single parent support group

[masayuki]

Hi All,

Uncle is finally back!

Just a few words for unwed mummies here:

I just love to quote from Amulet's blog about what is Father is -

"What makes a father is not the one which contributed a sperm or half DNA.. What makes a man a real father is the effort he put in to nurture, love, care, and protects a child.."

I'll just be very blunt here and tell you what most guys think:

"Unwed mothers are easy marks because they lack confidence, self esteem and they are 'easy'."

I have personally seen too many cases in which this hold true and the vicious cycle continues; we are here to help you, but it requires that you decide for yourself that enough is enough, and that you stretch out your hand in return.

I like to ask a question that I would like all mummies here to think about and perhaps answer:

To You, what is Love?

 

[SunShine07]

Hi All,

Uncle is finally back!

Just a few words for unwed mummies here:

I just love to quote from Amulet's blog about what is Father is -

"What makes a father is not the one which contributed a sperm or half DNA.. What makes a man a real father is the effort he put in to nurture, love, care, and protects a child.."

I'll just be very blunt here and tell you what most guys think:

"Unwed mothers are easy marks because they lack confidence, self esteem and they are 'easy'."

I have personally seen too many cases in which this hold true and the vicious cycle continues; we are here to help you, but it requires that you decide for yourself that enough is enough, and that you stretch out your hand in return.

I like to ask a question that I would like all mummies here to think about and perhaps answer:

To You, what is Love?

Welcome back uncle, thanks for sharing so much to me and to those who need help.

LOVE? to me, Love=sincere+care+trust+sacrifice but for how long it last for someone to remain this way?

 

[rainelle]

LOVE is a big word..

other than feeling, it's commitment, understanding, compromised, contented and more..

 

[SunShine07]

yah, it is also action louder than words......some man just simply said and sweet talk, but no action

 

[little_rabbit]

hi dear! long time!
things r gg pretty well for me now.

what kinda admin jobs r you looking for?

Hellloooo ting! that's great! hope ping is doing well tooo.. are u still working at the same place? furthering ur studies??

hmmm... maybe like personal assistant kind... sometimes i feel so sian... I am going to be 30yrs old liao... still not sure what kind of career path i should embark on then somemore have a child to 'yang'...mmy dream job will be 1) understanding boss 2) supportive colleagues 3) pay have to be good so that can survive on my own 4) can go home on the dot at 6.30pm so that i can spend more time with my bebe 5) have good company benefits
hehehe.. i think very hard to find such job leh..

btw, my son just started schooling.. he cries every single day... is it normal? I feel so guilty 'dumping' him in sch.

 

[little_rabbit]

yah, it is also action louder than words......some man just simply said and sweet talk, but no action

yup.. agree that action is louder than words.

After experiencing a crazy bad relationship, LOVE to me means being PRESENT. He will be there for you when u need him. Not only just physically there (some guys can be sitting right in front of you but he is thinking abt something or someone else) but in mind, spirit and soul.

Meaning that he is totally 100% committed to one and only you. He will make the effort to spend time with you, to do things together, listen to you, laugh or cry with you, learn things together. He is like a reliable bestfriend who u can totally trust and be comfortable with. He is always giving and caring, always giving you constant love and attention. of course, other than loving you, his personality is also very impt, for example being trueful, committed, family oriented, stable, hardworking, etc.. i better dont go on if not i sound like i putting up a advertising to look for a guy...

hiaz... if only i knew earlier what true love & a healthy relationship is.. before this, i always thought that love is about chemistry, sparks, hot passion and feelings. I thought having these 'feelings' in a relationship is all that matters... i did not open my eyes big big to see what kind of person he is and how unhealthy our relationship is. My sis said that it is like he fed me 'drugs' to distort my brain and cause me to behave irrationally...

BTW - UNCLE (why do they call u tat?) i do not agree with u that all single mums have low self esteem. I think it takes a lot of courage to be a single mum. and i must say that it has made me a lot more braver and confident.

 

[SunShine07]

I think it takes a lot of courage to be a single mum. and i must say that it has made me a lot more braver and confident.

Yes i agreed, i realised that i am not afraid of him anymore like i used to be. After being mother, there are also certain things that i have change........b4 i was like a kitten to my hb......now i think i am like a tiger? hmmmm......but he ask for it.

