This is a discussion on Need to vent: How others look at your special needs child within the Parenting Special Needs Child forum, part of the MummySG Special Group category; hahaha is not that they dont't listen just that they dont't know how to follow the instruction given. Its ok ...
hahaha is not that they dont't listen just that they dont't know how to follow the instruction given. Its ok i guess anyway when you are on the streets nobody will go around remembering people and what they did so just let it pass
Any of you who got friends you have not seen for yrs and your organiser friend asked you to find a hotel that is quiet for gathering?
Was asked to propose some venues. 3 days before the long planned gathering, was shocked to realise by chance, I'm the only one who'll bring kids ... felt I was purposely kept in the dark.
I wasn't told they not bringing their kids! I was quite mad cos the restaurant venues (relax environment) I found were rejected. My organiser friend felt it was a money issue for me not choosing a hotel. When asked her where she preferred, she told me the name of a 5-star hotel ... purposely forget 1 of my children is a special needs? A child who wont be able to kept quiet just becos you said we are in a 5-star/quiet place... not poor parenting. Want me to get starred or be humilated cos I couldnt control my gal?
Would you pay buffet price of 2 kids + yrself but get uneasy cos others gave you unfriendly glares?? Worse scenario is these long time no see friends could be throwing eye daggers or passing sarcastic remarks!
So hard to find understanding friends and relatives .
Just venting .....
to prevent any unhappy moments, I decided not to go.
Last edited by Angelmum; 27-09-2009 at 12:01 PM.
my wife had a peaceful pregnancy, all scans, tests etc were fine..
except when given birth and i was there, this other doctor took chloe away for measurements etc and i followed him, thats a first indication he had a worried look on her head circumference.. but i took no notice of that..happiness overwhelmed me.
the best thing was whilst recovering in the ward, there was a social worker or something (i found out later that she was pretty well known), walked into our room and started telling us "It's not your fault etc etc"
We dont't even know what's going on and she comes in to talk to us this way, when my wife was still recovering from giving birth. From then i knew something was wrong and i yelled at her to get lost..
It is seriously so unsympathetic, uncompassionate, medical workers we have in Singapore where the consumer $ is more important than anything else..
Oh not to mention the head turning from adults to grannies whenever we bring chloe to crowded places.. this i've learnt to stare back at them, they'll avoid eye contact and look away..sigh
Our angel is the one perfect in our eyes, everybody else is the imperfect ones, full of sin, hatred, envy, jealousy and all that which comes with being a mammal.
Hi chloe's dad,
My case is the same thing. peaceful pregnancy .... up to the time i was in the labour suite.
Well, i encountered these when i first took my gal to Kandang Kerbau Hospital for her follow up review. I took a cab there to avoid the crowded mrt. The taxi driver kept looking at my baby thru the mirror as he drove. finally, he couldnt take it anymore and asked me what happened to my gal cos she had a feeding tube sticking out of her mouth. I told him flatly "brain injury and cannot swallow".
At the registration counter n waiting area, i also have the same thing... mummies and children crowd round to peep at the baby becos of her feeding tube : (
People are just not aware.. such stares can be hurting to the parents/ caregivers. From then, i didnt really have the courage to take the child out.
My mum helps me care for the child. She belongs to the older school of thots, and kept telling me that i should leave the child at home.
I dont think our darlings deserved to be confined at home nor we parents shld avoid going out with them. Go out more times, you'll get used to it! To me, confine my princess, not taking her out to see the world seems cruel. When my new maid kept strapping dear daughter on her stroller or chair, I got quite annoyed cos that's not the right way. Felt dear daughter shld be given a chance to roam about n not being strapped for maid's convenience.
I'm a mummy quite immuned to stares. I treat unfriendly people transparent or stare back... depends on my mood. I felt we dont owe people anything by going out. They can breath n have fun outside so can my dear daughter! I like to see dear daughter smile happily.
Special needs children are not about grief; they are about hope.
yeah, i think it will make things worst if they r confined at home..
its good for them to go out n enjoy themselves.
all kids r noisy n jumpy, be it they r special or not.
pin also talks loudly at quiet places, whines n cries in public, scoots here n there, hiding n ducking from me.
if you r uncomfy in crowded/quiet places, (though most crowded places r noisy), maybe you can bring them to the zoo or park like botanic gardens.
its more relaxing for the kids too. enjoy the greenery n better air there.
they can run n shout for all they want.
tts what pin likes to do.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Just to add, actually ppl do not just stare at special needs children. They stare at the "special" grown ups too and sometimes give nasty comments...many stories to share but do not want to "clog" the thread..but it's true, I get weird stares all the time...it's hurting and demeaning to my self esteem, but I think it's due to lack of exposure in the general public..they are just ill informed...
Sorry I know a bit OT here..but just wanna say I admire all those parents who give their children with "special needs" a chance to be "normal" just like what my parents have done for me..continue doing what you have done..jia you
Hi Mummies! I got this tip while googling on how to cope with people staring at special need child. Make cards that say "Sorry if my child bothers you. He's doing the best he can as a kid with Autism. What is YOUR excuse for being so rude and staring?". Modify accordingly and hand it out to whoever who stares rudely.
I have done a little volunteer work before, bringing special-needs children out on a kite-flying excursion and they were sooooo happy.
Have also helped done some activities to entertain some seriously disabled children for an afternoon.
Such exposure let me understand special-needs children a little more. They deserve to have their freedom to enjoy themselves too. Staring is certainly rude, to anybody, whether special-needs or not.
If I come across a special-needs person on the road, I actually make it a point to let my glance pass gently across and not look for long, to prevent causing any discomfort to the person and his family. Perhaps families should educate our children from young how to treat special-needs people with respect.
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I know of a parent who brings her child out and teach her how to use the white cane (her girl is visually impaired). Many passers-by stare at them, as it is not common to see a person using the cane, and especially a young child. When the mother notices people staring, she smiles at them and asks them if they'd like to have a 'go' at using the cane themselves, or know about how the blind use the cane.
Some people are genuinely curious, and showing them how it works also serves to educate the public about people with visual impairments. The 'rude' ones just quickly 'disappear'.