your child.

Listen to his feelings non-judgmentally. Clearly state your expectations, the consequences for poor behavior, and the benefits of good behavior. Then, help him plan with very specific behaviors how to move up the continuum, not down.




Author: Kimberly L. Keith
Kimberly is a licensed professional counselor specializing in work with parents and children. In her work with families referred for abuse and neglect, she provided intensive family preservation services and parenting skills training. Kimberly performs psychoeducational assessment of children with learning and other disabilities in school systems. She is an instructor of social work and advocate for children and families.