Like there is this saying mandarin: 'lao wu bu fa hui, dang wo shi bing mao'

I feel i am like that now:tlaugh:

 

[SunShine07]

little rabbit, dun worry, i will find a good job like that one......

actually what u describle, it like that job i am holding now~:tlaugh:

 

[Ting]

Hellloooo ting! that's great! hope ping is doing well tooo.. are you still working at the same place? furthering your studies??

hmmm... maybe like personal assistant kind... sometimes i feel so sian... I am going to be 30yrs old ... still not sure what kind of career path i should embark on then somemore have a child to 'yang'...mmy dream job will be 1) understanding boss 2) supportive colleagues 3) pay have to be good so that can survive on my own 4) can go home on the dot at 6.30pm so that i can spend more time with my bebe 5) have good company benefits
hehehe.. i think very hard to find such job ..

btw, my son just started schooling.. he cries every single day... is it normal? I feel so guilty 'dumping' him in sch.

wahhh~ i think thats is EVERYBODY'S dream job alr!!
but i think also comes down to a lil bit of luck deee~
yeah im starting sch like real soon, next wed! hopefully after that can also get a better paying job.



its natural for your son to cry since he only just started. give him a mth or so, he shld be getting better. just some anxiety seperation n also in a new environment. he'll make new frens n adapt soon enough, dun worry!
:wong19:

 

[shi_san_yee]

haiz.. we have someone who wants to give bb back to the father, while i trying my very best to protect bb from the father.... so stress.

anyone here dinn let bb's father see bb? i registered my son last week n left the father portion blank. now my mum thinks my ex bf has the right to see bb, but i'm damn scared if he see liao, his family and he will not wanna let go, then fight legally with me then how? my mum thinks he won't but who can be so sure. his sis in law has tried to talk to me, asking me qns, i answer out of courtesy, but i hope she gets it that i won't allow them to take him home even for an hr.

how ah? i read that he can have visitation rights coz he is the biological father, but i'm still even deciding should i even allow him in the first place to meet bb? we broke up during my pregnancy after i called off the wedding. (were planning the wedding coz parents say must be married) help help!

 

[Ting]

sigh.. we have someone who wants to give baby back to the father, while i trying my very best to protect baby from the father.... so stress.

anyone here dinn let baby's father see baby? i registered my son last week n left the father portion blank. now my mum thinks my ex bf has the right to see baby, but i'm damn scared if he see , his family and he will not wanna let go, then fight legally with me then how? my mum thinks he won't but who can be so sure. his sis in law has tried to talk to me, asking me qns, i answer out of courtesy, but i hope she gets it that i won't allow them to take him home even for an hr.

how ? i read that he can have visitation rights coz he is the biological father, but i'm still even deciding should i even allow him in the first place to meet baby? we broke up during my pregnancy after i called off the wedding. (were planning the wedding coz parents say must be married) help help!

ever since i left my ex when pin was a few mths old, he nvr seen her again. n he probably wont ever.
for your case, u nvr include fathers name, he wont so easy get it.
if he wants visitation rights, he hv to take DNA test to prove this child is his.
but also to let him know, once proven child is his, he MUST pay for maintenance fee, not just suka suka see the child as n when he wants. n if u gain custody of the child, he can prob see the child once a week or something.
my advice is DONT LET HIM SEE THE BABY.
see once, will wanna see another time n then will eventually try to take baby from u. like the old saying 日久深情....
my ex, i m pretty confident he wont try to take pin from him, he did say he wont fight with me for her, cos he knows he def cant give pin the life she deserve, n he cant tc of her at all! i still hv my family to back me up!
but of cos, i wont take any chances, he asked to see her a few times b4 but i rejected all.
even her pic i also nvr give him see!

i think its best for me n pin also, she has a daddy now (my ex cant consider to be a father lorr pls) n i dun wan her to be confused.
whether i will let her know in the future, thats still into consideration.

 

[mag_huiling]

sigh.. we have someone who wants to give baby back to the father, while i trying my very best to protect baby from the father.... so stress.

anyone here dinn let baby's father see baby? i registered my son last week n left the father portion blank. now my mum thinks my ex bf has the right to see baby, but i'm damn scared if he see , his family and he will not wanna let go, then fight legally with me then how? my mum thinks he won't but who can be so sure. his sis in law has tried to talk to me, asking me qns, i answer out of courtesy, but i hope she gets it that i won't allow them to take him home even for an hr.

how ? i read that he can have visitation rights coz he is the biological father, but i'm still even deciding should i even allow him in the first place to meet baby? we broke up during my pregnancy after i called off the wedding. (were planning the wedding coz parents say must be married) help help!

