Accepting my own Gal

[epicurean]

Originally Posted by Yvonne Lim To all the strong mummies here, when you are in the process of recovering, have you break down again in the process? Since Lecia been discharged, whenever I look at her when we are both alone, I will start crying again, crying... When I am on the street and looking at other people baby I will feel my heartache again... Really sad, depressed, guilty, and hopeless... Not sure why I have these roller coaster of emotional breakdown again and again.. And no one in the family will understand, so I can only cry when no body is around.......

Hi Yvonne,

Yes, I did, esp during the first 9 months. During that time, the triggers were many and particularly sharp - finding out more about Seb's conditions, seeing other babies sitting up, holding up their heads, reaching out for their toys, having a good friend hug me, feeling utterly exhausted (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually), overwhelmed & out-of-my-league by what the present & future have in store for Seb, feeling guilty about choices made about the birth process and breastfeeding, wanting to turn back the clock to make different choices, feeling inadequate (coz kept thinking that I should be able to manage everything by myself without needing help).

My recovery process is rather cyclical ... I got a bit better, then regressed a bit, got better, regressed again. Eventually, over time, the interval between breakdowns got longer and the triggers became less sharp. I still cry from time to cry but the pain is more muted. I keep telling myself that he has fought so very hard to stay with us (and there were many moments when he could have given up coz there were a lot of things taking a heavy toil on him) and he's still fighting ... so I could do no less for him. I also dont't want him to ever sense or feel that he's not loved or wanted coz of his severe mental & physical impairment and opt to give up.

[Angelmum]

Originally Posted by Yvonne Lim Really sad, depressed, guilty, and hopeless... Not sure why I have these roller coaster of emotional breakdown again and again.. And no one in the family will understand, so I can only cry when no body is around.......

Originally Posted by xiaochuan Yvonne, Be strong. It's perfectly normal to have these roller coaster emotions. The "hurt" is still raw for you. It has only been 1 month. Mummies on this thread have mentioned they take months to "heal". The sad feelings returns from time to time too... We are human after all. Cry when you must. If we do not let go of our emotions, we might "explode"?

My way of accepting a special child and stop crying everytime ppl ask about her was to keep blogging (had no one to confine) until I got so used to it .... now I can talk to ppl about her condition, y she ended up as an Angel before 1yr old w/o tearing.

It really take months/years to "heal". The word 'heal' just means I stopped crying - not so emotional.

Post yr msg, talk it out here .... we've been thru the same 'ordeal' .....Give yourself sometime to 'heal'. This is a 'special gift' not everybody can accept willing or instantly.

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

Hi Yvonne
Understand how you feel. I felt like my son had died when he was diagnosed with autism at 2.5 yrs. Cried for months..and when i visited the Autism Resource Centre and spotted an autistic teen there, i broke down, when i went to Rainbow special school, i broke down again..still do that on and off whenever we face obstacles.it is definitely not easy..but you have to be strong. Find a support group..for myself , i am with shoulders, a support group for parents with autistic children, i am sure there is a support grp for you out there. Speak to friends, counsellors when you feel down...n seek spiritual support....take care

[teenie]

cny is round the corner, But this is the first time in my life I am dreading
cos I dont know hw to face my relatives when they asked y he's 5mths old, his neck still flobby? why his eyes like to look on top? why he hardly smile?
I am very sick of all these questions .....
worst... cny w alot out of sudden relatives coming by who dont know about his condition
and my mother in laws etc etc
I dont know hw to answer

[xiaochuan]

me too....
everyone in the clan expecting to see a new addition in the family.
I am so so tired of relating what happened... and people start asking me if i did things wrong during my pregnancy for this to happen to my child. i wish i can dig a hole and hide.

[teenie]

yes
hw i wish we can stay in a cave during this period, no visiting needed, no need to meet so many faces

me too
some will comment becos during pregnancy i did that (let my eldest boy jump on my bed, set up the cupbd etc), I did not take care (did not eat wht and wht) etc etc

But wht is over is over
Wht has happened has
wht you want us to do
revert back to the past
I also wish too

[E-mum]

I am grateful for this forum. The mothers here understand.

No one can really get over the fact that their child is under special needs no matter how long we have known.

There will be very bad days where I will cry and cry and feel so sorry that my kid can't accomplish what another child/cousin/friend's kid in a gathering, playground, in the same school can say, do, accomplish. Then I lecture myself, "why compare?"

There are days when I question over and over again "why me? Why my kid? What did I do during pregnancy? what have I eaten?" Then I lecture myself, "move on, it's the future that matters."

Then there are days when I saw children who needed even more help and then I tell myself "count the blessings, name them one by one."

My son has hands, he can touch my face. He can hug his mama.
My son has lips, he can plant kisses.
My son can call me mama, some children can't.
My son can improve, even for a little bit each day.

I tell myself to be grateful. I am a mother and this is a great joy to behold. A life in our hands to take care of. This child didn't go to another family, but mine. He was sent by God to me, to be mine. To love, to cherish, to go through our lives together.

[Angelmum]

We cant control people from asking/KPO. If they intend to spoil our CNY mood with all those insensitive/endless questions, they shld b prepared to c my black face.

IF they really want you to kept rewinding yr story (opening up yr wounds), consider giving out medical diagnosis of what happend, y, etc. I got tire of repeating during the 1st yr + each time I explain, I had to control my tears so I standby printout - English n Chinese version. They said 'chiam' .... too bad, they want to know, they got to READ themselves.

[Yvonne Lim]

Hi All,

It have been a while since I last log in here, have been extremely busy after Lecia got discharged from hospital and right after that was CNY and then I went back to work.

