Parents rejecting their special child

sushigal

Member
Epicurean and Yummymummy,

I drew strength from you both. Each time i feel down and out, i think of what you both are dealing with, esp epicurean... always postive and rational. I know i am not alone although my gal's case seem to be the worst.

Each time i have those negative thots/ really upset, i read the forum posts again n again to remind myself that if other mummy can do it, i can do it for my child too.

Ladies, i m happy to take a step fwd today. I requested a referral to put my child in EIPIC. I want her to start as early as possible. Though her case is low functioning high dependency, i do want her to move a bit more to functioning. Eventually, she may be able to go on wheelchair instead of bed ridden? Miracles do happen rite? That would certainly be the best thing to happen. This is what i can do for my gal at the very least.

Feelings of rejection lingers and revisit me each nite... and i am fighting hard to stop feeling this way.
Way to go xiaochuan~~!!! I m glad and happy for you. Yes start early is the key... For now, you might wanna do massage for your baby first... We'll work hard together... :tsmile:you are not alone... at least you found this forum much much earlier than I do... cheers... =)
 

epicurean

Member
Xiaochuan,

I'm happy that you're making space for your gal in your life and your family. You're a lot stronger and braver than you give yourself credit for *hugs*
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
jia you mummies, really admire your strength n motivations. :)
yes, miracles do happen.. just believe in them.
 

epicurean

Member
hi xiaochuan, add oil! Another step forward!

Epicuren, special angels like Seb are God's way of showing us beauty, compassion, and unconditional love in imperfections. Society may see them as useless, but plebians are plebians lohhh... Ignorant in the safety of the herd mentality.
Seb says "Thank you, auntie uddermummy!" :Dancing_wub:
 

jojoki

Well-Known Member
hi xiaochuan, add oil! Another step forward!

Epicuren, special angels like Seb are God's way of showing us beauty, compassion, and unconditional love in imperfections. Society may see them as useless, but plebians are plebians lohhh... Ignorant in the safety of the herd mentality.
well said!
 

xiaochuan

Member
Xiaochuan,

I'm happy that you're making space for your gal in your life and your family. You're a lot stronger and braver than you give yourself credit for *hugs*
I am no saint nor brave. In my heart, i still hope that my life may be "reset" one day...

I only tell myself, if she is here to stay (she is a fiesty one like Seb too), then i cant leave her to rot on her own.

Like u always say, things happen for a reason. I believe it's affinity and karma. If i dun do my part for her, things will nvr move on for the better. Maybe she is armed with the task of bringing the family closer in caring for her....
 

xiaochuan

Member
Xiaochuan,

I'm happy that you're making space for your gal in your life and your family. You're a lot stronger and braver than you give yourself credit for *hugs*
I am no saint nor brave. In my heart, i still hope that my life may be "reset" one day...

I only tell myself, if she is here to stay (she is a fiesty one like Seb too), then i cant leave her to rot on her own.

Like you always say, things happen for a reason. I believe it's affinity and karma. If i dont do my part for her, things will never move on for the better. Maybe she is armed with the task of bringing the family closer in caring for her....
 

faith80

New Member
I think it's definitely not easy to raise a special child... government seems to have a few policies to ease the load off parents... but it's still not easy.. it's a social stigma.... and constantly worrying about how people will look at you and your child... after a while, the pressure can get to you.... but hang on! it's all about acceptance with a loving heart. I think parents who bring up their special children with all their hearts deserve to be applauded.. it takes courage... and is easier said than done.. :)
 

fiza

Member
Epicurean and Yummymummy,

I drew strength from you both. Each time i feel down and out, i think of what you both are dealing with, esp epicurean... always postive and rational. I know i am not alone although my gal's case seem to be the worst.

Each time i have those negative thots/ really upset, i read the forum posts again n again to remind myself that if other mummy can do it, i can do it for my child too.

Ladies, i m happy to take a step fwd today. I requested a referral to put my child in EIPIC. I want her to start as early as possible. Though her case is low functioning high dependency, i do want her to move a bit more to functioning. Eventually, she may be able to go on wheelchair instead of bed ridden? Miracles do happen rite? That would certainly be the best thing to happen. This is what i can do for my gal at the very least.

Feelings of rejection lingers and revisit me each nite... and i am fighting hard to stop feeling this way.
**Hugs Xiaochuan** ... Miracles do happen.. I pray for you..
 

adelynn

Active Member
dear mummies, i must say i salute every single one of you for your courage and perseverance and your endless love for your children :thumbs up: i am a new mummy and have been going thru ups and downs getting adjusted to having her at home with me. But with your life stories, it has made me learnt patience and never ending love, and the never giving up spirit and if you mummies can go thru so many obstacles with your children, what more me.

Thank you for giving me strength and faith that i can be a good mummy to my girl
 

stonston

Well-Known Member
I had dinner with a wonderful family last night.

This couple could not have their own kids. 15 years ago, they decided to adopt a baby to complete their family.
And adopt a baby they did. But the special thing about this couple is that they CHOSE to adopt a baby with special needs. This baby they adopted has down syndrome, rather severe case.

Through the years, they've put in so much love and attention on this baby and she's become a wonderful teenager. Yes, she's different from other teenagers who are worried about their looks and academic results. But she has one thing in common with them, she loves computer games. Her parents bought her a laptop for her to play computer games and she brings it out with her. They treat her like a normal teenager, buying for her anything a typical teenager would want.

Last night, when she walked through the door, her helper was holding her hands tightly behind her back. I was quite angry and shocked at the way she was treated! How can they hold her like that, like a criminal? But after talking to the helper, they have to do that in a crowded place because she'll actually touch people and others may not be understanding about it.