I also dint let him see baby.. or rather say, that time wanna let him see he also dun wanna see lah! LOL~!!

Think if they gonna pursue the matter of visitation rights or custody, etc.. They might get a chance as he's the biological father, althou the BC dint states his name..

 

[love]

Hi mommies

i'm going to be a single mother soon..i'd been married 6yrs, i've 2 kids, youngest only coming 4mths old
really admire all the mommies here who are so strong to stand on your own
please share on how u do it
i really need some help now

Thanks

 

[little_rabbit]

wahhh~ i think thats is EVERYBODY'S dream job already!!
but i think also comes down to a lil bit of luck deee~
yeah im starting sch like real soon, next wed! hopefully after that can also get a better paying job.

ts natural for your son to cry since he only just started. give him a month or so, he shld be getting better. just some anxiety seperation n also in a new environment. he'll make new friends n adapt soon enough, dont worry!
:wong19:

yah.. hope my luck will turn better... currently no one knows i'm a single mum in the office.. really hope bebe will adapt sooonn.. he has been crying everyday.
Tat's great news! what course are u taking?

 

[little_rabbit]

little rabbit, dont worry, i will find a good job like that one......

actually what you describle, it like that job i am holding now~:tlaugh:

wahhh u so lucky! care to share which sector are u in? and who recommended the job to u??

 

[little_rabbit]

Hi mommies

i'm going to be a single mother soon..i'd been married 6yrs, i've 2 kids, youngest only coming 4mths old
really admire all the mommies here who are so strong to stand on your own
please share on how you do it
i really need some help now

Thanks

hi love..
it is not a easy decision to become a single mum and start out by your own. Hence it is really ok and normal to feel a bit lost, scared and angry(for me i keep blaming myself). 6 months ago.. i was like that... even now i still have my ups & downs. do feel free to share at this site, lots of nice and friendly mummies here.

I think i sort of got through it by:

1. Sharing & crying my eyes out (this really works!)
Basically I shared with anybody who cares / wants to listen to my sob story. dont keep it to yourself, let it all out. get support from family/ friends and even mummies from this site.

2. Learn / do something new and keep urself busy
i challenged myself by taking on a totally new job and keep my mind focus on my job & bebe. as i moved in to my mum's place, i keep my weekends busy by doing housework. i am also learning to cook simple dishes for my bebe & family during weekends.

3. Exercise
I signed up a weeky aerobics course at my nearby CC so that i can work out all my fustration & stress. and I bring my bebe to the park for a walk every Sunday morning. I always feel very happy when i see him running and playing happily in the playground / park.

4. My Mum
She really helped me a lot. Esp she took care of my bebe when i feel so down, i even dont want to wake up to face the world. she gave me time and space to 'recover' myself.

5. Shopping & spas (restort to this when all else fails!)
hehehhe.. i must admit i spend like crazy during my breakup.. but now i am controlling myself.. of course do this with great caution! dont get into debts ok, dont give urself more problems yah!!!

I am sure other mummies have lots of great tips on how they got though the breakup and how they took care of their children themselves. pls do share :001_302:

 

[shi_san_yee]

ever since i left my ex when pin was a few mths old, he never seen her again. n he probably wont ever.
for your case, you never include fathers name, he wont so easy get it.
if he wants visitation rights, he have to take DNA test to prove this child is his.
but also to let him know, once proven child is his, he MUST pay for maintenance fee, not just suka suka see the child as n when he wants. n if you gain custody of the child, he can prob see the child once a week or something.
my advice is DONT LET HIM SEE THE BABY.
see once, will wanna see another time n then will eventually try to take baby from you. like the old saying 日久深情....
my ex, i m pretty confident he wont try to take pin from him, he did say he wont fight with me for her, cos he knows he def cant give pin the life she deserve, n he cant tc of her at all! i still have my family to back me up!
but of cos, i wont take any chances, he asked to see her a few times before but i rejected all.
even her pic i also never give him see!