Recently I am reading up on Lecia's condition and I got to know that 1 in every 10 to 20 dear son child will have autism.. This again make me very worry and upset, I really hope that this will not happen to Lecia..

After reading this I got into my depressed mood again... I just hope things can work out for my poor gal...

[Angelmum]

Originally Posted by Yvonne Lim Recently I am reading up on Lecia's condition and I got to know that 1 in every 10 to 20 dear son child will have autism.. This again make me very worry and upset, I really hope that this will not happen to Lecia.. After reading this I got into my depressed mood again... I just hope things can work out for my poor gal...

Reading up helps you to prepare for the future. Those worse scenario may not happen to Lecia so dont't start worrying something that didn't take place.

[Yvonne Lim]

Thanks Angelmum, get what you mean, just can't help feeling this way.. Will try to get over it, cos is do dumb to feel this way...

[epicurean]

Hi everyone,

I've been MIA coz things got rather hectic at work plus hubby was away on business trip so the home front became very busy as well.

Yvonne,
Yes it's very depressing and demoralising to read about all the negative issues/conditions/problems that our children may possibly face in the future. But dwelling too much on things that have yet to happen or may not happen zaps us of energy that we need for present as well as paralyzes us in fear, uncertainty and hesitancy. Just love Lecia right here, right now, everyday (and night!) while keeping an eye out for the future. Those things may not happen or may not happen to such a terrifying extent ... whatever the case, Lecia will be well-prepared to handle them coz she'll know that she's got you

[sushigal]

Originally Posted by Yvonne Lim Dear All, I am a mum of 2, my 2nd daughter was born 16 days ago on 2 Jan... Like any parents we are so excited waiting for the arrival of our little princess, our elder gal is also excited waiting for the arrival of her little mei mei... Finally I deliver my gal on 2 Jan, but our joy was short-lived... On the 2nd day the pediatrician came to us to say that he need to do a chromosones test for our little gal cos she have sutle signs of chromosones this-order.. at that moment, I didnt expect that mean Down Syndrome.. I have done the OSCAR test and my ratio is 1 : 2100 and my detail scan shown all measurement to be normal too.. Even my gynea was surprise that the pediatrician ask us to do a chromosones test and she say my gal looks perfectly fine.. but to our horror we found out that my little gal have dear son a week later, she is diagonise with Trisomy 21.. I went hysterical and kept crying, I cant even carry her or look at her during the first week, last week (th 2nd week) we seek help with the DSA and spoke to the kind people there, I feel much better therafter.. However my mood and emotions still went up and down like roller coaster.. I have so many fears, uncertaintly, worries about the future.. Can some parents with dear son child give me some advise and help...

Hi Yvonne, I can see that you been a great mum. You are trying every ways to help your gal. Hope little gal is very much in control by now. And good to hear that Lecia's op is a success. She will be fine. We're all praying for her. =)

I can understand your roller coaster mood swings. Coz I m still unable to rid of this even after 2 yrs now. I will feel sad and depressed when I see other kids running about doing things dear son cannot do. Sometimes I wish dear son can 'leave', my life can be reset. But when I saw dear son smiling face, I will feel so guilty and angry for having that tots.

Originally Posted by Angelmum We cant control people from asking/KPO. If they intend to spoil our CNY mood with all those insensitive/endless questions, they shld b prepared to c my black face. IF they really want you to kept rewinding yr story (opening up yr wounds), consider giving out medical diagnosis of what happend, y, etc. I got tire of repeating during the 1st yr + each time I explain, I had to control my tears so I standby printout - English n Chinese version. They said 'chiam' .... too bad, they want to know, they got to READ themselves.

Originally Posted by Angelmum My way of accepting a special child and stop crying everytime ppl ask about her was to keep blogging (had no one to confine) until I got so used to it .... now I can talk to ppl about her condition, y she ended up as an Angel before 1yr old w/o tearing. It really take months/years to "heal". The word 'heal' just means I stopped crying - not so emotional. Post yr msg, talk it out here .... we've been thru the same 'ordeal' .....Give yourself sometime to 'heal'. This is a 'special gift' not everybody can accept willing or instantly.

Haha Angelmum, that's a good way to 'explain' to them. For me, I chose to avoid. I'll only visit those very close and impt family and relatives who know dear son condition during cny. The rest of the cny days, daddy, dear son and me will go shopping or just stay at home. I know that's not healthy but I dont want to risk tearing especially on the 1st day of cny. And even up till now, dear son 2.5 yrs old , I couldn't control my tears rolling down when talking about dear son condition.

[chloe.lim]

Originally Posted by Yvonne Lim Thanks Angelmum, get what you mean, just can't help feeling this way.. Will try to get over it, cos is do dumb to feel this way...

Hi Yvonne & Everyone,

Its been awhile since i last posted. How has everybody been!
Dear chloe daughter has been getting her cluster of seizures lately probably due to her putting on weight we just managed to settle her down after adjustment of her medication from the doctor.. thank god

Just wanted to add to the topic..
It's been 4.5 years for us as parents and only now i realised whenever people walk pass and stare at chloe we'll stare at them back too until they realise their folly.
But seriously who has the right to determine that we are 'normal'? or the special children are 'abnormal'? it could jolly well be the other way around! Just because there are higher majority of us carrying the 7 sins around doesn't mean we are 'normal'!

Cheers & have a wonderful weekend!

[shopaholic]

Dear Yvonne,

My heart goes out to you and your girl. Dont be too hard on yourself, instead tell yourself you have been doing very well already. I suppose it's normal to feel the negatives setting in once in a while, we are afterall humans and we are allowed to feel the way we do.

Take care and big hugs to you and your baby.

Regards.