Halfway through the dinner, she suddenly stood up and shouted. Reason: she was excited because my brother & I were talking about Nintendo Wii. Her fave!

To others, her behaviour may seem weird and inappropriate but once we knew the reasons behind her behaviour and take some time to understand her, she's actually very nice and normal.

These special children are as normal as any child. Peel away the disabilities and they are as normal as anyone. See through their disabilities and see them as normal people and you'll discover how much fun they can be.

The mum of this girl told me that they try their best to treat her as normal as possible and it helped the girl progress alot in terms.

This couple chose to take care of a special needs child because they wanted a child so badly that they did not mind anything about the child. When we bear fruits of our love with our spouses, isn't it the same? The child is the fruit of our love and we should be loving them from the bottom of our hearts regardless of their health condition.

It might take some time for couples to digest and understand what challenges they have ahead of them but ultimately, they'll love their kiddos.
 

epicurean

Member
stonston,

Thanks for sharing such a heart-warming account. It's a stark contrast to news I received during CNY about my aunt in Malacca who sent my cousin (in his early teens) with D. S. to a home for children with special needs. The home rejected my aunt's application on grounds that they do not have any available place left. My aunt then drove my cousin there, left him outside the gates of the home and drove off. So the home took him in and has been providing him with basic care (feeding, hygiene) since. My aunt and her family haven't visited him nor did they bring him home for CNY. While I did wonder if her decision is coz financial issues as she has 2 older children ... but family business is doing a roaring trade and she pays the home monthly fees for my cousin's care. Or maybe it's a case of 'out of sight, out of mind".
 

Angelmum

Moderator
My aunt then drove my cousin there, left him outside the gates of the home and drove off. So the home took him in and has been providing him with basic care (feeding, hygiene) since. My aunt and her family have not't visited him nor did they bring him home for CNY. While I did wonder if her decision is coz financial issues as she has 2 older children ... but family business is doing a roaring trade and she pays the home monthly fees for my cousin's care. Or maybe it's a case of 'out of sight, out of mind".
:elvis:
In Sg, I guess police will send these parents for questioning .... can get away from their 'burden' so easily without any legal implications?
 

epicurean

Member
:elvis:
In Sg, I guess police will send these parents for questioning .... can get away from their 'burden' so easily without any legal implications?
Hi Angelmum,

There's no legal implications for opting to put one's special needs child in a home, rite? It's the way that my aunt got it done that shocks me ... that she just simply left him there, period. And cutting off all contact thereafter.
 

ping26

Member
Hi Angelmum,

There's no legal implications for opting to put one's special needs child in a home, rite? It's the way that my aunt got it done that shocks me ... that she just simply left him there, period. And cutting off all contact thereafter.

yes, it's shocking & sad.

I think she was referring to her abandoning child outside the home without proper admission papers.

I've worked in a home for people with multiple disabilities. This was the practice in the past.

I'm very happy all of you are very good mummies!
:red::eek:range::purple::yellow:
Your kids are very blessed to live each day with maximum joy & love.
 

Angelmum

Moderator
I think she was referring to her abandoning child outside the home without proper admission papers.
yes!
Spore won't let parents run away fm responsibilities ..... govt not so nice to raise our children FOC! ..... Spore is $$ place
 

Marie Tan

New Member
Just wanted to share a true story I read in a book written by medical social workers in Singapore.

There was this baby that was born with multiple genetic abnormalities at birth and had to be hospitalised for 6 months. The MSW wrote that the parents never came to visit. When she contacted them, they said they had lost their jobs and were busy finding new ones, and the husband had medical appointments to keep. They tried unsuccessfully to send the baby home.

She wrote that the parents once commented on the child "He's so ugly. The way he eats is like a dog."

When the child was in critical condition and passed away in hospital one night, the parents only came the next morning.

At first I was filled with disbelief when I read this. But on second thought it seems like rejection is not uncommon.

Nurses told me of a case in sg where the parents could deal with the Trisomy 18 diagnosis (Vera's) and left the baby in a hospice. The baby died shortly after.

Parents who love your special child, you have already done so much for them, because I believe these kids thrive on love.

Just passed through this thread. Unfortunately, you're correct. Stories like this are not uncommon not only in Singapore but in other countries as well. I'd like to think the couple had no other choice because of their employment situation but I just can't. Excuses like these are not acceptable, especially when you're talking about your own flesh and blood. We always say kids need our love, care and attention. But kids with special needs need twice or even ten times our effort.
 

workingmom0716

New Member
Just wanted to share a true story I read in a book written by medical social workers in Singapore.

There was this baby that was born with multiple genetic abnormalities at birth and had to be hospitalised for 6 months. The MSW wrote that the parents never came to visit. When she contacted them, they said they had lost their jobs and were busy finding new ones, and the husband had medical appointments to keep. They tried unsuccessfully to send the baby home.

She wrote that the parents once commented on the child "He's so ugly. The way he eats is like a dog."

When the child was in critical condition and passed away in hospital one night, the parents only came the next morning.

At first I was filled with disbelief when I read this. But on second thought it seems like rejection is not uncommon.

Nurses told me of a case in sg where the parents could deal with the Trisomy 18 diagnosis (Vera's) and left the baby in a hospice. The baby died shortly after.

Parents who love your special child, you have already done so much for them, because I believe these kids thrive on love.
My heart bleeds for these little angels...it's sad that there are people who treat humans, let alone their own kids like this.
 

Penny0716

New Member
I salute parents who exert all efforts to provide for their children, especially those with special needs. Caring for them requires 100% attention, which I think is hard to sustain these days. These angels are given to you for a reason...On the other end, I pity those special needs children who are ignored by their parents. They don't deserve such treatment.
 
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