i think its best for me n pin also, she has a daddy now (my ex cant consider to be a father lorr pls) n i dont want her to be confused.
whether i will let her know in the future, thats still into consideration.

my mum keep saying my boy very pitiful no father, that i'm evil to let my son have no father's name in bc, that he grow up ppl are gonna call him a bas****, i get damn pissed when she says that....she keep singing praises of my ex bf. I know he is able to provide, and can be responsible, but he and i just cannot make it, plus i know how much they wanted this baby coz it's their first and prob only grandson. I know abt the visitation rights thing with DNA test, but I'm just terrified of losing my boy. I mean even if i agree to let him see once, twice, and he agrees to be civil about it, i can never be sure how he might brainwash my boy. too much to consider abt.

you're right i shouldn't let him see bb at all, and i dun want to, but my family family keep saying it's no harm letting him see, and that he has all the right to, and my mum's daily comments on me being a lousy mother, say i wanna kay kiang to support baby all by myself is driving me nuts. i told her never to call my boy a bas**** and nobody can call him poorthing unless i'm dead and he's an orphan. it's good ur family will back u up... i really dunno how to deal with my mum.:embarrassed:

 

[love]

Hi little rabbit

thanks for sharing
my husband's leaving me for another woman
i find it very hard to accept even though i know it's partially my fault as i'm very bad tempered, possesive & conntrolling..
plus we've a very poor sex life after my #1
but the best thing's my husband's insist that i "pushed" him to other woman
this other woman even knows that i just gave birth & our marriage is on the rocks...& that i insist on not divorcing
she even got the cheek to tell my husband she'll go through it with him, give him her full support!
he did it on purpose for me to find out so that he can date this woman openly!

i only have one friend to share with & she quite "fierce" with me..
kept telling me that i must help myself to walk out of it
no one can help me & i must know what i want

i dun dare tell my mom cuz my family's very conservative

basically i've no one to turn to except my one & only friend & the forum..
& i'm tied down to look after my kids as no one is helping me
but i'll be starting work soon, hopefully that'll help
but sometimes i really feel like dun do anything & lock myself up
or to go out & have a breather
i'm very stressed out

one part of me want to save this marriage even though wat he did (not the 1st time too, & each time he puts the blame on me but he never insist on divorce till this time) as i dun want my kids to grow up in a broken family
the other part tells me to F**K it..i can survive without him
which in actual fact was wat i'd been doing as he's seldom in sg
even when he's around, he would be on the internet all day not bother to help
& can even say look after baby's very easy
but when i got fed up & told him to look after baby as i want to go out
he gave me the stunt look

haiz all these affecting my BM's ss
i really dunno which road should i take...

hi love..
it is not a easy decision to become a single mum and start out by your own. Hence it is really ok and normal to feel a bit lost, scared and angry(for me i keep blaming myself). 6 months ago.. i was like that... even now i still have my ups & downs. do feel free to share at this site, lots of nice and friendly mummies here.

I think i sort of got through it by:

1. Sharing & crying my eyes out (this really works!)
Basically I shared with anybody who cares / wants to listen to my sob story. dont keep it to yourself, let it all out. get support from family/ friends and even mummies from this site.

2. Learn / do something new and keep yourself busy
i challenged myself by taking on a totally new job and keep my mind focus on my job & bebe. as i moved in to my mum's place, i keep my weekends busy by doing housework. i am also learning to cook simple dishes for my bebe & family during weekends.

3. Exercise
I signed up a weeky aerobics course at my nearby CC so that i can work out all my fustration & stress. and I bring my bebe to the park for a walk every Sunday morning. I always feel very happy when i see him running and playing happily in the playground / park.

4. My Mum
She really helped me a lot. Esp she took care of my bebe when i feel so down, i even dont want to wake up to face the world. she gave me time and space to 'recover' myself.

5. Shopping & spas (restort to this when all else fails!)
hehehhe.. i must admit i spend like crazy during my breakup.. but now i am controlling myself.. of course do this with great caution! dont get into debts ok, dont give yourself more problems yah!!!

I am sure other mummies have lots of great tips on how they got though the breakup and how they took care of their children themselves. pls do share :001_302:

 

[Ting]

my mum keep saying my boy very pitiful no father, that i'm evil to let my son have no father's name in bc, that he grow up ppl are gonna call him a bas****, i get damn pissed when she says that....she keep singing praises of my ex bf. I know he is able to provide, and can be responsible, but he and i just cannot make it, plus i know how much they wanted this baby coz it's their first and prob only grandson. I know about the visitation rights thing with DNA test, but I'm just terrified of losing my boy. I mean even if i agree to let him see once, twice, and he agrees to be civil about it, i can never be sure how he might brainwash my boy. too much to consider about.

you're right i shouldn't let him see baby at all, and i dont want to, but my family family keep saying it's no harm letting him see, and that he has all the right to, and my mum's daily comments on me being a lousy mother, say i wanna kay kiang to support baby all by myself is driving me nuts. i told her never to call my boy a bas**** and nobody can call him poorthing unless i'm dead and he's an orphan. it's good your family will back you up... i really dont know how to deal with my mum.:embarrassed:

is your mum very conservative type??
may i ask why u n your ex cmi??
i think, if its just bcos your relationship dont work out, n not bcos he is a lousy guy/father, then i see no problem in letting him see your child?
just my POV, its like in cases of divorce parents, both parent still get to see, interact n provide (financially n emotionally) to the child.
i find that it is fair for your child n your ex.

for my ex, he really CMI.
he's lazy, doesnt wanna work,only wanna play com games, watch tv, slp.
i think his dad spoil him too much (maybe bcos his parents divorced since he was young, thus his dad spoil him to make it up to him), til he is just very useless..

looking back i asked myself, WHY did i even fall for such a person???
n i dont deny, i was young n stupid n couldnt open my eyes big enuf to see.
but mistake done, n now, i finally sought a new life for me n pin ever since we left him.


enuf said on me, hehe. i think its hard for your mum to understand how u feel, bcos, she's not in this situation. she doesnt feel threatened, cos #1, your child is not born yet n they havent start "possessing" your child. #2, though this is her grandchild, but still not her child.
perhaps your mum still dont understand why u wanna do this? try to have a heart to heart talk to her n let her understand more on how u feel...


:wong19::wong19::wong19:

 

[Ting]

Hi little rabbit

thanks for sharing
my husband's leaving me for another woman
i find it very hard to accept even though i know it's partially my fault as i'm very bad tempered, possesive & conntrolling..
plus we've a very poor sex life after my #1
but the best thing's my husband's insist that i "pushed" him to other woman
this other woman even knows that i just gave birth & our marriage is on the rocks...& that i insist on not divorcing
she even got the cheek to tell my husband she'll go through it with him, give him her full support!
he did it on purpose for me to find out so that he can date this woman openly!

i only have one friend to share with & she quite "fierce" with me..
kept telling me that i must help myself to walk out of it
no one can help me & i must know what i want

i dont dare tell my mom cuz my family's very conservative

basically i've no one to turn to except my one & only friend & the forum..
& i'm tied down to look after my kids as no one is helping me
but i'll be starting work soon, hopefully that'll help
but sometimes i really feel like dont do anything & lock myself up
or to go out & have a breather
i'm very stressed out

one part of me want to save this marriage even though what he did (not the 1st time too, & each time he puts the blame on me but he never insist on divorce till this time) as i dont want my kids to grow up in a broken family
the other part tells me to F**K it..i can survive without him
which in actual fact was what i'd been doing as he's seldom in sg
even when he's around, he would be on the internet all day not bother to help
& can even say look after baby's very easy
but when i got fed up & told him to look after baby as i want to go out
he gave me the stunt look

sigh all these affecting my breast milk's ss
i really dont know which road should i take...

i find that no matter how bad tempered the wife is, or such, there is still NO EXCUSE to have an extra marital affair!
i feel so angry for u!
your husband is the one at fault, yet he is still tryin to put the blame on u! WTH!
well, make sure he knows that he cant just hv his cake n eat it!
i believe u can make it thru w/o as ass like him.
its nvr easy venturing out on yourself with your kids.
but things will work out, thus the saying when there's a will, there's a way.
right now, since u alr know they r openly dating.
GET EVIDENCE.
pictures, smses, whatever u can.
then, if u r gg to file for divorce, use them against him for adultery n make sure he gives u a big fat alimony each mth n maintenance fee for your kids.
SUCK HIM DRY!!!!!!!!!!